headache but the truth pains me more

my head hurts just a double bass pounding in my temples with a circular saw behind my eyes so excuse me while i sit in the dark stare up at the ceiling thinking about you knowing you won’t read this if you do i doubt you will know it is you that is the you […]

Super Dick, Issue One

Issue One, The Beginning Begins at the End but the End is just the Beginning! “The city is in chaos and the question upon everyone’s mind is this, Where is The Flying Squirrel? The masked hero has been the unsung protector of Cerulean City for the past ten years. His exploits and his tireless pursuit […]

charcoal sketches

i have started sketching using charcoals for heavy shading the kind that leaves your fingers blackened smudges on your cheeks like a chimney sweep after a long shift a coal miner after sixteen tons each new piece of art using the charred remains of former loves of former lives of former frames of mind to […]

(un)titled tanka II

the words grow quiet or at least i won’t seek them as a waste of time there seems little reason to no one cares if they do speak if i stop writing will the world even notice or sigh in relief as i stop polluting it with odes and refrains of love

(un)requited V

she loved me despite myself she was quite proud of that always pointing out the despite she loved me for who she thought i could become not who i was but future me she loved me for my words the ones that flowed onto the page just for her but when it came to me […]

(un)titled i VI

i speak with the voice of the voiceless heard by deafened ears seen by the blind my portrait painted by quadriplegic artists in comatose reality i am a lession covered leper in the broken heart club the zero sum investment the toothless lion pariah of the pack sinking like a stone into the poisoned waters […]

pearl diving

sitting with my feet up craving whiskey in an effort to stop other cravings the neighbor upstairs just got home his slight frame beguiles his inability to step lightly a knock on the door i refuse to answer it is her the ex her if she can refuse a hint i can refuse her knocking […]

never could

i woke this morning with the dream remains of your kiss upon my lips wispy and tasting of yesterdays long gone cold your name still sat upon my tongue the feel of your fingers entwined with mine lingered like a ghost i cannot escape even if i chose to your memory draped across my skin […]

corazón de oro (my muse)

freshly cut flowers standing in a vase the sounds of vivaldi dancing softly on the air her light steps upon bare feet gliding across the room. flores recién cortadas de pie en un jarrón los sonidos de vivaldi bailando suavemente en el aire sus pasos ligeros con los pies descalzos deslizamiento través de la habitación. […]

dunning-kruger as relating to the fool

my poetry my search for love are actualizations of the dunning-kruger effect my lack of understanding fuels my belief that i can succeed my ignorance breeds confidence i rub lemon juice upon my flaws assuming it makes them invisible all it takes is a simple smile to make me forget the glaring failings the greatest […]

light plays in shadow

pt 1 she stands in front of the window golden light frames her naked body uncaring if a car drives by hits the pole out front again dust motes float in the air as if she stands in a sea of airborne glitter it isn’t clear yet if the sign outside referring to deadly curves […]

if you asked

i don’t wish your lover would die but if he had an accident i wouldn’t be overwrought with sorrow i would never raise a fist in anger but if he truly made a mess i would be on a plane to you by tomorrow call it jealousy or just need but before bed i pray […]

deep down at the bottom

blame my impatience in my utter disdain for the person i was to the one that i am to who i want to be in the not so distant future how do i wait for the next evolution when every bitter tear falling is tainted by lies i desperately need to believe it isn’t as […]

a raven and a roof

the roof on the church had partially collapsed i can only assume it was from the weight of unanswered prayers i have never found myself understanding so profoundly a sentiment more as i sit alone in the cold as if to give an answer a raven took wing launching itself like an ebon dart against […]

tiny anchors

she folded me like a letter she no longer needs to read stuffed me into the back of the drawer with the musty reminders of days gone by i told myself she was saving me for a day when things had changed when i would be important or at least not quite so bittersweet when […]

fell for falling

her love gave me the bends decompression sickness from an escape from the overwhelming pressure of daily life i surfaced from the pit of depression too quickly to see she was a mirage instead of the oasis i first mistook her for i fell for her by falling for what i thought i wanted by […]

out of tune

she smiled like a piano i tried all eighty eight keys but none fit the lock on her heart i tugged the strings all i got was bloodied fingers and the sounds of my own fading soliloquy

a poor fisherman i make

there are plenty of fish in the ocean but where i live is landlocked the only net i seem to cast is poorly made any potential catch swims freely through they told me if you teach a man to fish he eats forever but with jutting ribs and aching belly i sit on the cusp […]

