of captor, longing to be captured

she rattled the cage door with a smile that quickly faded as i stared into her fathomless gaze she poked and prodded, a long sharp stick with her perfume soaked into the blood wet wood i see your heart, you know, sending kaleidoscopic images onto the ceiling when you sleep i watch the colors bleed […]

shapes and sounds

i was insane before i found my voice in that voice a myriad of shapes and sounds i fall into them licking every hard consonant trailing fingers over the ivory-keyed vowels i was mad trying to scream in cursive until i learned to uncapitalize inconsequentialities i don’t write words i shape those sounds until the […]

wildflowers blossomed in the night

she plucked a pinion from my broken wing with which to pen her vacantheart goodbyes she scrawled it upon the sheets in neat rows to fill the impression our bodies had created i bade her do not look back she obliged leaving an ink coated trail out of my world time ceased meaning anything for […]

spread thick

there is poetry spread thick across my tongue in my agate gaze the entire world has a hidden cadence i do not recall the last time i had a normal thought lost in seeking the connection between syllables there is poetry thickly spread across your skin my pale pink tongue longs to taste every word […]

nightlight

unaware if i ever slept or if this is just one continuous day of sleep deprived inhibition the sky is dark the ambient light a nightlight pervading the ever growing darkness within manifested externally in a display of black on black on black on lavender fever dreams across the asphalt i see my distorted reflection […]

as the squirrels chitter doom

i am reading camus and my sense of self seems disproportionate to the sense of myself others seem to feel entitled to i was sitting in the shade thinking, by the old oak with the squirrels that like to run across the back of the bench chittering profanities i saw my ex today i didn’t […]

sunkissed

her kiss sunrise across my parted lips a culmination after a lifetime in the dark her kiss sunset trailing along my cheek a sad farewell before stepping back into night oh, for a thousand noontime kisses to stave off the cold the chill wind of eternal evening across the desolate places hidden deep in a […]

y(our)s

i am delicate barbed wire twisted around lungs a drop of crimson on virgin white my heart is sculpted from plastic explosives my lips ignite the fuse but the countdown begins in earnest when i feel your breath on my thigh i am broken bent out of shape from all the sexual positions practiced and […]

bled in (a collaboration with EC)

I sit every morning on the other side of his coffee cup just waiting to hear him remind me of things, tease me and listen to him laugh, as I hold my legs tightly together so he can’t notice what he does to me. But he always notices, and I see the color of his […]

soulscatter

there is a hole in my heart a steady leak filling my chest with blackened gelatinous bits of the parts of me i long to share but likely never will i am tired of screaming myself hoarse hoping an eagle mistakes my shaved head for a rock to drop a tortoise end both of our […]

puppy

the neighbors with the new puppy have apparently gone back to some semblance of normal the little girl left early with her school supplies her parents slipped into their cars while i sipped coffee and waited for the sun they have locked the puppy up i can tell by the high pitched squeaky yowls every […]

terribly

i am not sure who you are but i miss you terribly today but it feels like you don’t even know who i am that just makes it more bittersweet on my lips

devil

i tried to tell you i was the devil it isn’t my fault my tongue was inside of you at the time as you whispered my name pulling me in closer and closer the invocation was complete

sudoku(seppuku)

trying to weave my way through the minefield in my mind is playing sudoku with the finesse of seppuku the numerics out of sync with the blade in my stomach questioning the honor in quenching the steel in random digits clenching the slick hilt as the crimson stains the squares there is a fragility thick […]

chasm of self

i am a casual insomniac with artistic aspirations i dabble in the lost arts of self-referential self-abuse with the light linework of matisse across incidental pain graphite sketches gradients crosshatched along the obtuse radius resisting radiance radically radial radio broadcasts sent from the edge of the last heartschism sleepwalking through the performance art inherent in […]

docile dismality

the quiet oppressively coats everything except the dishwater an ocean echoing from the kitchen with soothing waves i fall into the rhythm reminded of the womb when the vacant heartbeat was no promise of sundered wounds but carried hope before the understanding that just because it is the first sound i heard doesn’t necessarily make […]

