you’d think as often as the anxiety visits it would be a familiar friend it feels the need to remind me the sky is falling even as i sit bathed in blue picks apart the threads of joy until everything is a tangled mess cannot take a hint to leave lamenting things as yet to […]

he spent years a lowly pauper begging at the doorway to the house of eros threadbare spirit tattered yet he remained devout despite the agonies let loose in a storm of quivering heart shaped arrows shaking a bowl of unread declarations existing in the blindspot of divinity in service of sanguine serendipities a beggar on […]

it is so still the only sounds are the ceiling fan wobbling and my heart playing a drum solo over the fevered notes of longing strumming in the dark the mad kimg of the sparrows pacing all night lomg the floor littered with failed attempts at capturing perfection

what is a poet but a half cocked philosophy drop out espousing on rhetoricals and seeking to define ethereal ideals with a cocksure sense of stupidity misquoting greats misspelling those sloppy heartfelt declarations mistaking kindnesses and misusing drugs using big words to hide the tiny thoughts less a writer than a deluded stage magician seeking […]

reeling asthe concussivearcs racein lavenderstreaks pittingthe inside ofmy hollow skullrandom blackeneddots formingthe firmament ofmy desperate pleas fluctuatingbetween the gapsin god’s crooked smileseeking thepunchline incosmic inequity a jacob’s ladderof manic voltageeroding eraser tipswith every singlesecond guessrefracted in theozone sizzling asamethyst plasmacarves furrows inmy gelatinous truthto trap moonbeamsswollen with sighs each blink paintswatercolored halosdistorting the roomso i […]

the coffee percolates over the chaos of trilling birdsong a sweeping sound rustling the pages of books haphazardly scattered about the room from another insomnial losing effort pencil shavings drift across the coffee ringed table the entire world feels electrified my leg bounces along with the frenetic energy suffusing the air all around me as […]

latelyi haven’t beenas obsessedwith writingpoetry insteadi have beenliving it pays the sameand i don’thave to hidebehind metaphors i thinki am tiredof hiding i may notsee myselfbut i canidentifythe epicenterin this greatrippling waveof devastation my heartbeatleaves designsetched in the siltcalling outin flashes ofhazel distortionto summon thejellyfish swarmin a ballet ofdelicious stings less obsessedwith writingthe poetrythan running […]

a brown mouse sits whiskers twitching as the breeze sweeps through the fields of lavender blooms crouching low as the shadows circle high above little heart hammers in a sudden flash of deadly exposure wings spread lazily drifting on thermals coalescing between concrete spires staring unblinkingly at fluttering fields of fresh flowers a blur of […]

a crickettrapped in anivory skullbatters itselfto be freeknowing there isno escaping theconfines of thiscavernous hellawash in anoversaturation ofblind dismissals the dry crackingof yesterday’ssundered smileswind swept as leaveslittering thecreases of a brainbruised from theconcussive blowsof furiously delfectedmisguided attentions a lonesomecrickettrapped in thishollowed outhallowed hallwaysetched fromheartfelt hellsvibratingin the darknessa song ofloving agonies

i was once someone’s dream i guess they must have woken up and i don’t know what to do with myself so i sit patiently hoping they dream of me once more

my heart is a dyslexic dictionary with no rosetta stone just dead end dreamscapes in the moments between bated breaths i am the hesitation in your pulse as your fingers trace the paths you long to feel my tongue lazily follow trusting the inherent sense of direction to lead to the kind of happy conclusion […]

how do you rectify knowing despite how you bleed your suffering does not pacify the masses insatiable desire for familiarity in a stagnancy of similar flotsam your art is little more than a billboard faded and half peeled off by the ceaseless howling gales once vibrant now pixels picked apart by the bored hands of […]

love notes fluttering over unmarked minefields an explosion of technicolor heartdander igniting the electric purple clouds into neon epitaphs for the forevers we squandered

i carry a tiny silver hammer to shatter the delusions grown as scales over my sinful stare a panted liturgy kneeling on the remnants of yesterday’s purloined promises the growing pool of crimson indecisions unheeded in the midst of prayer a million eyes staring through cracked mirrors as i glide smokily incongruent a phantom kiss […]

