we are never aware of the happiest moment of our lives until the inevitable breaking down begins and those rose colored glasses slip on to reveal in hindsight we threw it all away if we were alerted somehow the moment was upon us we would likely fuck it all up leaving another memory to dissect […]

never given my confession to a man of the cloth unless the cloth was a bar rag because i have poured myself out to a few bartenders throughout my time an exchange of libations to numb with problems to mull over in the amber depths of a series of shots where the answers never change […]

she sat stuck in traffic right behind me and as i watched in glimpses caught in the mirror she sang her heart out on the overpass where 35 crosses over to 75 i couldn’t tell what song it was just that she felt it deep in her soul and her sheer release was wonderful to […]

ever since the drive to alvord there has been nothing but trains speeding through the tracks in my hollow skull the arms come down red lights flashing as i sit watching the graffiti covered cars rumble past i could have been a decent hobo learn the secret language scratched into alley bricks warnings of dogs […]

i was lost reading a story about the devil of japan in world war two or trout fishing off a deserted farm road in rural somewhere it isn’t important what was important was the drum solo i had slipped into the happy groove of scenery let the words pull me from the room when a […]

tell me all of your secrets whisper your hidden truths unto me as your breath tickles the synapses firing in a twenty one endorphin salute to the merucrial tide sweeping along your tender perfections fill my lungs with the parts of yourself you never dreamt of speaking aloud the hunger growling in your singular bottomless […]

i sit in a parking garage watching the sparrows flit among the sun dappled branches of a glorious green oak through a shiny new chainlink fence momentarily distracted by the fact i am the caged soul while those hollow boned happy balls of fluff have a freedom i could never truly imagine i tried to […]

barely able to string together a series of semi coherent thoughts this chilly morn unprepared for cheerful humaning barely conscious stumbling along as coffee drips through my beard to stain my shirt in caffeinated auguries of a day spent spinning yet going nowhere except to get the necessary items for the weekend as the service […]

she asked me why i write the things i tend to scribble these sad little odes to the moment that dream crumbles from the waking mind the last slivers still quivering as dawn breaks the spell of winsome longing she phrased it slightly differently called most of it ‘incoherent trash’ but the feeling was there […]

the secretto anythingworthwhileis putting inthe timelike makinga proper rouxyou have todedicatean hour ofconstant motiongolden butterivory flourstirring themin a lowmedium frenzyuntil a deepchocolatepercolatesto create apot ofperfect gumbothe smallestthings makethe biggestdifferenceseven if you’relikely toburn yourselfbefore youget there

i put the manic in hopeless romantic smearing my inept heart all over the aether a ten cent poet with a talented tongue and the biggest vocabulary you’ve ever been bored to death by wanting to be a neruda but born with a face like hank and the talent of a hack hallmark dropout maniacal […]

they send messages of adoration not understanding that the words filling them so came from a monster bleeding ink from the dessicated heart of creation falling in love with the conduit expecting to light the encroaching night with the grounded wires of imagined caricatures ignoring the fact that the author is a flawed misrepresentation of […]

whatever happened to all the kids with their faces on the side of milk cartons after the hopefulness had long expired curdled dreams spent chasing ghosts the sour expressions of runaway aspirations being poured down into the darkness of the strained drains in denied restraint my inner child is a battered orphan watching the adult […]

a seething sense of simmering discontent in the crystalline skies glaring down in malicious disapproval as the ants crawl in uniform rows creeping ever closer to whichever deformed misanthropic hive of hastily cobbled plastics twitching their antennas in servile desperation to please the winged queen watching in multifaceted dismay as she flexes her viridescent wings […]

i find a strange comfort in the rumbling of trains as they mosey down the silver tracks, great metal bulls charging forward cutting through the emptiness that lays between the oases of false civilizations bustling in the center of nowhere america the great expanses where the young dreamers find themselves interred in the loose soil […]

a long drive awaits me a new town to explore hawks and crows over yellow hills with a sprinkling of green growth the soothing pull of the road to calm my too frantic state of confusion using time tested road hypnosis to get to the root of my constant disillusion the highways have always been […]

there is a strength in this fragility even though any sudden movement feel as if it could shatter me through the magic of surface tension i stay somewhat human in appearance. physics or magic, it is impossible to tell.

