it is impossible to tell where the gray skies end and the winding sidewalk begins perhaps it is me i feel unable to pilot this flesh vessel correctly today shambling steps as the earth pitches beneath unsteady feet everything feels too raw undercooked yet thrust into the gaping mouth of universal avarice bacterial thriving in […]

a curious case of anaphylactic shock an allergic reaction to anxietal pollen forming a nonpermeable strata over this bronchial dementia shortness of breath shivering branches of undeniable painthistle reassembling broken double helixical folly into the ooze from which this form was forceably ejected from the womb in which i was never supposed to be grown […]

i am scatterbrained unable to focus on anything except whatever it is that i cannot quite recall pacing back and forth knowing there is something but my mind is blank having an allergic reaction to thinking my mind trembles as i retrace my mental steps only to find myself back at the beginning again knowing […]

bury me with the first four ramones albums surfer rosa by the pixies pulp by bukowski sylvia’s collected poems i will require gregor samsa huckleberry finn captain nemo hopfrog and the eight chained orangutans sage francis and the beastie boys can’t forget the ska any and everything two tone and beyond the bas lag trilogy […]

nauseous circling the drain so rapidly this oppression of stark silence is a thousand nails in my skull stinging nettle the same as the hives on the back of my itching neck anxious anxious anxious feeling so very pitofmystomachlockedindryheavesfromunshedsobseyesburningasthefloodgatesswellandsorrowspilltoerasetheinksmudgeincongruencyofmyinvisbleheart a week existed even in half step from reality gone gone gone they are gone and […]

he felt the same as a filament in an incandescent bulb fragile yet still somehow capable of conducting current he wondered if he would one day shine bright before he finally broke

i can’t help but wonder when i see the madness dance behind my eyes on those accidental glances into the mirror what is it that others see in my hazel denials do i appear nearly human a lifelike facsimile one of geppetto’s opium induced monstrosities dripping malice in flashes of the blue fairy’s accursed power […]

i was not aware if i slept or if this was another waking nightmare as the brackish sludge lapped at my thighs while a traversed a bog of noxious vapors the sun filtered in fleeting specks swallowed as quickly as they found passage between the bare branches clawing at the sky doing little more than […]

the sun doesnt always rise it’s the earth that will not cease its infernal spinning there is no relief with dawn just another dizzying trip through the emptiness alone hurtling without purpose in gravitational uncertainty and as the choir of birds instinctively scream endlessly i feel every bit of the wobble staring out into the […]

laying in bed waiting for my daughter to go to sleep so i can creep back out and spend the rest of the night on the couch staring at a different ceiling one not so saturated with sleepless declarations i have tried everything from whispered prayers to the emptiness occupying eternity hoarse cries to the […]

the battery light flashes an angry red as nonessential systems shut down motor control shifts to clumsy heartbeat to fully erratic thoughts go circular as the deathspiral winds itself to a fiery crescendo of silence until the only nonessential event is my act of being and try as i may i cannot get it to […]

i close ny eyes and my heartbeat fills my skull the thoughts they keep comin on throughout another aleepless night in hell i need drugs or perhaps held but i can’t afford the former and don’t seem to deserve the latter so it is a night spent tossing and turning while seeking the dreams that […]

i feel myself getting weirder falling in on myself, a downward spiral, a nautilus, a fibonacci sequentialty growing smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller losing myself sweeping up the shards of soulshatter reveries watching the stars twinkle in onyx pools of freshly shed tears twilight is defined as a decline, but the hues that […]

i am wound so tightly the normal calm waters of the lake froth with white caps it could be the wind but there is something to this palpable feeling of straddling the edge chaotically virulent today sitting alone at my spot of calm yet feeling catastrophic it’s all in your head, he mutters ignoring the […]

a small lovingly worn stuffed lamb lays in the evidence cage a forlorn smile stitched upon the yellowed white yarn i try not to look too closely at it not wanting to see any rust colored stains trying not to imagine why a stuffed lamb could be considered evidence it stares at me accusingly wondering […]

