There is no amount of kush on the planet that will take this edge off. Maybe an ocean of whiskey. Fuck beans that was a close one.  I guess this Being John Malkobitch life is good for something. You can live through my horrid existence and not have to get your shoes dirty. So far […]


Right? I am going a million miles a minute right now. Blowout on the highway going 75. Spun out. Nearly did not make it. Goddess fucking help me but that was close.  Never did that before. On ice sure. I saw that barricade bearing down and the truck as well. I was doomed. Fucking doomed. […]


So this dude at work has a major crush on me. I never really notice, terrible with signals and all, but it has become the source of the entire teams pleasure. They have pointed out how he walks by me multiple times a day. And giggles every time. I have headphones in and nearly no […]

Serial Thriller

The headache is gone! Until it comes back! Fuck. In this age of mass shootings and arcade style body counts, I find myself reminiscent for the good old days of the serial killer. They had class, took their time and always left delightful clues. They did things their won way, with impersonal touch and flair […]

Enlightenment, a tale

One time, a long time ago really, I was postioned on a rock facing East and trying my damnedest to reach an enlightened state of zen consciousness. My chakras were aligned and my chi was positively fucking overflowing. My spirit began to hum in tune with the world around me. A dove landed on my […]


howdy ho buckaroos black shirt, silver bowtie. Mad pimpin today. look like a server at an over priced yet underwhelming restaurant. Feel about the same. Went back to a place I have sealed off for years. A place no one has access to but me. One only three people have known about in the last […]

unimportant, skip

The chorus arrived finally. Did not bring the end of the headache with it though. Even napped to see if that would happen then, but alas, nothing. The chorus was not what I wanted. It turned out to be meandering and sad and we were shooting for uplifting. Everything seems sad so a little good […]


I am sitting alone crying. Jay-Z on SNL. His second performance. No back drop. White t shirt. No acknowledgement of the crowd. Eyes closed.  He rapped his apology. I was blown away with the track on the album. So raw and emotional and honest. The first time I heard it was right around the break […]

Swimming Laps

When my eyes opened this morning and my best friend Mr Headache greeted me with a spiral concussive force good morning kiss I knew it was going to be a special day. My birthday is in a month. Another mile marker on the road of my life. Except for bad shopping days until my birthday […]


She stood in the hut, mist flowing around her. Light came through the faux grass roof in rays illuminating her. The combination of her smile, the mist and the rays of light froze time. I stared, trying to memorize every single detail. I knew this was a magical moment. The mist and the rays of […]

Bigfoot Sighting

Good morning my loves. Been a couple of days. Been busy. Life happens.  This is hard to find the words for.  She is wonderful and amazing. Everything. I would do anything for this one. She makes me feel. A whirlwind that picks up the scattered pieces and makes them feel close to whole. That one […]

Bullets and Chamber Music

That title is gonna be misleading. I liked the play though. Maybe at some point I can make it fit in. Probably not. The headache has mutated and the chunk of skin Dax flayed from my scalp is not helping. Shit. He tried to fucking scalp me. Cowboys and Indians is not meant to be […]

I dip you dip we dip

Kids are gone. Emptiness somehow fills the room. The contradiction does not escape me. It feels oppressive after the laughter all weekend. Choir Recital tomorrow night so I get to steal a few more minutes. The feeling of loving them more than life itself and distance is like a blade between the second and third […]

Easy like a Sunday Morning

Or not so fucking easy like a Sunday mourning. Cluster headache like a mug today my loves. Knew it was brewing all week. hoped to juke and jive my way out of this one.  it could be worse. ummm. Could be four spikes at once?  So today is the day of questioning all. It always […]

Graham Crackers

No Graham Crackers were hurt in the writing of this post. Hello my dear friends. Sitting here with the kids relaxing after another trip to get groceries. Stock up on the essentials for the sleepover. Cotton for the ears, wire ties, duct tape, 25 lb bag of lime, plastic drop sheets.  Wrong sleepover. Scratch that. […]

Frozen Moments

I have been lucky in my life to have singular moments that exist both in and out of time. Times that transcend known reality and seem to bend physics around them. Today was one of those.  It has been a long time since I had the honor of witnessing a true spectacle.  The last time […]

Just Hopeless

Sometimes I question myself, am I a hopeless romantic, or in the immortal words of Bouncing Souls, am I just hopeless? The eternal question. And cereally a great song by a great band from Jersey. The Toilet Song is a favorite of mine and the kids. YouTube that schnitt. So I went from talking to […]