the way the light reflects off of the technicolor blades lazily spinning in the slow breeze feels more like a downward spiral pulling my thoughts downdowndown into the infinity that beckons in her smile the entire world is a coffin wobbling in the vacancy of celestial adoration a dead rock filled with the skeletons of […]

today i did nothing wrote nothing felt nothing ate nothing saw nothing i did nothing at all didn’t breathe didn’t think didn’t drink took no drugs sang no songs dreamed no dreams is a man the consequence of his own actions or is he molded by the things around him blame free from all the […]

three hard boiled eggs a pot of coffee self loathing interspersed with an undercurrent of piping hot rage a simple morning spent hungry and alone bashing my head off of the walls seeking release from the emotions that cut me to ribbons as he spits hell from blistered lips into the uncaring aether egotistical bastards […]

his craggy exterior carefully erected to hide the emotions raging in his molten core a constant struggle with the things he feels so deeply against the icy winds of blank dismissals everyday is a struggle when he cannot tell the difference between abject miseries calling and objective denials to a reciprocation of swirling blades slicing […]

i listen to the repeated refrain of birdsong seeking hidden meanings to cut through the quantum entanglement in casual causal waves afflicting my brain the universe has been calling but it doesnt stick around to leave a message at the tonal dissonance playing itself off as tinnitus ringing endlessly in the haze so many voices […]

if you ever wonder why i pulled away look back at the words you ignored to see what i had been trying to say it will be clear that i tried until i didnt. you only noticed i had left when i was already long gone.

i find there is a sanctity in loneliness far from the harsh rebuke of another’s silence a quiet desperation leaking from every pus filled pore this prison of crystallized sadness filled with the reflections of tear stained emptiness muffling the chatter outside the door picking at scabs hungry to feel yet numbed to the sweet […]

we would stand brazen in our immortality of adolescence smoking cigarettes in the pool hall listening to heavy metal as we pretended we were bad ass adults skipping school to get high as we raced to the store to get the latest album chasing the ladies and getting hammered every weekend how little we knew […]

there is a smooth transition going from open arms to ending in open wounds subtle aggressions become akin to savage attacks bountiful riches turn into a bankruptcy of emotional investment then a flurry of embers flickering in the still spring morning are the only remnants of a past gone to ashes i carry a rusted […]

i dont know how long i had sat alone in a graveyard clinging to friendships i was not aware had passed away the ghosts of the good times in spectral lines projected over the headstones obscuring the date of death letting go has always been a character flaw an inability to just let go until […]

i feel detached untethered a retina floating uselessly in the blind gaze of divinity a blight on an otherwise serene illusion a missing tooth in the smile of a pockmarked whore defiling himself for one more fix dead but feeling the spiders crawl in the pustules of forgotten scars a vestigial reminder of the subtle […]

i thought thatwhen the world endedthere would begeysers of flamestorrents of bloodlocusts and demonsgolden angelswith flaming swordsthe earth torninto chunks ofrock to careenthrough the cosmossmashing intoinhabitable planetstainting the landwith the human stain it wasn’t like thatwhen mine endedthere were harsh tonesand heavy silencethe world didn’t endwith explosionsbut with whimpered criesand the biggest kickin the soft […]

burrowing into the soft soil not seeking a way out but a place to hide from all of the things just out of his feeble grasp less escape tunnel more tomb in haphazard design a place far from the sight of those that barely acknowledged the voleman was even there to begin with if they […]

the beast is dead not fallen in battle but at the hand of all encompassing ego they didn’t even even inform me of the untinely demise just casually flung the corpse to the side of the road before drunkenly speeding away so i pour the liquor out in memorial the same stuff that led to […]

little silverwind chimes withcrystal butterfliesdangling inthe quiet night i hear the echoesof every thoughtthe burs of spurneddeclarations hanga delirium ofinchoate ragemy clay pot skullfractures as theystrike unrelenting the moonlight catchesthe delicate wingsrefracting into amyriad of frantictiny dancing spots i am the reed ina torrential galecontorting myselfinto awkward anglesbones snapping fromthe merciless windunintended consequencestearing ligamentsbroken yet […]

a subterfuge of practical irregularity a hidden symmetry within the folds of the lilac in bloom a mistrustfulness wrapped neatly in a bouquet of ichor a surge of shame filled partitioners seeking shelter in the sullen spring a field of dandelions yellow faces upturned in sweet release a broken down cart overladen with the dead […]