i find myself staring at the wavy inflatable man grinning moronically as he fights against the cold winds blowing across weatherford admiring with a bit of jealousy at his worry free existence flapping implacably beneath endless blue not a secondary player but the star of his singular show a magenta spectre happily fulfilling the only […]

the koi swim unaware they are in a lobby beneath stairs orange black white mindlessly watching for pellets no idea that they are no better than goldfish won at the carnival in an oversized pool designed to impress potential customers little more than a momentary distraction aimless and befeft of freedom i drive mindlessly watching […]

i watched as day bled itself out night coagulated forming a scab over cerulean whimsy the silvery moon rolled across the sky inexplicably pushed in aching slow motion by a dung beetle the streetlights play off of the carapace of the celestial insect twinkling photonics among the clotted night a faint skittering undercuts the wind […]

every step is hesitant tapping thr toes of my vans against the ground expecting to trigger a landmine standing breathless waiting for a trap door to open plummeting down into a pit of sharpened stakes i am a water balloon filled to bursting swaying on the internal currents of saline wishes and electrified eels any […]

the one thing worse than the consistency of chronic pain is the brief times the pain goes away instances of happiness afloat on winds of joy upon which the inevitable return of agonies is made more poignant in its insufferablity the metal spikes driven deeply as the lid of this ornate iron maiden is slammed […]

there is a crushing exhaustion that comes with this never ending cavalcade of incessant cluster bombs exploding in the hollow regions where happiness once mistakenly thought to flourish the salted soil groans as new rows are tilled seeds cast haphazardly into the darkness where the sunlight never quite manages to reach yet blackened thumbs still […]

an overturned bottle of red seeping deeply into the beige fibers staining the towels hastily grabbed to sop up the mess until everything has a purple tinge each strand stained the carpet bruised muttered curses drunkenly delivered careen through the dawn breaking over the condemned buildings implacable in their hollow hauntings as day settles over […]

tired and tried are essentially the same it just takes reverse alphabetical order for the finality to settle in anxious and agitated hoping for a deflection of rejection yet the shattered hope churns my guts to ribbons and my head pounds in step with cardiac duress i remind myself not to make mountains of molehills […]

fighting the natural buoyancy of an ocean of unshed tears anchored to acres of bleached heartcoral a once bountiful habitat now an empty ritual of habitual disingenuousness sunburnt with patches of saline insignificance a depressionary lesson on wasted wishes overly saturated yet dehydrated yearning to drown yet incapable of sinking beneath the salty waves lurking […]

my car is a hearse driving through the dying small towns a mobile ossuary upon broken roads a myopic sarcophagus waiting for the storm to lash out cleansing the land of dreamshatter these lines coated in ashes and embers a soft soot decorum in dire negligence straining the air for shards of rusted hope to […]

i stalk throughout the apartment trying my best to not wake the kids as i prepare for another day at work my head throbs as the coffee brews the sky is still dark a hostile red tinge glares angrily through the open blinds slept for nearly three hours last night not consecutively that would be […]

the clocks sprang forward as lay staring at the ceiling lost and listless knowing i will see enough goddamn sunshine through the daylight saved in sleepless coupons clipped from the last month of murky gray nothingness a pocketful of light to illuminate the darkness of heartspasm denials and a displacement of time i read that […]

i didnt do any writing today been chewing over a plot point and find myself unable to make the intuitive leap i already wrote the beginning i know the ending but the sticky wicket in the center is a mystery no matter how i gnaw at the bone the marrow remains elusive most likely this […]

i want to grow a little herb garden maybe a small batch of garlic for confit but i fear the poisonous touch of my tainted soul will leave the soil barren or my incessant neediness will smother any the nascent growth i have these dreams where i have a garden peppers and onions a patch […]

nineteen nests in the gnarled naked branches little stick globes swaying in the arctic blast sweeping over texas mineteen nests in a gas station parking lot just above the cold people getting gas before slinking back to warm homes the wind cuts through my thin gray jacket i stand shivering counting the nests looking for […]