my happiness is a castle made out of sand and my mind is the seawater dissolving the foundation eroding the firmament with an unacceptance this cathedral is one i deserve i don’t see the world the same way others do and i don’t see myself at all a walking smudge light bending around my wavy […]

a cardinal ashamed of his crimson cloak stoically bashing his hollow skull against the tree trunk hoping to become a woodpecker so frazzled they strapped him to a telescoping stage and forced him to perform once an hour the mad king of the sparrows a flash of vermillion darting from his own dire reflection fearing […]

the sky is picture perfect a little too pristine in azure glory spilling out between perfect fluffy clouds my mind picks out irregularities a congruence of similar shapes almost copied and pasted over the dallas skyline my pulse spikes as i am unable to differentiate if it is stunningly real or cunningly constructed am i […]

the thoughts bounce off of the impossible corners of my brain echoing back in a feedback loop of distorted cries until a wall of unbridled fury pummels dream into a fine slurry and i am left gasping as the rain falls yet i cannot seem to differentiate the sorrow from the reverberations of my own […]

i am alone on the roof of the parking garage overlooking the campus under a billowing gray as a falcon sits with a regal scowl listening halfheartedly to me spill out these desires in a hazy infusion of lavender hued adorations to crackle motes of dander inciting a riot of indecnt shades and electrified need […]

the soundtrack is stuck on a loop the birds sing the same melody a dischordiant seven note dirge for the sleepy sun an agitation of fluttering noise a sonic distortion tearing through my papermache skull impregnating the nascent day with cantankerous wails today is a tuesday of that there can be little doubt i long […]

there is a tick tick ticking in my skull growing louder as the frustration steadily mounts the sparrows find the ledge and tap at the window and i remember how to breathe once more skinless in this steadily falling unsterile salinity screaming my love at the uncaring universal disdain reflected in my hazel disconnection

i have a coffee cup with my book on it i use as an ashtray when friends who smoke come over. not that there aren’t ten mismatched mugs i never use it’s just i harbor no delusions. i will leave little more than a half filled urn along with a few scars desperately scratched deep […]

if i had one wish i would wish all of your wishes came true what else could i possibly need knowing you are content the sunrise your smile sylvia and coffee exactly enough to eradicate the darkness suffusing my sleepy brain

rain threatens to fall downdowndown as i sit with my legs dangling over the edge of the spiraling drain i am dizzy eyes spinning with those tempestuous waves singing softly of slowly slipping downdowndown to settle into the silt

i sit captive as my brain spins anxieties each easily shattered yet they swarm slowly riddling me full of holes until i can’t help but collapse my torn flesh is consumed leaving just a pockmarked skull grinning winsomely toward the morning star to gleam dully from glaring empty sockets if i don’t move i will […]

for the longest i thought that i was a stray atom a comet destined to strafe those inhabitable orbs wobbling off in their own orbits self contained by invisible shells indifferent to the lonely folly in frozen prose one too many close calls left me careening out in the irradiated emptiness of needing some space […]

if you listen real closely the sparrows sing of my love a free song unburdened by the weight of invisible scars the joyful sound picked from my incessant rambles over an endless barrage of coffee they don’t care that i cannot look in the mirror or when my sadness smothers me under its unbearable weight […]

instantly anxiety hits i know i am home but my mind cannot tell if it is one of the many hotels dissociating familiar folly and i want to be home but i know it doesnt fucking matter where i am it’s all the same brownwood or sweetwater or marshall or wherever i cannot escape myself […]

i have the most beautiful poem in my mind yet the words refuse to fall through the veil of sadness draped over my broken mind and i refuse to taint the image with this sorrow that has tinged so many of my quixotic lines i choke down goodbyes settling for the way they tear my […]

no one could accept me until i accepted myself and i was locked in a downwardspiral hiding away scared in a hell perpetuated by my own miswired self deception an improved take on the same bipolarity with a shiny new acceptance for the sudden shifts unreliant upon the vacuous gaze of insecure goddesses who only […]

i wonder if the captain of the titanic prescribed to the notion you find exactly what you need the moment you stop looking seems an even gamble on finding happiness or sending an old whore’s necklace to the bottom of the ocean life is absurdity bubbling up from the insular hells we inhabit but occasionally […]

