a(n)gel

i wrapped a strand of lights around her forehead a briar halo of pastel whimsy neither of us believed in angels but i will be damned if i didn’t hear the heavenly choir with each of her private smiles the golden peal of bells that seemed to accompany my labored breathing when her scent filled […]

makeshift lassos

i cannot define the soulshudder in this sphere of mental commissioned decommiseration the city is quiet still slumbering in manic undertones a brief respite from monolithic misery the line at the tapatia stretches around the corner of the building as birds peek out from the topiary tenements this ghost town with phantom flames teasing one […]

and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke

and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke insignificant the sky rains razors the immensity of tangential comeuppance they put flouride in the water to pacify the barracudas in the tanks and i watched as the horizon filled with smoke transitive secular polarity as the ever shifting rancorous majesty abounds in magnetic bipolarity bandied […]

a typical day is filled with routines born out of chaos

the day begins with a thought of her i luxuriate in that moment of peace it is the first sip of dirty water that launches the nukes in my mind beginning a rollercoaster barrage the sun/the birds/the breeze/the clouds/pet the puppy/adjust the mask/do i have my mask/set the map/write a poem/more coffee/three more poems/where is […]

apologies to ee

i don’t(really)care for ee cummings but i am enamored by his layouts even if i don’t believe he says anything of note: (stylistically) his work is/interesting/ let me curl up with Sylvia on sheets of the finest silk; smothered by a comforter filled with ebony feathers; let the downy barbs or hollow calamus cut lines […]

silent

you know those times when you want to say something but the words freeze in your throat your tongue trapped behind traitorous teeth your breath constricted as your ribs tighten into a vise i feel declarations pile up beneath my tongue as my brain urgently hits the panic button cutting off any and all access […]

he missed her

he missed her like a last cigarette and a shot of whiskey but when he woke the next morning with a pounding head and the cold sweats he remembered why she was gone seems old memories look better cast in amber and a haze of smoke

the void needs loving too

the void stares back at me biting it’s lip seductively at times like this it is impossible fo think with an existential erection not today, darling but keep my number close likely, i will be back to finish

lover

she told me you’re more in love with the idea of being in love than actually being in love, you’re a poet i smiled no, i just refuse to settle for anything less than absolutely fucking spectacular, i’m a lover

spider and the fly

i watch the fly as it struggles against the silken strands of the web wondering to myself what the spider whispers as it engulfs the wriggling mass there is no fear in the mutilfaceted eyes of the fly nor understanding in the spider’s own vacant gaze just the struggle of the soon to be consumed […]

casual cruelty

a part of me cannot handle when something is left dangling the need to explain to close out tabs to put into words the hurt careless callous selfishness casts but i have learned to stay silent my tongue is made for words of love goddess knows it has spilled too many tears over the years […]

x

she slams the padded hammers down upon the xylophone keys discordant tinkling in the middle of the night she sent x-rays of her ex pressing tiny fingers against the soft spots she knows as well as anyone possibly could examining my failings she circles the parts of gim she took the time to understand in […]

surge

people mistake my kindness for weakness allow me to reassure you i strike like a cobra my tongue is double bladed honed to a razor edge even if it cuts me when it lashes out it just takes more to push me to that point but know it is there no matter how wide the […]

blip (from Cuckoo)

life is an accident a random spark in a pool of haphazardly gathered chaos sure in the end it is all meaningless but look at all the beauty that was created to try and force some sort of order on it all neurotic little apes seeking to place the spilled matchsticks into order casting stereotypes […]

simply stated

there was a duck something something fell in love with a swan things happened (lessons learned) he was a swan (bird logic) the whole time they realized that they were both (blah blah blah) sunshine happy images the truth is i fall asleep with your name on my lips i wake with you filling my […]

astro

i like astrology because it is neat how we can assume fated truths based on flawed vagaries stare hard enough into the tea leaves the image of death or sex or riches is suddenly drawn forth as mercury is in retrograde bad uranus joke i like astronomy because i understand everything we loved has been […]