the air is warm the light bright the sidewalk cracked and broken the edges of slabs cutting upward broken gray teeth biting at the clouds wan, wispy things long greasy hair leaving a smudge grasping the horizon the dog barks throws itself against the fence snapping, snarling a bird chirps a staccato vibration unseen amongst […]

poetry is nothing but wasted breath coalescing before falling unheard to writhe in heartthistle fields poets are nothing but gasping fish flopping foolishly on the shore staring at the sun rising over the ocean

i trace my fingers over the scars marvelling at the incoherence in those jagged reminders a pristine painting the lines etched by the winds of time now a jigsaw lattice showing a broken vista of yesterday nothing ever changes the vacancy of an open wound before the body remembers to finally bleed shedding the scales […]

he knew he would be an eventual suicide his entire life was lived at the whims of others so his death would be his and his alone there is no tragedy in endings all things face their demise the sadness came from clinging to the corpse of dream for fear of trying again the only […]

he misses the church bells that used to ring out the clanging notes drifted over the sleepy town encapsulating everything in a winsome cacophony where adventures sang loudly in the fractured mind of a bruise covered little boy desperate for any sort of escape clinging tightly to a worn lion insecurity blanket as the bells […]

i woke up confused and disheveled on the couch not sure as to what happened to me still draped in the dreams that always seem to escape me as i sat still letting them luxuriate over the wrinkles of my mind as i awaited the sun a spring sprung after weeks of futility to find […]

screaming with your lips tightly sealed immense pressure with no outlet pins and needles vibrating just outside of physics a need to be heard in an absence of words muffled shouts in an atmosphere the consistency of marshmallow manic electricity arcing along jacob’s ladder unable to discharge just pulsing going nowhere in seismic gasps

the effort that goes into designing new rollercoaster from safety to thrill ratio trying to innovate create a new experience manufacturing the endless loops and precipitous plunges balanced out by slowly climbing building anticipation imagining the joyous mixed with terrified emotional responses maximizing excitement while minimizing their expectations to increase profits it amazes me how […]

he deflated as if his bones dissolved from his acidic blood he was sitting there looking normal and then he collapsed in upon himself a sack of blood failing organs a human bean bag chair limply laying bemoaning his fate always second place no stability drowning in silence as his pleas for help go ignored […]

there was aneon blue somethingephemeral wispsan epidural ofsultry madnessmoaning gentlyin the darknessjust outsideof reason an inverseconstellationblack pulsatingon ebony fieldsa whistling sighfrom beyond the veilof comprehensioncalling, ever callingme back home neon blue flashesarc just beneath thetorn flesh of surrenderhypnotically surgingthrough tremulousnotes of impassionedlonging intertwinedwith deepest madnesscorrupting the light drifting lost amonga hazy disconnectfrenzied hands seekingthe delicate […]

my sins areetched in starlightover the canvasof tattered sighsa delicate tapestrywhere opulent flawsare softlymiscommunicatedin silken lines the red petalsopen demurely forthe rising suna scab crackingleaking poison inlazy droplets sizzlingas they strike the soilpitted scars inthe shape of hearts my virtuesweatherworn wingsreduced to nubstwitching painfullyas the oceans spiralto catch my broken frameodes of lovescattered pollencreating bitter […]

she likes that i wear my heart on my sleeve the only part of my broken that still retains beauty wheezing black blood down my clothing as i shuffle through the world skinless feeling everything too deeply for my oscillating mind to fully comprehend raised by liars to vomit my truth into the aether just […]

i had hoped to settle in on a cold clarity by this point but judging by how fast my heart is beating and the hives that continue to spread i am not doing alright at all it is burning white hot against my chestbone sputtering as it redlines into a much wanted oblivion of sorts […]

i was a troublesome student in a day before attention defecit disorder there were kids like me that couldn’t sit still as the teacher went over the same thing on repeat they tried everything to stop the loud poor kid clearly bored distracting the ones that needed the repetition one year the teacher put the […]

a bowl of plastic fruit dusty things futile yet placed in the center of the table a mixed message of inferred class in petroleum based falseness i don’t understand fake flowers lifeless imitations plastic fruit in wicker bowls facades used to placate a false sense of living in a world of mimicry i watch myself […]

