there are days i feel less like a person and more like a possession, owned in some way by phantom hands it was unbeknownst to me that i had ever been purchased, there have been occasional rentals, used and using in symbiotic fashion for pleasures or as a stop gap measure to beat the loneliness […]
feiluan, the flying phoenix jiangluan, descending phoenix fuluan, support the phoenix with deft swirls and unbidden motion across the ash of the dead the forest of my mind dancing the ocean in my veins pulsing the desert of my heart shifting the ten yama kings occupy the maze of my rebirth testing and throwing ruin […]
she listened to me vent on being an unknown nobody who aspired to be more in a world where being seen counted more than being heard, but i don’t like the face i am forced to carry, my words don’t carry enough weight to distract, to detract from awkward smile stuck on with super glue, […]
i’ve been trying to figure out how to best introduce myself to you i thought maybe i would slide in, dressed up in a vest and bowtie, shirt tucked in, pocket watch chain hanging casually, my docs all shined up a smooth first impression say my name and assume you would recognize it, maybe go […]
sitting on the summit of a mountain of broken hearts, watching the world burn, roasting marshmallows whistling off key sonotas and warbling dirges, tapping my toes to the beatings below, snapping fingers as they snap a neck weapons of mass distraction, guerrilla daycare, emotional warfare, nuclear lipstick and gentle choking shift the dynamic realtime renderings, […]
there isn’t any judgement like old school judgement, the trials and tribulations of gods and man, but this new world has more judgement and less holy myth when i was a kid i would sit on this big rock at five every night, so excited for dad to come home by seven i would be […]
as the bruises faded to shades of green and malignant yellows down the side of her face, the imprint of his wedding band stood out in sharp contrast where it had actually torn the skin it was an island of scab in the sea domestic abuse, a petty reminder of the man he was her […]
as a kid they taught us carpe diem seize the day did you shout it in your head i do when i read it a simple phrase, but one of empowerment as i grew up i saw it used all over reach for your dreams, grab the bull by the horns seize the day ever […]
i got home from work and my headached so i turned off all the lights and laid back on my bed, propped up two pillows and decided to read poetry, maybe find inspiration this is something i don’t ever do i’m always shy around poets and reading their works they are brillaint with pen and […]
i can never go home again not really not ever the first memories went up in smoke along with my red metal firetruck grandma’s house burnt in a failed suicide attempt by an aunt the longest stretch spent now condemned, radioactive, a wasteland there were spots so hot that the winter snow melted away the […]
we live in an era of de-evolution for every great stride forward with technology our dependency upon it grows,without even noticing we are losing basic functions need directions, use your phone, need instructions, internet, feeling sick it’s cancer, it’s always cancer using a map, the dewey decimal system, experiencing life there is an app for […]
with the rapidly depleting ice caps, my mental state has shifted to bi-solar i’d hoped it would melt away as well, as the final starving polar bears cling to shrinking icebergs maybe there would be a shift in me as well, no more polar ice caps, no more wild swings the longer days, the lingering […]
like a car crash in slow motion every shard of glass a diamond suspended around us, i could pluck them individually from the air, fashion them into a necklace for your elegant neck the buckling of metal, screeching of frame, the dashboard flying towards my chest, airbags disabled, sparks like fireworks around our heads the […]
two weeks with my only tethers to this mortal coil, my progeny, my shattered soul made whole managed to make it home, the roiling mass of tentacles, the curling ball of sorrow like acid etching the back of my throat before collapsing in a heap it is quiet now no noise to muffle the frantic […]
i miss you miss your smile and your laugh, the way you smell and dance when you think no one is looking in another life maybe we will find each other again i will see you across the room and something will click, we won’t have the same baggage, the same hang ups our eyes […]
potential the sums of so many thoughts of words and whimsy the small cubby in the bed my resting place fan blowing the frigid wind, so much wasted potential, so many fluid forgotten phrases, a life unlived, a song unsung dreaming of another place, where fear and foreboding didn’t win the day, where words spoken, […]
the silence of the place rings out, echoing the hope, mocking the feeling of despair triumphant tragedy the feeling of being a ghost in your feeble existence, haunting laughter, daydreaming the static of another life cryptic sadomasochistic, reciprocating, undulating, oscillating head cradled in numb hands the migraine ingrained until all else is false, triple spiked, […]
