Valleys with Mona

“Good Morning.” “Uh huh.” “How many days has it been?” “Since what?” “You’ve slept.” “Three.” “At this point the debilitating effects of sleep deprivation start.” “Yay?” “Not yay. Are you still sick?” “Sort of.” “Sort of?” “Nah. I’m good.” “Which is it?” “Which is what?” “Are you sick or better.” “Yes.” “Asshole. I care. Lord […]

“Lost Out in the Darkness” and haikus

some words mean a lot some of them don’t mean nothing i tend to use both kinds i paint with the one and i live by the other you pick which is which but know this one thing i try to never tell lies truth is beautiful so when i look up and tell you […]

ripe with meaning

the first night she stayed the night, we laid together, my arms wrapped around her, her hair in my face, her breast in my hand all felt right in the world and as she drifted to sleep, scooting closer though there was no more closeness to be found between our naked forms she murmured softly […]

(un)titled she IX

she is that moment when afternoon skies grow purple and clouds ignite pink on the horizon of the setting sun the occasional bitter bite of kale that reminds you perfection is only perfect for the inherent flaws within she is

new constellations

do you remember staring at the stars that night lying on the hood of the car, still warm as the chill air surrounded us watching our breath blow clouds into the sky orion’s belt seemed cocked at a funny angle and we laughed that could have been around his feet as lupus and lepus pranced […]

sermon of sin

she was a vision in revisionist history, hysterically visionary in the way a vice vanquishes virtue, a shimmering sign of holy power and brought the good book to life hard the hairy angles swing, glory to this sweet, sweet thing brothers and blisters, let us bluster and prey upon the deaf, dumb and blind bindings […]

whatever it is

he starts the car, turns the stereo up too loud for the early morning, puts it into gear and heads down the road with no destination consciously in mind one day he will find that which he searches for, even if he doesn’t know quite what that is, the specificity is secondary to the road […]

street art(ificial)

he stood still, trying to define the walls of the latest box he found himself trapped in, walking into a wind that isn’t blowing, tugging on a rope that slides through his grip, his painted smile at odds with the pain in his eyes, beret jauntily perched on his head, onlookers just stood and watched […]

(un)titled she VIII

she is a flyer for salvation caught on the breeze and blown through the alleys of a dirty city the sad smile that knows a secret that could change everything but is sworn to silence she is

resplendent emptiness

staring at the world through the filtered lens of the abyss, an ever spinning counter clockwise void of nothing with a shimmering black center unaware the ground beneath is slowly consumed by the unrelenting hunger, standing with locked knees and vacant adoration slipping, slipping into the end, is it falling if there is no sense […]

quiet the fool

he acts so tough but i watched him weep as she sang, after when she came out in her black dress looking so grown, he wept as he held her the poor illiterate fool he wonders why he is alone without seeing he is his own worst enemy so sentimental, just an open book no […]

rain on the windshield

this tenuous blob of sorrow hangs from the back of his throat like a secondary uvula wretched fool wallowing in a pool of his own traffic jammed insidiousness the black streaks down his face mirror the immaculate filthiness of his tattered soul he is playing with fire yet fearing the dark of his own troubled […]

(un)titled she VII

she is the blinking lights from staring too intently at the noon day sun that flicker at the edge of vision the wispy halo around the full moon on an autumn night just before the first snow falls she is

color on the bayou

my sleep was filled with hanging moss and willows weeping into the lazy river winding in the back it was a black and white southern gothic syrupy accents and barely concealed tension behind an affluence of manners biting sarcasm you were there you and i were the only ones without accents, the only ones that […]

(un)titled she VI

she is fine grit sandpaper slowly smoothing out the jagged scars left by former egregious flames the taste of coffee upon a still half asleep tongue rich with the promise of a new day she is

Manic with Mona

“Hello?” “Hey Mona.” “What?” “What what?” “Why are you calling me at this hour?” “What hour is it?” “Three in the morning.” “Oh shit. How the hell did it get so late?” “Are you drunk?” “Are you drunk?” “I was asleep.” “Well that just seems like an acceptable act at three in the morning.” “What […]

a warning

having trouble catching the air, like breathing under water feel so cold even as the fever flares If this is the end let it come, i’m ready so tired of feeling this way and ready for a fight bring your pale horse you rotten bastard, i’ll feed it apples til it chokes your scythe means […]