a seemingly endless exposition of accidents in construction zones turning half hours into hours of frustrated wonder creeping forward in car lengths toward another fruitless adventure in random futility while the sun glares without a hint of warmth over the chaos of cities in transitional agony i am parked in a small town bank parking […]

i set my hand on the rough surface of the parking lot feeling microtremors in the city’s pulse seems as if every road is congested backing up the means of commerce in lines where pollutants belch from man-made machines to blot the feeble wisps of golden light we could demolish all these monuments to the […]

you can no sooner read this than the ripples in a pool of crimson on a white marble floor you can not experience this flurry of razors carnivorous butterflies chewing through your cramping guts no this is nothing your mind can hope to truly comprehend just words haphazardly scattered across electrons with better things to […]

the storm pulls me with every thunderous rattle i slipslide between the falling drops, cold fat reminders of the pressures battling above and within my collection of seemingly innumerable flaws, highlighted in garish yellow lightning strikes across my flesh the same as the rains falling stirring up fresh if fleeting texas mud i am never […]

it is impossible to tell where the gray skies end and the winding sidewalk begins perhaps it is me i feel unable to pilot this flesh vessel correctly today shambling steps as the earth pitches beneath unsteady feet everything feels too raw undercooked yet thrust into the gaping mouth of universal avarice bacterial thriving in […]

a curious case of anaphylactic shock an allergic reaction to anxietal pollen forming a nonpermeable strata over this bronchial dementia shortness of breath shivering branches of undeniable painthistle reassembling broken double helixical folly into the ooze from which this form was forceably ejected from the womb in which i was never supposed to be grown […]

i am scatterbrained unable to focus on anything except whatever it is that i cannot quite recall pacing back and forth knowing there is something but my mind is blank having an allergic reaction to thinking my mind trembles as i retrace my mental steps only to find myself back at the beginning again knowing […]

bury me with the first four ramones albums surfer rosa by the pixies pulp by bukowski sylvia’s collected poems i will require gregor samsa huckleberry finn captain nemo hopfrog and the eight chained orangutans sage francis and the beastie boys can’t forget the ska any and everything two tone and beyond the bas lag trilogy […]

nauseous circling the drain so rapidly this oppression of stark silence is a thousand nails in my skull stinging nettle the same as the hives on the back of my itching neck anxious anxious anxious feeling so very pitofmystomachlockedindryheavesfromunshedsobseyesburningasthefloodgatesswellandsorrowspilltoerasetheinksmudgeincongruencyofmyinvisbleheart a week existed even in half step from reality gone gone gone they are gone and […]

he felt the same as a filament in an incandescent bulb fragile yet still somehow capable of conducting current he wondered if he would one day shine bright before he finally broke

i can’t help but wonder when i see the madness dance behind my eyes on those accidental glances into the mirror what is it that others see in my hazel denials do i appear nearly human a lifelike facsimile one of geppetto’s opium induced monstrosities dripping malice in flashes of the blue fairy’s accursed power […]

i was not aware if i slept or if this was another waking nightmare as the brackish sludge lapped at my thighs while a traversed a bog of noxious vapors the sun filtered in fleeting specks swallowed as quickly as they found passage between the bare branches clawing at the sky doing little more than […]

the sun doesnt always rise it’s the earth that will not cease its infernal spinning there is no relief with dawn just another dizzying trip through the emptiness alone hurtling without purpose in gravitational uncertainty and as the choir of birds instinctively scream endlessly i feel every bit of the wobble staring out into the […]

laying in bed waiting for my daughter to go to sleep so i can creep back out and spend the rest of the night on the couch staring at a different ceiling one not so saturated with sleepless declarations i have tried everything from whispered prayers to the emptiness occupying eternity hoarse cries to the […]

the battery light flashes an angry red as nonessential systems shut down motor control shifts to clumsy heartbeat to fully erratic thoughts go circular as the deathspiral winds itself to a fiery crescendo of silence until the only nonessential event is my act of being and try as i may i cannot get it to […]

i close ny eyes and my heartbeat fills my skull the thoughts they keep comin on throughout another aleepless night in hell i need drugs or perhaps held but i can’t afford the former and don’t seem to deserve the latter so it is a night spent tossing and turning while seeking the dreams that […]

