it was the perfect storm except that it was in my chest anxiety turned into panic and as i lay trying to breathe my heart beat me on repeat through the thin sheet i went through every interaction i had with anyone trying to find the source pushing my heart to attack me sleeplessly laying […]

i feel elliptical in solipsistic waves there is no truth except in knowing ourselves all else is potentially a construct created to explain the chaos inherent we are birthed from a fast sperm and a receptive egg hoisted from the embrace of nonexistence screaming and red faced and from then on crawl inexplicably back to […]

i keep drawing spirals anxiety channeling my inner junji ito my manic madness spinning sketching spirals inside of spirals growing dizzy yet unable to stop like my thoughts blazing across the tinder of my rain starved mind waiting for the next disaster to pummel this fragile house of cards the scratching of pencil against the […]

i connect the stars with fishing line creating a net to elucidate this feral longing clawing at the back of my throat carefully knitting a tapestry from the open mouths of dying poets screaming hoarse curses into the setting sun grasping at the bars of enforced solitude while salvation stays just out of reach behind […]

in a fit of sleeplessness i slowly began a dissection of every scrap every morsel of this charade the neighbor revs the engine loudly greeting the sun a cockless rooster mechanically crowing shaking the walls sending ripples on the ebon percolation i stir the coffee mindlessly tired tiredly mindless pointedly circular with poor circulation unoxygenated […]

the crows outside the in-and-out have grown fat ignoring the berries on the branches turning their beaks up at the scattered seeds they sit watching every transaction waiting for the fleshies to drop a fry sipping water from the cracked concrete preparing their palate for deep fried joy and i sit at the gas station […]

on those rare occasions when the coffee is just cool enough to sip the sparrows flit out on the porch and the storms seem a million miles away i seek to encase the soft moments of peace in amber as reminders that not everything is a precursor to the end of existence. little do i […]

when i read too muchbukowskii find myselfgrowing surlyas if infectedby his grumpiness. he painted the worldin red wine strokesthat bled anypreconceptionsfrom the tatteredfabric of reality. he never sugar coatedthe hell of livingfocusing insteadon the hairy moleon the chinsof the whores thatdrank his beerand stole his heart. chain smokingwhile banging the keyshalf cockedand over fullof persnickety […]

i dislike the silence it is cloying sucking the life from my soul the only thing i dislike more is the incessant chatter of other people like me that cannot stand the silence so maybe it isn’t the quiet so much that i really dislike just the lack actual conversation that is grinding my patience […]

i sat alone in a dimly lit lecture hall indistinct faces watching as i nervously leafed through pages covered in scribbles i couldn’t quite translate to words the faceless ones murmured discontent as i tried to read the words that swam in front of my disbelieving confusional gaze shadows stood barking angry questions demanding answers […]

i am the cause of my miseries and there is something indefinable knowing this simple truth a sorrow that wells blood from an open wound to slowly drown the last vestiges of happiness from this raisin soul. i am negativity in a photo surrealist piece of avant garde suicideaology. spitting curses in self directed malaise […]

it took a month before they found brautigan’s body he killed himself in september but wasn’t discovered until late october he had grown depressed reclusive despondent still writing but unwilling or unable to escape the dark i wonder how long it will take them to find mine if brautigan was a well known writer and […]

an affluence of perturbations keeps my flesh vessel carefully taut with the random enumerations of uncontrolled anxiety vile thoughts orbit my satellite skull eclipsing the sun in regular intervals sluicing shadows where once there were none carefully combing through my inadequacies with oversized tweezers to pluck hearty lies from glimmers of truth leaving swollen pores […]

haunted by mannequins dream marionettes that chatter in heartspun dessications as marble eyes blankly reflect the desert of misplaced emotional investments drooling ashen remorse over quivering lips a mudslide of lovelorn letters unrealized as culpable disinterest is lavished in the emptiness of a fleeting lover’s gaze a faulty valve leaking pulmonary misbelief dripping blackened sludge […]