prick

the miserable old bastard with the red splotched skin darting little rodent eyes always sat at the corner of the bar always facing the door he would squint into the sunlight that streamed into the poorly lit tavern whenever the door opened his quavering hand holding tight to the shot glass ready to slam it […]

collection

some days when the light refracts off the wayward eye of utter devotion splitting nto isotopically intrinsic morning showers comprised of shuddering sorrowdaggers with ebon blades hungering for the heartblood dripping from the open blossoms of pale purple thistleweed choking constricting the diaphragm until all that is left is a hazy reflection in the mud […]

a you sized hole

there is a sense of peace smothering the anxiety i love your voice especially when it breaks into laughter i didn’t know how much i missed you until you snapped back into place in the empty spot in my chest apparently it was a you sized hole between happiness and sorrow that left all the […]

why the mockingbird sings

the mockingbird sits in the old oak tree watching the silent world as the first hint of light ignites the far eastern horizon it hops from one leg to the other ready to fire off into the slowly filtered dawn a cacophonous blast a fire burns in the black orbs a need to shout to […]

stars

the stars were dead long before we believed they twinkled for us alone making wishes on celestial death so focused inward that the gods we made to justify our own failings had to be shadows cast on the backwall of this dilapidated ouija board factory we call home sweet hell

all i know

incidental incremental falling into self destruction every three miles a dead skunk in the middle of the road a glitch in the system replaying images designed to strike the paranoia the anxiety screaming to stop from falling inside curling up involuntarily the storm on the horizon feels like a bad one the lighthouse isn’t visible […]

insan(i)tea for one

microscopically myopic with a tinge of body dysmorphia wrecking hell reckless feeling way too energized feeding on the manic anxiety like a superconductor a lightning rod getting struck on repeat the lichtenstein patterns dance on my bare torso as i self flaggelate on the stained carpet of a back alley motel on the bad side […]

somewhere

i want to be somewhere that the city doesn’t drown out the stars where the world is not frenetic somewhere quiet but i love the city maybe it is the people i can do without except i love watching people i want to live somewhere close enough to a people zoo but far enough away […]

scratchy

feeling over-emotional skinless in a salt water bath the mad line between cryinglaughingandscreaming my head hurts my heart hurts and the world is far too scratchy

sk(ill)

i am saddled with shortcomings but have a few innate skills honed to perfection through my years drifting along as something very nearly real i can burn bridges with the best of them disappear into the brush to never be seen again satisfy yet still not quite be enough in equal measure i can say […]

molotov

i find that in case of a lack of candles to be lit in mourning a molotov really lights up the room

elect(rocution)

tension fills the air the streets are empty save for a few brave souls willing to face the day in their eyes fear lies deeply rooted no matter who wins the general feeling is we have all lost so much already pandemically paralyzed trapped masked kennelled afraid of where the road goes next as all […]

clack

once the potential turns kinetic once i engage it is never ending clack clack clack clack clack clack the silver balls smack sending mercurial shimmers at an atomic level to shift this electron dystopia of negative charges down the spinal recompense of a life lived huddled in the shadows afraid to be seen as the […]

A review of Notches and a great blog to follow

Lisa Lee Tone Review of Notches My little collection of madness got a great review from Lisa Lee Tone on her blog. I’ll be honest, her reviews are always excellent. She avoids spoilers and still gives you a hint of what to expect. And her kindness to Notches is very much appreciated. But she is […]

anxieties

slithering eels in my stomach little arcs of nervous anxieties flashing my nervous system into a state of heightened agitation i know it is false flags but my mind doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact the chemicals make me feel this way while digging deeper to find a cause assuming everything is falling apart the […]

lazy little sunday

brown rice banana and fresh squeezed lemon in the instant pot for me smells with light citrus heaven delightfully fills the apartment about to make biscuits then start on the sausage gravy for the squiddos get dead is playing as i dance around the kitchen spent an hour with Sylvia and Hank hard to beat […]