tracing the vibrations traveling in her low moan as my lipsteethandtongue explore the hollow of her elegant neck my fingers deftly trace hungry symbols down the curve of her spine a sacred benediciton the salt on her flesh fills my fevered mouth with an insatiable thirst her breath in my ear shattering the chains binding […]

a hidden grove thriving verdancy within the gray industrial compound a secret sanctuary for electrified fools to whisper love to the gathered birds a captive audience fitted for fanciful flights filled with gently bruised affections as the subtle blush of dawn lights the dour city of cranky dreamers

spent the morningsnipping the wiresleading fromthe counter inmy mind to thehastily placedtimebomb tickingbehind my diaphragm the red digitsincomprehensible symbolsbegan clickingeven quickeras my shaking handsbegan tearingthe copper cablingconnecting rapidoscillations tothe oft sundered soulof half sleeping poetry alarms caterwaulin the empty corridorsa host of feral phantomsholding handscelebrating the bonfireas ego roasts inthick greasy smokewhile an amateur attemptsto […]

flash frozen inside a snowglobe mere seconds after everything i dreamt of presented itself in an explosion of static glitter hovering directly in front of me yet as impossible to touch as the edge of the universe the carrot has become lost in the haze of depression only the absent lashings keep this mule plodding […]

thought a drive might calm the electrical discharges rupturing across my minefield mind as my jaw seizes shut the manic grin fading into a puckered scar as phantom thunder rumbles over cerulean despair this ineffectual effusion of dependent chemicals sloshing through every sudden movement going too fast for too fucking long shhhh it’s all okay […]

there are these little black swirls in my right eye tiny wisps of darkness swimming in ocular jelly distracting me with hints of the otherside tumbling into hazel tinged indoctrinations falling into the simmering heat of the white hot hell where who we were becomes streaks of ash lost in forever memories of sultry madness […]

i dreamt of the radiation keeping the snow at bay the same dull glow etched into my brittle bones the foul malaise that infected my developing pathologies a soon to be shattered psyche and a plethora of insecurities in abandoned abandonments i dreamt of fields of blackberry bushes with sharp thorns and large black and […]

after the terror of zooming just south of the speed of light wears off when i can finally untangle the knotted threads that is a world i have difficulties sometimes understanding i can follow these manic rays of thought toward a truce with my awkward brain and once i finally have restrung this tattered tapestry […]

i vibrate just out of sync with the world around me a visitor staring at clouds while people speed around me on the sidewalk i wonder if they accidentally bumped into me would they phase through my body feeling sparks of manic electricity in static stasis no more than an electronic ghost haunting every breath […]

i find my thumbs are so far behind my manic brain i am writing in reverse as if i am going so fast the laws of physics cease to apply i am not particularly okay but this too shall pass eventually even if you could go back in time mistakes can become tendencies when you […]

sometimeswe need to acceptwhen we knowwe won’t be heardand make thechoice tosimplyshut the fuck uprather thanrepeat ourselvesinto the void if they wantedto listenthey wouldbut it seems mostprefer the soundof their own voiceto hearinganyone else i’m going quietbecause i learned.

one day when scholars scan our bones to better understand the conditions of early twenty first century humanity they will see only the minerals leading to calcium deficient catastrophes while never once seeing the fires that burned in our bellies or the passions that scorched our hearts of how we breathed great sighs of relief […]

i imagine even a phoenix has a few shitty days before the eventual immolation the difference being the fool sits and ponders what has transpired before while the phoenix accepts the cycle naturally ash clouds waft gently as i shake off the lingering dust not the first phoenix to have a shitty stretch

despite the rather dour nature of the words i tend to smile throughout the day since i am out and about in public but lately the reactions seem different a byproduct of the newly restored confidence adding a sparkle to the grin i spent so long being made smaller i forgot to exist when someone […]

the trees burst with sudden verdancy gone are the skeletal hands clawing at the distant light the recirculation in dancing leaves while the sparrow chorus trills madly in an electrified vibrancy screaming out the return of life i whisper back telling them tales of beauty and strength caffeinated kisses on the morning breeze sending shivers […]

i am awake yet the land around me feels ever so slightly off as the view distorts with every mile deeper into the patient arms of the vortex lazily swirling dreamshatter highways glisten in the morning light under a diffusion of nightmarish strobes flashing behind the battered shell of manmade delusion awake yet dozing a […]