the days grow shorter as the reciprocation of sunshine grows faint i am no flower carefully tended to kissed by the light in a bed of softly whispered fevered passions just another weed given the same curt attention desperate to stand out but left wilted as the effusion is diluted among the parasitic growths sitting […]

occasionally when i write it is warnings to a potential me one unburdened by the rusted chains of depression i send missives into the chaos as warnings to these cast off other versions that read them in fevered dreams from which they wake covered in sweat panic racing as they reach over to feel the […]

a rancid stench fluctuating this effluvium of the corpse of childhood abandon the last wafting notes motes of spore from youth gone sour sweat streaked instabilities a haze of degrading hormonal rescindency bleaching promises shells long discarded in cardboard boxes far from the kiss of the turbulent seas a pollution of greasy rancidness effluvium dripping […]

the aether shakes as a wellspring of irradiated insolence erupts into being as these thoughts of self insignificance flood the banks with the silence of thought i exhale sorrows as every inhalation levies an iruption of anxieties and loathing shimmering the webs crisscrossing my mind there is a spider sitting perched in the dark of […]

my errant thoughts keys tied haphazardly to kite strings sent afloat among the thunderclouds always brewing within the hollow bone confines of my skull each strike sending joules coarsing igniting a whirling dervish of lavender sparks and sometimes when my balance is just right i ride along the discharge tracing stories from the chaos of […]

an incessant buzzing a mask of angry tarantula wasps stinging an endless assault of anxiety screaming i have lost track in the needles which is happening which is metaphorical i wonder draped in miseries a whore in my finest rags is this hell this incessant throb a dull ache that has only truly dulled my […]

the moon has a hollow cast as it stares down morosely at the sea pockmarked sorrow in wan yellow dismay over churning ebon desperate to reflect the shimmering orb unaware of sullen lunar malaise knowing only the tug of gravitational haze a puppet with gossamer strings flailing spasmodically on melancholic currents

i pen these thoughts to make them real enough to be ignored much the same as how the world turns its blind eye towards the heartmash of agonies that scar my face and body i cannot taste nor smell yet i unwittingly find i am forced to endure the nagging stings of my own neverending […]

reality is known for its rampant intrusion disrupting the insular delusions cast by my own imbalanced perch at the precipice of hell as etched into my soul lady depression loves to run her fingers down my aching tender in these moments of my own desperate sorrows making painblossoms bloom over every suicidal daydream she whispers […]

inside out speeding full force into a wall a ragged smear of regurgitated bile dripping on the freshly scrubbed linoleum of a hellish restroom at the ass end of this disambiguously disingenuous life every word uttered swallowed by silence my depression a constant reminder of the lives ruined for having crossed my black cat path […]

no matter how deep emotions may surge my countenance only tends to inspire the briefest cardial impermanence forever as counted in moments rather than years or months or days my taste carries the faintest hint of lethe so every passionate kiss is one more towards the eventual forgetting pulling me in ever father as they […]

i have tried picking at the rust colored scabs that dryly cling to my vacant soul but all that remains are flecks of dust veins gone empty brittle tubes with nothing more to drain a miscalculation of tepid coagulation leaving a statue to failure frozen in place. there is nothing of beauty nor of hope […]

centipedes scratching crawling down this blood flecked esophageal distress winding down along the bands of steel restricting oxygen to starving lungs subverting sanguine suffering on this sanity stricken sunday of miseries interjected with rabid self-inflicted sadism insects claw just beneath the sandpaper skin inflamed with sicknesses alternating from arabesque to regressed a culmination of mental […]

the edge of the blade traces tight upon skin gently slicing patterns carving ever deeper into musculature down to ivory bone to before the wounds have time to well with thick gouts of pulsing blackened blood which he catches carefully in bottles and jars into which he will dip the feathered quill deeply only to […]

for everyone that says misery loves company i seem to be miserable just fine on my own maybe it means we seek to bring others down to suffer along with us but that is awfully shitty and i can handle all the misery the world can muster silently suffering alone