Good day my loves Amazing how things can change in the span of a fortnight. Back then I had two ladies I was interested in and an appendix. Now I have two more weeks until I can start thinking about working out and no prospects. And that feels like a good soft reboot.  Was talking […]


Hello my sweet. Not been a whole lot on the dating front. I am not quite to that point again. Rehab and mental exhaustion have almost killed the loneliness.  Or made it the centerpiece of a crown of thorns.  One or the other.  I have been trying to pick up the pieces but apparently am […]

Stick a fork in me

Hello my dear friends Been quiet lately. Things have spiralled out of control as they are known to do. Everything is going to shit and I am just sipping a monster and watching it burn.  Dating is a bullshit, fools game that no one wins from. Like working for someone else. Or dreaming. Or having […]

Mekka Lekka High

Meh. Not much to report. Pain is low enough I am over doing it and making it worse.  Kids weekend. Sleepover Saturday for my daughter. Good times were had.  I have not been in a good place to seek the opposite sex. Don’t know if I do not want the hassle or the possibility. Sort […]

That Got Dark Fast

Story of my life right there. Everything escalates as it percolates and then encapsulates my mental real estates. It is a constant series of ups and downs. It may be hard to read, but it is nigh impossible to live. I am not suicidal. I have children. If I were suicidal I would be a […]

Off Kilter

I am not doing well. My brain chemistry is way out of whack. I can feel it pressing down on me. This great depression filling everything with inky black tendrils of cold.  Not even Motörhead covering God Save the Queen is helping. Because fucking Lemmy is dead. Been binging Bowie and Lemmy. All the greatest […]

Green Fairiez

The last couple posts have been rather depressing. Probably because life has been pretty depressing. I am so far down rock bottom is inviting just for the breeze.  But I am high as fuck. Numb for the first time in days. It barely hurts to breathe.  So let’s talk. Easy Breezy. I love feeling fuzzy […]

Not Friday but part 2

Thus continues the tale of loss. I am in a shit ton of pain dear reader. it only hurts when  I breathe too deeply or try and move. And do not get me started on needing to take a dump.  For both of our sakes. But I am speaking from the future. this is about […]

Well, it’s Friday

Hi. Been all week. Sorry. I did mention I suck. Skip this if you have a happy feelings. Been a week and I feel like crying. Am crying. I hurt. Fuck. If you are smart check back next week. My cat died Tuesday. She was badass. Her name was Xiu Xiu, after a neat and […]


Hello my sweet. So, how was your weekend? Good, serves that cocksucker for daring to step to you. Way to show your inner badass on the outside for once. Fuck him and I hope his dog gets AIDS from a stray that sold itself to get more heroin. He needed that slap. Proud of you […]


Good day. Kids this weekend so rambling diatribes on art and kisses will have to pass for the next 2 days. Imagine this is how the weekend will go.  I am gonna meal prep the week with honey siracha chicken and veggies. Play a shit ton of Mario Kart with the two coolest people on […]

Modern Art is Mostly Shit

Miss me? That fucking headache nearly killed me dear reader. It was fucking close. I drank far too much Nyquil and slept for 14 hours. It was exactly what the doctor ordered. But you do not give two tugs of a dead dog’s cock about my head. No. You want to know how the date […]


Hi there schmoopy. Missed me? Missed you too. Bunches. You are my first thought in the morning and last before bed. Muah. So I tend to title before I wrote to give me some focus on a topic. If you have not noticed I am all over the place. It must be exhausting to be […]

Too Much Caffeine

Will wonders never cease? Been running fast and furious lately. I seen some shit man. Been there done that. Non sequitur. Random words. You feel what I am putting out here?  Motivational! Old Spanky is losing his shit here people. The lights seems dark and the dark feels dank. I saw the eclipse today Dear […]

Music and Words

You ever drive around with the music way too loud, no destination in mind, dear reader? I did that yesterday. Convinced myself I needed to commune with nature. Blah blah healthy. Blah blah spiritual. And I had an epiphany. of sorts. Epiphany means all the pollen crushed my fucking sinus cavity and made me it’s […]


Hey there buckaroos. Old Uncle Spanky has been a bit obsessed lately. Sorry if I have been distant and distracted.  See. there is this story I have had brewing for literally years. And the end came to me yesterday. I never knew the end. and it was so simple. not elegant but exactly what it […]

