she cut the wires
to my self destruct button
so now
when i jam down
hard on it
in my moments
of extreme weakness
it just plays
her smile
on a loop
sending the bitter sorrow
back to the basement
where it belongs

she knows the affect
she has on me
yet never uses it
against me
which throws
my natural tendencies to doubt
out of sorts
as she proves herself
the perfect foil
to my madness
our compatible demons
ready to protect
the soft bruises
on one another’s souls
that never quite heal

she brings me comfort
and that
scares the fuck out of me
and my near constant state
of fear
be it of
the incoming strike
or abandonment she sees my scars
and runs fingers down them
without a flinch
i know
i look for it
and all i see is adoration
she will never know
the extent of my love for her
because it is impossible
to express

but i will keep trying

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