bundle of nerves and headache flight to Boston in the early morning, new faces, new lessons, a week away from home thoughts of her, somewhere out there, does she think of me, does anyone silence is the soul killer, leading to questioning, leading to doubting, leading to layers and layers of worry does any of […]
heat trailing my tongue all along your supple curves, tasting, testing your threshold for pleasure exploring every inch of your frame all the spots that make you scream slowly building the pressure until you beg for release over and again it comes when i say, not when you plead and beg full body orgasms, while […]
we were young, sneaking out, drinking beers and making bad choices, no reprecussions, no fear in sight days that never seemed to end, kissing under the stars, the world at our finger tips, the future looks so bright all the promises meant to be broke, all those nights playing games, chasing girls and telling jokes, […]
beauty is in the eye of the beholden, and i find myself besot by you inspired to not move mountains, but reimagine them, reshape them, craft them into monuments for you whether hammer and chisel or pen and ink, i yearn to make something that will withstand time in homage to the brilliance i see […]
i feel as if jackson pollack must have painted my soul my scars are a roadmap across the desert, but shifting sands make navigation impossible i am like a flash frozen thundercloud struck by lightning and shattered into a thousand bits of aether, destined to rage in a thousand impotent storms like a choose your […]
thank the silence for the kids, the tenuous loneliness of the perpetually alone broken by these brief interludes of joy baking for them, cooking for them, having someone to take care of is a slice of heaven all too quickly it vanishes and i retreat into the spiral of depression and emptiness but as the […]
metamorphosis joints popping out of socket as bone breaks fuses over and again wails of agony snapping vertabrae, elongating jaw, jutting fangs, eyes flashing yellow howling over the crackling sounds of becoming something more heightened senses, the smell of blood in the air, succulent fear and sweat transitioning to something more, than human, than predator […]
i am the hunter, the silent stalker in the cityscape the lone tracker of the most elusive of prey following the scent of the heart’s desire, picking out clues in the most hidden of places, laying my traps of subtle turn of phrase and heartfelt prose looking for the missing piece, the completion, the mythical […]
pre-emptive apologies, reactionary dodging of the shrapnel from my sleep addled brain spent too much time thinking of the unknown of falling wishing for a controlled plummet but knowing it is free fall and all i see are clouds beneath did i allow this set myself up for another collosal failure on the road to […]
it was the words that hooked my curiousity the turn of phrase that made it impossible to stop thinking about it is always the words that get me they are the aphrodisiac of choice the only vice i cannot seem to kick and now i fall into the rabbit hole of infatuation with the words […]
if i were a knife i would have a serrated blade, with many sharp edges and a jagged scarred face my words are the razor, the stiletto, by i am far to clumsy to cut smoothly no, i am more of a saw tooth blade, it takes more effort and never leaves as even a […]
the fog of a headache mixed with too little sleep and too much trying eyes having problems focusing is it nromal to fall into waves of black thoughts the moment you awaken is it normal to already dread the day mere seconds into it going to get the kids and that is the only bright […]
another one of those i should be asleep moments another time my mind races through the hallways of maybe if and probably not, i wish it would the waking dreamstate of need and hope is it all in vain, this idiotic and possibly quixotic pursuit of something more than the bare minimum the dreams and […]
the soft refrains of the closing music drifts to my ears is it over, the curtains about to close on me, the hook coming from off stage to pull me out of the endless kerfuffle of failing grace the one man performance of lonely the musical, like a one man band with no coordination, a […]
i remember my first words and last words with all my former loves the middle is a jumble of declarations, lies, and inane conversations hardly important, but the first and last stay burned into my mind like beacon fires on the shore of a rocky outcropping they don’t lead to safe harbor though i can […]
slowly pushing needles into the corner of my eyes i can feel the drill boring into my temples as the ice hammer thumps the top of my skull sense it as they flay the skin from the soles of my feet and bath them in salt and acid all while rabid monkeys beat my shins […]
i bought myself a valentine’s day gift today it is a knife holder in the shape of my dessicated heart now when i cook the meals i do not taste i can pull a blade out and in sustenance find a small piece of absolution and when i regret the food i consumed and clean […]
i don’t believe in anything any longer not gods or goddesses, not magic, not miracles, not fate or destiny or predestiny there is no one there to answer the prayers, the begging, the hopes, the dreams i want to, i wish there was more to this barrage of elemental destruction, mental disrepair, broken spirit and […]