i feel like a torn cuticle both as the last hanging strip of flesh and the sullen ache of an open wound a miserable yet shallow sort of heavy aching in tired repose persnickety in this funk of sleepy indignation i need coffee even though it is slapping a band aid on missing limb a […]

inactions speak louder than the hollow words used to placate a withdrawn soul

three o’clock in the morning a full day ahead a sleepless night halfway survived as the wind chimes serenade another dreamless evening of overwhelmingly incomprehensible anxiety and woe circling the same series of tracks dead ends disguised as roundabouts mobius strips of insomnial desire sleep is an ocean yet there seems to be no escape […]

a hissing a great sigh booming pneumatically through the ever present silent smirk of the cackling crones of fate reverberating bonespurs and thorned clumps of effervescent dreamthistle a low whistle the kettle lid bounncing fitfully as the steam savagely forces its way from the fiery dismissal rhythmic quaking as the arms lower the locomotive thrums […]

he was in an ill fitting blue suit with a panicked expression as he jogged past the unblinking blue eye he looked at me apologetically as he passed in my head a million questions sprang to be where was he going was he being chased is he fleeing a crime did he get bad news […]

i only remember two scenes from the grapes of wrath the blue baby born in the ditch and the turtle on its back in the middle of the road something something dust bowl seeking the american dream finding nothing but indentured servitude in paradise i thought it was meant to be fiction but i see […]

working out doesnt build muscle it tears them apart and only rest allows them to heal life itself doesnt build happiness it tears it apart and perhaps it is rest that allows it to flourish i am an insomniac shattering myself each and every evening despite best intent the lack of rest screaming into the […]

i misunderstood the things that didn’t last mistook temporary for fleeting permanence we collect forever in scars yet blame everything on the stars excuse failings as predetermined because our parents fucked as mercury went into retrograde samuel clemens lived through two passings of haley’s comet but i imagine he never used it as a crutch […]

nipping snapping an angry turtle peeking out just enough to realize today is not the day to be me brittle broken bits rattle a human maraca playing a funeral dirge discontentedly through downtown i paid for two hours on the meter so the car blocking traffic waiting for me to move as i do paperwork […]

he finally perfected his camouflage to the point people have stopped making up excuses not to talk to him and have transitioned into realizing he doesn’t exist it is a dedication to the craft years spent minimized have allowed him to dissamble this dissociative blight into the basic components so as to make it easier […]

the city seems poised on the verge of having a stroke as the cars clog the shrinking lanes forcing pressure with no release as angry faces glare at the orange barrels ignoring flashing arrows as they push to get to the front of the line going nowhere at all but trying their damnedest to force […]

she smiled at me a glass of wine in her lovely hand curiosity sparkling as she watched me i waited as the words sharpened themselves on the strop of her tongue “what does a fool think life means?” she asked i sipped my whiskey she knew me better than i ever took the time to […]

easy tears today cracks forming in the hastily erected dam spackled together with elbow grease and heavy dissociation the groundskeeper grows lackadaisical doesn’t keep up with necessary repairs and this always leads to simmering disasters like easy tears running through the ashes of dreams suffocating every pore a hidden little boy frightened by the heaviness […]

i watched a long strip of plastic wrapping sway as if possessed a wind driven translucent cobra cowl flared snapping listlessly in the misting rain two blocks later i sat happily as two geese waddled across the cross walk comically regal as the cars honked behind me the voices in my head are a constant […]

by nature i am quite curious an extrovert beaten into a pseudo-introvert but the tendencies to speak first and think later is a big part of the trainwreck that comes with the bipolar express today as i walked down the rainy sidewalk lost in a world of beautiful ugly with shimmering bands of the ugliest […]

the air is full of the smell of donuts sugary sweet my stomach rumbles as i dream about an apple fritter an old fashioned and a cup of coffee as i watch the ducks huddled together beneath the bridge running over the canal they watch me as i watch them all of us cold yet […]

a lone bird sings the haunting refrain of spring’s embrace in frosted fits of momentary winter her icy hands graze goosepimpled flesh under neverending gray unceasing sorrows in frigid relapse i sing along softly sipping coffee while sending my love to her

