Hello dear reader. How are you today?
For good answers, read next. For bad skip one.
That is great to hear! Nice to see you so chipper. I think you have a lovely smile and it makes me happy to see it. Brightens the room. Skip next paragraph.
Who the fuck do I have to stab to death and leave rotting in a fucking dumpster? Who has the unmitigated gall to dare mess with my friend? I will rain fire upon the detestable piece of shit. I swear to goddess.
So I have discovered that even with a smile, bald and angry appearing both attracts and frightens certain ladies. It has made my natural sarcasm crawl inside like a set of testes on a cold winter day when the wind cuts through your pants. My fellow Yankees get that reference.
To the ladies; the testes while part of the ugliest organ, also are constantly moving. Adjusting for ambient temperature and such. It is like two semi-sentient marbles in a wierd flesh sac. That also has a special friend that just sort of invades personal space and lazily hangs his head.
I will save my views on vaginas for a less lucid time and place.
So I have to be on point. Funny with a touch of sweet. While still maintaining a certain manish decor. Ugh. It fucking sucks. For Cereal.
So I spent an hour. an entire fucking hour learning how to tie a bowtie. Fuck me. Like I am actively tanking my ability to get laid. But I like them. So do not judge me you bastards.
Back to trying to convince the ladies I am not going to dismember them on the first date. That is third date material. First date is collecting stray hairs to make a doll.
Sounds creepier than I had envisioned. Perfect.
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