an argument against necromancy

if you are going to love someone make it a paleontologist someone that is willing to sift through the dirt and strata to find the skeleton hidden away to take the time to clean the remains rebuild a stable structure with nuts and bolts long after it has all fallen apart don’t fall in love […]

mess(age)

woke up to an alert got excited a new message hoping it was a dream but life prefers to spit out nightmares i know this deep down that hope is a chemical spray a deterrent a crux in which to hang oneself so when it was the face of a former flame staring at me […]

remain(s)

nothing that is here now was before and most likely won’t be in the future everything is temporary even my love for you will one day be dust and etchings on the ivory bones of my remains

sextet of regret

Balcones Fault i’ve left my heart and soul scattered along i-35 from dallas to del rio shattered like the tectonic shifts as my emotional stability was fracked in hopes of mining precious commodities * Fractured you opened things inside of me made me think there was a chance at something more but it was me […]

reading dickinson

i read dickinson for the first time today see i don’t really like poetry i don’t understand it the hidden messages the undercurrent the metaphors all beyond my feeble grasp see i am not looking for the secrets of the universe hidden in prose scribbled notes on where it all went wrong no that is […]

across the floor i glide alone

crystal chandeliers cast shadows of sparkling diamonds across the faded wood floor how our feet shuffled gracefully to the song that played when our hearts were one your hair like shimmering strands of spun gold as i twirled you in front of me your cheeks flushed as i dipped you ever so low and how […]

(no more)chasing

it has rained for two days straight it seems to have been enough to finally rinse your scent from my nose no more baying after you chasing after what doesn’t want to be caught the hunt is over might as well try and catch ghosts as pursue something that was never there except in dreams

m/a/z/e

there is a maze in my skull get lost with me mitochondria make my cells continue on continue on how long have i hugged the edges of the whirlpool seeking the center infinity at the center of her eye calm in a turbulent safe zone left left right the ball of yarn loosely spread out […]

calendar (complete)

(january) an ex was born this month, a mistake that led to two perfectly carved diamonds frozen broken huddled in a ball ripped and torn spikes of ice ragged wounds crimson ice (february) my father was born this month, flawed and brilliant, my hero despite my own actions shortness of breath wheezing spots in my […]

(un)requited IV

i won’t say the words that swell inside of me out loud not to have them fall upon deaf ears they have lost meaning i will try not to think them not to feel them grow inside of me until i feel i will burst if i could i would cut the part of myself […]

calendar pt III

(september) this is typically when the rains begin again, when the thirsty soil turns vibrant again, reborn to die confusion refusal self destruction with no understanding this life is a break between infinities (october) laughter fills the night, the crinkle of plastic costumes, faces painted like the visage of death burning leaves the icy chill […]

calendar pt II

(may) too many lost loves, one born and buried in the now muddy ground of these thirty one flavors of hell the green slowly takes the brown the allergies soon take over the ability to breathe beautiful to itchy eyes (june) the freedom of warm winds, of oiled bike chains, stolen kisses in the dead […]

(un)titled ache

sorrow etched his face much like hard work callused his hands it was a part of him a defining trait like hazel eyes or a receding hairline he owned it his smile never reached his eyes carried that tinge of bitterness sarcasm flavored his speech self doubt was his cologne of choice it wasn’t his […]

lightning

i was standing in a thunderstorm, watching the lightning play across the sky, the purple after images burned into my retinas rain running down my head and into my eyes, the crash of thunder palpable, my heart racing with every flash of voltage the smell of ozone burning mixed with that fresh rain scent, masking […]

on the river bank

let’s lie upon the river bank beneath the shady tree let’s watch the clouds meander slowly overhead your head next to mine my mouth eagerly awaiting the taste of wine stained lips the tall grass tickles as i absently stroke your skin a feather touch chills across your body or maybe instead we can just […]

calendar pt I

(january) an ex was born this month, a mistake that led to two perfectly carved diamonds frozen broken huddled in a ball ripped and torn spikes of ice ragged wounds crimson ice (february) my father was born this month, flawed and brilliant, my hero despite my own actions shortness of breath wheezing spots in my […]

deletion protocol

now attempting system override //cmd: run will to live protocol error: system incapable of processing request contact admin if issue persists now commencing shutdown of all non-essential functions love hope dream will happiness motor control initiate final solution hard drive deletion imminent commence cessation of all systems user profile erased from mainframe compete systemic failure […]