Chapter Five – Adrift My eyes snapped open and tried to take a giant heaving breath. Pain shot through my entire body in lightning arcs from head to toe. I could not pinpoint one area that hurt worse than any other as every synapse sent pulses of wicked fire through me. A red tinge overlaid […]
common courtesy, like common sense is not that common any more in this day and age of dying by inches and social media likes, of followers and following but going nowhere instead of trying our best to be better people we try our best at trying to appear our best when that is smoke and […]
crying into my shoulder as i attempt to make coffee, wanting to be alert for the misery that will keep sleep at bay the put me down of this everlasting misery more than the pick me up of this dark brown sludge, the black taint on my mind, this stabbing pain in my chest, this […]
outside the hut, the storms have come, the fury of nature outside, the force of man resides within the furnace fills the room with waves of heat, the iron sits within heating to white hot thunder cracks sending shockwaves through the trees as the rain pounds the roof driving the hammer over and over, sweat […]
they came in the night and replaced my left eye with a recording device they thought it would go unnoticed but the resolution is slightly higher and it shows a status bar that seems to indicate the power is at fifty percent i can scan things and know what they cost and see a person […]
Chapter Four – Setting Expectations Rachael Faust. Why would the group that kidnapped her need me to help find her? Her father said he spoke with a man with yellow eyes and the only two I know of that fit that bill and one of them just asked me to find her as well. Silence. […]
The man atop the mountain however did sense the figure slowly making its way to the summit where he stood, chained to his boulder for all eternity. And in this figure he could feel the warm buzzing of salvation creep through his bones. So filled with relief at the thought of freedom when the rays […]
flying down the sidewalk, see the line, live the line, olly into a kickflip to catch the crooked grind down the twelve set, varial heelflip and pray for no traffic the board goes its own way halfway through the kickflip, my trajectory is straight for the rail, feet flailing, the ting of metal and feet […]
pitiless stares from silent watchers, hidden in plain sight, hunters hunted by forces inexplicable rest is for the dying, the reminder of sleep eternal, for now we dance under the stormy skies in hopes of rains filled with glorious cleansing the thunder cracks the hymns of forefathers, each lightning strike another reliquary of ancestral pride […]
any port in the storm any snort in a porn any hope is all worn every loss is still warm the ratatatat of a snare drum the crackle of burning tobacco no matter how intricately the mirrors are set up are you listening? no matter how intricate the mirrors are set up never look the […]
he stood still as his friend lifted the rifle he stood still as his wife refused to hammer the nails he lay still, naked and alone as the flames surrounded him a massive ball of entwined train tracks and desolate environmental hell he sat still and confessed his affair, love in ohio, his wife unaware […]
the light turned on but her pupil never shifted the light turned on and flooded the room with incandescent brilliance, illuminating all, casting shadows in the corners in her eyes the light has gone off flickering fluorescents cast a yellow pall upon her body, the lack of chest movement indicating what was gone from the […]
decided to stay in bed today, take comfort in this comforter but it may be defective, a perpetual state of good morning but with out u it feels hollow some bored games to pass the time but I have to play solitare, uno, no matter how the cards are shuffled it is at best one […]
Chapter Three – Long Drives and Vicious Beatings When I came to I was surrounded by black. I choked down bile as my head throbbed from the blow to the back of my head. I was sticky and felt a pang of remorse when I realized it was queso all over me and not blood. […]
the darting black shadow upon the battlefield, a fearsome caw as it flies down to feast upon the souls of the dead, the crow pecking the eyes of the fallen soldiers a flash of red in the darkness, an old hag hunched over by age washing bloody armor in the stream, the rattle of wands […]
this flow of unfavorable words will not cease, not give some feeling of triumph over tragedy, not give a sense of relief or release, not stop whispering evil things if the silence lasts more than a second i miss the one that got away, the ones that got away, the almost, the might have been, […]
three years ago today i earned a new set of scars third day on a new job unfamiliar with the dangers five hundred degree plastic with too much back pressure exploded out of the nozzle unfortunately i was in the path blinked just in time to save my right eye this morning after a shower […]