(un)titled ode XXXVII

my dearest though i have never gotten a chance to whisper sweetly into your ear brush my lips across your neck or your throat know that the sun’s rays as they shine upon your skin is a reflection of my love for you every breeze carries the whispered words of devotion from my heart to […]

(un)titled thought LIX

he was an ink blot on the ocean a rorscharch of childhood trauma nebulous tremors anecdotal memories a butterfly with poisoned fangs murderous intent in loving eyes a plastic mask devoid of hope these things are what he was but the question he asked himself in the quiet dark what was he

(un)titled ode XXXVI

she is beautiful like an aria like a field of lilies like a sunrise over the sea she is intangible like lilacs on the breeze like sea foam like the thrum of lightning right before it strikes she is dream fantasy given form divinity given shape love made palpable washing over bare nerves

cold rain

it’s raining it’s cold i wish i were with you even if it were in the rainy cold i can think of a few things we could do to keep our minds off of the weather we could read to each other or watch a scary movie i could watch you out of the corner […]

wrong blood type

she has two small puncture wounds on her neck no reflection in the mirror we only meet at night i have never seen her eat i would be suspicious but it is just nice to be wanted to be paid attention to to feel as if i exist or it was last night i told […]

worse indeed

i wonder if things would have turned out different if i hadn’t been such a sad sack of shit my entire life the whiskey the women the singing the words dating out of my league only acceptable when you factor in the talented tongue also the charming way i spoke how did i fool so […]

pencil sketchings of the ocean

i am just animated carbon and water an ocean given human shape an unsharpened pencil incapable of making beauty you on the other hand are the most spectacularly beautiful thing i have ever seen in hindsight i am the dead sea and you are the bountiful ocean if i ever find a way to sharpen […]

dogs and horses

you cannot teach an old dog new tricks you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink you can close yourself off from the world but you cannot stop the need and you have proven time and again you can take my heart and crush it but you cannot love me […]

(un)titled ode XXXV

every time she smiles a star let’s itself fall from the sky in jealousy when she cries an angel hangs itself from the heavy bough of the cherry tree and when she looks at me my stomach tumbles my hands grow sweaty the world seems brighter

never weres

my mind is a photo album of all the perfect days my dreams are the photo negatives the views beyond the page now they seem crossed as all i have is imprecise rememberings of another time another place the candle burnt away waxy reminiscence now the latest to deem me insignificant other joins the menagerie […]

(un)able

she swears up and down what she feels is love but she has never seen him, never held him, never smelled him, never felt him, never been there when he needed her she is the mist of the sea and he is the shore, tangentially connected at best, everytime they meet, interact, he loses something […]

third and fourth

when she left it felt like lying in a snow bank like lying to everyone it was going to be okay like the pieces of my being were left lying in the broiler as i turned up the heat in hopes they would ooze back together again if absence makes the heart grow fonder silence […]

Annoucement: Issue #1: The Ache of the Pen is Available for Download

https://wolffpoetry.com/annoucement-issue-1-the-ache-of-the-pen-is-available-for-download/ The first case of yours truly being published as a poet. Thanks to Linda for this chance. Grab a copy or twelve. Tell your friends. Have them tell their friends. I can only assume everyone involved is amazing. Follow the link and remember to purchase the chapbook when it comes out. Hell, buy me […]

be(a)st

i had hoped by staying in my cell the transformation would not occur wrapped in chains of pure silver away from prying eyes temptations of the sweetest variety alone with the beast that lies within pain is momentary but the memory iself that lasts your entire life i could never rectify the two halves of […]