sadness is floating upon a caustic sea on a hastily lashed raft with no north star to guide you home happiness is those brief moments when the clouds part allowing for mistakenly taking a satellite for long dead stars

can you see them? the spiders crawling beneath my skin skittering legs tap tap tapping down my crooked spine poisoned fangs nibbling at my mind doing lines of fire ant killer seeking a new buzz to erase the dull buzz humming in my skull as they weave webs around my every regurgitated thought diamond carapaces […]

phantom limbs still tingle making it easy to mistake acceptance for depression dewy drops of tangible sorrows where naught but scars remain

teetering right between wanting to be heard and having nothing to say so i stay silent rather than reach out and sit alone in a dreary city park waiting for my next appointment

my days are a series of empty parking lots and apologies for things out of my control raging anxiety and an ease of dismissal that borders on the obscene my nights are dissecting every word spoken as i shrink falling between molecules to vanish among the quarks subatomic particulates quivering uselessly beneath notice there is […]

i want an unblemished tombstone with a cup of markers so others can write my epitaph let them scribble out the life of a fool who suffocated on words unsaid

the human eye has evolved to differentiate shades of green a surivial trait to discern threats in the dying forests i have evolved to become color blind trapped on a two dimensional plane where every shadow hides a certain and painful demise leaking black blood onto the pale gray floor of fundamental failings until the […]

the sun came through the window in bars of steaming golden light made somehow more solid by the trails of smoke illuminated in the four slanted recrangles hitting the red and white checkered table cloth and the porcelain rooster sitting proudly in its place of honor at the center of the table just out of […]

the song of the woodpecker seeking grubs in the lifeless corpse of a discarded mannequin plays mournfully in this absence of light furrows carved in a fixed look of exquisitely agonized longing weatherworn in a state of relapsed divinity

a flurry ofanxious energyhalf way into apanic attackonly to be safeand secured tothe couch asagitated punkplays loudly outinto the sleepyapartment complexof simplifiedprison cells i read thatyou should work outwhen the depressiongets to betoo much to handleso my every muscleis torn and achingyet the dark armsof the ever presentswirling abysspull at thelactic acidityof a soul lost […]

got to the laundromat before the drugs had a chance to kick in a static filled cloud of sparks angrily scowling as i hauled in my dirty load masked faces stare at the disheveled wreck in a titticaca shirt unprepared for an excursion out side of his prison my mind spins the same as the […]

a revolution of transitional evolution marching in lockstop sipping molotov cocktails chanting with one thunderous silence clinging desperately to the undercurrent of strange absurdities keeping this trashfire babylon just afloat upon a river of filth a palpable sense of time tumbling to stuttering disengagement as plagues fill anonymous mass graves and despots invade in the […]

fireflies flit throughout the recesses of my acid etched skeleton of hollow bone of not for the semitranslucent skin stretched into a parody of a grin the flashing lights signaling my love for her would be breathtaking my blood runs cold in heaving sprays of toxic masculinity to scorch the linings of vascular indifference a […]

unconscience thoughts a conscientious consciousness casting half chewed seeds to impregnate the dry soil with a convergence of amalgomous kernels of dreamscatter fields of broken hearted declarations of emancipated deterrents reaching callous capacity in overwrought agonies a sleepless sphere in salicylic idioms leaving fresh pink scars over an abundant emptiness lovingly wrapped in the silent […]

i almost died a few different times if not for a series of odd coincidences and faulty valves the world could have been a much more beautiful place proving fate has a taste for ugliness to blot away the hope in universal disbelief everything is in warbling state of shuddering ruination yet still i grasp […]

three years ago i was a newly published author with no name unemployed and struggling to keep the lights on four days later i started a new job and three years later i am an employed no name author struggling to keep the lights on still the cost of living keeps climbing yet the wage […]

there was a guy sitting on a bench with a pensive frown frozen on his tiny face he kept picking up then setting his phone back on his lap scowling deeper with each glance a pretty woman walked down the sidewalk a smile like the noontime sun brigthening the world around her he didn’t even […]