flashes of metal, again and again, arterial spray, vivid and robust across everything crimson jets, mist and plumes, hot and fresh from the teat as these things go over and again, in brutal machine like efficiency that blade kept raining down longing for the days of the air hammer and rustic thump hiss thud of […]
Chapter Two – Out and About The City has a pulse of it’s own, a humming that seems to resonate throughout the people that live here. Brad’s bar is an anomaly, a piece of the past that has worked it’s way into the future. And that is exactly his intent. But if his place is […]
stumbling alone on this muddy path, the pregnant moon the only light, heart racing and labored burning breath i saw something i should not have, a creature feasting, bloody mouth and ragged claws, the personification of death my gasp have me away, those dread black eyes met mine, the tearing of teeth and the jutting […]
made an appointment to see a doctor about my issues skipped it then thought about how a trip to a doctor could help my increasingly unstable state of mind what would i say if i actually went, that i am lonely, that it feels like the walls are closing in but it is even scarier […]
one last time the music echoed down the hallway hey ho, let’s go the four raven dyed heads banging to the simple chord progression and basic odes to life and sniffing glue i fell into your words saw a kindred spirit a rebel with sharpened blade and middling by his own admission, culinary skills reinvented […]
as the mushroom cloud erupts in the not so distance, the first shockwave sending the ground in front of me into ripples, the first wave of fatal radiation a heat flash making all who stand against into shadows falling to my knees and accepting the cleansing bath, the last full body orgasm before nothingness, sweet […]
my beautiful insanity on pubic display, my heart turned circular from all the time my mind spent in space my misfired synaptical responses from concussions and spinal infractions, the scar where my appendix once lived all marrow and sinew, detached retinas and cavernous sinus cavities in the now vacant skull, finally emptied of the words […]
they look at me with concern are you okay you seem down lately is something the matter your writings have been… well, it seems like something has been bothering you you write about your depression a lot why don’t you go out and do something, take your mind off of it stop thinking about it, […]
i sat on the bench, eyes closed, head facing up into the warmth of the sun a red dot on my forehead shaky moving slightly up and down with the slow rhythmic breathing of the sniper a block away not that i could see it i was in dreamland, contemplating lunch or what book to […]
Chapter One – Serendipity The flickering neon light seemed to pulse in time with my headache. A near strobe of blue and red that seemed to crackle down my optic nerve and stab directly into my brain. I was trying to sip my whiskey in private in the back of the near empty bar and […]
as told to me by Orpheus after a night of wine and song all praise be to almighty Nyx, for she is the beautiful goddess of night, one of the first of the many gods to take form from the fabric of being listen to her augeries, chanted and sprung to life in her adyton […]
in my frustration and impotent rage it dawned on me maybe i am not of this world it makes the almost herculean effort required to fit in come into frame am i a demon sent from the bowels of hell itself given form as that of mortal man but with a more nefarious purpose did […]
the surface ripples tentacles search for fresh prey hungrily seeking the promise of a slow death beneath the inky black waves — sitting on the dock unaware of the danger dark ones awaken of ancient rage incarnate from beyond the stars themselves — nyarlathotep cthulhu and azathoth lords of destruction crawling out of the abyss […]
sorrow bitter pain a soft lament tears falling sorrow — dreams fitful abstract running laughing falling a brief respite from doldrums fantasy — head stones carved reminders granite sculptures of death a life rendered into etchings of loss
i need proof anything metaphysical disharmonics solemn vows unspoken hymnals fanatical leaps of logic faith and whimsy erroneous resurrection and remorse immaculate contraception neurologically speaking grimoires and black rites agnostic infidelity nature versus fable drained of virtue washed of sense agitated by dismissal narratives and parables turn a blind eye persecuted for lack of faith […]
if i was the kind of writer that wrote epic tales of love i would pen my greatest works with you in mind if i had the talent to scribble down my thoughts in fluid prose and express myself i would write stanzas for you that made you cry tears of joy and sorrow would […]
is the moon blood red or did i cut myself again hard to tell as i float down the stream on a lazily deflating inner tube but the inner tube is out and i am in it crystalline juxtaposition i am inner it is outer and space is calling me with the voice of a […]
have a q-tip in my hand and the thought of just jamming it in as hard as possible keeps flashing through my mind was chopping vegetables for dinner and had to throw the knife across the room all i wanted was to drag it across my throat, down my forearms, carve your initials deep into […]