(un)titled loneliness

alone bloody knuckles from striking the wall this ache it tears at my insides like barb wire a need for more in a world that only knows how to take it is all too much to take to process to handle to make sense of alone with thoughts that no one should have this fire […]

turned to fell

i asked her did it hurt when you fell? and she gave me a grin replied from heaven? thinking she had heard this one before it was my turn to grin back no, from the pedestal i had placed you on, high above every other her face crumbled like the foundation of respect i had […]

on the planet

when i tell you that you are beautiful i don’t want you to misunderstand what i am trying to say it isn’t a line or me trying to be slick when i say you are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen i mean that because my feelings for you and that magnificence you […]

dance

i danced with a ghost tonight she had a famliar smile sad eyes that spoke volumes she stood awkwardly with a silent question on her face i stared back confused she nodded to my phone more, i guessed to the music it was playing hesitantly i turned it up she stared expectantly i bowed to […]

melted away

she came to me again last night i felt a chill travel down my spine when i looked out the window i saw her misty beautiful yet just out of focus staring back sadly at me a smile of infinite sorrow traced across her face i felt my heart break my vision blurred when i […]

my therapist

i am my own therapist i over charge over analyze over compensate for the things that are broken inside my therapist says i have unresolved issues from my childhood my therapist says i have not been the same since my dad died my therapist says a lot of things but i choose to ignore him […]

it’s cold and i’m tired of playing

i won’t beg unless that’s your thing i won’t say i can do things no one else ever has to you but you will be hard pressed to remember anyone that did it half as well you might beg a little it might be something i like you’ll know my hands better than your own […]

tw(i)ce

she was the first and only woman to break my heart twice to have two albums associated with agony to be allowed to walk barefoot across my arterial highway with that devilish grin as i begged for more she could strut cock her head make me follow i was a lemming willing to charge blind […]

clock

the face of the clock is a doorway while time only goes one way the hands reflect the past how much of the flow is wasted trying to swim against the tide

(list of)smiles

1) it started with a smile. that’s all. a simple smile across the crowded room. like a neutron bomb rippling across my consciousness. 2) it ended with a smile. that’s all. a simple smile across an empty room. like a shattering of glass that was my entire being. 3) how many smiles between? how many […]

cicada

this is not a love story not another desperate plea for acceptance not me opening my heart to another empty room the beat of the dessication in time with the ebbing silence unseen unheard uncaring this is my love turning into a cicada burying itself in the cold soil for seven years awakening to find […]

picture(on the fridge)

how many times did i stare at the faded photograph memorizing the faces trying to recall what it looked like the colors not washed out the scents the feel if i heard the voices today i wouldn’t recognize them i fear they would be as strangers to my ears that hurts a deep down pain […]

late night excitement

Hello my dear friends and readers. It’s late and even though it has been days since I have slept I am wired as can be. Blame it on mania or just old fashioned excitement. I did the podcast this evening. It was a blast. Very inappropriate. Not family friendly in the slightest but we all […]

one final act of insignificance

use my bloated corpse as a boat to traverse these moss choked waterways let me do that much for you one last bold sacrifice in a long string of meaningless gestures god knows in life i did nothing worthy of your attention deficit just dug deeper into anonymity a burr inside your wet socks at […]

shelves

the shelves are lined with someone else’s odes to a her i have never seen not imagined in a way that brings her smile to life the twinkle of mirth in her eye the soft emotion in her voice the bookshelves in my mind are a different tale altogether they sing with her laughter exude […]

hushed

a flower blossoms in utter silence love dies much the same so i scream hoping to never fade away

stacked

it is too quiet too empty too lonely today this afternoon has been dreams of naps of need a lacking a failing a burning my soul aches love is a pyramid scheme the question is how to stack the blocks

insomniac

due to rampant insomnia your regularly scheduled onslaught of poetic nonsense has been discontinued the words have chosen to silence themselves the longing and depression however continue unabated as always just wrapped in a cocoon of indifference it has been days since sleep has tapped tapped upon the fool instead please enjoy the timeless classics […]

a lone cry in the haunted night

a hot house in the frozen land/moisture dripping down the window pane/interior/exterior/ice crystals blossom/tracing along expanding lumber/a lone cry in the haunted night/loss/pervasive/never knowing solace/fallen stars find shelter/drifting sullenly/ through shards of memory sparse vacant longing

respite(for n)

in the briefest respite between crashing night/breaking dawn far beneath the ever vapid holding her hand was like grasping the wind;ever swirling;tantalizing in effervescent whirls and whorls;her finger prints etched deep into the soul of the earth solar radiation in lapping waves in the briefest respite between setting sun/encroaching night

remaining time

we spent most of our lives apart so when we finally found each other we made every single second count we made up for lost time by loving each other as fully as possible for the remaining time we had her time just didn’t last as long as mine

impossible to get

she played me like a violin. but she had me on our third date. i played hard to get. or so i thought. on the second date i held my own. it was her smile on the third that told me i was done for. she could have had me on the second. my tough […]

