now attempting system override //cmd: run will to live protocol error: system incapable of processing request contact admin if issue persists now commencing shutdown of all non-essential functions love hope dream will happiness motor control initiate final solution hard drive deletion imminent commence cessation of all systems user profile erased from mainframe compete systemic failure […]
alone bloody knuckles from striking the wall this ache it tears at my insides like barb wire a need for more in a world that only knows how to take it is all too much to take to process to handle to make sense of alone with thoughts that no one should have this fire […]
i asked her did it hurt when you fell? and she gave me a grin replied from heaven? thinking she had heard this one before it was my turn to grin back no, from the pedestal i had placed you on, high above every other her face crumbled like the foundation of respect i had […]
when i tell you that you are beautiful i don’t want you to misunderstand what i am trying to say it isn’t a line or me trying to be slick when i say you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen i mean that because my feelings for you and that magnificence you […]
i danced with a ghost tonight she had a famliar smile sad eyes that spoke volumes she stood awkwardly with a silent question on her face i stared back confused she nodded to my phone more, i guessed to the music it was playing hesitantly i turned it up she stared expectantly i bowed to […]
she came to me again last night i felt a chill travel down my spine when i looked out the window i saw her misty beautiful yet just out of focus staring back sadly at me a smile of infinite sorrow traced across her face i felt my heart break my vision blurred when i […]
i am my own therapist i over charge over analyze over compensate for the things that are broken inside my therapist says i have unresolved issues from my childhood my therapist says i have not been the same since my dad died my therapist says a lot of things but i choose to ignore him […]
i won’t beg unless that’s your thing i won’t say i can do things no one else ever has to you but you will be hard pressed to remember anyone that did it half as well you might beg a little it might be something i like you’ll know my hands better than your own […]
she was the first and only woman to break my heart twice to have two albums associated with agony to be allowed to walk barefoot across my arterial highway with that devilish grin as i begged for more she could strut cock her head make me follow i was a lemming willing to charge blind […]
the face of the clock is a doorway while time only goes one way the hands reflect the past how much of the flow is wasted trying to swim against the tide
1) it started with a smile. that’s all. a simple smile across the crowded room. like a neutron bomb rippling across my consciousness. 2) it ended with a smile. that’s all. a simple smile across an empty room. like a shattering of glass that was my entire being. 3) how many smiles between? how many […]
this is not a love story not another desperate plea for acceptance not me opening my heart to another empty room the beat of the dessication in time with the ebbing silence unseen unheard uncaring this is my love turning into a cicada burying itself in the cold soil for seven years awakening to find […]
how many times did i stare at the faded photograph memorizing the faces trying to recall what it looked like the colors not washed out the scents the feel if i heard the voices today i wouldn’t recognize them i fear they would be as strangers to my ears that hurts a deep down pain […]
Hello my dear friends and readers. It’s late and even though it has been days since I have slept I am wired as can be. Blame it on mania or just old fashioned excitement. I did the podcast this evening. It was a blast. Very inappropriate. Not family friendly in the slightest but we all […]
use my bloated corpse as a boat to traverse these moss choked waterways let me do that much for you one last bold sacrifice in a long string of meaningless gestures god knows in life i did nothing worthy of your attention deficit just dug deeper into anonymity a burr inside your wet socks at […]
the shelves are lined with someone else’s odes to a her i have never seen not imagined in a way that brings her smile to life the twinkle of mirth in her eye the soft emotion in her voice the bookshelves in my mind are a different tale altogether they sing with her laughter exude […]
a flower blossoms in utter silence love dies much the same so i scream hoping to never fade away
it is too quiet too empty too lonely today this afternoon has been dreams of naps of need a lacking a failing a burning my soul aches love is a pyramid scheme the question is how to stack the blocks
