there is an expectation i can make the machine defy physics even as i prove through trial the impossibility of which they demand using poor materials warped and unyeilding and expecting a sudden pliability in defiance of coventional truths often enough the issue is in my explanations being off of center to the narrative they […]

all the other wispy spirits know you get exactly what you get yet they watch as you flail about hoping for more then they snatch at the crumbs you have lamented leaving you with the nothingness your rightly deserve it is human nature to want it all but it is the nature of the cold […]

sleep is a fickle mistress and i at my best am an anxious soul this time of year causes my stern to take on more brackish water than the pumps can hope to displace as i pick and choose responsibilities so i hyper fixate on small wishes rubbing them together looking for a spark seven […]

my mind is a scapel in the untrained hands of an amatuer neurosurgeon it cuts sharply to the truth of matters exposing the things i am not quite prepared enough mentally to handle the reality is plainly laid out in front of me clear as day so i see the entirety of the big picture […]

i start with an idea growing consumed with the story as it grows so wrapped up in the miniutae i lose track of how it evolves what was started is lost in the amalgamation of intent to written word until it becomes unrecognisable to the original i cannot tell larger then life only able to […]

the lenticular hovering between disillusion and eager acceptance slipped a degree now the molten landscape of disapproving glances is rotund with seasoned beatings treasonous gleamings as we lose the true reason for the most glorious of all the seasons

languishing inthis festivelydepressive hazelaying on the floormaking angels inthe ashes of dreamfashioning noosesout of tinselto hang myselfabove the chimneywith a flourish ofholiday indifferencefrom fool to amalformed pinatafilled with theeffervescent sorrrowsbeaten daily byan iron rod ofunfulfilled desiresan advent calendarwhere each new dooropens unto a spectacleof miserable affirmation it’s beginning to looka lot like a breakdown

the dishwasher sounds the same as when the quiet becomes too heavy and my thoughts swish about without rhyme nor reason agitating the filth clinging to my mind leaving a bleached skull staring up at an indifferent darkened ceiling where sleep is a tall tale told in whispered voices so as not to disturb the […]

dissociated ina terrariumas outside wasdraped in illusionthe leafless treesand sallow fieldsbeneath gray cloudstook me back homeuntil i steppedout into the dayof warm weatherand constant windsa delusion blanketedin wintry pastichefeeling like springin contradiction tothe candy canesand tinsel on thewrought iron gates small towns on thewrong side of prosperousan empty retirement homewith all of the windowsshattered leaving […]

i find a strange catharsis shedding pieces of myself to litter the land as i speed along to quickly threading my way between the semis and slow moving half asleep drivers i can lose myself in the road hypnosis put my anxiety to sleep and when it wakes and i smapy fingers it feels almost […]

one hundred and fifty miles languishing in the silent west, a forgotten fool with an overload of words yet no willing ear to hear them, sputtering along between the backbeats, drowned out by the heaviness of exhaustion vibrating alone as the sun sleeps behind me racing the night wondering which will break first me or […]

i had planned on an early start but three o’clock was earlier than originally desired there is a riptide of anxieties percolating beneath the heavy quiet when the world outside happily snores where dreams carry an air of authenticity before the sunlight dissipates all hope definitions become more fluid in nature as importance shifts to […]

i wish i could collect all the words that tumble soundlessly from my idiot mouth a bucket filled with all of the unreciprocated thoughts not quite poetic enough in brutal honesties to pass off as artful a sketchbook of scabs highlighting how truly repugnant the fool is without his talented tongue layering metaphors to spackle […]

four hundred miles to drive tomorrow whispering poetry i cannot transcribe to the hawks circling high above a hermit carefully wrapped in the vestiges of silence hurtling across texas at a hundred miles per hour racing to get back to the nothing that always patiently awaits him at home dreading both the leaving and the […]

the birds sound frantic repeating the same notes in a succession of shrill cries or maybe it is just me maybe it has been so long since i heard my own voice i fail to recognize i have been shouting the same cries for help until it became background noise crisscrossing my way through the […]

i struggle with knowing exactly what day it is, what date it is, as each day blends into the same slurry of half attentive grime under gray skies, surrounded by angry faces unconcerned with traffic laws or basic kindnesses there is a fleeting panic as i guess which thing i have forgotten, what i am […]

