the truth is not so happy

he carries his loneliness like a stone around his neck

a wave and a smile is the best you can expect

when i see him we always stop and exchange pleasantries

sometimes he talks

sometimes he just sits and stares at the ground and acts polite

today he spoke

i stay quiet on these rare days

just listen

hoping to see what has made him who he is

i was like you, long ago, it was all within my grasp, i could practically taste it

she had eyes that cut through my act, saw deep into the person inside of me that always hid from the light, the part of me life had beaten and abused until it was more rabid animal than human spirit

i sat still, not wanting to break the spell, hoping he would continue

but he just shook his head and picked up his heavy weight and walked away without another word

weeks went by with only a nod

then out of the blew, as i sat alone and watched the hawks circle high in the air

he sat next to me

i nodded

he gave a smile that screamed pain and anguish

no mirth

she sought to take that thing inside me, less living being and more primal force of anger and sorrow

her touch

you ever watch those charlatans on tv, the ones that touch the sick and they throw down their cane and walk without pain for the first time in decades

it’s all shit

but when she laid her hands on me it all seemed to evaporate, and i could lift my head again, see things from another point of view

everything was so vibrant, like a film had been over my eyes my entire life, and all i could see was her

she glowed

i swear to you

a nimbus surrounded her and it made everything

more pure

like i woke up from a coma

so many questions came to me but before i could form them he stood and walked away

vanished into the world

and i came to that bench every afternoon after and watched the birds circle looking from prey

never saw him again

never found out what happened

but i can imagine a hundred different scenarios

whatever she did to heal him, to make his pain vanish, without constant application must have worn off

and when that pain came back, compounded by the moments of peace

it became unbearable

but i still come here and wait

maybe he found a new salve for his torment

i like to think so

because the truth i fear is nothing so happy

it never is

7 thoughts on “the truth is not so happy

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