First Day with Mona

“Good morning.”

“Hi! How are you?”

“I’m doing well.”

“Awesome. I’m Mike. Looks like we are going to be sharing this room together.”

“It does. I’m Mona.”

“Is your middle name Lisa?”

“What? Oh. No.”

“Get that a lot?”


“Oh. Seems like an obvious question.”

“I guess it does.”

“I’m sorry. I’m rambling. I do this.”

“It’s okay. I’m nervous too.”


“First day jitters.”

“Right. That makes sense.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“Over stimulated. Too many new faces. Did you see the lady at the break room?”

“The one with the, uhh…”

“Not the one with the lazy eye. No. The cute one with the long black hair. Selene.”

“She was cute.”

“What do you think office fraternization policy is?”

“You’re going to ask her out? On the first day?”

“Well. Hmmm. Good point. Were you going to?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Don’t get mad.”

“Dangerously close.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. Three things. The rainbow patch on your backpack.”

“I like rainbows.”

“Me too. The overlapped female symbols?”

“Female solidarity?”

“Was that a statement or a question?”

“You said three things.”

“Your shoes.”

“My shoes?”


“So from these three things you made the leap that I’m a lesbian?”

“I did. Am i wrong?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your concern.”

“It isn’t. Not really. But if we are sharing this space together for the foreseeable future isn’t it best to lay all the cards out immediately?”

“Dude. What’s wrong with you?”

“So much.”

“Let’s say you’re right. What difference does it make?”

“None. I don’t care. But if we start dating here in the office pool we could be at odds.”

“I don’t shit where I eat.”

“Me either. But this isn’t about that. This is about spending the bulk of our lives in this building. Eventually someone will catch our eye. Things happen.”

“You’re scary.”

“Not really.”

“A little bit. And yes I am a lesbian.”

“So I was right.”

“My shoes?”

“Okay. That was a stretch. The other two things really made it seem obvious.”

“So you lied?”

“I intuitively leapt.”

“Do you do that a lot?”

“Maybe. I don’t really think before I speak.”

“Oh God.”

“It’s as surprising to me as it is to you.”

“So you are in trouble a lot?”

“Usually. Yes.”

“I need this job.”

“Me too.”

“So how do we stop you from getting us both fired because you are more than likely going to say the wrong thing at the worst time?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think that far ahead.”

“This is my hell.”

“I hear that a lot.”

“I bet.”


“But what?”

“Do you like bear claws?”

“I’ve never seen a bear.”

“No. The donut.”

“I like donuts.”

“Well I brought bear claws. There is this Vietnamese donut shop that has the most bomb ass bear claws.”

“Bomb ass.”

“Indeed. Try one.”

“Oh my.”

“Told you.”

“Bomb ass bear claws. Maybe this won’t be terrible.”

“I know all the good spots around here.”

“I’m not familiar with this area.”

“I bet. You live up on Clark, right?”

“How the fuck?”

“Orange line card. And that is a predominantly gay section of town.”

“That’s creepy.”

“It is. I’ll tone it down for you if you want.”

“I’m oddly curious.”

“Me too.”

“I see that.”

“Is this the worst first meeting you’ve ever had with someone?”

“Possibly. Weirdest for sure.”

“You’d be amazed how often I get that as well.”

“I don’t think I would.”

“Yeah. I guess not.”

“So do you have a girlfriend?”

“If you aren’t opposed to me asking Selene out, maybe.”

“You think you’ve got that kind of game huh?”

“No. Not even a little. But her body language when I introduced myself said she is bored of the guys here. And she seemed interested.”

“Or desperate.”

“Tomato potato.”


“What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Did you say tomato potato?”

“Yeah. It’s a common saying.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Trust me Mona.”

“I’m not sure about that either.”

“Probably smart.”

“Seems so.”

“I think we’re going to become besties.”

“Oh yeah?”

“If you don’t kill me first.”

“I may.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there I suppose.”

“You are an interesting guy Mike.”

“Oh. That’ll fade soon enough.”

“When you relax a little?”

“This is as relaxed as I get.”


“I apologise in advance.”

“Seems fair.”

“It really isn’t.”

“You bring more of those bear claws and we can probably make this work.”

“That is no problem. I get then for free.”


“I stopped a robbery in the donut shop once.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I did.”


“Threw my coffee in the robber’s face and then punched him a bunch.”


“Yep. Free bear claws for life.”

“We may just find a way to become besties.”

“Knew you’d come around. You like pizza?”

“I do.”

“One of the best spots is right around the corner from here.”

“Okay. Go at lunch?”

“One small problem.”


“I forgot my wallet.”

“I can spot you today.”

“You rule! I’ll pay you back with the story about the first time I got shot with a rubber bullet.”

“The first time?”

“The third was the worst. And don’t get me started on the bean bag shot gun.”

“Oh man. You are certainly unique.”

“We haven’t even scratched the surface. I’ll be right back.”

“Going to get her number?”

“Gots to get them digits.”

“Good luck.”

“Lucky I am not. But I am occasionally good.”

13 thoughts on “First Day with Mona

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