“Eels – Fresh Feeling” and tanka

the silence beats down watching the ceiling again at a loss for words the sadness seems to be all in a solo frame of mind souljacker up loud looking for answers to life the question seem moot but just once i’d like to hear some reasonable reply born and die alone moving slowly between them […]

a final wish

she knelt on the steps of the pagoda cherry blossoms filled the air around her the wind whistled through the bamboo and the cicadas sang a solemn song of loss and from the hills came the roar of the great beast the sky itself began to burn the doctor cancelled the surgery scheduled an appointment […]

oh well

is this heaven or hell, i can’t tell the difference that well, kneeling before the throne in supplication, or in a pit of flesh eating ants sing a song of six pence, a pocket full of lies, until the best parts of this child atrophy and die i sit on the wall awaiting the fall […]

she flows

she’s summer i’m winter she’s water i’m oil she’s beauty i’m scarred she’s courage i’m scared together we could be something new something stronger stranger better more she’s spring i’m autumn she’s perfect i’m flawed she’s scripture i’m fiction she’s poetry written by a master’s pen i love her she’s etched in my soul carved […]

the spider

he kept meticulous notes in the small black book in his jacket pocket, written in code only he knew the cipher to to the normal person it would seem random dots and squiggles but to him it was the key to everything the secrets of the universe, of god, of man and of terrible hunger […]

(un)titled she V

she is the answer to the question that sits on the edge of your frontal lobe but never forms an art exhibit of images that project onto the blank canvas of your heart and soul she is

fevered appeals

i cannot see, this fallacy, this faded sea, this infancy sadness, madness, sorrowful morose, singular, modular, scented malaise shake the plastic eight ball and show me my future, all of my answers hidden in the murky blue depths all signs point to the emptiness the uncertain certainty of cerulean cynicism sinking softly into saline daydreams […]

(meta)phorically (spoken version)

when i opened myself to her my guts came out like writhing vipers that hissed and snapped at the autumn air in angry knots my bones like broken glass held together by rusted barb wire and muscles like slugs perch upon the slick ivory calcified remains when i told her i loved her she recoiled […]

(un)titled she IV

she is the ferocity of the storm wrapped in the comfort of a home you have only dreamt of the curvature of the horizon, so tantalizingly within sight but always just out reach she is

trails in glass

is he crying, choking on the words of sorrow, lost in reverie do they run down his cheek as he stares at the storm, unseeing the loss, trapped in himself, wishing it could all be different no, it is the reflection of the rain on the glass on his face it seems nothing more than […]

color blind

the colors seem to bleed off of the page, pooling onto the floor and forming an ink blotch as i stare at the stain it morphs and shifts nothing matters in the black oblivion and i feel myself sliding down into it a free fall into a shimmering lake of mercury that coalesces and forms […]

lethologica

lethologica and fregoli delusion settle in every face is the same no names endless crowds of strangers in a room full of friends i’ve said certain words so many times semantic satiation has set in the neural pathways have been burned from my mind so if i look you in the eyes and have no […]

(meta)phorically

when i opened myself to her my guts came out like writhing vipers that hissed and snapped at the autumn air in angry knots my bones like broken glass held together by rusted barb wire and muscles like slugs perch upon the slick ivory calcified remains when i told her i loved her she recoiled […]

back home

they said there was snow back home today how i long for those swollen gray clouds and the soft flakes to fall upon my upturned face it is raining here today far from frozen wonderlands and left dreary and sad no slush upon my shoes no frost upon my beard just the haze of misty […]

woke up to sullen skies

it was too early to be so angry the cars sat parked on the highway angry faces glared into mirrors at angry faces staring back somewhere ahead angry men shouted at angry men and held up the whole works the angry wail of sirens filled the unmoving roads soon angry men in uniforms would make […]

science of magic

she sat and stared out the window watching the people on the street her finger idly stirred the ice in her drink as she bit her lip schopenhauer described her best at first i refused to admit she existed, when i found her i was petrified to approach, now i calmly accept her as fact […]