time

the clocks have fallen backwards little drunkards on the mantle yet the internal dismay sounds regularly no matter the locality the fool refuses to acknowledge time as anything other than a construct invisible chains of anxiety until a scientist figures out how to traverse it backwards then it remains meaningless i count the heartbeats since […]

by inches, a poet dies

there won’t be a twenty one gun salute no solemn procession as my body is presented to the masses clamoring for one last look at the fool before the eternal flame sputters out leaving a greasy stain on the cheap wooden cross no fanfare or papal smoke rising from the vatican to signal the coming […]

reminder, sale tomorrow

Notches, A Collection will be free for ebook tomorrow. And (un)poetic and (un)fetteted are 99¢ each! I feel dirty soliciting my wares, but feel free to take advantage of the deals. Big thanks to River Dixon and Potter’s Grove Press as well as Patrick C Harrison III and Death’s Head Press for doing this. love […]

perfection

i know you would roll your eyes at me if i dared say you are perfect you would brush it off or try to convince me that it is far from true you’d think i was overly romantic the fool was too much in love to see reality with lavender glasses bleeding out the hard […]

Crotch Full of Halloween

“Are you having fun!?” Chris screamed. “What?” I heard him perfectly well, but he will just yell louder. “Are you. Having. Fun?” People across the room looked at him in confusion with their heads slightly cocked to the side like a bass player in a metal video from the late nineties. I looked around the […]

sleepy juice

mommy drank her sleepy juice the fire in her eyes had gone to embers as she glared blearily around the room a cigarette burned in the ashtray as she lit another i watched out of the corner of my eye as her head dipped then snapped back up only to raise slower when it finally […]

digging graves

she told me my heart was a cursed burial ground filled with the smiles of the most beautiful women to ever walk this world killed by the fumbled inadequacies of the messy fool spewing moribund poems looking for the lady with wildflowers in her hair never quite present never quite right a cardiac infraction with […]

training

training for a marathon barefoot across the remnants of every childhood dream that was shattered every year i die waiting to be reborn into something half as twisted half as infected half as ineffectual something more suited to be injected directly into your open mouth training for extreme depression by locking myself into the closet […]

Sunday, November 1st, specials

As a heads up to all of you wonderful readers and artists, this coming Sunday the Fool is giving you presents. Death’s Head Press and I are going to drop the price of my collection of short stories, Notches, in e-book to free for the entire day. I’m proud of this one. It goes across […]

private lines

i found myself writing a poem about you as i woke one that captures you as i see you one day i will whisper it into your ear between kisses on your neck i am saving this private little verse for me as it is not for public consumption they don’t get to know the […]

(i)

i am the last bloom to push out of the soil too late to ever open like the flowers around me the pistachio unsplit the scuff on your new shoes i spit in the eye of both god and the devil for doing fuck all but watching everything sink i tell the truth even when […]

extent

she cut the wires to my self destruct button so now when i jam down hard on it in my moments of extreme weakness it just plays her smile on a loop sending the bitter sorrow back to the basement where it belongs she knows the affect she has on me yet never uses it […]

marshmallow

as wonderful as the ideal of a new regime coming into play maybe to some has anyone stopped to think that it is akin to slapping a band aid on an injured bald eagle’s wing while ignoring the head has been lopped off at this point it will take victor von frankenstein or herbert west […]

gravel

sometimes i feel so fucking hard that i cannot take it i just sit sobbing unable to breathe in those moments i need you so fucking bad it takes every ounce of strength not to beg you to help because i have to be a rock even if my guts are gravel and i cannot […]

cold

the sky showers down droplets of its peculiar vernacular a rhythmic dribble lost in the nuance of her absent-minded stare when the only urge is to wrap myself tightly around her take the worries away in the warm glow that pulses in her presence it’s cold again today i sit watching the rain shivering beneath […]