i had a bad habit of putting things off telling myself i would get to them tomorrow dreams and aspirations cast aside waiting on a nebulous tomorrow that kever seemed to come there was an infinite number of tomorrows in a bucket by the door certainly there was no reason to rush but now when […]

saint joey has a magical way of easing the stresses of a human trying his best to be the heartache and bitter hope in two minute blasts reminding us that this condition is a shared spiraling agony so when it all gets to be too much for my swiss cheese brain to comprehend i turn […]

he is a dodo driven to the brink of extinction by a faulty fight or flightless chemical response understanding on a cellular level there is no true means of eacaping himself whom he fully recognizes as the source of all his deficiencies he keeps reading learning intimately anxiety can be triggered as a direct response […]

there is a recession of heartsoil leaving nothing but arid desert where bountiful verdancy once reigned supreme a deprivation of essential need an anemia in tired denials swirling sands bite and sting burying all traces of fossilized hope a sleepless night draped in these ever present aimless anxieties a rejection of thorny dream as the […]

i witnessed the migratory patterns of newborn trucks latched on to the backs of their mothers making the slow ride from mexico up to the adoption centers spread along the winding corridor of interstate 35 i wonder how far they will travel perhaps all the way to minnesota cutting the entire length of the country […]

traffic crawls as i sit watching as cars dart annoying hummingbirds attention defecit jumping lane to lane getting no farther yet traveling twice as far going nowhere at the speed of frustrated self importance seeking to fit in the magic space that will evaporate the bumper to bumper sea of brake lights the pink flowers […]

i listen to all kinds of music but deep down it is fuzzy guitars and a rough voice singing punk rock odes to living that really get to my tarnished soul call out to my inner rebel the part of me with a ready set of middle fingers and a tolerance for lots of pain […]

i travel to an array of interesting at least to me different businesses all across the metroplex and sometimes far out in the sticks i am overly inquisitive always asking what they do in whatever office or warehouse that i find myself in usually it is blah blah blah financial this or insurance that something […]

the managers are careful to shower adulation in lieu of compensation throwing out vacant scripted praise aa they celebrate a year of record growth ignoring the skyrocketing cost of living as they deposit their bonuses before forgetting the ones who did the actual work remoras feeding on scraps from the shark’s feeding frenzy yet swimming […]

he lay bound by sorrow eyes crusted with the salt of unshed tears the world outside one he wished to be part of as far away as the melancholy sun barely risen hope and dream shattered glass beneath his parchment skin each word left unspoken a silver tack piercing his captive tongue

feel meteoric as i yearn to crash initiate self destruct pulling pins unable to find the right one just errant nails jammed deeply into the flesh of a human voodoo doll the radius of my irradiated heart can cleanse the city of the human plague if i could just recall which one starts the countdown […]

i spent twenty minutes looking for the woodpecker tapping for grubs on the leafless trees before realizing there was a good chance what i heard was the tapping of high heels as i saw the lady watching me search for a bird that didnt exist there is likely a lesson to be learned about a […]

sitting in the cold overfilled parking lot dreading going inside my mind is scattered with glinting calteops a brittle edge and a supple ache coursing throughout my being one misstep today and i could shatter into a million pieces of absolute inconsequential nothing the slow speaking woman is waiting for me so she can talk […]

the coffee sent a cloud of steam to moisturize my exhausted face as i watched the cardinal hop excitedly from branch to branch a streak of red singing loudly so his nest remained hidden black eyes glaring in contrast to the happy sounding song i searched for the brown matron in the bare limbs of […]

i face the wall then the bookshelf back to the wall back to the bookshelf then the ceiling i can go days upon days without getting any actual rest chewing over anxieties as ryo plays mellow dream unable to shut off the torrent of turbulent thoughts i dont feel tired sure, my eyes are a […]

the first time i ever got busted drinking in a bar while underage i was standing at a table laughing talking to a lady when i heard one line “they do now” spoken into my ear by my father i remember turning all the color drained from me face beer in my hand lady forgotten […]

the irony of the anxiety in waiting becoming the new anxiety at finally receiving a response is not lost as i watch the date slink closer and closer to cordial rejection or acceptance eight and half months spent dreaming and in scant days an answer must be had i poured too much of myself into […]