today is filled with the melancholia of an empty nest in the leafless branches swaying dramatically in the approaching storm the odd conjunction where wintry emotion meets lingering heat leaving a confusion of supple anxieties to lash out morosely at numb gray skies

my own hands cut the threads that sought to bind me to this human condition leaving me bathed in solitary refinement i am a dead satellite long silent after a final garbled attempt at calling home failed a faulty transponder no one thinks about the battery indicator flashing its last blissfully untethered from a home […]

i have an ear for word flow an unmarketable quarter talent leaving me floudering in the impoverished end of the disassmebly line a regression of disparate agressions set to a backbeat that gets all the party people in the mood to flee the dancefloor nauseatingly sincere in the face of half said declarations incapable of […]

i lay the cold curve of the blade gently lovingly resting on my flesh the way the candlelight dances on the metal plays upon your contented smile i cannot tell which one cuts deepest through the long silent night hovering where sleep is a myth and dream runs freely over your knuckles as you carve […]

bands of shimmering chills bound tightly to shivering flesh each new disturbance sending fresh chills dancing to the rhythm of chattering teeth between illness and power shortages while drowning in holiday tears the cold has become psychosomatically entwined with this depressive solitude stabbing playfully these frozen daggers scrape and follow the curve of the spine […]

most of the time they stand watching as i choke to death trapped in this invisible box begging soundlessly for anyone to help offering nothing but their mute applause as i search frantically for any exit from this moribund hell of expected silence

life is truly an absurdist nightmare when psychotic death threats are the only sounds in a world of silence where a person is so uninteresting he has to have his identity mistaken to feel as if he actually exists hi my name is mike we haven’t met and i am not exactly who you seem […]

some people are destinations circled on the map of life in bold red ink while i am a half formed coffee ring a blotted stain with no guarantee of safe passage home

you have to let the kitten occasionally get the ball of yarn that is dangled tantalizingly in front of it or it grows bored of the game each day i wake farther detached from the dreams i chase fruitlessly as they grow more unapproachable and i foolishly continue on these shaking limbs trying to exact […]

there is a line of razor wire attached from the back of my right eye to the center of my brain and when i blink a nauseating wave of pain and remembrance triggers my bilateral vomitation center the past is my least favorite vacation spot yet i linger in sepia miseries far more often than […]

mold grows in wispy tufts across his weathered face a dessicated mummy sitting patiently waiting to see the sun facing westward in a marble tomb unknowing that he was never meant to witness its golden rays bound by yellowed bandages bereft of heart or brain stuffed with flower petals and spices as currency in another […]

i run my fingers down the sadness seeking seams to pull it apart uncertain if unraveling this itchy garment will leave me exposed or if i will cease to exist a puff of apathetic depressionary smoke quickly dissipated back into the aether lost in the wild unbound to the wheel a free floating assimilation of […]

it’s cold as i sit waiting for the laundromat to finally open the wind howls and my head is doing the worst imitation possible the weight of exhaustion in the face of three hours spent chasing dreams before reality exerted its sour disposition upon me leaves me feeling punchdrunk and overly encumbered now i watch […]

i can feel it crawling inside of my chest it lays dormant until i try to go to sleep then it skitters along my ribs runs up and down my weary spine latches firmly to my every thought until all i can do is toss and turn to try and crush it i miss you […]

these days feel as if i am surrounded by the dead and the dying shambling painfully a big gulp clenched tightly blood sugar fluctuations with every labored step a division of masked faces casting harsh disapprovals and blank stares a high and low system clashing swirling the greasy breeze that hovered stale and smothering over […]

i woke to a sky painted by rembrandt only for these van gogh feelings to bubble little depressions leaving a steel gray storm hovering above my every fleeting breath a rusted dagger between the second and third rib inserting tetanus into already heaving lungs of stagnant daydream regurgitant picasso sketched my reflection in unsettling honesty […]

she would tell me holding me was like clutching a bag of broken dreams that my heart was a bear trap and no matter how much she wanted to hold it and me, tight she knew she would likely lose an arm or bleed to death she would tell me i was too clever for […]