creativity

on hand and knees heaving onto the oil stained concrete wretching a sluice of scabberously chitinous locusts twitching malformed wings skittering on half burnt legs into the overflowing gutters filled with the tearstained lost faith of artists that gave every bit of their soul to create only to fail vomiting a hoarde comprising the broken […]

lesser than

i woke today insubstantial a shadow of the person i had hoped to be a wispy almost human shape filled with insecurities anxieties a once hopeful bastion of dream no more than a fraction of a hint potential squandered in an emotional pile up along the rainy corridors between real and imagination i woke today […]

the moon weeps

the moon weeps the air filled with sullen tears as the skies above reflect the seas below i dreamt of you last night in fits and starts i found you sitting in the shade of the kapok tree while the concial thorns sway beneath the falling rains you smiled as i chopped my way through […]

one less

he lit another cigarette off the corpse of the last letting out a cloud of blue smoke that danced in the cool rainy air followed by a tremendous cough that rattled like thunder and looked me in the eye as he spat onto the wet concrete and said: each one of these is a fuck […]

unfuflilled harvest

the world rings hollow the rains continue to fall in the blank spaces between errant spatters unblinking eyes trace movement coiled ready to strike i lay here under the elements weathering the storm staring into the ceaseless night that rests just behind your unabandoned vacancies in you i become less substantial unvisible in your tumultuous […]

sterile mockingbirds

there is a beauty that shines to me in the degradation of the countless copies the inspired bys that go too far cross the line into outright theft yet never quite manage to harness the spark of the original film slowly deteriorating into shambling mockeries of unaltruistic design it is there in the unentangled quantum […]

you(than)eyes

it is in her eyes a cold panic in calculating increments a sheet of ice coating her sense of self she sits at the threshold of fight and flight all i can do is slowly lower my hands step back into the shadows vanish from sight her nostrils flare as i settle down onto a […]

fact based speculation

there are things i accept as truth that have zero bearing on any aspect of my life or the small chunk of this giant world i occupy only when i pause to conceptualize them do i begin to question the veracity of the known unknown truthiness of it then the ideas grate across my brain […]

random thoughts, a fool flickers

i think that everyone should listen the ramones at least once a day they are good for the heart they are good for the soul if you don’t like the ramones i don’t think i want to know you that they should teach murakami kafka and twain in grade school then every three years after […]

epitaph

she described my own tombstone to me while trying to make me feel better he was surrounded by loved ones yet never loved the way he chased his entire useless life she said it nicer

accumulated dust

she disinfects herself of any scrap of me with her antiseptic smile fast across the countertop of indignant misunderstandings I may have been an anchor around her waist but we both knew she was the goddamned rope tethered between hope and my third rib so when she tells everyone she didn’t feel a thing it’s […]

mortician

she was made for me like a pine box lined with satin standing open next to a six foot deep rectangle in the middle of the desert she eyes me like the shadows in the noontime sky slowly circling spiralling closer to where i lay prone beneath the anger apparent in the storm behind her […]

rings

they take their rusty blades to hack hack hack away at me seeking the secret to my hollow rings whenever my mind is otherwise elsewhere surgical precision of a million palm fronds dancing in hurricane force winds carving intuition from virgin flesh leaving vast fleshy partitions to strut my nightshigers like a skinned cat in […]

treadbare

i have become treadbare threadbare spinning in place yet never moving never finding traction in traction a reactioniary revisionist no time for thought no plan no future no time for foresight forgot to look ahead hooking a gift horse in the hellmouth beating a dead hoarse throated cry of the harebrained hairtrigger sniper the asinine […]

alone

she never loved me but she loved not being alone so when she felt alone she loved me(occupying the vacancy next to her) until someone better came along that maybe she could love to be with even more than how much she loved not being alone