i feel myself getting weirder falling in on myself, a downward spiral, a nautilus, a fibonacci sequentialty growing smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller losing myself sweeping up the shards of soulshatter reveries watching the stars twinkle in onyx pools of freshly shed tears twilight is defined as a decline, but the hues that […]

i am wound so tightly the normal calm waters of the lake froth with white caps it could be the wind but there is something to this palpable feeling of straddling the edge chaotically virulent today sitting alone at my spot of calm yet feeling catastrophic it’s all in your head, he mutters ignoring the […]

a small lovingly worn stuffed lamb lays in the evidence cage a forlorn smile stitched upon the yellowed white yarn i try not to look too closely at it not wanting to see any rust colored stains trying not to imagine why a stuffed lamb could be considered evidence it stares at me accusingly wondering […]

i find myself staring at the wavy inflatable man grinning moronically as he fights against the cold winds blowing across weatherford admiring with a bit of jealousy at his worry free existence flapping implacably beneath endless blue not a secondary player but the star of his singular show a magenta spectre happily fulfilling the only […]

the koi swim unaware they are in a lobby beneath stairs orange black white mindlessly watching for pellets no idea that they are no better than goldfish won at the carnival in an oversized pool designed to impress potential customers little more than a momentary distraction aimless and befeft of freedom i drive mindlessly watching […]

i watched as day bled itself out night coagulated forming a scab over cerulean whimsy the silvery moon rolled across the sky inexplicably pushed in aching slow motion by a dung beetle the streetlights play off of the carapace of the celestial insect twinkling photonics among the clotted night a faint skittering undercuts the wind […]

every step is hesitant tapping thr toes of my vans against the ground expecting to trigger a landmine standing breathless waiting for a trap door to open plummeting down into a pit of sharpened stakes i am a water balloon filled to bursting swaying on the internal currents of saline wishes and electrified eels any […]

the one thing worse than the consistency of chronic pain is the brief times the pain goes away instances of happiness afloat on winds of joy upon which the inevitable return of agonies is made more poignant in its insufferablity the metal spikes driven deeply as the lid of this ornate iron maiden is slammed […]

there is a crushing exhaustion that comes with this never ending cavalcade of incessant cluster bombs exploding in the hollow regions where happiness once mistakenly thought to flourish the salted soil groans as new rows are tilled seeds cast haphazardly into the darkness where the sunlight never quite manages to reach yet blackened thumbs still […]

an overturned bottle of red seeping deeply into the beige fibers staining the towels hastily grabbed to sop up the mess until everything has a purple tinge each strand stained the carpet bruised muttered curses drunkenly delivered careen through the dawn breaking over the condemned buildings implacable in their hollow hauntings as day settles over […]

tired and tried are essentially the same it just takes reverse alphabetical order for the finality to settle in anxious and agitated hoping for a deflection of rejection yet the shattered hope churns my guts to ribbons and my head pounds in step with cardiac duress i remind myself not to make mountains of molehills […]

fighting the natural buoyancy of an ocean of unshed tears anchored to acres of bleached heartcoral a once bountiful habitat now an empty ritual of habitual disingenuousness sunburnt with patches of saline insignificance a depressionary lesson on wasted wishes overly saturated yet dehydrated yearning to drown yet incapable of sinking beneath the salty waves lurking […]

my car is a hearse driving through the dying small towns a mobile ossuary upon broken roads a myopic sarcophagus waiting for the storm to lash out cleansing the land of dreamshatter these lines coated in ashes and embers a soft soot decorum in dire negligence straining the air for shards of rusted hope to […]

i stalk throughout the apartment trying my best to not wake the kids as i prepare for another day at work my head throbs as the coffee brews the sky is still dark a hostile red tinge glares angrily through the open blinds slept for nearly three hours last night not consecutively that would be […]

the clocks sprang forward as lay staring at the ceiling lost and listless knowing i will see enough goddamn sunshine through the daylight saved in sleepless coupons clipped from the last month of murky gray nothingness a pocketful of light to illuminate the darkness of heartspasm denials and a displacement of time i read that […]

i didnt do any writing today been chewing over a plot point and find myself unable to make the intuitive leap i already wrote the beginning i know the ending but the sticky wicket in the center is a mystery no matter how i gnaw at the bone the marrow remains elusive most likely this […]