each morning i wake more tired than the day before angry hornets buzz in my skull shaking my every thought until all i can think is how i long for eight more hours of simulated death driving to the the first call which is a never ending series of stupidities lazy people unwilling to work […]

the more i read the more i realize every great discovery is based off greed the great explorers searched for gold or trade routes from which they would acquire more gold philosophers peddled ideaologies for pennies more concerned about food in their bellies scientists seeking to turn lead into gold accidentally leading to discoveries they […]

transcendentalmass deviationfollowing the curve ofmadnessin incidentalrecursionsawkwardly into theheart of matters i forgetam i meor am ithe shadowof a dancingflameinnocuousand franticshimmeringfully dressedin nothingnessa broken prismplayingnightmares alongyour naked form only existingin palpitationsarhythmic by designflawed at the atomicboss level of decay a fading whistlerustling the last leafof summer’s distrustenigmatic rotto vanish inautumn’s embrace

the world melts into hypnagogic transience as i sit seeking her in the chaos above me swirls of obsidian a knife’s edge in shimmering oblivion sheers the heartstrings until the muscle hangs fractured in rapture wheezing machines bellow clouds of billowing night a thinkness of thought ensnared in rigorous denial falling into elliptical electron orbits […]

the window is coated in dust and the light flitering through seems to be aged lending a gravitas to the miserable day’s proceedings lying still as internally wars are waged my skull is the beaches as d day soldiers storm my battered unbattened hatches wheezing mustard gas nocturnes in three quarter time filtered over by […]

over the summer we had entire weeks now we have the weekends and they go so fast and it goes from empty to happy and snaps back to empty before any of us has a chance to breathe and suddenly i am alone and it is too fucking quiet to alone in this fucking head

there is an overflow from the weeping wound of meandering heartgasms a spillage seeping soundlessly from beneath the rotunda of trapezoidal painschism as a cool wind of stasis embraces the enigmatic spine of encumbered annoyances i wilt in a storm of ashes wishing one ember would ignite my weary frame

i wander lost seeking familiar faces but the skin is stretched deforming former friendships do humans molt like snakes shed themselves leave wan skinsleeves for new malevolent spirits to inhabit? it must be hard being friends with or goddess forbid falling in love with an unnatural disaster a shaken cocktail of chemically imbalanced bipolar surges […]

i lie still in the darkness a grub a maggot a caterpillar the blanket cocoon tightly wrapped as i struggle go find comfort i am a shadow the shadow of a shadow the reflection of the night sky from the heart of black hole i am an insignificant speck a squiggled line inside the eyelid […]

the room is lined with cathode ray sets tuned to dead static a million buzzing flies crawling inside a vacuum of light sifting through the chaotically ordered mediations of meditation as the tentacles rise from the murky depths a kaleidoscopic view into bubbling madness pinpricks dancing feverishly in disharmonic fits calling fervently in guttural moanings […]

standing beneath this yellowed sterility too brightly lit in the pungency of dawn ebon feathers swirl lazy circles spinning ever downward to block the sun in this semi-hysterical malaise of dismay lackadaisical hunters resting on the jutting ivory ribcage of euthanized dreamslurries swarms of biting flies drawn to the stench of honeyed words gone sour […]

her smile shivers in the shallows of heartspun wonder a sounding travelling into the silt and sand of my neritic soul phantom fingers trail in the miscast foam of viridescenct disambiguation sending spikey chills rippling waves of doubt egg shaped idioms distorting placid vistas beneath dying starlight in swarms of chalky misremembered mistakes muffled lunar […]

the sunlight drizzled syrupy and surreptitious in colorless saturation as i lay unmoving after a long night of unrest unfazed by the new phase of an old routine rerun the sands of time taken home beneath my eyelids to smooth the oblong lens sighing sightless sorrow as the sparrows trumpet another goddamn sunrise a sculpture […]