due to rampant insomnia your regularly scheduled onslaught of poetic nonsense has been discontinued the words have chosen to silence themselves the longing and depression however continue unabated as always just wrapped in a cocoon of indifference it has been days since sleep has tapped tapped upon the fool instead please enjoy the timeless classics […]
a hot house in the frozen land/moisture dripping down the window pane/interior/exterior/ice crystals blossom/tracing along expanding lumber/a lone cry in the haunted night/loss/pervasive/never knowing solace/fallen stars find shelter/drifting sullenly/ through shards of memory sparse vacant longing
in the briefest respite between crashing night/breaking dawn far beneath the ever vapid holding her hand was like grasping the wind;ever swirling;tantalizing in effervescent whirls and whorls;her finger prints etched deep into the soul of the earth solar radiation in lapping waves in the briefest respite between setting sun/encroaching night
we spent most of our lives apart so when we finally found each other we made every single second count we made up for lost time by loving each other as fully as possible for the remaining time we had her time just didn’t last as long as mine
she played me like a violin. but she had me on our third date. i played hard to get. or so i thought. on the second date i held my own. it was her smile on the third that told me i was done for. she could have had me on the second. my tough […]
my cologne is eau de whiskey and percocet i tied the noose around my own throat but your whispered words were the rope i hear the ice clink in the glass of your abject disinterest so i wobble back and forth on the dotted yellow line playing chicken with truck drivers and blindfolded emotional investment […]
on the long walk back across uneven ground nary a sidewalk in sight i saw a field of clover with a wish that maybe my luck could do with some bolstering i gave in to superstition just a precursory glance maybe four leaves would save the day a glance turned into looking turned into searching […]
This album is the best Prince inspired set of songs. Got me through the couple mile trek to my interview. Now sipping tea and patiently waiting with it on repeat. Wish you were here.
i can stare across the chasm of where i am and where i wish i was the small blurry figure that represents all the wrong choices all the wrong obsessions the lies the tales told the drinks i drank the drugs consumed yet as i raise my hand to wave the figure does as well […]
her lips were painted a shade of pink i couldn’t quite identify one of the crayons i never used maybe or a shade that didn’t exist then like coral or a dusty sunset across the red clay hills i longed to kiss them to see that pink smeared as she kissed my throat bit my […]
seventy degrees on a tuesday at the beginning of february seems like a waste of a beautiful day early february is meant for cocoa and cuddles and a crackling fire maybe that is the midwesterner in me maybe i just crave human contact
he carved little dragonflies into his thigh with rusty fishhooks while the wind sang in coffee cans by the rocky shore she danced on one foot while vipers hissed and struck at her when the swelling got too bad she switched feet they sell drugs out of metal lunchboxes to the men with no eyes […]
he had a grin on his face a gun in his hand pointed right at my chest unodostres i felt the bite before i heard the bark yet i stood there lacking any comprehension undeuxtrois again and again we played this game he’d count to three i would spring new leaks njëdytre i wondered aloud […]
Wednesday the 6th at 930pm CST I will be on the Deadman’s Tome podcast to promote my upcoming book, Notches. I’m excited and maybe a touch apprehensive. Self promotion is not really my thing. I think the stories in Notches stand well enough on their own I just have to get them into the hands […]
the ever expanding waistlines in the bible belt more a hangman’s noose around the throat of science evolving into a circular argument against what is plainly seen and plainly planted in scenic desperation add more corn syrup super size the daily regimen of anemic fact based reporting insulin prices are up corn futures are up […]
i’m just not me anymore not the same guy i used to be not becoming one i want to be less full of hope now just full of shit the happy go lucky guy died a couple miles back i just want a cabin in the middle of nowhere with a barrel of whiskey a […]
i see these reminders of valentine’s day fast approaching of chocolate hearts declarations of undying devotion already dying flowers in a cheap vase maybe i always did it wrong perhaps that is why this is yet another in a long string of hallmark holidays spent wondering what it is exactly that i so fundamentally lack […]
it was a dream i know it was a dream the kind of dream you don’t want to tell people about the kind that stays with you the kind that fades and fades all day but there is a sliver that eats at the back of your head that grinds down on you it was […]