(un)requited III

my cologne is eau de whiskey and percocet i tied the noose around my own throat but your whispered words were the rope i hear the ice clink in the glass of your abject disinterest so i wobble back and forth on the dotted yellow line playing chicken with truck drivers and blindfolded emotional investment […]

mea culpa

on the long walk back across uneven ground nary a sidewalk in sight i saw a field of clover with a wish that maybe my luck could do with some bolstering i gave in to superstition just a precursory glance maybe four leaves would save the day a glance turned into looking turned into searching […]

(un)titled (un)derstanding

i can stare across the chasm of where i am and where i wish i was the small blurry figure that represents all the wrong choices all the wrong obsessions the lies the tales told the drinks i drank the drugs consumed yet as i raise my hand to wave the figure does as well […]

pink

her lips were painted a shade of pink i couldn’t quite identify one of the crayons i never used maybe or a shade that didn’t exist then like coral or a dusty sunset across the red clay hills i longed to kiss them to see that pink smeared as she kissed my throat bit my […]

70°

seventy degrees on a tuesday at the beginning of february seems like a waste of a beautiful day early february is meant for cocoa and cuddles and a crackling fire maybe that is the midwesterner in me maybe i just crave human contact

polka dotted daydreams

he carved little dragonflies into his thigh with rusty fishhooks while the wind sang in coffee cans by the rocky shore she danced on one foot while vipers hissed and struck at her when the swelling got too bad she switched feet they sell drugs out of metal lunchboxes to the men with no eyes […]

onetwothree(bang)

he had a grin on his face a gun in his hand pointed right at my chest unodostres i felt the bite before i heard the bark yet i stood there lacking any comprehension undeuxtrois again and again we played this game he’d count to three i would spring new leaks njëdytre i wondered aloud […]

Shameless

Wednesday the 6th at 930pm CST I will be on the Deadman’s Tome podcast to promote my upcoming book, Notches. I’m excited and maybe a touch apprehensive. Self promotion is not really my thing. I think the stories in Notches stand well enough on their own I just have to get them into the hands […]

blood(sugar)

the ever expanding waistlines in the bible belt more a hangman’s noose around the throat of science evolving into a circular argument against what is plainly seen and plainly planted in scenic desperation add more corn syrup super size the daily regimen of anemic fact based reporting insulin prices are up corn futures are up […]

just not (me)

i’m just not me anymore not the same guy i used to be not becoming one i want to be less full of hope now just full of shit the happy go lucky guy died a couple miles back i just want a cabin in the middle of nowhere with a barrel of whiskey a […]

fourteenth of something

i see these reminders of valentine’s day fast approaching of chocolate hearts declarations of undying devotion already dying flowers in a cheap vase maybe i always did it wrong perhaps that is why this is yet another in a long string of hallmark holidays spent wondering what it is exactly that i so fundamentally lack […]

black and lilac

it was a dream i know it was a dream the kind of dream you don’t want to tell people about the kind that stays with you the kind that fades and fades all day but there is a sliver that eats at the back of your head that grinds down on you it was […]

(un)titled thought LXII

her words shot from her tongue like comets across the early morning sky her eyes flashed in anger meteors fell obscuring the normally crystal clear iris for all that she is paradise she is destruction when the mood falls badly

embers in the sands of time

in the beginning there was darkness from the darkness came chaos from the chaos came gaia rivers oceans seas sprang forth she came to me, nurturing as mother gaia, her hands scarred from battles fought, her eyes pure, her lips sweet as honey, her touch soft as silk then came eros the need to copulate […]

of cages and cuts

feeling caged need company or conversation or maybe just a freshly sharpened blade shear the sheep fleece the flock the walls are closing closing closing in again can you hear that just then hello is there anyone in here the bars have been greased no climbing from this cage a whetstone an ivory bone the […]

rorrim

the man in the mirror made a face at me today a face i didn’t make from the face i have as well then he mouthed words at me enod ma i then he was gone from view just walked out of the frame i looked around in the reflection that suddenly didn’t reflect the […]

radiance

there is a radiance a blossoming light a schism in the finer fibers of nervous endings electrical malfeasance shooting sparks into the clear glass skull with muscular trappings bloody kisses from lipless mouths mewling softly as salt water tides slowly drown the incessant hiss of never more ever sore ever tired ever grasping the roots […]

a squirrel named ishmael

i sat alone on the same bench to watch the same squirrels to think about the same woman who makes my heart flutter captain ahab and queequeg stopped and gave a sad stare in my direction seems they know a little something about obsessions tie me to the mast you bastards if i can’t have […]