woke

i woke with a longing for you to pour your golden light down my throat as if molten lead to coat my chest in your ethereal magic joy i woke with an urge to use an exactoblade to rearrange my fingerprints so i could adopt a new identity better suited to life i woke with […]

taste

when i tell you i will suck your soul out as we stare into each other’s eyes tasting your breath hovering a millimeter from touching that moment where you give in and it’s mine i mean it i’ll be gentle ish when it comes to you patience is the bonfire filling the sky with magenta […]

lumpy

her collar bone, misshapen like a pomegranate, yet still just as sweet if slightly worse for wear it is the imperfection that highlights the perfection innate to her

summer fades to autumn

autumn has enfolded the world, there is a pleasant cool to the day driving with the window down arm out feeling as the air kisses hades mark as the music plays too loudly but i don’t have my voice today, i cannot talk as the words just sit in the back of my throat, lodged […]

s

sonorous spirit! scintillating spectre! sweet siren, singing serenity scented serenades. sending sultry shivers, seductively shaking soulchills. she, supple serendipity, shearing sanctimonious scrutiny, softly sharing sanctuary.

(dead), while tim raspily sings about heartbreak

lint is a timebomb a punk rock poet staring his demons directly in the eye a modern day kerouac with a two foot mohawk joe strummer is dead joey ramone is dead david bowie is dead lemmy is dead sometimes just knowing the world didn’t even stop for one fucking minute stabs me right in […]

t-shirts

when i die i want my t-shirts to be divvied up between my loved ones that way they can wear them knowing i am hugging them i love them and i am always just a thought away

a deeper kind

the moon hung in petulant shades of pink with orange splotches like bruises across the pitted face glaring down at me in a mix of disappointed disapproval for forsaking the comfort of bed to traverse the empty roads i am tired but the vacuous embrace found in a queen sized void where the fool curls […]

buried in the roots of the cherry blossom

the best parts of me the hidden bits untarnished by the greasy hands of familial distress are kept in a burlap sack buried beneath the cherry blossom tree on the onyx hill in the center of the necropolis filled with all the interred lovelorn corpses slamming angry fists against the cheap wooden boxes in which […]

fuel

every line is falling in love by the milligram each word a dose infused with unshed tears in a chemical bond with hope a patented blend of vernacular deification bled into the centrifuge to separate the gossamer refrains bound to the crystalized soulglitter shed across the pixelated stardust in her eyes a hand stretches out […]

passage (a collaboration with EC)

i watched the snow fall, fat flakes that melted as soon as they hit the windshield, i didn’t bother with the wipers, just watched the water run down Hold my hand dear snowbird Let’s make little cocoons and bury our treasured scars Let’s skip this season and the hardest winds she was a patch of […]

dead man float

when i was a kid i would bob on the swimming pool waves with my face down in the water watching the shadows dance across the bottom unaware of the self fulfilling prophecy drowning in the sea baptized by poseidon destined to return to the sea foam from which i sprang fully broken to stagger […]

heartsputter(freezing)

there is a chill in my bones, my love, a frigidity that makes my limbs quiver, an uncontrollable shaking, and i am tired, so tired of waking in this bed alone with the the taste of you still strong on my tongue, honeysuckle, orange, spices so tired, i am tired the chill has settled deep […]

mourning morning

as sleep drips from my brain honey to trickle down my nervousness in waves of sweet surrender the remain of dreamgrit in the morning dark that i cannot scrub from the corner of my unfocused eyes i await the sun to burn the sins of yesterday from my tattered soulflag as it hangs at half […]

need

her blood shimmered across my tongue the shadow of a flame impossibly decedent with the weight of sin i am a glutton for her i do not apologize for my need

to the list

how many hundreds of sloppy odes have i written about you? yet i lose my voice thinking about saying them making them real add this one to the list