if i have learned any important lessons from life the most important is to always treat yourself as second then when you are never put first it isn’t a surprise it sounds sad living your life in this particular unseemly fashion maybe you can manage fine without but from my first half liquid gasp in […]

finger painting chaos as i trace the erratic drops running down the filthy glass only to see it vanish into the puddle forming beneath i sometimes wonder does god live in the spaces between answering prayers that get lost in atomic dissonance my fingers stained from tracing out the hidden meanings as my hue shifts […]

i feel less poetic than normal or perhaps this tragedy of silence has crushed the spark i am just a hanging participle left unread an ugly man with an even uglier heart beating itself to death as the birds greet the dawn

when we shine a light on the indifference shaping our everyday lives examine the flaws inherent in purchased freedoms we are lesser than the sheep happily grazing or the cattle herded down the uneven hallways of the slaughterhouse ignoring the sheer ignominy of existence to bask in perpetual miseries locked in fear of the emptiness […]

geometric daydreams in charismatic disarray bleed into the meteoric rhetoric of metaphorical crusades i put so muchpressure upon myselfmy heart isa diamond buriedin an ivory mazea canaryteetering onits perchunwilling to showweakness asthe miners collapselips locked ina rictus smilewith hints ofcerulean dismay complimentary equations hover inalgebraic melancholy of undefined integers scratched in alien text the words […]

woke up new and improved disabused of the notion that my feelings carry any weight leaving the hopelessness floating in the chilled wintery winds to finally fade away a morning’s affirmation after an evening’s confirmation i shed my wings closed my eyes and let the wind whistle a lullaby to sleeplessness as i spiral ever […]

expendable hearts and muted cries shine brightly in the inverse dawn where realizations are coffin nails and dreams become splinters of hell driven ever deeply into lonesome truth grasping hands are left to languish in this place of abandoned hopes there is no night just heart shadows and an ever present crushing silence to guide […]

still fluttering just near the hopeless side of frantic, counting to ten, three things i can see, two i can smell, one i can touch, deep breath, one everyone i come into contact with begins to hate me because i am a viscous stain of need coupled with a steadfast inability to reach out because […]

the worst of the anxiety has passed leaving this new anxiety over what the old anxiety did to me the day before an oroborus of madness in cyclical repetition making sleepless nights no different than these nightmare fueled days i can control my breathing today letting the words tumble gently excepting that last night i […]

my guts are electrified springs so much anxiety i feel as if i could explode i dangle from my last frayed nerve over a pit filled with hissing vipers and i can feel my sweaty fingers as they begin to slip two days trapped in this constant stabbing while the world taps incessantly at the […]

the hawk hung suspended above the intersection not moving wings spread pinions shuddering as the man powerwashed the gas station parking lot a glitch sounded in my operating system my mind frozen in time with the brown hawk hovering in place over angry drivers and beads of water carrying the dirt of thousand trips going […]

i am not foolish enough to believe the words could ever be for me and that is something to keep me up staring at the ceiling all night because some dreams ache too badly to allow to seed so i sit alone in a parking lot outside of dallas city hall weeping as the beauty […]

time is just a construct a way of measuring spectres of consciouness as they hurtle through existence i know it is merely a construct because no matter what is happening or how busy i am i can make time especially for her we shackle ourselves willingly to measurements to try and establish control and meaning […]

i laid awake for three hours waiting for the sun to kiss me good morning only for the skies to never brighten the same feeling as sitting alone all evening hoping i was actually real only to shuffle off to a medicated nap with a loose feeling of hopelessness blanketed over the intangibility of a […]

he was never the first snow of winter a light dusting of fat flakes viewed with wonder a celebration in frozen beauty bringing smiles to anyone’s face he is the third day of a blizzard draped in sullen gray drifting banks treacherous black ice in poor visibility on the finite edge of a panic attack […]

don’t look for me i am afraid i was never truly here just a sad figment lingering in silence a phantasmic optical delusion on a lightwave outside human comprehension the incredible unvisible man and his tapestry of woe performing for a limited derangement in spatial flux a sliver jammed directly into the eye of passion […]

it looks like rain or maybe i am looking through tears again freshly shaven with nowhere to go nothing to be just a sad sack sitting silently staring at this cumulus effect i only exist about five days out of the month then i am mothballed and hang myself from a plastic hanger that feels […]

