deep down at the bottom

blame my impatience in my utter disdain for the person i was to the one that i am to who i want to be in the not so distant future

how do i wait for the next evolution when every bitter tear falling is tainted by lies i desperately need to believe

it isn’t as if the self worth wasn’t beaten out of me by the hands that should have cultivated instead of salting the soil

as i drag my broken feet across the cracked ground in an effort to be someone that doesn’t sicken me in the mirror’s refraction

your dream became a nightmare when i crawled inside your lovely mind and planted the roots of disinterest deep into your soul

so pardon me if i choose to wallow in the depression that is the only goddamn thing that ever held me with delicate fingers

it isn’t like i don’t know i am a weed growing through the cracked facade of happily ever afters painted in krylon drips

if i could grow feathers instead of self hate i would fly off into the sunset of better daydreams and residual softly spoken nothings

we both know i cannot help but do the things others will not because there is no dirty work beneath these broken fingernails

let the professionals determine whose blood stains my hands after the candle is blown out and the light leaves these hazel orbs

there is no difference really not in the grand scheme of suicidal leaps and being pushed once the sound of a mother’s voice fades

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