wrong/right

there are days i’ve lived that i do not think were ever meant for me whole chunks of my existence that seemed predestined for another yet somehow i slipped in by mistake a tragic case of the right body with the wrong soul so if you look at me and see someone else it’s me […]

some mornings

some mornings i feel like a diving spider with a web filled with air slowly knitting together a garish pink barbie funhouse just beneath the surface of the pond some mornings i feel like a mockingbird barking from a tree as the neighbor folds a pillow over their head in an effort to maintain a […]

a proposal

when i paused and fell to one knee she let out a sharp inhalation, a host of emotions that sped through as i realized she might think this was a proposal it was, but not for a lifetime of fairy tale sunsets, there would be no magician, no dragon, no knight, she is a beautiful […]

kiss of winter

i come to you in need with agonized chapped lips from the lingering frost on the lethargic kiss of winter cracked and bleeding i absorb your poetic heart with every painful kiss down the rigidity of the spine of our story that same kiss of winter meant for the heart of summer but always separated […]

thirteen times

in the obviously oblivious obsolescence of oblivion he busks for change a one man band humming elevator versions of unwritten pop songs decomposed in the brains splattered against the mildewed tiles of the last bathroom hidden in the darkness beneath the landing for the orange line train thirteen times the candleflame flickers in the rancid […]

hope

there are leeches fat with the blood that carelessly falls from my eyes to stain my cheeks crimson thunder sounds there are maggots deep in the dreamflesh writhing with sallow misery in which to feast nature howls a housefly walks across the ocular orb’s unseeing surface with spindly legs in the jelly plumes of smoke […]

sixty percent

if the human body is sixty percent water why do i always feel like i am drowning? not just returning to where i came from.

a wind, a spider, a moth

A wind blew across the foam tipped waves, down through the tangles of trees, across the sun baked plains. Hints of salt, peonies and grass tantalizingly danced in its invisible grace. Down and around the buildings that stretched up into the sky, swirling the trash in the alleyways, and entwining itself among the tubes of […]

an apple perched

i see myself in the wind warped panes of glass that line the buildings. an apple precariously perched on an overcoat filled with baby rabbits a spiderweb whipping in the congestion of angry cars with headless drivers my sighs float like an open sewer through the hazy malaise of summer end she smells of gunpowder […]

multiplying

she hid my sorrow in her uterine embrace i fear my love is cancerous multiplying within her autoimmune serendipity

eyes of twilight desperation

i live in that moment of bated breath between witching hour and sunrise where the dark things scurry across the leaf laden ground blind creatures that defy reality hunters drawn by the scent of soft emotions hidden in the brush if she were to ask me what i want what i truly want i would […]

the sea’s soft secret (a collaboration with EC)

weary whimsy with woven wings As I sat still watching the pre dawn ocean I knew I wasn’t his fault. I was no ones fault. Maybe I was thinking how I wished I were the lilacs to the intermittent raindrops in his pale blue calm. heretical heartspells heave hollow hell I’m truly a small town […]

wait

they say a watched pot never boils. i say they lack patience. there is a beauty in seeing the bubbles form. some things are worth the wait.

hers

he was nothing before she took the blade to him but when she was done he had become something more hers. artist: Hing Chui

an inch closer

there is a certain time of the day, shifts as the days grow longer and shorter the sun, growing tired of the view, content that a few moments sleep won’t hurt anyone, begins to set i follow her lazy journey, envious as she grows closer and closer to the object of heart’s desire as she […]

hoarse

as the words rang, a clarion call of golden bells, over a field of wildflowers that span the land, from sea to sea, in every shade of your lips, your tongue, your throat, your sometimes the need to press against you, knowing i will want to bite your lip as my traitorous lungs demand oxygen […]

a win

i like to go outside and sip coffee while the darkness still sits impatiently over the world it is quiet no planes overhead, no cars on the streets, the apartments are all silent around me in these moments, it is the just the words and the silence, punctuated by strong coffee i heard the door […]

shipwrecks

we are all shipwrecks some of us have yet to find the reef while some of us have already sunk we carry the unmarked graves in our waterlogged bones moss swaying in the cold currents of the past telltale signs of emergency repairs half finished as the rot returns all to sediment where all the […]

