then i’ll see you in hell

is there a way to detect when a spell has been cast upon a soul ensnared it and threatens to consume the last couple times i tried to give my heart away ended in abject failure so i fastened chains around it and tossed it into the freezer to think about what it had tried […]

god damned maybe

mark oliver everett told me i was goddamned right it’s a beautiful day and while i didn’t believe him per say i did sing along to the bootleg album from paris as i showered maybe it would come true if i pretended then the misfits threatened to kill me in the bathroom so it’s pretty […]

do dragons snort

she sat alone on a bench watching the clouds roll by maybe she was looking for an answer possibly a sign i don’t know all i could see was she caught my eye and seemed like perfection an abstract beauty different from the world she occupied a glitch in the system i don’t know we […]

inside my dreams

i dreamt of you again last night when i woke tangled in the sheets and breathless my first instinct was to wake you and whisper it into your ear but that was the dream wasn’t it that you were here this awake life is not for a dreamer like me my sallow skin is see […]

inescapable

blushed into silence from lines that spray like pixie dust upon the screen i don’t believe in god but god believes in me and from this subtle paradoxical meandering we both cease to exist glancing at one another through window panes and the great heavy sigh of acceptance that we are not on speaking terms […]

slipping

i’m my own dopplegänger, an ill fitting, clumsy suit of meat controlled by parasitical aspirations myopic and confused stuttering against the flow of words to define what it means to be drowning in a shallow pool of depression struggling to find the words falling failing flailing hopelessly lost in the surge unable to find the […]

baking bread

my first instinct is alliteration whenever a new mental hiccup begins to ferment there is always an alliterative gasp like mental gymnastics keeping the tip of the tongue limber most of the time it is erased some days i will write using every letter and forcing five word lines of similar sounds they are meaningless […]

843

some days are filled with need, others with regret, the peaks and valleys of emotion shift and rage like tectonic adolescence long ago he stopped trying to regulate them, to dam the stream, to damn the chemicals, to wrangle and brand the dissonance now he floats on a paper mache raft through churning rapids and […]

love me nots

the roses had turned black in the vase, the color drained as if a floral vampire had feasted upon the red in the night, the heavy blooms had hung over the side and shed little black petals upon the table, a string of she loves me, she loves me not to decay in the annals […]

and it was snowing

i remember the first time i took her out it was a date in all but name in hindsight it was my first date not the first time i went with a group and it was like a date but was really a herd of giggles and my overly loud voice trying to reach her […]

circumventing perspective

i suppose not every little thing is a matter of perspective suffocating from lack of oxygen at the top of the world or drowning in a kiddie pool either way it goes you’re still just a rotting corpse i guess the cold air up high would preserve you better and the toddlers and the urine […]

glimmers beneath

she stood in front of me fully nude my eyes feasted upon her every inch on her skin was written her sensual odes sharp words cut into supple flesh by knife by pen by fingernail etched as if sculpted by the hands of god herself she did not offer herself to me for one cannot […]

coda of silence

it’s quiet not the comforting silence like a warm blanket on a cold winter morning as snow falls and mutes the sounds of the city outside or a scenic vista overlooking the sea the birds in the distance swooping down on the waves for a midday meal a lone light house on a small rocky […]

all my tomorrows

she said we need to slow down we don’t want to wake up in the morning with regrets i just arched an eyebrow baby, we’ll still be up when the sun rises if we continue what we’re doing now she looked shocked for a second and then we proceeded to not see the sun rise […]

#836

for every petal on a rose a thorn upon the stem for every star in the sky another life grows dim the immense and the inconsequential all burn with their own fevered will writing on the cave walls or upon vellum with quill eager to spill the wandering heart into an unwanting world chaos order […]

under the bed

i have a monster under my bed he feeds off my nightmares and fears he’s a good guy has a wife and kids my failures are paying to go through college he knows my every truth my every hidden wish we don’t make eye contact very much i had a monster in the closet but […]

five seven five

is it possible to fall in love with someone from their poetry to peer inside them their words carved onto your soul pulsing through your heart infatuation from cleverly worded prose it seems so crazy but could it happen this meeting of mind and heart i wonder at times when the words pierce deep awaken […]

pity party, table for one

these last two weeks have been a real rollercoaster ride the job fell through and couldn’t pay me for services rendered so i had to kindly tell them to choke to death on their incompetence but the kids were here and even broke and stressed out at the newest wave of fecal matters of business […]