her words shot from her tongue like comets across the early morning sky her eyes flashed in anger meteors fell obscuring the normally crystal clear iris for all that she is paradise she is destruction when the mood falls badly
i refuse to allow myself to be defined by need as prescribed to the human condition enslaved to desire shackled by that which i lack scarred by failure imprisoned by doubt yet all i have is this depression and empty meaningless words
in the beginning there was darkness from the darkness came chaos from the chaos came gaia rivers oceans seas sprang forth she came to me, nurturing as mother gaia, her hands scarred from battles fought, her eyes pure, her lips sweet as honey, her touch soft as silk then came eros the need to copulate […]
feeling caged need company or conversation or maybe just a freshly sharpened blade shear the sheep fleece the flock the walls are closing closing closing in again can you hear that just then hello is there anyone in here the bars have been greased no climbing from this cage a whetstone an ivory bone the […]
the man in the mirror made a face at me today a face i didn’t make from the face i have as well then he mouthed words at me enod ma i then he was gone from view just walked out of the frame i looked around in the reflection that suddenly didn’t reflect the […]
there is a radiance a blossoming light a schism in the finer fibers of nervous endings electrical malfeasance shooting sparks into the clear glass skull with muscular trappings bloody kisses from lipless mouths mewling softly as salt water tides slowly drown the incessant hiss of never more ever sore ever tired ever grasping the roots […]
i sat alone on the same bench to watch the same squirrels to think about the same woman who makes my heart flutter captain ahab and queequeg stopped and gave a sad stare in my direction seems they know a little something about obsessions tie me to the mast you bastards if i can’t have […]
the color of your hair of your eyes the taste of your lips the feel of your tongue as it plays with mine the rhythm of your pulse on my teeth at your throat the smell of your skin like sunlight and flowers the way your body fits snugly next to mine my love for […]
it was the light kiss of the razor, skimming across hot flesh, unblinking eyes and shaking fingers And I was tired, not sleepy but where your bones ache and your skin is a million nerve endings of pin pricks and goddamns. I could feel the passion in the room full of ultimatums ropes all taut. […]
she stood on the balcony of her lonely tower wondering if her hair was long enough to allow her prince to climb up and save her she did the calculations of tensile strength compared to the mass of a heavily armored body if she braided it the whole would be stronger and less likely to […]
i have twenty/twenty vision but I can’t see you i have a telescope that let’s me see the stars a microscope that makes the smallest large but of everything i can see in this entire universe when i look around me the most important isn’t here i would rather be blind and hear your voice […]
the ache in his chest throbbed in ever increasing waves of intensity each breath took more effort than the last he wanted it to stop he did not care if it was the pain or the breathing that stopped as long as one of them ceased being it all played on a constant loop in […]
i don’t want you to fix me just to accept me as i am i can never be your dream come true but i most certainly can be a break from the normal all i have is words along with two scarred hands a pit of desolation and a need to give my all if […]
my heart is a hard boiled egg the shell is damaged from so many clumsy hands mishandling it cracked and battered it is my fault i chose the wrong hands to entrust it to every time it is returned it is more and more a caricature of what it was so i don’t pass it […]
it seems the groundhog did not see his shadow didn’t get frightened by what wasn’t really there an early spring in this new winter of discontent a fond farewell to freezing to death thumbing our noses at prognosticators and science we would take the word of a rodent a giant marmot a member of the […]
strange thoughts run through my head after a week of depression and silence i get so caught up in these thoughts i tend to forget or lose sight of reality this evening i listened to an englishmen read algernon black while i read about nazis i feel like i am inside someone else’s head as […]
immune to autonomy latent scarring overt ridicule varicose indignation erring on the side of chasm yearning to be free oblivious to condemnation unable to rationalize karmic institutionalization insignificant realization leering looks languid lividity meteoric odes to sin erase evangelical egress platonic passions lustful leisure eerily harmonic wailing aspiring to asphyxiate sublime sanguination end transmission:
lately my mind has been transfixed i am a sparrow in the cat’s mouth i am a rabbit in the raven’s talons i am unafraid as death comes closer
little spider in the corner weaving your little webs so alone watching me watch you leaving everything undone
i am the story you tell after a few too many pints when the warmth fills your belly spots of reds on your cheeks a smile at an otherwise regretful time i want to be the thought that keeps you awake all night long tossing and turning i want your heart to race every single […]
there is a well in the middle of the forest hidden away under the boughs of ancient oaks far down in the dark the glint of gold from every wish cast whispering promises to the unfulfilled
it wasn’t the end of the world not in a biblical way not in a plague of locusts raining blood hellfire and damnation way not in a made up way it wasn’t the end of the world not in ever rising sea levels in ever rising oceanic temperatures in extinction after extinction greenhouse gases carbon […]
though the rivers constantly run into the sea the sea never gets full just takes and takes all that the rivers can give as yet the mighty river has not gone dry though many a tributary has vanished within the ravages of time there is something to this about the nature of never giving up […]
there are days i feel like a rural mail carrier in search of a farmhouse that hasn’t been built yet determined to deliver a letter to a woman that hasn’t decided to move yet on and on these dusty roads i drive words clenched in my white knuckled hand
it feels like the perfect ending to a totally fucked up play one where the spotlight zooms in on the hero laying in a pool of his own misplaced emotion the real hero is the one guiding the light across the darkness unseen unknown leaving in the shadows of those he illuminated the entire evening
light shines through the cracked wall an illusion hope
it was near midnight the chill of winter’s breath was beginning to take hold a small howl came from the west distant lonely the scent of diesel filled the air the only other sound was that of my heels hitting the gravel down this road i knew led to redemption but it also led to […]
i found a sea shell in a store in iowa i held it up to my ear and heard nothing instead of the sea the shell had been gone from the water so long it had forgotten what home was i could relate i could see home smell it but i have forgotten the sound […]
My GoFundMe So this is a link to a GoFundMe. Things have gotten pretty bad. I lost my job at the end of September. It has gone downhill from there. My car was repossessed last week. My phone has been off for two months. I am barely making it. Tuesday my power was shut off […]
she did it again at least this time i saw it coming she vanishes into the mist finds the heart of another when that insipid soul tosses her away it is back to my sphere she travels he did to her what she knew he would yet he wants her to have no other she […]
fear an illusion used to beguile to lure depression seeps out cracks between stones
i was trying to teach my friend to dance again this morning she has two left feet though also two right feet well, technically they are hooves as she is a centaur hard to pirouette i can never dip her correctly sometimes i felt like i could lead her to the dance floor but could […]
eyes glare hatefully reflections in the black stone baleful intent permeates the storm lashes on this trial of perdition death is no escape
Rain, a love story Rain II I’ve lost track of time. I couldn’t say for sure if it has meaning in a place like this. If it ever had meaning at all really. There are no clocks on the plain wood paneled walls. Just the red display that steadily clicks upwards. The plain voice that […]
she feels hollow oh, how he understands it is not the pain that kills it is the emptiness the lack of release the ice cold grip of the void so much better to be a canvas coated with agony than blank left to rot in the attic a slow demise suffocation in an inch of […]
i dreamt of you again in this dream i dreamt we lay tangled together in the sheets all i recall was not of our passion before but my fingers gently dancing along your stomach as our lips drank one another when i woke it was with frantic need to fall back into that moment to […]
he stood silently the rain falling in great fat drops he was soaked through yet took no notice of it he stared up at the neon buildings every window had a thousand stories to tell but he only cared about one of them he just hadn’t found it yet it called to him in his […]
It’s through shallow eyes And loose fingers Which you grip the world So much easier To slip Through my icy embrace Than to accept For a moment My silence is not For nothing You see it As sin When I keep walking Stepping over, on And around Peering with vacant eyes And gnarled claws With […]
i am a ghost in this place is this just a dream? is it real?