four thousand lashes

This is my four thousandth post. I understand how insane that is. I do. Sometimes the magnitude of sharing so much pain is too much. But sometimes the emptiness is so deep, all I can do is sink. When I awaken, I cough half formed thoughts onto the sand. Then I dive back in. I […]

coaldust menagerie

emotionally he was a collapsed mine he was a finch in a cage as the vapors swept from vents in the coaldust menagerie of soft feelings spreading across the tears in his paper maché psychosis he was the last survivor tearing scraps off the lucky bastards that were more eminent in their demise never realizing […]

prayers to the emptiness within

i never imagined having enough words to write four thousand poems never imagined anyone would care on a globe of indifference but as it sits throughout a life lived alone with brief moments of glorious connection i have written thousands of bloody prayers to the emptiness within and my mouth tastes of citrus and i […]

ring of mushrooms

even in the stillness of necessity the ceaseless action rifles through absent damnation the worldsphincter collapses in upon itself to facilitate the progression of error she sat on the bench, mouthing along to the song filling her head, as the jackals crept through the brush it wasn’t a singular event that led to her systemic […]

anxious

anxious anxious fettered brain filled with dandelion dander shallow breaths anxious so many thoughts at the same time. i can see my heartbeat in the leaves of the trees i see my soul in the oil stained pavement i see my reflection in the fun house mirror never knowing the face that stares back i’m […]

and the sky opened

and the sky opened a pearlescent spiral began to jut across the dusky gloam insidious derailment of causation in the duality of remorse and the sky opened trails of virescence leak through the aether of insincere remembrance casting the globe in the humid regression of angular denials and the sky opened derision plummets from the […]

soar

anxiety and depression have always been part of the recipe that created these foolish poetic meanderings now there is a sense of letting go of falling in of acceptance being accepted a burst of colors in my chest a lack of dwelling in the shadows tentative steps into the sun’s embrace without fear of the […]

somnambulist’s sojourn

it is in the silent moments of catching my breath that you slide around my brainstem and squeeze between songs as the backbeat fades only my heartbeat and your voice as the seconds turn to hours there is a feeling of a somnambulist’s sojourn ending as i awake securely bound to your words

her pulse on my hand

she coils gently in my bruises with the sweetest pain i inhale her wildflower dreampollen in waking dream the world is quiet except for her pulse on my hand an orchestra that fills the night with the softest shimmer

comfort

in my head songbirds flit about your head the woodland creatures lay gifts at your feet in honor the clouds always part so a single ray of light shines upon you somehow in reality you are better there is a deep satisfaction in your existence that massages my soul so when i see a songbird […]

johnny appleseed

he was a modern day johnny appleseed casting his soul across the infertile earth with every turgid ode tossed to absently spin in her disengaged sense of entitlement all while blindly spilling his secrets into the wind unaware intent can never be determined by the emptiness when i love you stopped being more than eight […]

poet’s quiver (a collaboration with EC)

I’ve been a little bit of hell (she is heaven) with a tender side but always making mouths bleed (i lick the crimson dripping down her chin). I have collected a quiver of sacred words (her every verse casts divinity), arrows dipped in poets blood, but vengeance isn’t in me so they fly through the […]

skein

the tangled skein of tumultuous serendipity a bondage, so secure the blue tinged extremities icicles of mourning and loss