Manic Wednesday

So we meet again dear reader. Been a bout of the ups and downs this week. But the barometer has taken a sharp upwards tick.  This, of course, means the downfall will be that much more dramatic. Controlled plummeting is plummeting still. So it is with tepid at best expectations I have thrown myself into […]

Easily Distracted

Hello dear reader. How are you today? For good answers, read next. For bad skip one. That is great to hear! Nice to see you so chipper. I think you have a lovely smile and it makes me happy to see it. Brightens the room. Skip next paragraph. Who the fuck do I have to […]


It is amazing how good things can go and then one thing sends it spiralling into the fucking trash. The last couple of days have been wonderful. Time with the kids, relaxation and got to spend some time talking to a lovely stewardess. I should be floating across the ground. Instead, I am in black […]


Taking the next two days off of this insanity. No swiping. No chatting. Just gonna chill and enjoy time with my kids. Play some games and watch some GotG 2 and Supernatural. Need to detox. But I am thinking about you. You know you are always in the back of my mind like a spider […]

80s Synth

I feel like I am trapped in a Depeche Mode album. Everything is dreary and intentionally shitty for no reason. A week and a half and quite a few messages but no real leads. I have cone to the conclusion that I suck at this.  The idea that based on five pics and a page […]


So, well, ummm. See I have been talking to a couple ladies. Curiosity mostly. And I hoped to provide some interesting stories to you dear reader.  It has led to some intriguing talks so far. See, dear reader, when a man loves a woman. Nope. When a man serves a woman? See sometimes in a […]

Near Misses, Dodged Bullets

I am not one to cast disparaging remarks upon the opposite sex, except in jest but honestly I will make anything into a joke. Anything. No matter how crass, before I have thought it I will say it.  Ask anyone who knows me. It is a condition. Another thing I hate about me but cannot […]


I have realized exactly what I am looking for in a mate. I want someone not afraid to strap on some wax and feather wings and fly too close to the sun with me. I want to feel the sun heat my body as the inevitable fall will cool it. I just want someone willing […]

Fiction   If you enjoy these real rambling, just imagine what kind of fiction rolls around in this half empty coconut. Try it and let me know.

Numbers Game

So this entire online dating things is really all about the numbers. Answer a shit ton of questions to narrow the field to either the most eligible or best liars. Hard to tell so early in the game which is which.  Next is view comparable options. Now the real play begins. There are so many […]

Burned Out

The kids are still sleeping. I woke up hours ago and walked a couple miles and worked out. Been going through my stuff as I have decided maybe a change in scenery could do this broken heart some good. It has been a rather shit morning. I woke up from a dream where my ex […]

Lovely day for fishing

So the lovely Maria is still at it. She began blowing me up this morning. I stuck to my guns and let her know in no uncertain terms she would get no money. She insists she is falling in love with me. I made it clear that I will give nothing to a stranger. She […]


I am not alone in the idea that scrubs are super fucking hot. Like mind boggling hot. It has always been my kryptonite. And there are a lot of nurses in the sites. And I give then all a swipe right. Not only to I find them, for the most part hot as he’ll, I […]


Hi. Been a busy week with a lot of down time to write. Picked up the kids today so the next week may slow down. But never fear dear reader, I will still be trying. Just less. A week free of the past discretions has me wide eyed and bushy tailed in anticipation of the […]


This one is more for me. Fuck you. I explained to the lovely Maria I was most certainly not sending her money. She said she understood and continued talking like nothing had happened. It was wierd. She said she will be back in town in a couple of weeks. Curiosity led me to decide this was […]

Noodlin 2 Electric Afuckayou

An hour and a half gone like that. She was sweet and gentle. A saint walking this earth. We hit it off in every way. It was fate that guided us to find one another. She said she felt like I was the first person she could really open up to since her break up […]


In Oklahoma there is this thing that people do called Noodlin. The biggest catfish lie on the bottom of the river, fat faces up and just sit and eat. Imagine Golden Corral on Sunday when the church crowd shows. Well these American heroes wade out into the water and jam there hands into the fish’s […]

Sanity Wall

Holy shit. Until I figure out how we are going to proceed I have decided to continue the maddening swiping process. It has been a tough day. My depression has set into the manic phase. My mind will not stop going. A million different errant thoughts piling up. I am growing paranoid.  If you have […]

Pay Wall

Things took a dramatic turn today. Not really but it seemed likely to grab the reader. I woke up to 47 emails. Apparently I have a lot of fans out there. I was excited. Last night was rough with the combo of lack of sleep and certain painful truths being flaunted. I was not fully […]