until all that is left is all that is left behind

and the room feels familiar, a certain sense of two pieces clicking together the ghosts that linger, wispy forms that flutter and stare, they don’t attack but just hover and stare in a disappointment here the creeks and rattling of chains, muted screams of past lies relived, they missed having a sad soul to torture […]

chances are both

taking a fine toothed comb and cleaning the crevices of an ever failing whirlwind of monotony scrubbing the tile with bleach hand and knees bleeding on the floor behind me leaving a crime scene for any would be detective to suss out is it suicide if you kill the parts of yourself you hate if […]

lips like halloween

lost in memories again in how words and art cannot pull the true power of the emotion out because it is so much more than a word or painting fermented and impacted by all senses touch aural olfactory chemically mentally culminating in emotionally the first greeting punctuated with a spike in adrenaline etching the moment […]

unnatural disaster

she said loving me was like being caught in a tornado, struggling to find the calm in the center but also like being flayed by a thousand knives the image caught me and i recognized the truth in her words, the solemn beauty of truth spoken like a razor blade against the wrist, knowing to […]

971

she asked for a face to face to face the face i face when i close my eyes and the faceless faces of past pain stares into my eyes through tears and barely restrained restraint i strained to face disdain and stain evaluating the reevaluation of revelation and evangelical restitution she, a different she than […]

escape artist

she disappeared vanished as if erased from the face of the earth the globe feeling off balance at her absence my heart tilted to the side and all of the softer parts poured into the cavity where my guts had shrivelled and ceased to work i had not expected this disappearing act a trick houdini […]

listless kiss good night

let go of my object of rejection today, upon reflection the deflection of empty adoration was too much, spent every penny left over on a one way ticket to the end of the line, single and ready to tingle yet again that is a lie, the fool’s game of throwing open my chest in an […]

with fins circling in the distance

i dreamt and in that dream i dreamt we were on the beach in front of crystal blue water and on that beach in front of crystal blue water we fed each other dates and pointed at the fins moving about in the distance stomachs full of dates and pointing at the fins moving about […]

the truth is not so happy

he carries his loneliness like a stone around his neck a wave and a smile is the best you can expect when i see him we always stop and exchange pleasantries sometimes he talks sometimes he just sits and stares at the ground and acts polite today he spoke i stay quiet on these rare […]

corpse blossoms

sitting alone on the roof of my car in the middle of nowhere watching as the world ends around me it wasn’t the brimstone and fires of mythos no unshackled tentacle faced creature crawled from the abyss the skies were clear with no ever growing meteor streaking down turns out the end of the world […]

pebble

after a brief reinternment due to pushing too far too fast chapter title in my life story a quick iv bag and fresh script of pain alleviators angry stares and disbelief nurses and doctors and a general sense of disapproval basically dropped off the kids and went straight to the hospital so when they say […]

for one

tiptoeing across the graves of the not so recently deceased, masoleums of lives gone past, gone passed, gone too soon the stench of decay like expensive perfume, permeating and penetrating and passively erasing all olfactory common scents wilted roses in a vase, dessicated and distracting from the flickering reminders of what was supposed to be […]

feathers drift

you came into my world a savior, an angel offering grace, a divine blessing, erasing the stain of sin from my weary blackened soul i was the fallen one, swinging like a pendulum between avarice and sorrow, you gave balance when it was needed most and now you’re gone a bittersweet memory, the faint smell […]

reverse in suck still lists as poems

20. good bye 19. i hate her with an all encompassing fucking hatred what was i thinking i’m an idiot i love her 18. fuck i miss her 17. everything hurts reminds me of her i can’t get out of bed why would i what’s the fucking point in anything it’s all just a reminder […]

farewell, i fade away

what is it that you saw when you stared into my eyes was it hope or forever or just another lie i feel like an empty package just barely making it by beaten up in transit discarded like an ode to pomp and style how i wanted it to be you just you and how […]

paradise by immolation

got a head of bad ideas and a heart of broken promises spread the kerosene across the floor strike a match take my hand and let’s spin until the fumes makes us dizzy dance as the timbers collapse around us i’ll catch an ember on my finger tip like a firefly you look beautiful with […]