(her)on

his head is heavy the headache has returned welcome home it screams in pulses of wavering intensities of electrified honeysuckle infused agonies he is in his bed yet he cannot turn off the feeling he is still gone too little sleep too many thoughts so he drowns it all in coffee ryo happy thoughts of […]

fifteen to close to home

exhausted yet wired back in the familiar cave not home no she is home together we are home but close enough compared to hotel life fifteen hour day five of which spent roaming the airport dancing down the escalator singing i’m scum loudly with nothing better to do need to decompress or simply press my […]

the fool ferments: vinegar (update)

the fermentation process is going strong. We officially have alcohol. Now we let the fermentation continue until it reaches the right level (6-11%) of alcohol and begins to turn to to vinegar. We are 7 days in. At 20 we should be able to strain the fruit out and cap them. The best part is, […]

shed

there is a reckoning coming i reckon a time for the beast to shed the skin of the fool to ravage savage ruthlessly crush the remnants of what once was a man but is now no more than a shell of who i longed to be too many times i was tossed to the side […]

airport blues

terminal to terminal terminally ill sick of moving never sitting still racing from one end of the world to the final end of the world stark raving mad ravenous starving yet hate filled with longing to be loved training to be expected to take the train sitting on the floor of the vending area with […]

sheep

he was a sheep in wolf’s clothing a little man with a puffed up chest hidden behind muscles he couldn’t use but if attitude counted he was still nothing but a sack of shit staining whatever street he happened to slide down

zen and the art of broken hearts vol 1

i wasn’t born feeling suicidal even though i was well aware that she was the sweetest kind of poison still i drank her down in needy thirsty gulps i learned that poets pick their vices before taking their first steps so i had seen her in my dreams before i knew what any of that […]

dead

i don’t do funerals i don’t commiserate life is negative enough without rolling about in the pain instead i celebrate the soul not the husk being interred i have seen the light leave the eyes of friends of loved ones heard the death rattle the long exhalation sat in the room as the reaper attended […]

pinholes

there are pinholes in my darkness little rays of light lost lumens seeking an escape from the irrevocable emptiness that permeates my entirety cascading beams that exist only to be absorbed into my inequities bounced against the onyx stillborn heart caged in a tomb of bonefuckery every unanswered prayer wish or i love you a […]

overwhelmed

i am overwhelmed too many people want a piece of the fool i don’t belong to me i am hers so if you need me contact her maybe she can pencil you in but i doubt it she has her hands full already with me

first

the first time you came over we talked for hours on the couch then our lips got entangled and somehow our clothes all fell off we went back to the bedroom where you screamed out my name with every shuddering spasm with every time that you came when we woke in the morning i wanted […]

left alone

i just want to be left alone the world can go fuck itself the chatter can stop the people can turn to dust blow away into the sunrise i just want to be left alone with my thoughts my mania my pain my scars where judging eyes are blinded by the light refracted off the […]

day three, morning

she sat weeping as the cold air blowing as she tugged her (exist ten)shawl(dread) tightly over her bony shoulders as bitter tears turn to dirty smears upon her lined cheeks a chance encounter on another sleepless walk i needed coffee she needed food so now we sit under the less than hospitable stares at the […]

edge of babylon

it’s so quiet too fucking quiet i can’t think without the music on breathing in the recycled air in this empty hotel the edge of babylon. i keep going out for walks aware there is nothing to see here nothing to be here an interruption a disruption mistyped code deletes the function an empty junction […]

day two, morning

the line for the fast food restaurant stretches around the building snaking it’s way through the hotel parking lot he stands in the window freshly showered in the midst of crippling depression as he stares down at the cars he can’t sleep the bed is too soft the covers too heavy the pillows too much […]

in there

there are monkeys flinging shit from the balcony in my mind rabid little bastards with insane fever burning madness in their eyes there are ducks swimming in ever tightening spiralling doom through my endocrine system pecking at my pituitary gland like a fat beetle on the waves there is a squirrel frantically clawing at the […]

tangled

this bed is too big for you not to be next to me though, if i am honest, a twin bed would be too far away as well. all i want is to be tangled with you.