(un)titled she III

she is the full moon at midnight singing a mesmerizing soliloquy into my soul across the sea the scent of lilacs on a warm summer breeze teasing the coming day filled with promise she is

asked for a sign, got a broken bottle of hot sauce instead

feverish need for coffee, freezing and desperate for relief stumble half drunken sober steps shaking from waves of sickness fresh filter, run water, got grounds, doing fine sprinkle cinnamon, hint of vanilla, dash of salt, let’s percolate clumsy elbow, paying no attention, hear the shatter dismay bottle of hot sauce across linoleum, an ocean of […]

(un)titled she II

she is a shadow cast during an eclipse, the penumbra causing her image to flicker with frantic light distortion an ultra high definition image of sublime beauty in a cathode ray tube black and white world she is

she paints

she peeled strips of flesh off of my chest and drew in my blood on the sheets we lie upon sketching vistas of pain and pleasure upon the egyptian cotton as i tremble in rapture she picks apart my failings with a practiced hand and finds beauty in my hidden parts my body is her […]

Black and Blue and Mona

“Good morning. Oh. What the fuck happened to your face?” “Is it noticeable?” “You have a black eye and your lips is swollen. It is slightly noticeable.” “There was an altercation.” “Tell me the other guy looks worse than you.” “No.” “No? You didn’t fight back?” “No.” “What happened?” “Do you remember the girl from […]

a man

he is a man and all that means he is confused comes out fists swinging emotionally stunted he doesn’t cry he doesn’t show pain he is the rock he is a tornado a force of destruction he is a man and all that means he is bile he is hate he is anger raining down […]

needles and need

i don’t much care for needles, but i would let you inject yourself into my vein and travel throughout my body just to feel you in my blood as it pounds against my head, to know that in that rhythm you played along and sang i don’t think about the needle when the nurse jams […]

cette méchante douleur coule à travers moi

no fake smile today, no pretending it doesn’t hurt, that it is not falling to pieces reserving the right to write the truth, when truthfully the lies come easier less poetic to usher in the fall less romantic to curl up in a ball but jagged aches are all a part of the process, and […]

rejection letter

oh the sting, the venomous stinger in which the words inject poison into an already poisonous vein not a good fit, not the right theme, the words of your soul did not shine the right way, did not convey but please try again spit more of your lack of talent into space, bare yourself to […]

Mona’s Disappointed

“—” “Um. Mona.” “What.” “Good morning.” “I’m mad at you.” “For what?” “What was the rule?” “Don’t sleep with Mona’s friends.” “Why was that a rule?” “They are vampires and will suck the life out of me.” “And what did you do?” “Not slept with Mona’s friends.” “No. You did worse.” “I didn’t do anything.” […]

lilies

she dumped his body in a shallow grave, next to the tree where he first proposed, a bunch of sticks to mark his place, down where the lilies grow it was her fault that he wound up dead, with some help from her hatchet, perhaps she didn’t mean to strike him down, but his back […]

dear whoever

hello been a while since i wrote a letter, so bear with me as i remember the curves and diction necessary to form the phrases of conversation hope things are good for you, that your dreams and wants are exceeded by a bountiful harvest of joy that when you wake to the kiss of golden […]

drag my body

drag my body to the river let it float out towards the sea drag my body to the river don’t shed a tear for me wrap my heart with barbed wire, broken fingers from too many fights, chewed glass every morning, drank gasoline on sleepless nights i didn’t go looking for trouble, but it followed […]

like insomnia

hold me like insomnia, love me like depression, fill the empty half of the bed i can never quite lay in for fear of crushing your memory, in memorial of what slipped like grains of sand through the hourglass shape of you in my mind wrap your arms around me like pain, paint my skin […]

saint of sinners and broken hearts

i was born on all saint’s day, but was supposed to have been here to celebrate a fool getting lost, guess this fool got lost as well and this may have set his course for a life of misread maps and faulty compass distinction born to be a fighter, spent the first ten years learning […]

fall heavy

it’s raining thunder rumbles outside and i sit with coffee and stare at it my mind sees none of it though inside i toil along with the raging storms a hurricane of my own brain lightning flashes leaving a purple after glow and still my eyes see nothing the coffee grows cold in the mug […]

tomorrow, probably

today’s the day i tell myself, gonna write that poem that sets hearts on fire, minds ablaze just need to sit down and let the images flow after coffee now to just let the words pour out maybe eat lunch well, now i’m awfully full and the words prefer a little hunger so i’ll take […]

one thing

every morning i hear her outside talking on the phone as her little dog sniffs and pisses on everything she complains endlessly about how all men are pigs and only are after one thing she moved in three months ago above me the little dog runs back and forth, nails skipping and scraping across the […]

