(un)titled change

been trying to
shed my skin
to molt
to release the detritus
of daily confinement

standing in the freezing rain
in hopes
it soothes
the savage ache
inside the monotone cavern
where the coal
that used to be a muscle
resides

pickaxes and blowtorches
mining
for the remnants
of dream

cutting edge
technological retractions
used by clumsy hands
for selfish gains

i just want to be whole
not this hole
not this pit of coiled regret
not this void
not avoided
not left
as so much fertilizer
for the next outgrowth

i miss the sun
but
i am never content
to lazily run
through her beams
cradled
in her halo of warmth
then
i miss the rains

it is too quiet
too solemn
i am sober
to the drunken wishes
the slurred repeal
rancorous reveals

i will never be enough
and
have had enough
of constant staring
at the finish line
just out of grasp
the rippling white ribbon
that bends
but never breaks
as the freezing rains fall
clumps of gray skin
slough down
the sewer grates

4 thoughts on “(un)titled change

  1. I wish I could highlight parts of this post, write all over it and send it back to you, but I barely know how to work a phone let alone do all that.
    What I saw while reading this is the canary in this void you live in. The bird is still alive. I see him clearly and even though the tunnel is dark and soul crushing it won’t kill you.
    Sometimes you have to be so sick and tired of the way life is that you get mad. You get up and you do those things that scare you. You want to get through the finish line break out a machete or a chainsaw and you hack through that shit! You tell the obstacles to move not the other way around.

    Liked by 1 person

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