on sparrow wings

sparrows filled the air around us she stared at them in awe i stared at her in sorrow she caught my glance and raised an eyebrow in confusion i warned her not to fall in love with me it would only lead to pain and as she realized the truth of my words, the sky […]

a flower a ship a forsaken

a lone flower in the heavy summer air it’s head droops low towards the ground too much for the stem to maintain a lone ship deep beneath the surface of the raging sea it’s bow broken and settled into the silt too much water for the holds to maintain a lone man at the edge […]

arachnophilia

i’ve got spiders nesting under my skin for christsakes they crawl and bite and scramble up and down inside my arms laying eggs in my veins oxygen depleted blood cells rush them back into my heart and lungs a vast network of the damned things slowly taking over my meat like it is a series […]

under the yellow lights

he stood smoking lighting one off the smoldering butt of the last yellow stained fingers rasping cough looking at the street lights but not seeing them wine stains on the front of his wrinkled shirt he is wobbly absently tapping his fingers on his pocket staring into the lights he doesn’t see she died two […]

my juliet

my juliet, she hit the panic button, and then she ran away all the stories, the ones that seemed made up, became all too real that day she looked me in the eye, and said she’s sorry, but she doesn’t feel the same way she sat me down on the couch, with teary eyes, and […]

937

‘i love you‘ he uttered the words to the empty sky they floated on the wind eventually he could no longer tell where they went swirling on the geothermic swells he’s made a ritual of doing this every morning a cup of coffee and a good book sitting on the hillside bench and watching the […]

hawk and dove

ahem allow me to reiterate, the simple lies you regurgitate, the self worth you seek to inflate, in time your truth will slowly disintegrate once upon a time i fell into the net you cast, an innocent beguiled and captured, ate all you fed me and hungered for more empty calories made me fat with […]

familiarity

when our lips first met it seemed they had known each other all of their lives we were clumsy and awkward but our lips knew exactly what they were doing, our tongues knew each other intimately, yours had the taste of booze while mine was minty from the gum, together it had the effect of […]

exactly

they say when you see 11:11 you are exactly where you are supposed to be it is a sign you are going the right way everyday i catch it at least once and where i am is not where i need to be listen to me, i am not supposed to be here, this is […]

loss for words

when they said the phone was for me i felt the cold hand of dread tickle down my spine no one ever called for me at work and if they did they certainly never asked by real name the last time it happened it was the police they wanted to ask questions about a destroyed […]

an hour at a time

it’s too early to be this damn tired my mind is fixated on the time change i’ll endure soon losing an hour of life i’ll get it back eventually but will i really once gone it seems too fleeting to ever lasso again like the smile and wave at the end of the bar and […]

vicariously

my tank is empty today unless a screaming banshee if a head ache counts if so i’m full to overloaded stressed and depressed roaming alone everyone i know is either ecstatic or drowning the drowning far outnumber the happy use our hands to dance across the placid surface of the lake we the forgotten doomed […]

true story time

one time, years ago at this point, i was alone at the bar, a pint of guinness and a shot of whiskey sat in front of me, the dark grain of the bar, combined with the thick lacquer reflecting the neon signs dimly back at me insert generic 70s song in the background, fading into […]

shell

she was shriveled once so strong and imposing one look and you stood straighter and minded your manners now she was half the size a quarter of the weight all loose skin and wires the room smelled like shit from the bag half hanging off the bed a clear tube with brown piss oozing into […]

keep em coming

it was a dream had to be i walked into the nearly pitch black bar with a terrible thirst smoke filled the air that song i really like by sturgill played on the jukebox “they call me king turd up here on shit mountain, if you want it you can have the crown” i was […]

falling in reverse

he hit her this morning not with his hands but with words i heard them squabble outside my bedroom window woke me from a dead sleep it was the furtive whispering that finally mined through the wall of sleep and pulled me to consciousness a low hum increasing in pitch muted yet deafening i threw […]

endless

woke up into a dream, a seamless transition, running through the park, dark footsteps shadowing my own, heart racing, sat up in bed glad the dream was over, got up to get a glass of water, only my bed was floating over forever clutching my lion blanket, my constant companion since my childhood home burnt […]