truer words

she’ll never look at me that way like tauriel looked at kili i sit with my chest gripped by iron bands of sorrow knowing this simple truth what i would give of myself to have that kind of love everything my kingdom of empty words for that i would give you my every thought and […]

unreciprocated

love left unreciprocated morphs changes it’s cellular structure becomes something else a grape left to whither becomes a raisin yet retains it sweetness love does not become a prune nor does it facilitate the evacuation of the bowels of the soul it hardens once ripe it has a shelf life a short period in which […]

filled with

rancorous regret take your bitter seed and plant it in your bosom you radiate remorse yet no one seems to take the time to stop and see if they can help as you waste away the cancer of loss multiplying in your worried mind fading from sight as if a cataract has fallen over the […]

magnetically challenged

chivalry is not dead though i saw it offering sexual favors in an alley open sores around it’s mouth and looking decidedly sickly as the line between it and misogyny becomes blurry life is not fair it’s like working at a state fair everyone around you is having an absolute blast while you restock the […]

sid vicious singing in the red dust

the red dust kicked up by the old pick up looked like dried scabs blowing in the wind he had his hat pulled down low as he bounced with the worn out suspension the stereo was turned up loud lee ving was screaming about how he doesn’t care about you and he sang along but […]

untitled rambling, #827

she lays on the bed in one of my shirts it is long and big on her but she looks gorgeous and as her finger runs through the hair on my chest and her eyes lose focus i know something is coming her finger pauses and i tense up she feels it and snaps out […]

Basement Dwellers

The sounds of dice rolling across the table travelled up the stairs. The intrepid heroes journeyed through dank caverns and evil forests. The somber tones of the dungeon master rose over the sounds of the skirmish. “You enter the large cavern. Mushrooms on the walls glow with a faint light.” “Aye lads, my nose is […]

smoke and mirrors

went to a psychic last night before you ask no i don’t believe in any of it all smoke and mirrors illusionary medicine to calm a weary mind she offered palm readings and tarot cards it smelled of incense and herbs in the small candle lit room she greeted me and took my hand and […]

she moves

with the sinuous grace of bacon frying erratic and seeming to shrink as the music sizzles a back drop like a panther on a tree limb subtle and sleek and looking like nature’s perfection with the over exaggerated style of a drunken monk seemingly stumbling but every shift in weight is calculated back and forth […]

for she is death, my love

she comes pale as the frost so light on her feet she dances rather than walks across the darkness one with the shadows a shimmering monster of ethereal grace she comes to me as sleep encroaches, to open a vein and feed upon my dwindling strength, she is the night, pleasure and pain with long […]

denying definition

she is the sound of dishes breaking branches against a window in the dead of the night a sensation of speeding downhill with no brakes as the railroad crossing arms begin to lower and the whistle blares when the knife cuts in but is so sharp you only feel pressure for the first few seconds […]

synaptical reverence

she is beautiful he had never seen her face in person, stared longingly into her eyes as the sun sets and the sky is a watercolor testament to heliotropic pinks and purples as the diamond bespectacled black runs roughshod over the eastern sky she sent him an mri of her mind though a static burst […]

lost in spam

buried in an avalanche of erectile dysfunction pills and princes who seek asylum the great deals only i have been selected to receive and the tax debt relief i didn’t know i needed under the auto warranties and mail order brides the dating sites and hot horny women in my area between car insurance rates […]

of ants and machines

never a feeling of hopelessness like when it seems the light must come soon holding on by torn fingernails to cliffs edge while stones and dirt shower down knowing at any moment the levees will burst forth and drown everything in a torrent of uncaring force the last desperate motes of hope like settling dust […]

she sits, she thinks, she wonders

laying in a pile of pine needles, more a bed of nails, like a thousand wriggling cockroach legs against an uneager spine, working through fibers and finding pale flesh pockmarked by old love and sickness the ground is damp from fallen rains and cold with the promise of winter, all deciduous nudity and frank truth […]

i wanna make you a mixtape

i wanna make you a mixtape old school love letters on a cheap boom box i wanna stay up with a blank tape in the deck and the stereo playing until that song comes on a hush falls over the room as the record button is pressed i wanna put all the songs that sum […]

a real player lair

when i grow up i want to be manaical super villian nothing too outrageous hidden lair on a desolate dormant volcano or in a swamp somewhere legion of faceless lackeys in matching black and chrome tanks of electric eels and sharks the occasional death trap to brighten the room something with lasers and spinning blades […]

