“—”

“Um. Mona.”

“What.”

“Good morning.”

“I’m mad at you.”

“For what?”

“What was the rule?”

“Don’t sleep with Mona’s friends.”

“Why was that a rule?”

“They are vampires and will suck the life out of me.”

“And what did you do?”

“Not slept with Mona’s friends.”

“No. You did worse.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you did.”

“I didn’t even get a phone number. I was on my best behavior.”

“And that is the problem.”

“What?”

“You were charming all night.”

“And?”

“Now two of them want to know you better.”

“Which two? Please say Jenny and Tiffany.”

“Jenny and Tiffany.”

“Yes!”

“No.”

“I mean oh no.”

“Damn right you do. Idiot. Those two are the worst of the bunch.”

“But I didn’t even flirt.”

“Are you an idiot?”

“We both know the answer to that.”

“Yes. And yet you find new ways to demonstrate this fact.”

“We drank and laughed. That was all.”

“If only. What is flirting?”

“Trying to have sex with someone?”

“Was that a question or a statement?”

“Yes.”

“No. Flirting can be harmlessly making two woman laugh all night. Making them feel like the two most important women in the room.”

“It can?”

“Idiot. Yes. And what did you do?”

“Listened and talked. Oh.”

“Now he gets it.”

“But I wasn’t trying to…”

“Doesn’t matter. Did you not see how much they were into you?”

“No.”

“Of course not.”

“But Mona…”

“They asked me for your number after you left.”

“They did?”

“Yes. Because you said you didn’t have a phone when they asked you.”

“What was I supposed to say?”

“Kindly refuse.”

“That’s rude.”

“You’re an asshole. You’re always rude.”

“Hurtful.”

“True.”

“Still though.”

“Now they are mad at me.”

“Why?”

“Because I said no.”

“Did you tell then they are vampires?”

“No.”

“Honesty would have helped. Maybe they don’t know.”

“They damn well know they are monsters.”

“But do they?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For being an idiot or for flirting all night?”

“Yes.”

“It’s okay you big dummy. I should have known.”

“What?”

“You wouldn’t understand. And if you did you’d be a monster too.”

“Okay.”

“Did you have to draw though?”

“Draw?”

“The vagina on the napkin.”

“It was a joke. I said we should send it to the guys in the bar and see of they could pin the clit to the vag.”

“And it was funny. Except they wanted you to pin your tongue to their vags.”

“No. You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

“Or you aren’t seeing what was.”

“C’mon now.”

“You are not allowed to call them.”

“I don’t have their numbers.”

“But I told them I would give them to you.”

“Are you going to?”

“Are you going to call either of them?”

“No.”

“Then there is no point.”

“I guess.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“I mean, a little. It isn’t often two ladies want me to call them.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. But it is really for the best.”

“I know.”

“You sound so sad.”

“It’s fine.”

“Fine. Really?”

“Yes Mona. I knew the rules going in. I tried my best and still messed it all up.”

“You didn’t mess it up. You just don’t know what you are doing.”

“Yeah.”

“I was proud of you. You only went off like five times.”

“Restraint!”

“I had it figured at ten.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Fair.”

“I thought so.”

“But pin the clit to the vag was pretty awesome.”

“Those guys would have had no idea.”

“None whatsoever.”

“And your tip for the g-spot was pretty good.”

“Come hither.”

“I though Jenny was going to slip and slide off her stool.”

“That would have been awesome. Next time I will be more of an asshole.”

“And keep them wanting you? No. Next time tell more of your stories.”

“Why?”

“Then they’ll see the trouble they could end up in and will make them back down.”

“I’m a lot fun.”

“You are trouble. Pure and simple.”

“Tomato potato.”

“No.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Which did you like better?”

“Tiffany.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. She seemed more my type.”

“Because of the last syllable being the hard e sound?”

“Probably.”

“Here. You can call her. But don’t complain to me if she breaks your…”

“Hello? Hey Tiffany, it’s Mike…”

“That was fast. Idiot.”