Tendencies with Mona

“Good morning.” “Seven.” “Seven what?” “Assholes cut me off this morning.” “And you lost all trace of common courtesy?” “I don’t know if I had the slightest trace to begin with. Is that like con science?” “Con science? What the fuck it that?” “Hell if I know. That thing that makes you feel bad for […]

shine so brightly

you shine so brightly, a flickering flame in the darkness of the world i dance in shadow, drawn to the fires that will surely burn me to ash a moth to your flame, a human projectile destined to explode with your touch can’t you hear my begging, open a window and let me dart about […]

she, she, she

it’s not often the words fail me, not often i’m left without something to say, they flee my head and scamper off but nothing clever comes to mind, no flowery phrase finds blossom upon my tongue and spreads it’s pollen down the page she sends a flurry of electrical impulses down my every nerve, lights […]

rearranged

mountains don’t rise until after the earthquake, the caves don’t form without the stream glaciers carved the plains into valleys, the volcanos created the islands of paradise every crag so painstakingly accidentally created, random works of wonder what will happen to me now that i have discovered you, what new piece will be formed, be […]

a quick job

she smiled at me and kissed me hard on the lips, i wanted more but she pushed me back and laughed, a promise of more after she pulled her back into a pony tail and winked at me, that mischievous smile that made me fall in love with her in the first place then we […]

still renderings of inadequate art

cerulean skies and warm beams of golden light to bask in, the rustle of leaves on threadbare trees, the squirrels search for hidden spoils unspoiled by the touch of man seeking solace from this wracking cough, this somber sickness that infuses and drains, the scratching of pencil on the pad and furious erasing of another […]

1082

i entered the club with a secret knock on the bannister in the hall, shave and a haircut the dour hatchet faced man that stood like a pile of stones stared at me as i passed him i nodded and went to the bar, the girl behind smiled at me and got my order without […]

flying

skimming the tops of the clouds during early morning flight, naked and glittering with moisture, the occasional ray of light sending spots across vision it’s a dream, must be, the blanket is off, the fan is blowing, laying in superman flight and skating the tender blue above and fat gray promises of rain just below […]

barrier

il n’a pas la volonté de parler, alors il regarde la fenêtre seul en silence son âme fait mal pour elle, elle es son tout, mais il ne peut pas lui dire ce qu’il ressent perhaps a different tongue, another language will allow the words to spill fully formed from his mouth je taime mon […]

longing (villanelle)

lucid dreams in which you’re near bending laws of time and space wishing just for you to be here the lies of fate seem all too clear like the lines upon my face lucid dreams in which you’re near doubts with ugly heads that rear of futility in which i need to chase wishing just […]

irregular tapping for you

i thought my heart was in a state of arrhythmia, my head aches and my mind only seems capable of focusing on her out sequence throbbing in my veins i rest two fingers in wrist and try and call my nerves two quick pulses one quick one long two quick three long three quick one […]

tripwire

you see a tripwire, i see a means to an end. it feels as if society is a dogearred copy of salinger from flipping its collective shit. all the while i cut myself not to make the pain real but to make sure i am still capable of bleeding. that they did not swoop in […]

The Crew and Mona

“Good morning.” “Morning Mona.” “You seem chipper.” “My work bestie met my outside work besties. It was a momentous occasion.” “It was?” “It wasn’t?” “They were nice.” “Uh oh.” “Well. They were different.” “Oh yeah. For sure.” “What did you tell them about me?” “Your name and we work together.” “That’s all?” “Yep. Why?” “Well. […]

a job well done

the words kept singing and she grew tired of my heeding their call and went to bed, angry at me, tired of being ignored it wasn’t as if i did it on purpose i just can’t leave something half done it was half an hour later when i slowly opened the door and crept into […]