(un)titled thought LVIII

if there was one thing that had fought against the depression that smothers me so it was you. but then you showed just how little i meant to you as well. i was little more than a distraction. easily disposed. not that it matters we both knew it was so even if we were too […]

miss me

i have painted a bullseye on my head and chest now you never have to miss me again even if the only part of me you ever missed was a bit lower i’ll be over here you won’t really care

day(dream)

before color tv people dreamt in black and white color dreams were not commercially viable until the 1950s, monochromatic journeys into the minds flushing of tangential garbage i dream in radio plays, in subservient satellite blasts of long gone yesteryear a top of the charts rendering of the ridiculous renderings of reality versus distorted misinterpretations […]

(un)titled ode XXXIV

she moves like the breeze as his heart flutters like a sparrow they dance like flakes of snow falling upon a window pane it lacks the fierceness of love but carries the weight of unspoken promise two brass gears in the back of a grandfather clock ticking in precision so softly as not to break […]

never

i will never be a famous poet spinning words into silken delight there will never be a bronze statue in a park of my likeness for birds to shit upon or children to ignore i am no one always have been always will be but i keep writing anyway

stray

she has the eyes of a mother filled with hate and regret the rough hands of a drunken father the sharp cutting tongue of an abusive aunt is it any wonder that i can’t help but love her so i am a stray desperate for a home

shudders

rainy days like these remind me of when i fought in the secret war to liberate canada from their beaver overlords the battlefields smelled of maple syrup bullets and bodies were strewn aboot we fought hard across the frozen tundra against the furry bastards on top of their moose mounts war is hell, eh the […]

oneday

one day i would like to make my living off of the words that sing songs in my empty head all day rather than barely survive with the words being my only companion

demonology for lovers

etch you sigil onto my skin carve your intials into my soul paint your visage across my pupils sear your scent into my nose by the north wind i call to you by the east i cry your name by the south i feed your fire by the west consumed by flame with this bell […]

shifting

some nights she melted into me as if our bodies were not whole without one another others it was if she were a mannequin or mechanical facsimile of a real oerson in the beginning when sweet words and soft thoughts flowed like honeyed nectar from our tongues you could not tell where i ended and […]

darw(i)nian

as far as i know she sleeps every night in her gilded tower on the softest bed surrounded by works of art that have nothing on her. a moat surrounds the tower filled with snapping crocodiles a knight in blackest mail stands guard to keep evil doers at bay. in the morning bluebirds land on […]

feast

i prepared her a feast made her favorite dish served it on a silver tray she smiled said it smelled delicious as she removed the lid she gasped in delight my heart on a bed of wilted promise garnished with every lie she ever uttered in moments of passion enjoy my love i whispered as […]

dripping

drip drip it was a strange noise that woke me far too early a rather ringing sort of drip drip i tried to ignore it so tired always so tired drip drip so i stumbled from dream into underwater kitchen felt the water hit my head from the light above goddess knows i may have […]

two

i only let myself fall in love in two very precise conditions. she must be fictional or unattainable. that way the end is obvious at the start. but i am a fool. the fictional is just a dream scenario. i am not insane. the unattainable though. i still let myself dream. because i am a […]

the monster

cobbled together from pieces of all her former lovers she worked like frankenstein in her laboratory trying desperately to make him into the one she truly wanted bolts on his neck jagged scars on every joint every word a moan of anguish as he lost what made him him he was the creature but she […]

chin up

i am sorry you have had to suffer through this congenital disease called life i only know one cure it is coming for all of us one day a wise person told me chin up so i carved a bullseye into my forehead and did as i was bade

f(i)berous

her smile is the habenero twinge in the back of my throat her laugh the nails across my spine the twinkle in her eyes like tap dancing on my grave but i’ll be damned if she isn’t the cooling balm on my burning soul i hate myself for loving her with every fiber of my […]

