i wanna make you a mixtape

old school love letters on a cheap boom box

i wanna stay up with a blank tape in the deck and the stereo playing until that song comes on

a hush falls over the room as the record button is pressed

i wanna put all the songs that sum up my day

that sum up my life

that sum up my feelings for you

hair metal band love ballads

old school that was new school

when the now was the only school

turn it up loud and you’ll hear the hiss and my gentle singing along

i wanna make you a mixtape

put on the ramones and misfits

wherever you are you can bop your head to the simple beats

scream along to the chorus knowing somewhere at that exact moment i’m doing the same

side one is the party side

beastie boys and anthrax and slayer

side b is the love songs

the sappy saccharine sweet odes to your beauty and my feelings

how my stomach does somersaults when i think of you

of your lips

of the wildflowers in your hair

this is as close to telling you i love you as i will ever get

i wanna make you a mixtape

not like mixtapes now

not a showcase of my talents rapping along in the car

not me rhyming over someone else’s beat

but me using someone else’s words to say the things i never could

to steal their poetry and make it about you

i’ll use the star system on the cover to tell you which are my favorite songs

i’ll find ones with your name in them

i’ll write a note and fold it up inside the hard plastic case

scribble the lyrics

or a close approximation of them

on the spine of the case i’ll put cartoon hearts and give it some silly name that i’ll spend far too long thinking up

and probably misspell a word or three

you’ll see the smear from where the meat of my palm drags across the fresh ink

my stupid left handed clumsiness in display

i wanna make you a mixtape

a collection of me made special for you

like how i feel about myself

being a collection of things made specifically for you

i don’t wanna make a playlist

or burn you a disc

it seems impersonal

i wanna make you a mixtape

spend six hours making an hour and a half cassette

but instead i’ll write a poem

and send it out anonymously

because i can’t make you a mixtape

even if i wanna