declination

drained and damaged, disemboweled, dismayed and digilently dreading destiny i stood before the gates of hell itself, weeping blood from the empty sockets where eyes once were burning coals in place of lungs, and barbed wire wrapped around my heart, salivating acid and undulating across broken glass i hurt no real words to describe the […]

an episode of twilight zone

sometimes i look for a camera behind the picture frame this can’t be my life i fell asleep and woke up in the twilight zone as i slept rod serling came out and introduced my episode tonight we take all happiness and joy away from this man when he wakes up everything good will be […]

the sea

he sat next to the rocky outcropping watching the waves batter the shore this was his happy place one where the world stopped feeling so itchy, where the irritants and constant chatter went silent this was where he came when his wits end were reached, when the thought of letting the azure wash over him […]

a box where a person once was

when my father died they put him in a box a plain white box and when i got home after two hours in the air they handed me that box his entire being in an unadorned box this man that stood over me towered and all i could ever do was stand in his immense […]

unreciprocated

love left unreciprocated morphs changes it’s cellular structure becomes something else a grape left to whither becomes a raisin yet retains it sweetness love does not become a prune nor does it facilitate the evacuation of the bowels of the soul it hardens once ripe it has a shelf life a short period in which […]

not strong enough to ignore it’s call

this incessant throbbing antibiotics and witchcraft coursing through my cheeks i curse the pollen a pox upon nature herself these microscopic indulgences that feast on torment rendering innocence into half formed photographs of insolent rage i begged for sleep and the inner cacophony chose to warble dulcet tones of stabbing across my prone form this […]

the ground had other ideas

to the new guy with my old flame that person that fell into an orbit i never wanted to be jettisoned from launched into space with a half empty oxygen tank and shattered self esteem tell her she’s beautiful as often as you can if you don’t think it everytime you see her that’s on […]

somethings just aren’t meant to last

your love is like spring you sweep in and the earth comes to life at your every glance your gentle touch i thrived under your rains your love for me is the promise of better days to come and shedding layers of clothes as the winds turn warm sprouted from my hidden lair under the […]

admitting something is wrong

live laugh love linger lament loss languish lethargy liquefy limping longing lacking trademark my loneliness film a big budget blockbuster special effects for a lack of special affection doctor the script the dark secrets of the lone bastion of depression the last iceberg floating on ever warming seas of discontent the alliterative anxiety filled anchor […]

for paul, a poet

a poet had passed away one whose words i took comfort in he wrote long beautiful pieces and passed quietly a few days ago i would quickly read his works sometimes multiple times his words sang a haunting melody now they are silent his past lives on but i always wanted more the great human […]

unfortune cookie

found a fortune cookie in the cupboard while searching for something to quell the savage rumbling i had been attempting to ignore been in bed all day reading couldn’t fathom a single reason to rise nor shine like a thick cloud layer over suburban splendor more aptly smog over an urban death zone just another […]

fregoli delusion

i see her in everyone her eyes her smile strangers in a crowd they make eye contact and smile her smile a smile that was made just for me or at least i thought it was but i saw her sitting with him a him that wasn’t me or was it am i the me […]

but i can dream

i’ve been trying to figure out how to best introduce myself to you i thought maybe i would slide in, dressed up in a vest and bowtie, shirt tucked in, pocket watch chain hanging casually, my docs all shined up a smooth first impression say my name and assume you would recognize it, maybe go […]

disaster

sitting on the summit of a mountain of broken hearts, watching the world burn, roasting marshmallows whistling off key sonotas and warbling dirges, tapping my toes to the beatings below, snapping fingers as they snap a neck weapons of mass distraction, guerrilla daycare, emotional warfare, nuclear lipstick and gentle choking shift the dynamic realtime renderings, […]

dear in headlights

like a car crash in slow motion every shard of glass a diamond suspended around us, i could pluck them individually from the air, fashion them into a necklace for your elegant neck the buckling of metal, screeching of frame, the dashboard flying towards my chest, airbags disabled, sparks like fireworks around our heads the […]

between w and y

i miss you miss your smile and your laugh, the way you smell and dance when you think no one is looking in another life maybe we will find each other again i will see you across the room and something will click, we won’t have the same baggage, the same hang ups our eyes […]