pretend

flay me skin me dip me into an ocean of your salty tears burn me as your effigy carve your initials into my heart take my ribs and carve them form a frame from them in which to rest your pretty head i don’t give a fuck about me without you and that isn’t going […]

orchid

she was an orchid in bloom i was just a fool that tried to love her is it any wonder it wasn’t meant to be

wool

the depression is like a wool blanket gently tucking me in for six more weeks of sadness six more weeks times six more weeks times a lifetime of fighting against the silken cuffs tired of fighting tired of not just tired you were a lighthouse in the mist and fog yet you chose to extinguish […]

cha(i)nge

the songs of the words has changed again this time i care not for the hymnal skating the thawing rink of desolation surrender seems inevitable angst is a candle burning the rope holding damocles sword this causeway of pits and pendulums growing ever closer ever whispering ever screaming silently into the emptiness of night fear […]

(i)ss(u)e

is it any wonder i have abandonment issues when being left is all i have ever known it isn’t me pushing away it is me watching as you run nary a word of explanation just the soft slapping of bare feet on the road leading anywhere but here

step aside

step aside this is not the time for false bravado for proving yourself i am just so sick and fucking tired of the same old same old i need a change of pace a change of place a change of face a disruption to the status quo so step aside step step step aside just […]

(dis)jointed II, a poem in six parts

(un)stable pt I the air was stagnant poisoned impossible thick he sat the room was dark nothing seemed to matter not anymore it isn’t as if he breathed as if blood pumped through his veins thoughts pumped through his vanity poison felt right just cloying enough to clog his circuitry (un)kempt pt II on the […]

(me)ss

i would love you as more than a friend but then i would eventually lose the friend as my love is caustic so instead i love you as a friend knowing eventually you will just disappear saves the mess of being a mess in the midst of all the other messes i have messed up […]

aligning planets

got an email today about bracelets i don’t wear much jewelery but these caught my eye they make a disc on each disc they show the planets position on a certain day in a certain year a unique time stamp an array of dates flashed through my mind that are burned into my medial temporal […]

let’s

let’s go out into the country and lay on the hood of the car we can count the stars until we find one that shines as brightly as you my love we can drive down to the beach and watch the waves as the sun glimmers off of them like diamonds i will make up […]

s(i)gnatures

she signed every kiss with the tip of her tongue. the places along my frame that signature had travelled the parts of me marked as hers. i wrote novels of devotion with my tongue along every inch of her body new gospels of worship etched across her perfection. love is not forever but the memory […]

one last first chance(with you)

gimme just a minute of your precious time gimme gimme gimme gimme just a piece of the action everyone knows the end of the story is just a series of sorrys all i want is a chance at a fresh beginning with you so please baby gimme just a minute of your precious time gimme […]

partner

i used to dream of finding my mallory knox a partner in madness now i want to find my alice morgan a partner in the cold i need the insanity but in a controlled isolated way i am willing to bet i will never find either but can’t stop the dreaming or the lonely just […]

(dis)jointed, a poem in seven parts

the hills (pt I) the hills are not gently rolling as much as haphazardly clinging for all they are worth which would be more if they had deposits of precious minerals hidden within she was one such hill the latter rather than the former haphazardly clinging unbeknownst to any she was far more preciously laden […]

roots

she took root on my tongue sending tendrils up through my sinus cavities into my ears my eyes before nestling in my brain it is a wonder every sound taste scent and sight makes me think of her in quiet moments of lucidity i wonder how far the infection has traveled

sed(i)ment

there was another me once upon a time far from where i am what i have become the thing i am would you believe i once loved freely gave of myself smiled openly shared deeply it wasn’t one single catastrophic event it was a series of micro fractures cascading through my mind i fell apart […]

fireworks and fingerprints

every time she crosses my mind a blossom of light explodes lately it has been the fourth of july in my skull night flowers blooming fading to yellow embers that burn deep into the gray matter parting tissue like a scalpel leaving scars in the pattern of her fingerprint across my mind