to depression, shut up

depression is giving me the silent treatment lately oh she still clings to me and weighs down my normal, is my normal but she is mad i don’t talk about her as much as i used to i think she is jealous just another her thinking she is the her that fills my heart and […]

one about trains

she has this ability to derail my train of thought, to collapse the tunnel and rend the tracks from the earth she is the light at the end, barrelling towards me with no regard to decorum or my fleeting sense of self just the billowing black smoke of inevitability, signals i cannot read wafting high […]

addio

shutting down the system for maintenance, stuck in the same loop, depression, loneliness, silence, not enough, set a sail in a rickety boat with more leaks than leg room on a dry river bed of desire distant howls signalling they come to feed again, slavering maws and jagged fangs, eyes devoid of all but hunger, […]

around the edges

the cold light of morning tends to shine upon you things we don’t want to see the loss of the day before the wreckage we stumble away from seems so much worse as the muscle ache sets in and the adrenaline wears off the snapshots in our mind, a jumble of blurring colors, all seems […]

cat and fish

the cat watches the fish swim the fish is in an imbecilic daze swimming in lazy circles there is no thought in it’s vacant little eyes the cat has nothing but malice as it stares i clear my throat a sure sign to her that i know what she is thinking she looks at me […]

go fish

restless leg syndrome has taken over my entire frame vibrating molecular motion in tune with another dimension occasional bleed over occurs tabbies with moth wings sentient knives with thick eastern european accents my legs are caught in a fisherman’s net and the tolling of the bell on the buoy calls out staggered steps towards the […]

Mona’s Idiot

“Good morning.” “But is it?” “A good morning? Sure.” “Hmmm.” “What happened?” “I don’t even know how to describe it.” “You don’t know how to describe something? Hold on, I need to jot this down on my calendar.” “For what?” “Do you know how rare it is when you are at a loss?” “Somewhat often?” […]

endings

i think about death a lot too much my death not suicide though if i had a nickel for everytime that though had occured i could pay for therapy and a bottle of pills that would stop the incessant erections and thoughts about i think about death a lot not sure how you quantify a […]

seraphic serenade

shifts in time zones and early morning flights a full body sense of discombobulation i meant to read but woke three hours later as the tablet fell with a surprisingly jarring impact against my face panic set in where am i, whose bed is this, why is it so cold in here eyes refusing to […]

Diosas

I saw her as I was waiting in line at Target. I don’t know what made me look up from my phone. Yes I was staring at my phone. I don’t do the self check out bullshit. The last time I was standing there screaming at the machine that the fucking bread was in the […]

mutate

irradiated in the solar rays isotopical failure half life full life no life left mutated designated reinstated ridicule falling farther from the light of day ensconced in shadow left with waxy feathers and an expired lottery ticket roaming the world alone a modern day daedelus craftsman destined to watch the ones he loves scorched and […]

no cinder

this life beats me to a pulp and all i can do is curl up in a ball and let fate dry fuck me into oblivion i picture you and it all smooths out a little this a part meant hell this impossible need for more in a world of dwindling hope you shine like […]

empty the spam

don’t wear a seat belt lest you drown in your own urine, a placard attached to the peg board next to my soul and daddy says come to the kingdom of light and rejoice, i feel a tankard short of a viking funeral two hands for the players, one for the house, keep your sentences […]

initials

i carved your initials into the bench by the tree under the moon where we once sat and promised forever to one another in foolish abandon do you remember the promises we whispered into one another’s ears while we made love under the stars did we make love i ask myself or did we affirm […]

vinegar and pennies

the voices whisper constantly a litany an invocation white noise in the background of every quiet moment gentle tolling of the bell the dagger the cup an entire tarot deck come alive thousand fates unfold at once don’t go that way this path is fraught with peril death danger failure inconceivable torment allegorical ache irreparable […]