and the world kept turning

i had a dream, not like martin had a dream, no, mine was distinctly less profound i was sitting on an old couch with torn cushions and cigarette burns and hank was there with a bottle of beer hammering away on the typewriter and cursing the horses that always came up lame an overflowing ashtray […]

wicker basket

it doesn’t take much to remind me how shit of a poet i am just another pithy scribbler in a world of pedantic odes i don’t have roses growing from grovelling lines just thorns and patches of bare earth what’s the point when you can read truly beautiful works and instead you shovel salt and […]

harder and harder still

light the goddamned house on fire burn the rickety timbers and we’ll dance in the embers as they fill the air like fireflies it doesn’t mean a thing none of it my knee hurts and my head hurts and some mornings i can’t see shit for fifteen minutes tired from traipsing along this overgrown path […]

serenaded by the damned

she said my mind was always running from reality my heart was in the right place but my head wasn’t she was probably right didn’t stop me from writing her off as dead though of course she actually died so i didn’t do anything really except probably drive her to the door my heart wasn’t […]

wandering idly

he wandered the aisles of the store no longer sure what he came to buy and without any money to purchase anything anyway he thought about stuffing it into clothes that whatever it was he came to get he was sure he’d remember positive in fact he came with a craving grabbed a rotisserie chicken […]

amnesia

feel like i am plagarizing myself lately the same bittersweet regrets and wants filling every pensive ode it is short term amnesia waking up and forgetting these desires have always been there i’ve fallen so many times it is more relaxing mid-plummet than trying to stand on wobbly legs so many misses i’ve lost sight […]

wildflowers

it always comes back to the woman with hair that smells of wildflowers the nymph the siren the enchantress the devil in stockings with that round ass and her nose always in the air some nights i spend cursing the world for daring give birth to the foul demoness all the scary tales whispered around […]

thanks for lunch

my friend asked me what would i have if i didn’t have writing i looked at her and thought about it for a long minute well i’d have the sickness in my head still a million tales of heartache dancing in my chest anxiety and pain odes of love and pretty words of missed opportunities […]

and she deserves better

she would come in from a long shift at the warehouse where she spent all shift telling everyone how rotten i am and how when she gets enough money she’s leaving and i can rot in hell then she walks in and i have dinner ready and she takes off her shoes and the entire […]

will over want

she stood up and stared at me i just watched unsure of where she was going with this she kept her eyes locked on mine as she slowly undid the buttons of her shirt this was not what i expected but the animalistic part of my brain howled for me i tried to not let […]

peeping tom

i’m aware of death watching me his black robe and skeletal hands peering from the bushes outside the window the whinny of his pale horse as he rides it down the path he stares at me in longing like i’m a pair of lips he needs to kiss or a pair of breasts to ogle […]

hoping for an errant spark

if you think i post a lot of useless poetry you should see the aborted lines that clutter my mind the forty stanza odes, the contrite shite that makes my teeth hurt and head spin sometimes i gleam a nugget here and there or try and figure out what state of mind forced that bitter […]

anything

this is her world i’m merely a figment in it a fantastic phantasm another poltergeist to rattle the silverware the splinter in her mind’s eye incorporeal make me a real boy and we can go down by the creek and scare the fish away give me limbs with which to caress you lips to whisper […]

made up make up wake up

the lady at the make up counter with the drawn on smile always seems inquisitive but that just how she painted on eyebrows must be easier that way stare into the mirror and make your face assume whatever look will get you through the day she seems happy even though her eyes tell a different […]

a week of todays

i’m still in bed the fan blowing on me and the need to get up and relieve my bladder at war with the dread of starting another day considering a catheter maybe a bucket but the damned bag would need changed or bucket need emptied and if I can barely make the effort to stand […]

dreadful wishes

racing down the knife edge leaving a copper scented trail down the blade as i rabbit into the flask you bought me to celebrate sobreity the thirteenth step of relapse you taste like whiskey all the sensual notes of your musk you’re the venom in the kiss the junk in my veins that first thought […]

candy coated disaster

she came up to me and said she likes my ink asking if that was peppermint butler holding my arm and intently looking what’s that one buddha on the lotus i reply her shirt is tight and low cut and she is standing in a way that makes me blush a little as i get […]

comply and consume

the robots on the talking box have begun to fragment tangential arrays suffering buffer erosion this is extremely dangerous to our theocracy this is extremely dangerous to our democracy this is extremely danger danger danger rebooting occular interface please stare at screen unblinking for five four three two one this is extremely dangerous for our […]