the quietdesperation ofsunday fallingdown in itsfinal fits andgasps whilemonday loomsa spectre ofuncertainty dreading thequiet to comeafter so longin a state ofanxious motionbeing still soundsfucking horrific blowing kisseson the warm windsof spring’s firstgentle exhalationapprehensiveas the sand windsdowndowndown

life is a degenerative disease we don’t seem to fully appreciate in the finer details of a total breakdown amid the chaos there was a phantom smell of lilacs yet my eyes still saw the wisteria in the rain standing outside a hotel somewhere by the ocean i left the chains self shackled for so […]

the birds scream this morning no singing just abject terror or perhaps that is me standing in the shower as hot water does little to loosen the filth a big day a new release same struggles with a shiny red ribbon too tight cutting off circulation wrapped around my chest as the birds scream a […]

the air is cool as i coagulate around airy images in a depth of umfamiliar joy frightening yet inviting part of me prays this change is permanent while the rest waits impatiently for the hammer to drop i will grasp tightly to happiness until all that remains are broken fingernails and little hearts in faded […]

there were years of bitter misunderstanding where the world seemed entirely against me years where i was in blissful denial my mind was at fault even as i heard the word bipolar i scoffed at such a ridiculous diagnosis as the symptoms described my deteriorating disposition i was never an agnostic because that felt like […]

my hands are raw from the disinfectant knees sore from constant scrubbing pink bubbles as blood mixes a sleepless night trying to remove the stains from a long life led chasing after dreams puffs of smoke trailing off into the forever gray bespeckled by buds of hopeful blossoms scraping grout lines scrubbing in futility now […]

today the humming electricity remains in a capacitive state as i spark gently into the hazy yellow spilling down through gray a poetish refraction lazily thrumming a crackling refrain of aching arms longing to wrap themselves into a gordian knot of ineffectual affection attentionally defecit in blurred passions streaming in a coagulation of simmering shades […]

i lay perfectly still my eggshell mentality cracking into a hundred thousand perfect hexagons the high of the weekend can only come crashing through the sentimental sediment sluicing down my weathered sunken cheeks so i lay perfectly still watching the first piece tumble causing the rest to cascade into the familiar arms of despair for […]

the anxiety melted away replaced by a nascent sun igniting in the center of my wicker soul a walking inferno with the devil’s smile time buckled slowing speeding fluctuating into a thousand pinpoints of electrified thorns dancing across an untethered cerebellum transforming scarred flesh into a shimmering cloak of starlight bedazzled by hungering black holes […]

should is a word used by ineffectual intellectuals content to masticate the world’s issues to pontificate upon solutions and to sit doing nothing but lamenting the lack of action should is a cop out an unwillingness to accept somethings are out of your control or an inability to affect the change needed to transition to […]

each morning i do not waken i claw my way from the husk this bonedust effigy newborn into an unfamiliar abundance of blinding stimuli with the faintest understanding this has all happened before driven forth by hunger and need as synapses misfire in an array of undulating emotion uncertainty sweet in sanguine soliloquy as waves […]

flying somewhere above alabama my head most literally in the clouds forehead pressed to the cool curved window blowing all the kisses i never got the chance to deliver personally out toward the setting sun i never manage to quite catch before tomorrow springs to life and i regret the inactions making up my day […]

the schism of who i am and who i think i am rarely come to battle but a weekend spent as who i wish i was makes me wonder who i could become i didn’t write for the first time in seven years yesterday i was simply existing in the moment perhaps there is room […]

the anxietyhas filed itselfinto a millionstabbing joltsworse case scenariosplay out on a loopas i whispermy fervent loveinto the ætherpreparing myselffor anotherflight of fancywishing the planewas headed to hervacant embracean absence hurtlingtoward virginato talk poetryto an uninspiredroom before fadinginto obscuritya phantom drfitingthrough the woodsunbound to thissphere of incongruencean ostrich seekinga pit of sand tobury my uglinessin […]

i couldn’t tell if it was the setting sun or the cherry flaring on the cigarette between her lips i was lost in the haze as i hung on her every word she could never understand how each syllable spilled out in a symphony of hues how it pulled me from my myopia tethered me […]