Mona Becomes Family

Three years and fifty one weeks ago “Good morning.” “I’ve made a huge mistake.” “Is this how we start our morning?” “With you being pleasant and me running from crisis to crisis? God, I hope not.” “What crisis?” “I’m an idiot.” “It’s only been a week but I think I can agree to that statement.” […]

dawn’s rays

in the moments before dawn, right before the tendrils of light push the darkness back, that sublime moment of anticipation and fear what new horrors will be cast in shadow, the hidden face of primal fears and knots in sub-gastrointestinal distress will be shown it is a time of truth, where the machiavellian plots of […]

autopsies

just another social anxiety flare up one of those public autopsies encouraging hashtags and in depth analysis no one cares what i think so when the inevitable breakdown occurs audacious ineffectualness a murder of crows settles silently on the fence a conspiracy of ravens on the church steeple universally inept coroners conduct a social autopsy […]

brink of jazztinction

thunder lizards on the horizon subtle shaking as they roam closer stark technicolor nightmares viscera a low upright bass off scene buh doom boom boom boom boom boom boom buh doom boom boom boom fingers run down the ivory keys the tyrannosaurus snaps a brush across the cymbal nostrils flared the scent of prey on […]

death, she whispered

i asked her for her name and she only whispered death i chuckled but she didn’t even smile the closer i looked at her the more indistinct she seemed to grow the room chilled as she grew near i tried to make small talk but she was indifferent at best, disinterested and bored with subtle […]

good enough

you are beautiful as i float along this gentle winding river of shattered dreams and fluttering moths of yesterday gathering the pieces i’ve so carelessly let go over time pieces of me of you of strangers glittering little baubles of broken hearts and souls well wishes and wandering eyes as the words fall in fat […]

surely would

the bible says man gave a rib to make woman i’d give another rib to have you here, in front of me, to just whisper my eternal love to you i would use my tears to moisten the clay beneath me so i could sculpt an effigy of you to show my devotion but my […]

First Day with Mona

“Good morning.” “Hi! How are you?” “I’m doing well.” “Awesome. I’m Mike. Looks like we are going to be sharing this room together.” “It does. I’m Mona.” “Is your middle name Lisa?” “What? Oh. No.” “Get that a lot?” “No.” “Oh. Seems like an obvious question.” “I guess it does.” “I’m sorry. I’m rambling. I […]

1070

and as the world crumbles down around us all i can wish for is to feel your hand upon my cheek your lips on mine to gaze into your eyes as it turns to ash there could be no greater way to go my sweet lost love you were the most wonderful dream in a […]

“Alkaline Trio – Clavicle” and tanka

so many thoughts fly none of them fill me like you like this bottle here i’m empty and discarded headed for the bin outside nothing fills me up it all just leaks down my face what a fucking waste another vessel ignored left to be broken again open another let the liquid slosh about and […]

fall away again

i came home to find her asleep in my bed she had on my shirt, too long and big for her but she wore it so well she was laying still and i watched her as she slept memories of a hundred nights of lying next to her i let her sleep didn’t climb in […]

an end

there’s a quivering in my abdomen, a fear begins to grow, the words they come a spilling out, there is nothing left to show fear is just uncertainty, and trauma seeds to sow, armageddon is two blocks away, my head’s about to blow the razor runs perpendicular to the raised scar tissue that starts to […]

being

i know i’m a human the question i’m feeling this one has me reeling am i a human being being anything, just a walking corpse, just a stain, a pain, another moron penning sad refrains am i here can you hear am i a human being being anything but a carbon dioxide dispenser, a tear […]

curious corpse

she said if you’re playing with me, you’re likely going to drown so i dove in headfirst i let her churning waves and mysterious depths consume me no need for a deep breath not in her oxygenated embrace the farther down i swam, the more i needed to explore all sensation of up and down […]

i’ll be the rabbit

did i tell you i dreamt of you last night no how could i we don’t really talk i would have though in the dream i was back up north a place we have never been not together at least i went to the bar that i always went to and remembered falsely you went […]

dirty lenses

can you see yourself through the lens of another person’s bend, if you could would you look hummingbirds and preying mantises prance along the feeder outside my window i know how this will play out, another bird carcass littering the ground what does the bird see, just a bundle of patiently staring green sticks what […]

Back to Normal with Mona

“Good morning!” “Sure.” “What’s wrong?” “The hospital sucked.” “They do.” “But…” “Oh no. What did you do?” “Did I ever tell you how much I like scrubs?” “The clothes or the TLC song?” “Both.” “No. You never mentioned that. Either.” “And you know what the nurses all wear?” “Please tell me you didn’t…” “So this […]