missing smiles

as the year
twitches out
the last bit
of venom still
coursing through
collapsing veins
the spirits of
my suicidal friends
gather around me
to teach me
important lessons
about finding
the meaning of
the holidays
through hot tears
and aching loss

the longer humanity
is locked down
the higher the number
of those incapable
of facing another
minute trapped alone
with no relief grows
and all i have is
the silence where
a cacophony of
loving voices once rang
as i grow more despondent
in the face of my own
lack of necessity

so many friends gone
living and dead
and i remain unchanged
just more callused
to the abandonment
as i set places
for those listless souls
drifting around the
edge of the abyss
talkibg to myself
alone in the darkness
dripping down my
unsmiling cheeks to
stain my everyday with
an absorption of light
leaving shadows skimming
across my periphery

i find myself missing
the living as much
as the dead that haunt me

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