40 seconds

40, 39, every forty seconds someone around the world dies from suicide 36, 35, the world is lonely, the world is pain, no one knows what anyone else is feeling 32, 31, broken hearts, broken dreams 27, 26, but there are moments, the first time you told her you loved her, the first time she […]

free

in these moments the urge to write poetry is gone as i sit lost in you the world has become aloft with poetic meanderings as you have become the calm a new inkwell of fascination in which i feel so wondrously free

son(n)et

in your stare, rests the key to a nocturne; a soultorn sonata, born in the night; upon your lips, an inferno does burn; a bonfire that promises pure delight a flare, your image etched into my sight; your sketch of perfection, dripped down my soul; a sense of falling, from perilous height; regaining purpose, by […]

silly dead and their trumpets

how silly are the dead? lined up with trumpets of bone; the wind rattling in their empty skulls bored after so long buried six shallow feet from the sunlight; they lie like lizards on stones to warm their fallow spirits they loiter in stained blouses the harsh florescent glare; trapped in the false walled prison […]

with summer

the nape of her neck the hollow of her throat my lips on her collar bone these thoughts like honey in my mind fill my mouth with summer

susurrous (a collaboration with EC)

the leaves have changed color, shedding the emerald hue for yellows and reds, the winds have cooled and the world feels slower i couldn’t tell you the day, the date or even the time, it’s daytime, the dancing shadows through the canopy tell me that much I looked up to see the swirling of parchment […]

a thousand sloppy cuts

none slice the hardest as the ones that clench the knife in lovelorn anger for they are the ones that know your secrets using them to temper the blade their hands have touched every soft spot know where to cut to stab to plunge to maximize the impact to share the shattering ache that fills […]

pink sky

and the sky was burnished in an ethereal pink as if the dream infected it with the same flush that sweeps my cheeks as the dreammist of writhing limbs fades into an odd sort of contentment until all that remains is the hint of her satisfied smile

jon hassell is not appropriate bedtime music

listening to jon hassell vernal equinox it is serpentine the free notes of music combine in an aural snake orgy that winds its way across my cerebellum until my scarred pink skin takes on a diamond pattern of undulating scales my base grip on being human flees the crackling spine deconstructing the human being into […]

purple

the phosphorescent filament in my mind’s inner recesses ignites with lavender lasciviousness as her lilac heart paints the sky it wasn’t an accident when i tripped over my own dismay to tumble at your feet, more a happy coincidence as i left my heart wrapped in plain brown paper on your stoop as the purple […]

the ellipses in your smile

i’ve spent so long writing tales of the incredible drowning man a mere inch beneath the surface i can eyeball six feet of rope, tie a noose with both hands tied behind my back in a bad dream it’s become impossible to define me because i have made it impossible to even find me i […]

limbic infinity

the infinite cosmos are the spaces between the synaptical flash in the neural network interlaced within her mind the constellations sway in her eyes the doorway to a soul that has swallowed the astronautical hearts drenched in intolerable ache i am trying to string together enough flashes to imprint an inverse rainbow across her limbic […]

empty roads

the sky is still gray the air is ripe with autumnal daydreams and i love you nothing else fills my fool head as i drive down the empty roads

ceiling

if the ceiling ever spilled the secrets i have spoken to it in the quiet time that shapes the universe your cheeks would flush crimson in the prose i couldn’t put to paper for fear of scaring you away the ceiling knows all my secret poems that i pen in wordless adoration as my soul […]

trickles across the eastern sky

the world is still cast in the last anti-light of dawn’s preorgasmic ritual in those precious moments before the arcs of pleasure trickle across the eastern sky i sit with coffee that reflects the non-radiant veneer listening as the birds begin to sleepily wake in the branches of the old oak i drifted to sleep […]

have to do

it is unexplainable the urge to hold you so tightly your ribs creak just to show you how incredibly insanely undeniably fucking perfect you are to me. this will have to do.

enormity in everything (sometimes)

sometimes the crystals in my inner ear get stuck into this circular sensation where in those moments between frantic allusions you feel the world spinning beneath your feet the enormity of everything the odds that are astronomically against anything. sometimes i need comforted told that it isn’t all just random acts of malevolent disaster. that […]

terminal devotion

the rain falls fat tears from the unblinking eye of eternity to wash the land in lackadaisical lamentations when i was younger the spectacle of the church sang to me the pulpit the stained glass refractions imbued with golden light casting harsh shadows as i knelt in supplication before her holiest altar the words of […]