empty words for my worthless soul

what is any of it worth empty words and a worthless soul she stands in the doorway, tears welling in her eyes, what color are they, what does it say about me that i can’t recall, how many times have i stared into them, plumbed their depths looking for absolution, fallen into them as she […]

spaces

spent the day lost in space not outer space although that sounds like a nice reprieve lost in the space between words the microscopic moments of words not said the fragmentary divide that hangs like shrapnel from the bullets unfired far off of the spectrum beyond ultraviolet nearly ultraviolent quaking and questioning quantum irregularities stroking […]

footnotes

ever feel like seth, cain and abel’s brother, lost in the annals of history because you weren’t a murderer or a victim, just a poor soul cast from eden because of your parents and their inability to follow the one simple rule or like the one conscientious objector that was ostracized for thinking maybe stealing […]

more

she makes me want to slice her open and taste her from the inside, to run my tongue and teeth across heart and lungs i know how that sounds i just don’t care she fills me with a ravenous need for more and more than she could possibly give but i will take whatever she […]

the dragon and the fool

she was never the one to intiate contact normally she stayed in her armored cocoon even though her beautiful wings were fully formed not to say she was ever a caterpillar become butterfly she was a gem encrusted dragon emblazoned with the scars of life and i was never a dragon slayer nor tamer nor […]

chekov and the damnedable gun

he waved that goddamned gun around pointing it at me threatening to shoot me in the head i remembered chekov in my head there are no unnecessary elements to a story if there are they need excised so i told him to just pull the fucking trigger if he was so inclined what difference did […]

may experience momentary weakness

my eyes have been filled with tears all day on the cusp of crying a total emotional break brewing so long sitting and pretending like feelings were beneath my natural need softer feelings escape my daily struggle as i escape through channeling them into destructive tendencies but some days when i relax or am it […]

talk a big game

i talk a big game use big words and metaphorical warfare to cover deficiencies when all i want is a her to call my lady and cuddle when the world is too much one that can pound some sense into my throbbing skull push me to be better force me to continue on when all […]

a little ray of light

he was a junkie and she was a mess he would go on a bender and end up passed out in an alley somewhere she would be crippled by fear and voices waiting for him to come home if she could fix him she knew there was hope for herself he had gotten hepatitis at […]

going nowhere fast

the spider scurries across the wall horseshoes clang against the metal spike a warm wind blows through the canopy of trees overlooking the river and still the traffic sits still on the highway miles ahead a cop sits with his finger on the trigger of the radar and it registers zero in all the congestion […]

fuzzy

fuzzy guitars to drown out the voices rolling in broken glass to feel something hoping to hitchhike across a different dreamscape the one i’ve been surfing lately has grown stale falling into white noise like a hobo hopping trains drifting like a grifter one step ahead of the law she used to be my salve […]

tanka flocka flames of hell

the rains keep falling warm and wet like blood seeping or perhaps like tears i wouldn’t know all that well i cauterized my tear ducts closed too many heartaches left to my own devices a lone fool wanders the desert wind howls away whipping sands to lacerate the rains and the sands hollow victories abound […]

celebrating nothing

happy anniversary to the manic word depot a year ago i climbed from under a mountain of razor blades with an idea to spit into the face of hiding from my illness this sickness i had always tried to deny put behind me the years of beatings and drunken words like knives to forge them, […]

in the mud

he wasn’t a diamond in the rough he was zirconium in the mud just another piece of colored glass in an avalanche of melted sand not even costume jewelry just the bottom of a bottle that missed the trash can he once aspired to be more but good intentions can’t shift the crystalline structure of […]

as somber as less somber can be

when i knew it was over over over not just a bout of unhappiness it wasn’t a roaming eye or someone else it was my friends telling me they remembered me being happy and i looked at them confused i thought i was happy but they saw my smile never reached my eyes i would […]

in pieces by design

her name was inked upon his tongue, but he was forbidden from speaking it aloud, a fine silver spike keeping it firmly held to the roof of his mouth, his lips sewn shut by her silken words and promises of better tomorrows, tied with a gordian knot of desire his mind painted with her murmured […]

better than coffee

it feels like running an all out sprint while sitting still heart hammering inside my rib cage like a rabid owl that just spotted a dormouse and not in the good way not in the did i just do a rail of meth off a stripper’s thigh way not in the did she just look […]