packed and sitting already ready already twenty seven hours early for my flight a low pressure anxiety meets a high strung excitement to meet the friends who have remained incorporeal online reading and rereading my reading so i don’t stumble over words prepared to face the face of disappointment when sad word boy doesn’t live […]

the rain chatters down the fire escape a song of sodden mornings as fierce rays of gold stab through the roiling gray the moments of azure skies with thumping fat drops a schism in the loop grinding a distortion of white noise over deluded wonder a poet stumbles clinging to a skeletal umbrella lost in […]

a bitter internment dying in shuttered flashes freeze frame fatalities in flaccid repose sputtering out at the ass end of eternity they carefully cultivate an incorrect image a totem disregarding truth in their assumed ownership lashing out when reality is an ill match for fevered fantasy ashes drift over the shattered scattered remains a bitter […]

a parenthetical paralysis propagating this purloined sense of perverted grandeur a frozen thought perpetuating pieces of pedantic peace in an implication of insolence integrated into insidiously ingrown insecurities picking at the scabs shaped into her crescent smile down the tender heartrattle toward a turgid malaise in stasis between daggers of sunlight piercing the tenebrae of […]

it rained all evening washing the grime from the city illuminated by jagged tongues of lightning as thunder cracks a guttural roar awash in the images of peripheral calamities spellbound by the last cool kiss before a sweltering summer graces the bluebonnets ethereal in undulating sorrows as lavender blossoms light the darkened cave with an […]

up early whispering prayers to the swirl of gray ill prepared for motion in a state of frozen wonder drowning in sand at the wrong end of the hourglass as it tumbles silently in her cool disdain all while tiny buzzing gnats circle hoping to draw bright blood inflicting incidental pains to justify their existence […]

each day dawns a somber blankness in which the chemicals splash shades and shadows the pencil scratching cross hatching in an illusion of depth on a two dimensional plane each shaky footstep onto this rickety bridge of frantic sketches in a shower of falling graphite saturated rubbery attempts to salvage the nascent scene before it […]

a human cannonball packed tightly in a nest of emotional tinder down the barrel as the barker lights the punt and the nervous crowd cheers the fuse is comically long to build the anticipation as he contemplates the logistics of a lifelong obsession with head-on collisions to the structural integrity of his hollow boned collection […]

there is a depth to loneliness one that eschews casual solitude a solid sense of detachment from the dirge of birdsong swelling just before the thunder calls forth the rolling storm jagged arcs of lightning lighting a familiar room of incidental ignorances dreams turn to motes of dust clinging to unopened covers as the words […]

my brain is too busy my soul is too worn my heart has been abandoned and my body is turned to ash the hotel life is not for me but any other seems just as far out of reach another ceiling swollen with muttered prayers new pillows to fluff with adorations that remain unreturned spinning […]

she smiles as the blade traces up my shin the barest pressure a thin line of crimson beading into a slow drip into my thigh she carves our intials ever possessive in insecure stalkings but i smile wide a demon possessed in lustful repose as the cartoon hearts cut deeply to bone i cannot control […]

i am a nick on occam’s razor an imperfection in the simplest solution a swollen tastebud dragging across the cracked molar of beauty a sty on god’s eyelid causing her to miss your prayers yet inexplicably or perhaps congruently to my natural incongruence i am the tingle growing between your shapely thighs the damp spot […]

the sun teases from behind the clouds it is warm today and i am in a mood run down from constant movement lack of sleep in a different hotel each week as i miss people that couldn’t give a shit where i am brooding today i oscillate between wanting to watch the world burn with […]

hourly the fire alarm screams for fifteen seconds that feels about an hour in length especially when it takes half an hour to fall asleep and every time i do it blares once more the entire night spent chasing sleep finding dream only for it to be torn away maliciously from my clutching hands turning […]

some idiot decided today was international poetry day as if an art already reduced to the barest hallmarkification needed an excuse for more needless words poets aren’t even real until their booze soaked souls ignite in valhalla carry no true bearing until the maggots feast on their remains somewhere an angry bellow rustles along the […]

the words are silent today a lack of sleep in another plastic molded monopoly hotel in a different carbon copied citt at the edge of a filthy highway lends a certain gravitas to the morning’s militant malaise anything worthwhile i had to say was muttered into the pillow or shouted at the ceiling hours before […]

