misery leeches

people love youwhen they cancommiseratewith your pain. but findhappiness? that’s whenthe realityof who they arecomes to the forefront. in sorrowthere is acommon denominatora conflagrationof similarsadnessthat speaksa universal truth; in joyjealousiesoverridethe false emotionalconnectionleading to themwondering whythe happinessisn’t theirsas well. friends celebrateyour successesand lend a shoulderin defeatbut these falsehoodsin miserable approxinationof sympatheticcompatriotscast dispersionsinsinuatebecause they cannotsimply relateto anythingexcept […]

muster

broken air conditioning in texas apartments makes sleep nearly impossible when it is a stagnant ninety degrees waking every hour unable to get comfortable in pain burning up it all adds up to make going to a job that cut hours that makes survival no option while the stress of everything insignificant is a constant […]

commiserates

he stares blindly listening to the silence of the world on fire it is another thursday his phone tells him another day in agony the only difference between weekday or weekend is where he commiserates

happily miserable

misery loves company a group in which to partake to share spread itself find common soil to break down bedrock become sand happiness loves an escape always searching for a way out before it dissipates when happiness overstays it’s welcome it becomes misery and seeks company again two sides of the same coin life is […]

small comfort

am i the same person i was born as i grow closer to the person i am at to be at death did every drunken moment every drug induced psychosis every lie whispered in hope it would come true every prayer uttered to the void do these scars on the soul change the fundamental shape […]

(un)titled thought XXXIV

like an idiot i decided to go for a walk in the cold rain it was miserable i was miserable the whole thing was a mistake when it was over i sat staring out the window wishing it showed a different world bound to this cold earth with no tangible means of escape is a […]

surfing

flipping the channels on my non-existent cable package not even sure the television is on been watching a documentary about a man living with manic depression, it is so sad, daydreaming that he sits on the couch smoking weed all day, he writes nonsense and yearns to drink himself to sleep, he is teetering at […]

drifting deeper

feeling erratic and circling the drain scrapped one hundred and twenty pages to start all over kaada and patton bacteria cult on repeat strings and gentle humming fill the room as words flow like blood from an open vein soothing the savagery of tearing apart a tale and building with the entrails making messes in […]

haiku of sadness

it is summer here yet it is winter in me the seasons at war my mind in turmoil sad for no reason at all help quiet the noise just filled with aching broken by the gears of life just fucking stop it the whispering screams seductive as it calls out leaving only tears

manic

falling down the effevescent sphincter of life, broken glass and razor blades, another manic episode of america’s spiralling into depression gargling molten lava, screaming soundlessly into the void that is hope patently insane, insatiably sanctimonious, begging for help and feeling the cold restrain of emptiness empty, alone, asking god for help and hearing the echoed […]

snap, words

she sat staring holes through me from the back of the room her purse on her lap cigarette in her mouth eyes squinting from the smoke hands folded on top of her hand bag just staring “if you have something to say just fucking say it.” the cigarette flares red as she takes a long […]

wasted day, words

i almost did something today almost early morning tomorrow busy week ahead so when i made my excuses to my friend’s it was nearly believable nearly instead i hid shaved my head fought a headache wrote trash basic routine with the big schedule next week i plan on taking some much needed quiet time from […]

matters, words

when i was little they never said it was gonna be this way they never told me about the blues inside my head i had dreams, i had goals, there were things i wanted to do they never said it was just a long drawn out pain until you’re dead if they had been honest […]

quietly fading, words

normally the words sing today they murmur dismal chants into my head and i have chosen not to listen droning on and on, they whisper of pain and the implosion of sunshine vapor trails of loss so i feel it all quietly fade away it is raining in my heart that constant drizzle of cold […]

grand finale, words

the soft refrains of the closing music drifts to my ears is it over, the curtains about to close on me, the hook coming from off stage to pull me out of the endless kerfuffle of failing grace the one man performance of lonely the musical, like a one man band with no coordination, a […]