apart meant

the silence of the place rings out, echoing the hope, mocking the feeling of despair triumphant tragedy the feeling of being a ghost in your feeble existence, haunting laughter, daydreaming the static of another life cryptic sadomasochistic, reciprocating, undulating, oscillating head cradled in numb hands the migraine ingrained until all else is false, triple spiked, […]

matter of time

the light turned on but her pupil never shifted the light turned on and flooded the room with incandescent brilliance, illuminating all, casting shadows in the corners in her eyes the light has gone off flickering fluorescents cast a yellow pall upon her body, the lack of chest movement indicating what was gone from the […]

to mr bourdain

one last time the music echoed down the hallway hey ho, let’s go the four raven dyed heads banging to the simple chord progression and basic odes to life and sniffing glue i fell into your words saw a kindred spirit a rebel with sharpened blade and middling by his own admission, culinary skills reinvented […]

loss prevention

so much time spent thinking of what was lost as life keeps moving without you everyone loses someone special the nature of entropy in the machine means everyone dies an accident sickness or just worn out parts it is the reality of this life anything that lives will one day cease functioning wrapping yourself in […]

her, again

tell her if i could do anything it would be just to lay there and hold her we would talk about our day and i would just run my fingers over her bare shoulder play connect the dots with her freckles while the sunlight dances on her skin close my eyes as her aura cleanses […]

happy mother’s day

she spent an hour picking the perfect blooms delicate lillies and bright orange tulips two roses one pink one red two cards and a bottle of cheap vodka she set the vase by the window so the sun can shower it all day long the first card was lovely teal and purple hearts on thick […]

unzip, words

enter the darkened cave clean up the mess the kids left carefully unzip and remove the skin suit humanity leaves until they come back no one else wants to deal with this mess of a person they have no choice in the matter until they get older and by then i hope we have the […]

inchoate, words

awoke in the fetal position arms pulled in tight, head bent inwards, knees to my chest shivering where the blanket had been twisted around me so badly it ceased being a blanket it took on the form of a bondage device shaking from the fan blowing on me, the thirty seven degrees outside the frantic […]

manilla hell, words

was looking for a book to read since sleep decided i wasn’t worth it’s time a manilla envelope fell from the shelf into my hand instead wish it hadn’t wish it had stayed tucked away hidden itself from my sight or that i had the brains to listen to my gut when it said don’t […]

lana, words

my friend Lana died this morning, i just got off the phone with her room mate i don’t know what to do she was the most wonderful person and i always told her she was perfect she would laugh that deep throaty laugh of hers and call me a fool she had been down lately, […]

First and Last words

i remember my first words and last words with all my former loves the middle is a jumble of declarations, lies, and inane conversations hardly important, but the first and last stay burned into my mind like beacon fires on the shore of a rocky outcropping they don’t lead to safe harbor though i can […]

The Look, words

the last day with her was filled with all the warning signs i had learned to ignore the subtle swipes, the not so feigned disinterest but what sticks out in the ramblings chains of memory is that look in her eyes after we made love she stared at me, knowing it was the last time […]

two way mirror, words

loving her was like climbing a mountain of glass with two broken arms swimming through pirahna infested waters with open bleeding wounds walking barefoot across a desert of salt with the skin flayed from the soles of my feet yet effortless like wrestling a rabid badger while being mauled by a bear on cocaine tumbling […]

boomerang, words

i can feel the half moons of blood well up on my palms as my oversharp fingernails cut into them shaking fists and throbbing temples is it frustration or simple contemplation, a restoration, an emancipation, a declaration of love that will never be love is a broken boomerang i continue to throw hoping one day […]

loss, words

ghosts have haunted me all day today, shimmering forms floating across the beige carpet, tantalizing glimpses into what could have been, would have been, never quite was no words exchanged, not even a glance my way as they went about the shades of yesterday at first i sat huddled under a blanket, afraid of their […]

whimsy, words

just another end of the world daydream one of those happy go lucky apocalyptic nightmares the kind where you are sure it isn’t real until the undead rise, the oceans boil, or she shows up again the sky opens up and blood rains down, the purge, the rapture, somehow she got a new number and […]