Hello my dear friends
Been quiet lately. Things have spiralled out of control as they are known to do.
Everything is going to shit and I am just sipping a monster and watching it burn.
Dating is a bullshit, fools game that no one wins from. Like working for someone else. Or dreaming. Or having hope and faith that there is anything other than simple chemical reactions that we seek to apply meaning to.
Fuck everything. Right in it’s ass. You heard me. Fuck everything.
I don’t know what I expected to come of anything. Humor? The last gasp of a chance? Cupid to shoot me with an arrow and make everything better?
Ever laugh so hard you cannot tell if it is funny or a psychotic break? Laughing and laughing until you cannot breathe any more. It is not fucking funny any longer. But I keep laughing.
This blog burned me. Like I knew it would. It seems like I sabotage everything. My mouth, my blackened heart, my empty conscience- all conspiring against my heart and mind.
I had been only talking to two ladies seriously. One so far away that it is like a pen pal. One I went on a date with. Had a second date planned until my body tried to kill me. And then she read this. And that ended that. I awoke to a series of emails that let me know I had messed up. I still am confused by it but shall soldier on. But I am burned out.
Work, my last respite and only consistent thing is turning into a war of attrition. I have upset the elder gods and they demand blood. But I am about tapped out. Nothing left to give.
If I cannot give myself the will to survive I cannot give much to anyone else. Just the kids.
I am so fucking done. With all of it. So I maybe silent for a bit. Try and ride out this newest shitstorm in a life of shitstorm. I have given up on most everything. No point. If you try and fix yourself life will just break you a new way. Or I will find a way to break myself. It is written and it shall endlessly repeat.
So fuck me, fuck them and the world can fucking burn. Everyone wants a piece but no one wants to help clean up.
I love you guys. Everyone else can eat a bag of dicks.