8things(only glimpsed in dream)

the color of your hair of your eyes the taste of your lips the feel of your tongue as it plays with mine the rhythm of your pulse on my teeth at your throat the smell of your skin like sunlight and flowers the way your body fits snugly next to mine my love for […]

blood water (a collaboration)

it was the light kiss of the razor, skimming across hot flesh, unblinking eyes and shaking fingers And I was tired, not sleepy but where your bones ache and your skin is a million nerve endings of pin pricks and goddamns. I could feel the passion in the room full of ultimatums ropes all taut. […]

atop her ivory tower

she stood on the balcony of her lonely tower wondering if her hair was long enough to allow her prince to climb up and save her she did the calculations of tensile strength compared to the mass of a heavily armored body if she braided it the whole would be stronger and less likely to […]

bl(i)nd

i have twenty/twenty vision but I can’t see you i have a telescope that let’s me see the stars a microscope that makes the smallest large but of everything i can see in this entire universe when i look around me the most important isn’t here i would rather be blind and hear your voice […]

run-on

the ache in his chest throbbed in ever increasing waves of intensity each breath took more effort than the last he wanted it to stop he did not care if it was the pain or the breathing that stopped as long as one of them ceased being it all played on a constant loop in […]

(two)gether

i don’t want you to fix me just to accept me as i am i can never be your dream come true but i most certainly can be a break from the normal all i have is words along with two scarred hands a pit of desolation and a need to give my all if […]

egg

my heart is a hard boiled egg the shell is damaged from so many clumsy hands mishandling it cracked and battered it is my fault i chose the wrong hands to entrust it to every time it is returned it is more and more a caricature of what it was so i don’t pass it […]

the second of february

it seems the groundhog did not see his shadow didn’t get frightened by what wasn’t really there an early spring in this new winter of discontent a fond farewell to freezing to death thumbing our noses at prognosticators and science we would take the word of a rodent a giant marmot a member of the […]

strange(thoughts)

strange thoughts run through my head after a week of depression and silence i get so caught up in these thoughts i tend to forget or lose sight of reality this evening i listened to an englishmen read algernon black while i read about nazis i feel like i am inside someone else’s head as […]

last transmission of a lost frigate (circa 2145)

immune to autonomy latent scarring overt ridicule varicose indignation erring on the side of chasm yearning to be free oblivious to condemnation unable to rationalize karmic institutionalization insignificant realization leering looks languid lividity meteoric odes to sin erase evangelical egress platonic passions lustful leisure eerily harmonic wailing aspiring to asphyxiate sublime sanguination end transmission:

forget me do

i am the story you tell after a few too many pints when the warmth fills your belly spots of reds on your cheeks a smile at an otherwise regretful time i want to be the thought that keeps you awake all night long tossing and turning i want your heart to race every single […]

deep

there is a well in the middle of the forest hidden away under the boughs of ancient oaks far down in the dark the glint of gold from every wish cast whispering promises to the unfulfilled

not the end of the world

it wasn’t the end of the world not in a biblical way not in a plague of locusts raining blood hellfire and damnation way not in a made up way it wasn’t the end of the world not in ever rising sea levels in ever rising oceanic temperatures in extinction after extinction greenhouse gases carbon […]

ever flowing

though the rivers constantly run into the sea the sea never gets full just takes and takes all that the rivers can give as yet the mighty river has not gone dry though many a tributary has vanished within the ravages of time there is something to this about the nature of never giving up […]

undeliverable

there are days i feel like a rural mail carrier in search of a farmhouse that hasn’t been built yet determined to deliver a letter to a woman that hasn’t decided to move yet on and on these dusty roads i drive words clenched in my white knuckled hand

heroes

it feels like the perfect ending to a totally fucked up play one where the spotlight zooms in on the hero laying in a pool of his own misplaced emotion the real hero is the one guiding the light across the darkness unseen unknown leaving in the shadows of those he illuminated the entire evening