“toyGuitar – When It Was Over (Official)”

this is the song that helped me to visualize the short story, Rain. if you have followed this rambling blog for long, my love of punk rock is pretty apparent. between it and jazz masters Ryo Fukui and Bill Evans, most of my prosaic prose gets written. punk rock isn’t pretty usually. it can be. […]

Rain, a love story

It is raining. It always starts with the raining. Always. I run to the car as the first cold wet drops splat on my bald head. I press the button, hear the door unlock, jump in and press the ignition. The car starts as the drops fall faster. They are loud and only grow louder […]

cannot

i wanted to write you a poem one where i told the world how much you mean to me where i expounded upon your virtues where i shouted out my love where i gave in to all the softer things but that isn’t the type of thing you would want need or care for just […]

no more mistaken identity

she mistakes me for another curses yells as if i need to obey her tells me what to do how to feel who to be when she isn’t aware of who i am i don’t understand it we seemed to be friends or at least friendly until she decided i was someone else she mistakes […]

feat(her)

i told myself sternly no more writing about love i made myself swear no more the she the her the dream the need it is all so empty so pointless let it go fade away into the pit in your stomach the tumor in your brain it is cancerous slowly killing you draining your will […]

her eyes

her eyes were the same color as a channel with no signal no her eyes were not the vivid cerulean of a modern television they were the swarm of flies with the static hiss pouring out of them in a way that defies logic defines tragic implies longing portrays passion gone astray it wasn’t love […]

it’s way

she smiled up at me it was obvious she had been beautiful before life had it’s way with her. the small little scabs ran down her arms ghosts hid inside of her eyes as well as a hunger that seemed to drive her. she asked me for some change overly eager slightly desperate i frowned […]

baba yaga

she flies about in her mortar wielding a pestle as a wand to her hut deep in the forest telling fortunes punishing the wicked call her death justice torment pain in her hut with the backward legs of a giant chicken baba yaga is her name

(un)titled foolishness

i dreamt you were my happier ever after silly isn’t it me ending up with you unpossible really but it was one of those nice dreams the kind you wake up from with a grin and an ache in your chest when you realize nah it was just a stupid dream

r(age)

the rarified air of wanton stupidity is the nectar of the gods to some the best thing that ever happened to me was telling her it was over in the now eight years after it becomes more and more clear i should have done it sooner

never where

my disinterest is like a hammer and pinion upon the rocky crags of your tainted disapproval i shall continue to climb escape your feigned emotions cast like a net but as vapid vacant as your eyes we both know i was just a passing fancy a pitstop a temporary fix until the next marker on […]

(un)titled change

been trying to shed my skin to molt to release the detritus of daily confinement standing in the freezing rain in hopes it soothes the savage ache inside the monotone cavern where the coal that used to be a muscle resides pickaxes and blowtorches mining for the remnants of dream cutting edge technological retractions used […]

1/2/2019

the crushing weight of depression has been dangling from my neck like an anchor lately it’s been a week at least since i have felt like being an active participant in my own play but the tendrils of mania seem to be beckoning again i can make out the faint song of the words whispering […]

pollut(i)on

one day into the new year all i feel are the same scars the same wounds the same longings the exact same fucking emptiness of the years prior the only thing new is the calendar so pardon me if my festive new outlook is clouded by the same dreary depression as before i cannot be […]

danger

his blade slashed through the air parting the silk cutting a moonbeam her smile slashed through his heart parting his armor soothing his soul they dance hand in hand amongst the bamboo under the stars together moving in sync mind body and soul sliding between raindrops danger given form

melted

the world paused as his wax wings slowly began to melt from the heat of the day had he flown just higher instead of heeding the false warnings he would have felt the colder air instead he sat upon a thermal and felt as the honey comb oozed down upon his shoulders and as the […]

(un)titled farewell

i don’t know what tomorrow holds, but i know it isn’t hope, this feeling that stirs in my guts, like a swarm of angry hornets, stinging nettles and broken spirit i have a sickness, a cancer, a life defying tumor, tar black where there once was light my friends are gone, my dreams are gone, […]