i want to grow a little herb garden maybe a small batch of garlic for confit but i fear the poisonous touch of my tainted soul will leave the soil barren or my incessant neediness will smother any the nascent growth i have these dreams where i have a garden peppers and onions a patch […]

nineteen nests in the gnarled naked branches little stick globes swaying in the arctic blast sweeping over texas mineteen nests in a gas station parking lot just above the cold people getting gas before slinking back to warm homes the wind cuts through my thin gray jacket i stand shivering counting the nests looking for […]

i feel like a torn cuticle both as the last hanging strip of flesh and the sullen ache of an open wound a miserable yet shallow sort of heavy aching in tired repose persnickety in this funk of sleepy indignation i need coffee even though it is slapping a band aid on missing limb a […]

inactions speak louder than the hollow words used to placate a withdrawn soul

three o’clock in the morning a full day ahead a sleepless night halfway survived as the wind chimes serenade another dreamless evening of overwhelmingly incomprehensible anxiety and woe circling the same series of tracks dead ends disguised as roundabouts mobius strips of insomnial desire sleep is an ocean yet there seems to be no escape […]

a hissing a great sigh booming pneumatically through the ever present silent smirk of the cackling crones of fate reverberating bonespurs and thorned clumps of effervescent dreamthistle a low whistle the kettle lid bounncing fitfully as the steam savagely forces its way from the fiery dismissal rhythmic quaking as the arms lower the locomotive thrums […]

he was in an ill fitting blue suit with a panicked expression as he jogged past the unblinking blue eye he looked at me apologetically as he passed in my head a million questions sprang to be where was he going was he being chased is he fleeing a crime did he get bad news […]

i only remember two scenes from the grapes of wrath the blue baby born in the ditch and the turtle on its back in the middle of the road something something dust bowl seeking the american dream finding nothing but indentured servitude in paradise i thought it was meant to be fiction but i see […]

working out doesnt build muscle it tears them apart and only rest allows them to heal life itself doesnt build happiness it tears it apart and perhaps it is rest that allows it to flourish i am an insomniac shattering myself each and every evening despite best intent the lack of rest screaming into the […]

i misunderstood the things that didn’t last mistook temporary for fleeting permanence we collect forever in scars yet blame everything on the stars excuse failings as predetermined because our parents fucked as mercury went into retrograde samuel clemens lived through two passings of haley’s comet but i imagine he never used it as a crutch […]

nipping snapping an angry turtle peeking out just enough to realize today is not the day to be me brittle broken bits rattle a human maraca playing a funeral dirge discontentedly through downtown i paid for two hours on the meter so the car blocking traffic waiting for me to move as i do paperwork […]

he finally perfected his camouflage to the point people have stopped making up excuses not to talk to him and have transitioned into realizing he doesn’t exist it is a dedication to the craft years spent minimized have allowed him to dissamble this dissociative blight into the basic components so as to make it easier […]

the city seems poised on the verge of having a stroke as the cars clog the shrinking lanes forcing pressure with no release as angry faces glare at the orange barrels ignoring flashing arrows as they push to get to the front of the line going nowhere at all but trying their damnedest to force […]

she smiled at me a glass of wine in her lovely hand curiosity sparkling as she watched me i waited as the words sharpened themselves on the strop of her tongue “what does a fool think life means?” she asked i sipped my whiskey she knew me better than i ever took the time to […]

easy tears today cracks forming in the hastily erected dam spackled together with elbow grease and heavy dissociation the groundskeeper grows lackadaisical doesn’t keep up with necessary repairs and this always leads to simmering disasters like easy tears running through the ashes of dreams suffocating every pore a hidden little boy frightened by the heaviness […]

i watched a long strip of plastic wrapping sway as if possessed a wind driven translucent cobra cowl flared snapping listlessly in the misting rain two blocks later i sat happily as two geese waddled across the cross walk comically regal as the cars honked behind me the voices in my head are a constant […]

by nature i am quite curious an extrovert beaten into a pseudo-introvert but the tendencies to speak first and think later is a big part of the trainwreck that comes with the bipolar express today as i walked down the rainy sidewalk lost in a world of beautiful ugly with shimmering bands of the ugliest […]