deep down inside there is an alveoli a pit so dark i fear it has never known the light scrapings of ink a whirling dervish of amniotic dismay tentacled with tiny voids in the place of suckers as the beak of a great beast calls a sinuous form sliding in the soulcurrents waves of pulsing […]

loneliness is pedagogical as much as there is to learn from others nothing teaches so poignantly searing words deep into blistered skin branding thoughts ever winding until every possibility each disparate branch has been searched poked and prodded leaving an expulsion organs draped flailing about like fish suddenly out of the water and incapable of […]

a faint shivering courses coarsely cursing in cursive down open palms where fingertips smolder like cones of opium incense intensely incensed retroaggressively progressed through recessionary recourse my heart is a sparrow hopping on bone a puffball of brown whistling an empty ode oafishly opining on indecent descents a canary island of mine fumes and fungus […]

there are moments when the chaos calms the random noise of a billion souls screaming inchoately quiets for a second the clock face stutters the hands shaking and it feels as if right at that instant the universe shows a defined path through the emptiness inherent in accidental existence i have been known to stare […]

the conrete barricadeslaid in uneven rowsjut out across the centerand i cannot followthe road is driving mefarther from herfarther from sane home is a just a hazyrecollection of painsi burn my fingerprintsacross the atlas of hope following out of stateplates as they fleethis present state of distressrepressed in the throesof driving into the sunor off […]

i carve crescent moons into doorways draw little suns in the dust on windowsills and trace comets down the walls of the hallway on my way to bed i see the stars in your eyes the swirling cosmos lacks your depth as sneak peaks a wobbly lensed hubble lost in the vacuum of space my […]

in my insomnial wonderings as i lay staring up into the darkness my mind mining misery forming empty verse or a question conspires to insert itself in my soft tissue sometimes causing a pearl to grow as i lacquer layers of translucency over this foreign substance subcutaneously irritating my emotional inconsistencies i know that i […]

i am consumed by the constant nibbles of my own fleeting mortality unable to sleep drifting between haunted sepulchre and hated soliloquy the marble dust clings to sweat soaked skin as i carve a last unread verse before sliding down six feet beneath the ground that remained indifferent at best to my every movement shoulders […]

it rained today harder than it has since summer reared her angry smile i fell between the raindrops as they kicked up dust on the parched earth exploding into mushroom clouds of sparse hydration to feel the cool rain wash away the sins rivulets of tar streaming down my face always half a second too […]

my eyes snapped open as the alarm sang i managed to string three hours in a row yet the tired clings to my shaky bones a thin veneer of skeletal hoarfrost i have managed to second guess my way through three near sleepless evenings tearing apart all of my life in summation repeating my mantra […]

i am made of matter that doesn’t seem to matter stardust from the least bright star unphotogenic photons battered and bruised mildew in the milky way mummified by distraction interred in disinterest a corpse in a copse of petrified trees a piece of trash in the cacti needles needlessly insignificant indulgently bland gas passed through […]

poetry by autopoiesis a corruption of culmination trawling this stagnant stream of dead dreamers casting nets for milk-eyed lurkers beneath a thick layer of subcutaneous heart shit this fecund assortment of abandonment with rusted hooks fleshy mechanical pumps affixed to leaky tear ducts forcing fluid from ocular woe to ovulatory alliteracies carving chum from scar […]

lost in the whorls of this aleatory allegory thusly inscribed in the fibonacci sequence inherent in this fossilized nautilus unscribed in lime a rhymeless misery of wanton syllabic abuse predators rest burrowed downdowndown in the silt of settled dreamshatter husks unblinking unthinking while the world is steadily sinking into the fat deposits of prepubescent godlings […]

the latest military debacle in a series of military debacles the never ending war machine doesn’t care if the results are wins or losses since the nazis the ominous threats have been a series of pissing contests measuring dicks and pretending at virtue makes me remember the vietnam vets with haunted eyes i grow up […]