spliced

the fundamentals of gene splicing as applied to the leaking valves of the poetic heart in an attempt to recreate the singular moment of universal impertinence found in the mysterious fog of emotional accoutrements she took a bite out of my still quivering heart, my love dripping down her chin in savage spurts of shuddering […]

dict(i)onary

he is aware of his cracked spine yellowed pages lined with faded ink around the margins black and white illustrations long out of date filled with words he knows intimately like a lovers embrace in bold typeface yet never has he experienced the full definiton except from afar he is a walking dictionary a repository […]

marrowtinged avidity

when the alarm went off too early for such broken sleep i felt the petals still stuck to my skin the phantom tingle of her lips the last dreamkiss lost in her essence hovering along the edge of consciously subconscious marrowtinged avidity i knew it was a dream yet i still felt the bruised reverie […]

spring has sprung

she stood naked beneath the crackling skies as the torrent of words rained down upon her unafraid of drowning as the hurricane swept along her limbs from her fingertips little swollen buds grew green in contrast to the heavy snows of winter still she smiles serenely up at the clouds acceptance written in her eyes […]

Reflection (a collaboration with EC)

I am softer than I think Under the velvet edge of his sharp tongue Belies my explicit ache My heart is not inside me With fingers firmly and deftly breaking me open And he wears it on his sleeve like a lingering fall He is under my skin, I am inside his skull I swallow […]

florist

i tend a flower garden of multi-hued anxieties full budded brooding with baby’s breath depression on moon dappled stems the twinkling flickers of light the sullen reminders of love’s faded embrace as perfumed paralytics drift on the lonely breeze i tend a flower garden that grows across the cemetery of my mind where every interred […]

she was

she was a loosely tied sack of pine needles dripping pitch and half hatched sea turtle eggs she was the punt to light the fireworks the spark that set the sky aflame with hyacinth blossoms in plumeria haze she was a half eaten sausage on the sidewalk swarmed over with ants desperate to appease the […]

etch

in your whimsical dreamrobes bedazzled with infinite latticework to frame the edges of indefinable ache you float off the ground in a state of flux between flight and feral your sharp teeth your indelible desire draped across the hellmouth welling in my vesuvius frame if i could etch my name across your inner thighs pen […]

eternity exists

in your visage it is apparent the gates of heaven hang open the pits of hell lie vacant for no more true expression of eternity exists than the smoldering embers in your immaculate unwavering stare

housecat

thoughts of you are a housecat yowling for my undivided attention yet drawing blood when i dare get too close never satisfied with any nourishment i give as the bottom of my soul shows in the plastic dish

child hands and cartoon hearts

pablo wrote with a blade that always cut twice once through muscle once through the soul sylvia wrote with a sickle that swept the chaff an uneven harvest ended in tragedy hank wrote with a half empty bottle one drink to remind him of the good times fifty to dwell upon the bad i write […]

a fact of fiction

what is left to us now that you have taken the joy of sunrise leaving only bitter memories of light my first exhalation of the new day still carries your name across the azure fields of watery remorse trapped in a spectacle of empty words where you are still the only thing that feels like […]

lost in the waves

the summer began with stale heat that cast an overbearing despair across the land but as the days grow shorter the scent of wildflowers grew while the pomegranates ripen blood red juice soaks through the gossamer wrapped neatly around her supple form her skin stained with the sun’s embrace i long to lick the sticky […]

entangled in hope

i was raised to see the monster so ingrained, nothing else exists wire hangers teach lessons the body absorbs the mind never relinquishes but in her gaze there is something more reflected in those pools of endless brown. i wish to be the he that shimmers in her open stare of affection to shed this […]

awaits

i feel her lips in the quiet moments between thoughts as if kissing her is my natural state swimming through the chaos hoping the next corner i turn leads to her behind the next door that opens her mouth hungrily awaits

systemic adoration

i understand her heart is a diamond but i am afraid of touching it because these hands have only ever known what it means to break if i were to crack the eggshell facade to spill her secrets across the ebon seas i don’t think i could ever forgive myself but i would gladly inject […]