cold alone the wind howls something calls out i hear scratching down the cobbled hallway fear grips like bands of steel crushing me a low whimper escapes me thunder booms
you are dream as it crashes into reality you are light in the darkness of me her smile from across the room draws me like a moth to her flame, the incandescent spark of her filament crackles across my optic nerve, sends chills across my skin, in a world of discarded shells, her smile is […]
on each of my wrists i have my kids signatures from when they were six tattooed because in this entire universe they are my reason but there is a secret i could have tattooed them anywhere but i put them on my wrists because i would never hurt them so when the urge to do […]
i search in this ending for signs of a new beginning not that i want a beginning i just want this ending to be an end because i don’t know if i can handle a fresh start
i bought a packet of sea monkeys just the other day got a fishbowl followed the instructions at day three i saw movement day seven showed a newly formed democracy day fifteen had technological advances so complex i felt shame and wonder it is now day fifty six they watch my every move i find […]
they took my car last week my phone a month before woke up this morning to twenty eight degrees and my power shut off how much worse can it get when everyone tells you it has to get better before you realize the truth is you are done here’s the deal the unbridled scoop at […]
insane disdain refrain in pain echoing, insane, disdain it seeps silently, refrain, in pain it creeps
a sconce upon the wall up ahead with shaky hands i strike a flame the walls absorb all the light hungering for the heat a sense of something watching waiting the tower itself lives
i stumbled forward never looking back a pervasive chill slid all down my spine a fissure opened leading into black i stumbled forward never looking back my hackles raised expecting an attack lightning flashed giving glimpses at design i stumbled forward never looking back a pervasive chill slid all down my spine
i clawed at the stone tore nail from bloody finger fear from the darkness overriding the terror of this perverse darkened place
twas a night like this all dark and dreary between lightning crashes stood something queerly a tower hung foreboding jutting up into the sky an obsidian spear in the night that hid away from the eye the thunder crashed as rain pummeled the ground this ebony spire the only shelter to be found soaked to […]
there once was a man with depression a sorrowful smile his only expression with anxiety good feelings stay in check he sits with cold hands round his neck wanting release is his favorite obsession
i had climbed to the summit of this mountain a million times the lack of oxygen at the top was topped only by the view dragons and pegasi flew back and forth amongst the clouds i saw buddha’s palm clearly on a ray of pure sunshine i yearn to jump towards these fantastic creatures to […]
i am beyond the need for a suicide girl i need a genocide woman one who is willing to wrap her hands around the throat of the world and squeeze while blowing me a kiss as tired of suffering alone in silence as i am unless she is willing to pour gas on everything and […]
i heard felt more than saw the explosions around me it was sensory overload one minute it is fine normal the next chaos sub sonic waves knocked me back screams echoing as slowly movement returned i blinked away spots white light and colors swam lazily into focus i knew something had happened but for the […]
nos racines sont profondesjuste comme mes pensées et son pull rouge ses racines en particulier nourri par les larmes et enterré comme tant d’espoirs mes pensées me manquent tout ce qui me remplit est la façon dont elle avait l’air ce jour-là son pull démêlé une traînée d’écarlate qui a suivi le vent est-ce que […]
there is always lower when you hit the bottom when all hope is lost when your dreams crumble around you it can always get worse somehow so chin up you’ve barely hit rock bottom, my friend that reminds me of a penthouse estate at this point hope i don’t see you soon
man in all black with soul patch to woman in all black (without soul patch) I’ve been told I have the hands of a philosopher hemlock stained? covered in ink? bruised from the the tortures of the church? my mind struggled to understand
had daedalus and icarus been trapped on a farm instead of in a cave by the sea they would be slightly less famous the cave had access to large eagle and albatross feathers thus making perfect wings on the farm it would have been unnecessary to fly perhaps they would have dressed as cattle instead […]
she spoke a language i had never heard not one of words but of kindness not one of taking yet one of need when she spoke i listened with all of my senses there was an understanding a heat that went from her eyes into mine from her tongue directly to my spine from her […]
his eyeliner was particularly thick this evening he thought it looked good when the pink and blue lights bounced off of him in his skinny jeans he knew he was the biggest rock star in the room then he saw them locked together swaying to the music and kissing as if alone maybe another layer […]
he was average in every way not quite forgettable but always called by the wrong name his coworkers would describe him as the human personification of gray just sort of there nice enough guy really it was a week before anyone really showed concern when he stopped coming in to work a little after that […]
at my funeral i want you to repeat the worst things i ever said, the things that made you squirm as you laughed celebrate the awkward silences all of the times I took it too far, said the wrong thing at the absolute right time no tears for the corpse in the cheap wooden crate […]
she worked for an airline her day was spent listening to people complain her smile was plastered on her hair was perfectly sprayed her make-up immaculate but she was not she hated being fake she loved loud music getting drunk fighting driving too fast drugs they numbed the day made her smile looks like lightning […]
Mike's Manic Word Depot 