the last day with her was filled with all the warning signs i had learned to ignore the subtle swipes, the not so feigned disinterest but what sticks out in the ramblings chains of memory is that look in her eyes after we made love she stared at me, knowing it was the last time […]
cupid missed me yet again this year though i am beginning to doubt the veracity of his bow and arrow maybe the cherub took a blow to the head, got his sights mixed up, or maybe he just took to drinking the last couple times he struck it didn’t fly straight and true maybe it […]
watching the world burn and pulling up to warm my hands, roast a few friendships over the open wounds of old flames asked the ouija board for answers, the spirits said try again later, my magic eight ball says that loneliness is my penance walking along the river styx, no pennies for the ferry, i […]
skipping across moonbeams in this shadow dappled grass, a lone fat cloud drifts into view it has been cold lately, bitterly so as i am curled up in the bed alone, emptiness a reminder the wind moans it’s sorrowful tune, rattling the windows, a ghost in the night i clutch the pillow closely, the embrace […]
the voices in my head say you are being less than honest they have a history of being mistrustful of too good to be true, and you definitely fit the bill the voices also have a history of setting me up for failure, they camoflauge the sabotage by making delicious fallacy sound like truth so […]
loving her was like climbing a mountain of glass with two broken arms swimming through pirahna infested waters with open bleeding wounds walking barefoot across a desert of salt with the skin flayed from the soles of my feet yet effortless like wrestling a rabid badger while being mauled by a bear on cocaine tumbling […]
i can feel the half moons of blood well up on my palms as my oversharp fingernails cut into them shaking fists and throbbing temples is it frustration or simple contemplation, a restoration, an emancipation, a declaration of love that will never be love is a broken boomerang i continue to throw hoping one day […]
i was standing in a thunderstorm, watching the lightning play across the sky, the purple after images burned into my retinas rain running down my head and into my eyes, the crash of thunder palpable, my heart racing with every flash of voltage the smell of ozone burning mixed with that fresh rain scent, masking […]
ghosts have haunted me all day today, shimmering forms floating across the beige carpet, tantalizing glimpses into what could have been, would have been, never quite was no words exchanged, not even a glance my way as they went about the shades of yesterday at first i sat huddled under a blanket, afraid of their […]
i have discovered the inescapable truth that i am a failure, it is as factual as needing to breathe, eat or drink water to survive i am the goldfish bellyup at the pet store, the glued together milk can at the fair, the tire blown out on the highway just a disaster of a person, […]
found the end of the line, the last great sip of discontent see i spend so much time sitting in the darkness waiting for some magical fix that makes the outside not seem so daunting, my thoughts not seem so haunting this river of emotion boiling over with endless miserable death defying indecision laying in […]
just another end of the world daydream one of those happy go lucky apocalyptic nightmares the kind where you are sure it isn’t real until the undead rise, the oceans boil, or she shows up again the sky opens up and blood rains down, the purge, the rapture, somehow she got a new number and […]
fever, burning up from the inside eyes strain and feel like they are boiling, the only source of heat in my shaking and frozen form pounding rhythm in my skull slept so much the green liquid just makes me feel like i am swimming through the act of staying awake eat an orange, citrus spray, […]
following the chord progression, singing along to my depression, my former flame of obsession the staccato drums and gently lifting horns, bass driving the mix, stunted and undertonal dissonance beauty in the beat, safe harbor in the lyrical longing, a reflection of my own dismissive drone reverb echo chamber smooth, soothe the savage bestial moans, […]
i disappeared into a bottle of Nyquil i had hidden from myself yesterday had spoken to a friend and she told me what she had been going through and it made me sad and she was so positive and i just got worse when you hear someone else’s pain and then look at your pain […]
can you remember a time without fear a time without sorrow can you remember what life felt like before loss before the bottom fell out the time when the world made sense, when truth was a real, when heroes existed and we aspired to be like them villians were cartoonish foibles, shadowy figures behind the […]
when everything is falling apart, dissolving back into the baser bits, simmered down and gently deglazed, white wine and butter, heartache and tears, take stock, add broth, low heat and immense pressure life is made equal parts butter and flour, salt and pepper, smiles and throaty chuckles, skip to the roux my darling i miss […]
i may have missed my calling i have wasted so many words, so much time, seen so many things that seemed to be succulent insanity traversed through time and place to find myself fraudulently forward facing always looking back and drifting off into memories of things best left forgotten, of things that didn’t happen, of […]
