four thousand lashes

This is my four thousandth post.

I understand how insane that is. I do. Sometimes the magnitude of sharing so much pain is too much.

But sometimes the emptiness is so deep, all I can do is sink.

When I awaken, I cough half formed thoughts onto the sand.

Then I dive back in.

I would love to stop. To breathe without pain.

But some of us don’t get that luxury.

So four thousand. Maybe at eight, you will take me seriously. Maybe at ten, you’ll read my books. At twenty we can sip champagne together in the dementia ward.

Four thousand poems. Five of them good.

Fuck me, right?


Fuck me.

Thanks for coming along.

To the next ten thousand odes. Maybe by then we will have learned something.

Doubt it.

But that’s the point. To learn something.

Love you.

Hugs and sloppy wet kisses


i have fallen
so far
from the places
i thought i would

yet no matter
how far
i fall

it is always into


24 thoughts on “four thousand lashes

          1. I’m proud of you! I thought I had someone lined up for Static Dreams… but haven’t heard again. This is the second narrator who’s bailed 😭 But I soooo want them as audiobooks.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. i just can’t do it. Notches needs more than one voice to work. Or one voice that is flexible. I don’t know of poetry would work. I considered getting a rig and recording them myself, but I don’t want to listen to myself reading myself.

              Liked by 1 person

  1. Many of them were lovely and odes and sonnets and gorgeous and beautiful and also a little happy sounding. A tiny bit happy sounding?

    You pain speaks volumes. I hope you will breathe without pain soon but know that it’s all had meaning and value to others in the meantime

    Liked by 1 person

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