hanging from the gallows pole cradled by a deadman’s rope as the crows wait patiently for the spasms to halt before feasting on the bulging hazel incongruence of a fool flopping one last poem a performance piece in gargled howls jerking rhythmically as the fingerbones of thanatos stroke a freshly shaven cheek bereft of tears […]

i am lost in a melancholic transition unable to stop feeling as if my worth carries a lessness people are too polite to fully articulate most adoptions in japan are of adult men a common practice to keep businesses family owned maybe i could be an heir perhaps somewhere out there right now there is […]

the sky must be beautifulwhen filled withthe embers of dreamas the weight of lossstrangles upwardsas they lose colorto settle in tiny pilesof calcified hopelessness i driftyet my floatationis only affordedby the chainskeeping me restraineda clump of kelpnever knowingthe kiss of the sunexcept in waveringsalt stained diffusionorange and whiteshadows swim above methe koi nibblingon the pollenof […]

another sleepless night pacing back and forth tryin to find that point of physical exhaustion to force my mind to hush i have cut myself off from basically everyone so i sit in a deep silence of my own manufactured woe when i likely need to be talking my way through this insanity i cannot […]

i hide my fragility behind a steely demeanor because if everyone saw how easy it is to shatter me my brittle soul syndrome would make them all afraid to look in my direction barely human more bruise than man a puckered scar on the face of beauty marring perfection with a careless disregard for aesthetics […]

i trace my fingers over the carved ivory figures finding the pawn feels most fool like of all the pieces i don’t understand this disconcerting new hand being played shuffled into the deck a joker amidst the face cards back broken by the indifferent disregard of the disgruntled dealer forgotten as soon as the river […]

a shiny red metal firetruck sitting in a burned out shell of a trailer somewhere back before life asserted itself firmly upon a child’s flesh the last remnant of innocence lost as everything went up in flames the deus ex machina separating the child that wept from the adult who barely existed still too hot […]

i function optimally on the head of a needle in the midst of a tempest in the heart of pure chaos when thought is removed from the equation survival becomes the driving urge moving on instinct as i weave the threads of fate into a tapestry of horrified yet resigned acceptance as long as i […]

the calendar has grown thin shedding sheets until one thirty one squared page remains while the mornings have grown cold in texas although i seem to be shivering all throughout the day teeth chattering as i absorb the silence of a fresh day to be spent in the same half dreamt hells eleven pages litter […]

it is release day a day typically reserved for happy thoughts a new book first time reads building up excitement instead i have withdrawn not peeking out a bit hiding in my retractable carapace i am exhausted the world has no concern for a fool lost in words at the best of times and i […]

a ridiculousnessof illustriousgrandiosities inan overtly symbolicoverly syllabicsanctimonious mess a hyperbolicperpetual notionsemiautocraticindustrious regimeof meandering musesin neanderthal moods artisanal woodshavingsof a dime storetheologian deridingpenny ante eternitieswith a trained eyefor self absorption a bipolar bullprancingabout a china shopyet no soundemanates fromcloven hooves a stomping little more thana conduit into madnessignored or misconstruedbleeding lines intoan otherwise preoccupiedexistential indifference

never one for pomp and circumstance i shed the extravagances finding life to be a luxury i cannot hope to afford snipping all of the extraneous optionals from the act of being hope and dream leeches leading to false securities pinholes in the castle walls allowing poisonous gases to seep into very necessary rationalities a […]

cannot tell if the world itself feels bound by fragility or if my latticework soul has just crumbled in upon itself on my knees scrubbing desperately to remove the stains left from the last meltdown as the next one begins flaring an inconsistency of palsied letters scrawled upon languished lividity hyperactive to the point of […]

i have kind of doubled down on my disbelief and found a strange spiritual calmness in knowing nothing matters a bipolar monk with abandonment issues at odds with my lack of material objectivity taken a vow of honesty carefully skirting the truth it isn’t what you say it is all in how you didn’t say […]

