You ever drive around with the music way too loud, no destination in mind, dear reader?
I did that yesterday. Convinced myself I needed to commune with nature. Blah blah healthy. Blah blah spiritual. And I had an epiphany. of sorts. Epiphany means all the pollen crushed my fucking sinus cavity and made me it’s bitch, right?
I cannot be expected to know the meaning of every word I say. that is ridiculous, arbitrary and penultimate. One of these kids does not belong.
I know what epiphany means. I have a huge vocabulary, goes along with my gigantic…
The pollen was not the epiphany. I was walking and listening to music. Normal stuff. Basic shit. Humaning. Spacing out really bad. I was somewhere else really, riding the music and shutting down every thing else.
Had an image of making out heavily, Kissing and roaming hands. Music on softly in the background. The. suddenly she was nuzzling my ear and softly sang along to Wave of Mutilation. Half chin. no lie. It moved. Not sure what that says about me but clearly I have a type. Not sure what type either.
Maybe I am listening to too much Pixies. It has been nearly obsessive. And a new King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard came out, which is by far their jazziest release. It is nice listening to music again. Not worrying if the other person is into it or not because they do not exist.
Might also explain the perpetual loop.
I feel good. Kind of always sore but in that good way. Less and less lonely and more and more self reliant. It is a strange feeling. like coming out of a cocoon.
I entered a fat caterpillar. I exited a fat butterfly. One with cheeto dust stained wings.
I got new Docs this week. Pretty excited. And dreading the break in period. And underwear. And socks. Adulting blows. All I want is maybe a tattoo or new game. Instead I got underwear that fits. Boo.
Fixing me so I can actually be worth a fuck to a potential mate sucked. But it has gotten better. I have gotten better.
I may not even hate me so much. Still a legendary amount. But a little less.