day one, morning

the time change has my head all sorts of fucked as i found myself roaming the streets at two in the morning unable to silence the words in my skull yet incapable of spilling them into the aether the area is familiar enough during the day but as i walked i found myself feeling more […]

airport elevator

we shared an elevator something in that allowed him to share his trip with me a messy break up a near restraining order restrained by covid she moved six months later she reached out he flew from new york to dallas they had a rekindling he offered to move she wasn’t ready he was slighted […]

gradual

we all stand by the water’s edge feeling as the cold slowly climbs a gradual drowning so many loved ones have disappeared beneath the waves the emptiness reflected in the placid lapping i close my eyes lock your smile into my mind as the the water tickles the tip of my nose uncaring of the […]

no one can see

some days i am a sparrow dancing from foot to foot on the branches trilling another unnecessary ode to her some days i am a storyteller rambling from metaphor to metaphor in the lines spewing another insipid tale of me i scream cut off bits to smear across the screen snarling spitting rage sorrow suffering […]

the fool ferments again: vinegar

In my new exploration in cooking, I’ve grown obsessed with uniting the five flavors in each dish. My latest facet has been focusing on acidity. The perfect counterpoint to sweet but so often neglected. Tomatoes are a great source in typical meals. But I want to move past basics. So vinegar. A two step fermentation […]

chris miller loves dark tower

his jowls quivered as he clutched the glass brought it up shakily to his rage whitened lips “as an adaptation…” i turn away unable unwilling to hear the lies rotely memorized yet false things like maggots writhing on an old log “but, as a movie…” the madness fades to a soft glow of enraptured joy […]

dreamspasms

as i slept straps seemed to stretch across my torso over my legs my arms over my throat my wrists my ankles each time my eyes opened projected images of fruit rotting medical procedures from the late eighteen-hundreds danced across the ceiling in maddeningly slowed down or oversped sequences a full spectrum nervous system attack […]

at ease

i studied philosophy until it became self evident i knew the answers to the questions posed seven left a happy accident no sadly, still no if you slide a finger inside and make the come here gesture you’ll feel it the only one that haunted me sent me down dark paths seeking the true definition […]

filth

sometimes the only thought on repeat is of simple love and joy but i lost faith in expressing either as no one cares unless they can derive their own pleasure from the words so instead i choke them down hoping for something horrible so the animals are sated the beauty is only attractive when they […]

repossess

the clergy came to repossess my demons today they stood stoically in all black little white inserts at the collar somber men of the cloth here to do serious business i told them i wasn’t home as i eyeballed them through the peephole persistent bastards tenacious even i drained nearly an entire bottle of red […]

missed

i have missed you in that missing came to realize how deeply you run in my veins so when i miss you i feel my pulse on my throat right where your mouth should be and i whisper my love into the darkness

delete later, cry for now

it is so easy to choke on the bitter rind life has in abundance to let the waves batter us until there is nothing yellowed bones broken sinking in the tar pits that seemed like solid ground. it is why when those firefly lights of happy come i will just sit smiling trying to absorb […]

picked clean

sometimes i scare myself i know i push go too far too fast get too caught up in the inner space of my cavernous skull i dart between cars going one fifteen writing poetry that will never see the page unable to slow down to lift my foot off the accelerator or my fingers from […]

a reply to an unnecessary question

half the night spent awake in that familiar shake and bake tossed and turned southern fried mental misery no matter how hard i try to shut it off i can still feel the two holes where your venom entered my system in the quiet time of the witching hour it burns its way through my […]

heavy

there are moments when the world feels too heavy but the weight starts somewhere inside my chest everything feels fractured i find myself floating in an upside down umbrella in flash flooded streets as cartoonish nightmare parodies dance along the roofs of the submerged cars kicking off alarms that bleat silently with flashing lights on […]