for the third time this year alone spring has vanquished winter’s embrace yet i find myself reviewing the ten day forecast apprehensively expecting another bout of chilly petulance the birds are watching as i ponder the day hopping on the rail telling me about the warm winds blowing through as i shiver unexpectedly unsure if […]

viewing the world through the detached retina of divinity a land filled with blurry misrecollections in a haze of sleeplessness the grasping hands of doom fall defiantly to smother the dreamembers in a shower of sparks briefly lending an air of confused coherency in distracted aggression spinning silken cocoons in hopes of waking anew where […]

torn pages of a unicorn covered dream journal fall slowly to the floor caught up in this melodic malady quietly humming as mitochondria power the entire entropic demise in double time the cursor flashes mocking the words dripping lethargically over opioid deceptors in a languish of rhetorical ambiance schismatic resonance in anticlimactic monochromatic dreamslurry scraps […]

the lights cast a haphazard strobe faintly flickering erratic static in distilled discharging of electrons in accidental orbit of a softly whispered hint of dismay every car that passes shakes the slab of reinforced concrete making my car feel like a ship tossed on the stormy seas shattering my reverie as i seek the message […]

invisible patches of black ice linger as the sunlight becomes electrified over frozen patches of yellow grass the wind hammers at the car as i drive far too fast already lost in thought as the highway blurs into a dreamshatter artery plastic bags flutter waiting for the chance to cross unabated by the semis chugging […]

listless a crushed flower pressed between yellowed pages a lingering aroma notes of pipe smoke summer’s embrace and pestilent depressive kisses of insular beauty listless in a malice swirled interpretive dance across a minefield of buried dreams from a childhood where sweet death was the only option for escape listless

the car sits just outside the sliding doors a pervasive rumble a helicopter hovering waves of sound a wall of pressure undulating as i shiver on the couch hairline fractures run throughout my skull the wind chimes gently dance a teasing airiness in an oppression of white noise my unfocus prevails in fits of innocuous […]

i am frenzy so overwhelmed the only safe response is to shut down completely i am raw skinless in saline feeling everything too deeply to ever hope to maintain sanity i am silence uspoken prayers divine disinterest a human armadillo hidden in dream

the silence is smothering as the snow falls no cars driving no planes above everything is still earlier it was a symphony of sirens as the rain fell now there is nothing but tiny crystals slapping the window i hear my heart tapping out a serenade in desperate thumps sleep feels far off as i […]

some nights the graveyard in my hollow skull is far too active phantom smiles from the great beyond call to me as i try to find rest and i cannot rectify the pearly teeth from the maggots writhing in decay an amateur medium channeling spirits shaking fingers on the autonomous planchette as it slides swiftly […]

i am a minimalist in aesthetic which translates somehow into my feelings being minimalized as well instead of wasting time i write poetry no one reads and dismiss them myself because, by nature, i aim to please

there is a senseof palpable panicas the temperaturefalls along withfrozen flakes of snowstanding in the coldmy belt and shoeson the conveyorholding my pants upas they examine eachof the tools i carryquestioning everythingas they explain thateveryone has been toldto stay off the roadthe court buildingfilled with angry faceschapped from the windthree hundred soulsseeking passports toescape this […]

droplets of water refract the light in prismatic dismay through the complex interwoven strands of the spiderweb hanging beneath the yellowed plastic over the florescent tubes i can’t fathom where the balls of liquid beading on silk could have come from three levels below the storm raging above no drips from the ceiling no puddle […]

the sound of the tires on the road beneath me after the epectric engine takes over the drive reminds me of the trains that used to pass outside my bedroom window as a kid there is a sickening feeling being awake yet paralyzed by the memories of youth half expecting the next sound to be […]

the weathermen say another storm is coming but all i had to do was listen to the birds they trill frantically of seeds hidden and shiny things now lost we sing to each other over steaming coffee and wildflower daydreams as the temperature falls beneath an indifferent sun knowing this too will pass but fearing […]