i have become ensnared in these non-euclidean geometries slip sliding in between presient states of unbeing. deep beneath known gnome sanctuaries in maggot ridden constanbularies of petrified dusky wooden refrains clanging chains of rusted solidarity chatter hollowly into the chasm of midnight’s dark gaze. upon the silent wings the great owl infused with chaos crackling […]

a bubbling pot of gumbo does little to ease the sorrow of a final sunday before school inexplicably begins again the dying hours of a final weekend none of us wants to end summer vacation went by far too quickly our weeks together a blur of joy before being relegated to four days a month […]

there is a hesitancy in the sclerotic heartbeat of the world. a rigidness in the swaying corpsedance a flayed meandering of rancid loss. as silence makes love to the gasping wheeze of sorrowful cardial detraction the calcium deficient bones of dream flake to chalk filling in the viridescent form of serpents coiled into the shape […]

beset by shadows in this hysterical hierarchy of heavy handed harvesters and a confluence of crows there is no color in this repugnancy of gray a series of ever deepening ligature marks crisscrossing fetidly weeping wounds a cross section of infection in plasticized ergonomics wretchedly retching staining marble edifices shattering strained glass reiterations of sullen […]

devalued reduced to an anthropomorphic participation trophy devoid of thought cast away at the prospect of easier emotional divestmencies enter the frame a rusted cage relegated to rot in this sepulchre of sundered dismay a hellscape littered with trash sodden pamphlets promising eternal salvation a demure lure as sirens howl to pull the vessels against […]

there are days where the golden diffusion mutes every other shade a photon bombardment leaving me bloodied and heaving unable to face the day where the anchors catch on wreckage far below the effusion a cyclical malaise of broken breaking dreamdust spirals as all but the ache slowly fade away there are nights where the […]

i prefer mondays if given a choice of the seven days mondays suit me fine sundays are too packed with the last minute details in preparation for this newly born week tuesdays are busy things are in order but chaos reigns so the best laid plans are scattered in the undulating woe wednesdays are as […]

he is nothing but a cat’s toy exciting while still brand new then discarded only inciting interest when he becomes the object of another’s attention a toy for a petulant cat that only wants what someone else adores feigning disinterest but always watching

i am a painter combining the hues of mania and depression into new shades of endless misery i prefer the original colors deep blue depression wild lilac mania these are rivers i can navigate familiar like the back of my mother’s hand it is when they swirl i lose pieces of myself in the froth […]

i have lost track of when the tears went from joy to loss to frustration then to hope when i became dessicated bereft of liquid and only stardust fell down chapped cheeks a grape does not dream of being wine nor raisin it hangs happily part of the bunch absorbing each ray of sun it […]

i am perched a gargoyle monstrous in design ugly by necessity watching as the city sleeps i am sat upon a throne of lies self styled monarch sceptre clutched as my kingdom burns around me the executioner cuts the umbilical sending the sand to gently flow as the last connection is severed we slowly die […]

i feel the icy phantom hands grasp at my leg through the torn meniscus of hope clutching feebly trying to draw the last bit of warmth from the corpse of dream i hear the cacophonous dead as they parade goose-stepping along the scattered shattered fragment of wonder stripped callously from the wide open gaze of […]

i get lost occasionally i fall through the cracks in the wall or through time the past still crushes the future uncertain as i curl into a ball afraid of the now i am presently tense in this present tense anxiously anxious unable to calm my brain willfully unwilling to engage in my worries yet […]

i am the product of the lower lowerclass an accidental ejaculation that sent ripples of ruin across every single soul unfortunate enough to cross my wake the rock in your shoe the itch right between your shoulder blades the eyelash in your eye a popcorn kernel wedgeds between two molars a walking headache with no […]

i exist in the nanosecond of coiled tension just before the second hand ticks i am a tick feeding on the potential energy inherent in every tock the instance hovering right as time itself turns kinetic spilling ink to coat the gears grinding the clock face to a stuttered stop a chrononaut of insignificance trying […]

