This one is more for me. Fuck you.

I explained to the lovely Maria I was most certainly not sending her money. She said she understood and continued talking like nothing had happened. It was wierd. She said she will be back in town in a couple of weeks. Curiosity led me to decide this was worth following up on. She began calling me sweet names. It made the hairs on my butthole stand. 

You ever had that feeling? Like during a particularly gruesome scene in a horror movie that just ruffles your taint. Maybe my undercarriage is just a bit psychic.

Feels like you are going to have more intimate knowledge of my genitals than some of my former lovers.

Lol. Former lovers. I said that like a bad southern plantation daughter in a trashy movie.

Is it pathetic that it was also nice talking to someone? Sharing what are most likely lies. Most likely felt nice to have someone’s attention even if it was based on a scam. She even said Muah.

What the fuck?

I am really in a strange place right now. I am excited about writing again. It feels good. I went through my stories and realized they might not be terrible. The positive feedback on this has been fucking humbling. I have never been so high.

And so very fucking low. Very is a lazy word. I avoid it. But so very fucking low. Why? I am seriously in better shape than in a long time. I enjoy working out. I am still a mess but a touch more organized. Work has been great. I am in a much better spot mentally. The ex was really a negative influence for me but I never realized it. I spent so much of me on her that I think I lost myself.

And that is the crux of it all. I do not know who I am anymore. For so long I was hers. That was my identity. Now I am nebulous. Self discovery is really fucking stupid. Bunch of feelings and horseshit.

This is my fucking time to shine. This entire fucking planet is on notice. This is my story. I am the god damned hero of this tale.

Or the jester.

Until life pulls the famous kick in the fucking nuts routine I have grown so used to. But until then know I am thinking of you. Of us. Hugs and sloppy wet kisses dear reader. I love you.

Or like friends. Whatevs. It’s cool.

You made this weird. Nice job asshole. I wanted a happy note but you couldn’t let me have that.