castoreum (hunger strike)

i imagine this sung in a happy rhythm, even if it doesn’t make it better

ambergris is whale vomit, but castoreum is secreted by beaver anal glands, perfume from the puke, artificial vanilla from the brown sludge flavors ice cream

marshmallows are cow bones, as is j e l l o, while yellow number five coloring is coal tar, yet you have a choice in chewing gum even if it is either sheep skin or synthetic rubber fiber

consume consume consume

thirty maggots allowed in a can of mushrooms, and mites by the gram, but they regulate the rodent hairs in peanut butter so you don’t get many of them

ground bug shells make your jellybeans solid, purple, pink, red and orange food coloring is made from beetle wings as well, it is called carminic acid, that sure sounds better don’t it

nom nom nom

when fat is removed from milk it turns a lovely shade of blue, so they add titanium oxide to make it white enough for you

add some wood pulp in the shredded cheese to make it all so creamy, brominated vegetable oil in all those citrus drinks even if it makes your memory fleeting


the ground up bugs and beaver juice are considered natural ingredients so they don’t really have to list them, the wood pulp is called fiberous, which technically it is though

all these things are regulated, even if they are disgusting, but they allow manufacturers to save some money and it’s the government we are trusting


fertilizer in the bread dough makes your bread so light and fluffy, add some caramel and then you have light brown bread from subway

but better yet is l-cystine, used to make your bread last longer, it used to come from duck feathers and cow horns until they found from human hair it could be found cheaper

thanks china

14 thoughts on “castoreum (hunger strike)

  1. i remember when mike royko did an article about what is allowed (bugs & rat feces etc.) in food when i was a kid. some things you never forget…though thanks for the refresher!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn Mike. You’re so fucking awesome, words could never fully describe my adoration of all things you. I heart this. (And I did in fact sing it to a happy little tuneless tune….)
    Fucking Brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Shutters of my studies in food science. I still work to forget so I can eat. lol All true you have here. It’s all true.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. lol Can you imagine how that would go in the days before internet? I’d find myself routinely in some back corner of the library, book-stunned before I came too. That void is a real thing.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Agreed. The pain of the every book you need being checked out is a burden of the past. Having to read five hundred pages for the three paragraphs that matter. The world is a more horrifying, better place

              Liked by 1 person

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