there is a fly buzz buzzing about a tiny little pest that is certain everything in the world belongs to it unaware of the momentary nature in which even a sovereign monarch reigns as it explores this new land i bemoan each second spent without her in my arms the fly is unconcerned with the […]

the entirety of the slaughterhouse has gone transparent the thud hiss of the air hammer rattles the glass walls as the uneven floors fully lit by the warm sunshine show viscera trails as hooves slip on the trail of tears headed with open eyes into bovine valhalla i step lightly head to tail ever forward […]

my love is the cavity in your sweet tooth slowly ruining the things you enjoy until all that remains is the memory of pain

the birds scream dismayed at the lack of sun the gray skies threaten rain the wind feels nefarious as i drink coffee with dread bubbling up i have learned to trust the currents as they ripple around my indifference i drop leaves to see the water churn the things beneath they hunger the tired, the […]

often in life i take people at face value which leads more often than not to seeing how the mask slips unwittingly showing exactly who they are beneath the constantly fluctuating falsehood the problem is with me i have accepted the beast of flaws that define me so why wouldn’t everyone else feel comfortable enough […]

i dreamt i was a fat little caterpillar endlessly eating building up my energy forming a cocoon and one day i would fly so preoccupied with my impending metamorphosis life went past in a blur of munched leaves until the day came instinct kicked in as i slowly squeezed into the transparent bodybag stuck to […]

the sky was heavy with rain and the every soul in the city tosses and turns in the grips of nightmare in the morning over coffee and loud yawns the receding vision of turbulent seas and the things lurking deep in the darkness blind eyes and gaping jaws the cold pressing in the dizzying loss […]

she wonders why her love is not returned knowing deep down it is because he is at home with his wife having dinner making plans for a future that she has no part in so she does anything and everything to be his one desire then wonders why his eyes are always roaming settling on […]

each night i lay perfectly still waiting for either sleep or the sparrows to break the ever present silence that hangs a funeral shroud over my naked form in the briefest of moments as sleep or madness clouds my eyes and i can feel your warmth and i know if i shift this dream shall […]

every tear shed is one impossible weight let go from a fractured soul yet the tears seem endless i have lost all hope in ever reaching buoyancy the light a mirage dancing on the waves teasingly just out of reach i dream of falling shuddering awake and i know i was just an impossible weight […]

i do not read myself i figure i already had to live it so going through a story and editing it is a form of hell all i see like in the mirror is the flaws reminding me of how as i stare at the ceiling reliving the past i cannot simply fix the narrative […]

a lack of sleep due to constant sneezing brought on by the mobius strip of schroedinger’s cats wheeling infinitely in a state of half life through my thundering head of potential worries anxiety is a gateway to absurdism without bound as every impossible scenario plays out in strikingly detailed minutiae i have become a fractured […]

a stamp long forgotten at the back of the drawer yellowed with age bereft of purpose a porpoise in an aquarium dreaming of the sea grown complacent ramming its snout repeatedly into the glass taking small pleasure from children screaming in fright a poet trapped inside a carnival house of mirrors unable to accept it […]

hell is an apathetic world run down where there is never enough it is a decrepit city where the poor squat in the heat beneath the highway overpass where children starve parents abuse and every sin is internally eternally grinding hope to dust hell is a place where ten percent hold all of the wealth […]

i appreciate the miracle of life the sheer chance of one errant bolt into the primordial ooze inciting a riot amazes me it is the living that weighs heavily and i find less to be amazed about the shifting chemicals and unfathomable sorrows implicit within is too much to bear

the eyes of the dead stare at me through the diaphonous gauze wrapped tightly around my face the cries gurgle deep in my heaving chest as pus like cataracts drip down the gray faces pressed tightly to the curtain hanging around my bed the needle driven deep into puckered flesh sends the cold touch of […]

the milk is clotted curdled with a sour film of filth fat black flies wobble lazily rubbing their hands together eager to taste the putrefaction a stale wind rustles the brown grass a high squeal pierces the dusk as a rusted swing sways the night pours across the sky in rivulets of tar swallowing the […]