it feels like everywhere i go there are too many overly talkative doctors with heavy wooden mallets stabbing and prodding while speaking in absolute gibberish it smells of harsh disinfectant as they cinch the heavy leather tight around my chest the squeaking wheel of the gurney under the flickering yellow bulbs creating shadows behind the […]

a conjunction of catastrophes a conflagration of unaccepted culpabilities lead this ship directly into another goddamned iceberg of blurred cumbersome disbeliefs every new day brings a new variant and i left my death defying pants at an exgirlfriend’s along with most of the tip of my tongue rubbed off while doing performance art between her […]

chalky undertones override the bitter capsules of cyanide almonds and cacao a cocktail of incipient suicides steaming lazily on a cool monday morn everything smells of bleach through repugnantly dripping sinus inflammations so much pressure if i stand too fast the bends fold me into a boomerang of incumbent pains constantly returning each sleepless night […]

i need a couple bottles of wine to choke down the boughs of holly sprouting in the back of my throat this ornament of grief pushing its way upward ever just lodged sitting on the festive verge of a total breakdown i can’t cry not because i am so masculine the tears cannot cut down […]

i often findi am loststaggering aboutseeking my bearingsas they rollacross the floor directionlesson a dead seano moral compassto guide meback to the cavein which ihave stagnatedalone infor far too long if i am silentit is a reflectionof this inhumaneliving conditionif i speakit is a limpproclamationupon deaf ears i find i growused to this stateof non-existencean […]

i sit still in the darkness barely breathing as they begin to crawl across my cold flesh a coagulation of shadows ink blot nightmares at the edge of thought an effusion of night suffocating on nyx’d embrace choking as tendrils of pitch snake down my gaspimg throat laying perfectly still in the darkness unable to […]

the earth itself seems spent rotating on its wobble lethargically a blanket of silence smothers the land except for a lone dog angrily barking somewhere in the distance a figment a fragment my imagination filling in the spaces a savory sanity at the brink of madness the birds have not sang a note no rumbling […]

i have no frame of reference when it comes to my abundance of ugliness no matter what i do to change working out eating healthy when i pass any reflective surface my first instinct is one wholly of nauseous disgust my inability to see myself leaves an indistinct afterimage of ugly that even when photographed […]

the air is still the stardust of dream floats in the cold a particulate without any particular flavor crystals suspended as atoms move slower a case of pressure moving independent of thermodynamic law the nib of the quill skates across the frozen blob of ink skittering to carve a deep furrow into the nebulous ebon […]

my head isaflutter withlogical fallaciescircular logicschasing ghostsan anemic pac-mantrapped in thiselectronic labyrinthwhile king minosscreams madnessinto wellsicarus daydreamsplummet due tomathematicalmiscalculationsunable to differentiatemyth from realitylooking for answersto problems i haveno hope of solvingthe higher i climbtowards the lightthe more frost ladenmy broken wings becomein deferentialdisagreement to allthe stories force fedin the lonelinesspermeating eachpinhole in my souldizzy chasingthe […]

i feel the light slipping away dripping down into the darkness lost yet again without knowing why i am never capable of being enough as myself if i keep the receipt can i exchange this oppressive coverage of silence for a moment of much needed solace helpless for hopeful hopeless for helpful haplessly denied the […]

the shoplifted food stuff sits waiting for the stars of the show to arrive so i can snap forth from my sedentary uselessness to prepare a somewhat bountiful feast for them tomorrow i get by with a little assistance from friends that are more like family than the family i haven’t seen in decades at […]

i have a mechanical heart and a dirth of artificial intelligence so near to being a real boy except i looked up the blue faery’s skirt and she winked at me and whispered how she prefers me wooden in all the right ways leaving me as little more than a semi sentient sex doll but […]

the sky was dappled in pink and purple as i gave up on sleep to sit sadly staring waiting for the storms to roll over texas a feeling of gravel in my guts churning away as i seek motivation to put on clothes and face the faceless woe of a wednesday that wants to be […]

we all know the myth of thanksgiving a festive celebration of hardy pilgrims suffering the winter due to a near suicidal ineptitude after being unceremoniously tossed from their homes for being the people no one wants to live by and the noble savages who naively taught the parasitic invaders how to survive kicking off a […]

