“Are you having fun!?” Chris screamed.
“What?” I heard him perfectly well, but he will just yell louder.
“Are you. Having. Fun?” People across the room looked at him in confusion with their heads slightly cocked to the side like a bass player in a metal video from the late nineties.
I looked around the room. Sexy nurses, sexy nuns, if you could attach sexy, no matter how inappropriate, there was a lady dressed as it. I shit you not, there was a sexy paper shredder. Her low-cut blouse had paper teeth around the top, doing little more than acting as arrows towards her breasts. She trailed shredded paper from the bottom of her very short skirt that brought the eyes to her shapely ass.
But it still pissed me off. Halloween isn’t about sexy versions of appliances.
Alright. The nuns and nurses sort of work all year. So, let’s leave the sacred habits and scrubs out of this. In fact, let’s make them the only acceptable sexy costume.
Chris leaned in, face sweaty from five gin and tonics and the stupid fucking horse mask. “It is your birthday in half an hour! You need to get yourself a crotch full of Halloween!”
I just stared at him. I hoped the hate in my stare let him know exactly how fucking stupid an idea that was.
He didn’t see the subtext. Instead, the skinless ratfucker put the mask on and began humping the air while pointing at me and screaming, “It is his birthday in twenty minutes!”
Then he disappeared, the ghost of cocksucker past, into the crowd as fifteen people turned to stare at me. I willed myself to turn invisible. It didn’t work.
I did the sensible thing, went outside to the car to get high and listen to music that wasn’t the same three notes at three hundred beats per minute. It is a party, not a fucking rave. The ooonce ooonce was threatening to drive me insane. And it was impossible to talk.
See, I am not attractive enough to just draw a lady’s attention. I need to be able to talk. My personality isn’t much better, but in the right light, utter darkness, I’m alright. “Crotch full of Halloween. Fuck me,” I muttered as I opened the car door.
“Maybe. But you better bring a little more enthusiasm to the game.”
I turned to see a cute blonde staring at me. Her shirt said, my other costume is your mom. She had the same pair of horns spirit glued to her forehead as me.
I found myself falling into like.
I cleared my throat and threw my head back. “Fuck Me!”
She shrugged then sniffed the air. I realized it was likely the skunky pine of my entire car interior. She smiled. “You just got a little closer to first base.”
“Is that oral or anal?” Smooth.
She shrugged. “Depends on the music and how many hits it takes.”
“Honestly, no more than two.”
“Are we talking about the sex or the weed?”
“Yeah.” Thank God she laughed. “I’m Mike.”
“Well now I am Curious. Happy Halloween, Mike.”
“Happy Halloween to you, Curious.” I walked around and opened the passenger door. I’d say it was for her out of gallant chivalry, but it was more I worried trash would fall out. Curious curtseyed and laughed.
Definitely approaching like.
“So, Mike, what are the tunes?”
Shit. This is important. I did a quick glance across her exposed skin, mentally cataloguing her tattoos and systematically trying to figure out the best choice. Her choice in ink didn’t help at all. She was all over the place. And once I saw the one on her thigh and imagined what the rest of it looked like pressed against my cheek…
“Idles.” Was it hot in here? It seemed hot.
She did a little clap. I didn’t stare at her shirt as it jiggled. But if I had I could say it wasn’t hot by the way her nipples…
“You okay there, Mike?”
I snapped out of my reverie and opened the center console and pulled out the bowl and grinder. I efficiently packed it and passed it and the lighter to her. She smiled at me and something in it said I wasn’t blowing it. I smiled back as she took a long drag. The pipe turned yellow and she released the carb and took it all in and winked at me. I was seriously impressed. I reached for the pipe and she grabbed me by the shirt collar and pulled me close. The next thing I knew she was filling my lungs with smoke and my mouth with her tongue. I don’t know how long that lasted but when I finally let out my breath there was no trace of smoke. She lit the bowl a second time and repeated each and every step.
“Tunes,” she said as I stared into her bottomless gaze.
My lips tingled as I flipped through the tunes and hit play on Model Village. She began dancing in her seat. I felt like I had run forty miles per hour into a marshmallow as I watched Curious dance in the car seat. It didn’t make any sense. I’d never seen her before. She is gorgeous. Yet she not only just kissed me deeper than I have been kissed in far longer than I want to think about, twice even, but also conserved weed. I realized I felt like a deer in headlights. I didn’t have a single idea of what I should do.
So I didn’t think. I turned up the song and leaned across the center console and tried to make her lips tingle just as mine did. At first, I just kissed her, but it grew hungrier, she growled into my mouth. She grabbed my hands and placed them strategically on the things I had been doing my best to not think too much about. No thinking. I pinched her nipple, gently at first but as I applied pressure she moaned into my mouth. She pulled the bottom of her shirt up, inviting my hand to feel the hot flesh beneath. Time slowed, I counted by the gasping breaths, by heart beats thundering in my head, before my mouth found hers, her cheek and then my teeth grazed her throat. She grabbed my wrist and pushed lower. I fought a little. Slowing it down as her pulse pounded beneath my lips. Finally, I let my fingers trace under the frilly lace waistband, excited at the dampness that greeted my probing digits. I teased slowly around the edge, gently surveying the area before finding the pearl in the petals.
She gasped and whispered into my ear, “Yes, Mike.” She moaned, then mumbled, “Play with my crotch full of Halloween.”
I stopped and cocked my head like a confused dog. The mist of lust dissipating slowly from my mind. I pulled my mouth off of her collarbone. “Huh?”
She smiled, too many teeth showed in her mouth. Sharp teeth, rows of them like a shark. I was frozen, the confusion sickenly turning to fear. Then I felt a sharp, painful constriction. My middle finger, the one forgotten momentarily inside of her, snapped and I let out a sharp bark of pain. She smiled even bigger and her mouth seemed impossibly large. Impossibly full of teeth. I tried to pull my hand free but it was trapped as if in a steel vice. I felt the bone being ground to dust in the hot slick velvet finger cuff.
The last thing I saw was her unhinged jaw and all those rows of teeth closing in on my face. Pain, brutal and fast. Then nothing.