i didn’t eat today the rush of a forgotten alarm the drive an immediate beginning to a week that promises to be long enough i don’t feel hungry but i keep thinking i haven’t eaten so it makes me think possibly i am hungry but now it is late and i don’t need to drive […]

there is a songbird outside my hotel window softly trilling a song of spring blooming contrasting the drab gray walls of my prison for the next week hotel mania a sort of agoraphobic madness keeping me in a fury of unchained emotion bouncing ideas off a ceiling feigning cool disinterest i am envious of those […]

i knew something was off the moment my eyes opened the pink blush across the sky birdsong and the voices of my neighbors rang softly into the murky bedroom i grabbed my phone in my frantic panic of over checking over thinking anxietial fireworks i forgot to set my fucking alarm in an instant i […]

i can’t tell if it is worry or if i forgot to eat today but my stomach is home to the fires of perdition as i triple check the double check everything is prepared for a fiftieth check in the morning unable to concentrate enough to do anything except pick at scabs and analyze my […]

i am good at most situations except for silently waiting my bags are as packed as possible minus essential toiletries and chargers the route is mapped and altered to allow more scenic passages hotel is booked delivery is confirmed for ten thirty meaning i am already anxious with just over twelve hours before i leave […]

the week with the kids is crashing to an end a week away in waco then a weekend of chaos in virginia still need to figure out my reading yet alone whatever i am supposed to say about poetry on the panel need to finish three stories and unwind the many tangled anxieties like creeping […]

a new day dawnscold and cleara shower ofpainful refractionsigniting themoisture inthe atmosphereinto a hallucinogenicexplosion ofgolden cerulean a week agoi sat in marshalllistening asan older manstood perplexedas his grandsonpondered aloudwhy the oceanwas blue ifeach drop ofwater is cleari calmly explained“every i love youthat goes unheardgathers dejectedlyto color theglobe in longing” he looked at mewith squinted eyesand […]

life oscillates between dreamlike splendor and nightmare hellscape with little area to differentiate the boundaries betwixt the two. why does every new opportunity feel so goddamned hollow unwarranted undeserved my mind fights to determine my reality and i am tired of putting up the good fight a pillow filled with unwanted adoration a ceiling bored […]

i watchedthe kindlylooking laundrylady lay intoa poor guywho fed hiscoins too quickinto the machinehe placid smilefaded into athunderstorm ofrage as shemuttered inspanish andrammed a hangerinto the slot as a veteran ofcoin operated machinesand the subtle artof servicing themi tapped her shoulderand asked to tryshe scowled anda flashback of mypast with hangersflashed recklesslythrough my head asshe […]

sitting as the graffiti covered train rumbles past admiring the irony of a cemetery at the edge of a dead end road wondering how many of these granite markers rests above a dreamer that slipped back home into the void’s embrace feeling fulfilled surrounded by loved ones at the very end and able to transition […]

each day beginstrying desperatelyto recall the thingsi have forgottenas i lay cravingthings i cannot haveif only i couldrecall the itchesalong my mindi could treat myselfto a fresh roundof hastily stitchesto pull this tapestryof hollow adorationsinto a child’s sketchof somber disillusionment i cannot let golet these memoriesbecome nothing morethan scabs hangingoff of half healedself inflicted woundsthey […]

a combination ofpattern recognitionand a good memoryleaves me withthe unfortunateability to seethrough the miasmahidden in paltry liesto pick apartthe recurring themesunveiling the truthcarefully disguised i am enamoredby the brush strokessubtle subterfugewithin the paintingas anxiety wrapsaround my brainelectrified pulseseradicating thetop coat of lacquerto see the finepencil strokes beneathexposing the deceptionlayered in shadows a routine of simplemental […]

there is an unsettling calm an unseemly threatening nature in the peaceful morning as i overlook a gentle creek while hawks watch the playful squirrels. i want to leave before the first blurred divebomb the wind rustling fresh green buds a swirl of pollen in yellow settling over the cars the squirrels skitter timidly chattering […]

home suddenly has a transience a hollowness in the bedrock. a temporal toning of temporary intangibilities. lost on the concrete oceans rudderless searching for something that doesn’t seem to exist.