it is without fanfare the words at long last finally escape me no stories to tell no dream to transcribe just the crickets chirping idiotically as i search a dumpster for a packing slip sifting through the trash of yesterday’s success sinking into the swamp of today’s latest failures a tar pit swallows me as […]

i had imagined doing two days worth of work in one day would have made sleep an easy commodity as i laid in bed with nothing but my pulse throbbing in my injured thumb physically drained emotionally irrelevant staring at the ceiling the entire night trying to figure out how to escape my mind until […]

we convince ourselves our opinions are valid when the truth is we are forgotten as soon as we cease bringing value into the momentary attention i long to matter to occupy a space of importance in someone’s mind but i forget my own pathetic existence as quickly as possible upon awakening to sullenly greet the […]

it is clear whomever it was yhat designed the sleeve in which a band aid is in did not fully consider the pain in the ass of opening one simgle handed as if a cut on the fingers was a step farther than expected or maybe whomever it was didn’t consider people trapped in perpetually […]

i let my fingers trace along the bilateral incision separating solace from shuddering hellschisms in the desolation of wilted heartblossoms laying limply on the equator of my hemispherical insolent serenity my parchment soul buckles and tears rent by the jagged claws of indecency undefined as ink pools from a thousand paper cuts on the cardiac […]

i enjoy watching people succeed to see those emotions so foreign to me self confidence contentment in a job well done and the much deserved adulation rained down i wonder how it feels as a whirlwind sweeps through my barren soul to achieve your dreams my mental state is such that nothing i do will […]

the vocal minority with their sense of self entitlement screaming out is an assault upon art deciding the things they deem to be appropriate as the only things allowed and i watch artists who compromise their vision rather than lose a sale it sickens me knowing every word and image will be dissected regardless of […]

my brain is a calico cat curled up in the darkness mottled colors from significant traumas suffered concussed and softly mewling it bats at ideas unwilling to fully commit as shadows flit to draw its attention in a hundred different directions a slowly starving calico unable to find a meal lost in thoughts it should […]

i feel detached the same as the retina of god floating placidly in holy ocular jelly my father who aren’t in heaven shallow be thy grave a king undone by his bastard lung on earth as there isn’t heaven a part of me apart from me is in great distress and yet i blink the […]

my soul is vacant a ghost town slowly swallowed by the desert the green erased by a sea of brown nothing can live in this salted dreadfully still expanse growing to fill this form i have not spoken for an entire cycle of petulant hands racing around the dusty clockface my vocal chords have frayed […]

i dread the day extraterrestrials decide to make contact and humanity has to communicate the reasons we have named things we have little to no real knowledge of having to explain we call our backwater corner of space the milky way because when zeus took his bastard child to suckle upon hera’s breast so the […]

my belief hangs suspended wrapped in wire interlaced with nodules of the unanswered questions tiptoed around a latticework carefully stitched by clockwork spiders that float on half clotted dreamwound stutters throughout the rusted passages unable to get to the dessicated heart that doesn’t matter wheezing weakly leaving more of who i am hanging in the […]

she was an angel four faces hidden by six wings nothing like anyone suspected casting judgment with a fiery blade a glowing ring beset by hundreds of unblinking eyes a vessel to carry off the souls of the recently departed filled with coals from whence the flames of perdition reside she was a virtue a […]

crystals hang suspended on the cold morning air huddled over a steaming cup teeth chatter as feeling slowly runs pins and needles across bare skin pale white tinted with a hint of blue as the ceiling fan wobbles to stir fresh waves to instigate goose pimpled discomfort a spider web in hoarfrost refrain catches the […]

i pluck the frozen blossoms of laughter with shaking fingers unprepared each and every time for the burst of frigid dismay as the shimmering notes of joy shiver delicately to ring out across the blindfold of night wrapped tight across the sky

the airplanes appear motionless noses pointed up metal humpback whales sleeping in a pod heads raised to the sun hanging in the darkness so close yet so fucking far away the hawks circle the only movement i can detect as i sit mumbling tasting the words to see if they have poetry in their souls […]

i stopped interacting with the electronically altered reality unplugged the lead from my churning mind but without that outlet i feel myself slipping away my tenuous grasp on my own existence has become an overbearing silence in which i do not have any interaction with the world in any way i read and research accumulating […]