‘it’s funny how i trusted you thought that you were different but when backs were to the wall you fled how you played at being nervous as an excuse got the attention you craved and then ran away it is my fault for seeing in you something special being drawn into your web for encouraging […]
the ivy coated steps leading up the ziggurat each ten span high marked with etches of An and Ki wading out of the waters of Nammu hanging gardens in the cradle of life blowing in the winds of Enlil masses kneel in supplication to Inanna in veneration to Enki thankful for the sustenance provided by […]
waves of anxiety and sorrow radiate from the core of my very being like a black talon around my heart knowing that the end of the long weekend of kids and life is going to close down and become the solitary existence again in less then three hours that the long drive home alone with […]
so much time spent thinking of what was lost as life keeps moving without you everyone loses someone special the nature of entropy in the machine means everyone dies an accident sickness or just worn out parts it is the reality of this life anything that lives will one day cease functioning wrapping yourself in […]
drunken fingers knock the bottle of wine over onto it’s side a rorschach ink blot in purple on the white linen i refuse to look at it unable to take the disapproving glare of the maternal figure spite and rage written in the brown orbs and inked in reddish violet tones whispered phrases of regret […]
as a kid i thought hamburger and hot dog buns were restaurant things fancy and specially made we used white bread and eat fast before the mustard and pickles make it fall apart to this day i’m indifferent to them seem extraneous with a tall glass of kool aid or tea brewed in a glass […]
the cracking of leather followed by the sting of torn flesh a spray of vermilion across the granite wall low whispered prayers and self flagellation as the moon sinks to the west the black blue over the eastern mountains begins to be flecked with streaks of angry pink a bruise in reverse spreading across the […]
sometimes i write a poem as the words to another tumble onto the screen forgetting the last line as the next dances seductively in the near future so consumed with gestating the next literary orphan and cultivating a promising career of anonymity leaving behind a treasure trove of gold foil wrapped chocolate gone white with […]
the red finch circles the hanging tree bloated gray corpses swing from the gnarled black branches scarlet flashes darting among the rotting flesh to peck at the clustered seeds unaware of the unnatural circumstances a feast of life hidden in the fumes of death
standing in the kitchen panfrying breaded pork chops pookie baby blaring through the apartment oil pops in the pan and maybe a shirt was a good idea baggy boxers and pushed down black socks with a hole large enough for an errant big toe to slip out beat an egg with hot sauce and milk […]
at the end of the day at the end of the book we just want that happy ending everything wrapped up with a neat little bow the villian gets their comeuppance and the hero gets true love and saves the day with a glorious sunset we nestle close and bask in the finals rays of […]
he strode down a bamboo lined trail straw hat pulled low to shield his eyes from the rays of the sun that cut like fire forged steel his instincts honed his resolved folded ten thousand times resulting in an edge sharp enough to separate atoms every strike microfracturing the surface leaving a pristine razor for […]
tell her if i could do anything it would be just to lay there and hold her we would talk about our day and i would just run my fingers over her bare shoulder play connect the dots with her freckles while the sunlight dances on her skin close my eyes as her aura cleanses […]
a great man once said he would feel trapped in this world if he didn’t know he could commit suicide at any moment there is always one last exit on the highway if you feel the need to slam the emergency brake and kick up some black smoke as the tires skid hold your drink […]
in an effort to increase grain yields in china the government decided the sparrow needed to be eridicated for every million sparrows killed sixty thousand would be fed so the populace set out to exterminate the flying vermin so many lives could be saved mouths fed villages brought back from the brink but it always […]
the shared consciousness of the hive mind tethered thoughts are they all in this much pain or is it just me is this mass communication array set only to receive on my end is this not transmitting it’s a thursday that means the lawn crew begins the marathon session at seven am they swarm en […]
the sickness burns through parts once soft now hardened with infection covered in sweat yet so cold absolute zero vertigo inducing spirals of bleak hopelessness assault in waves a vortex of sound the urge to drive drive into the distance race the sun to the horizon when the engine eventually sputters and die tires shredded […]
the cyclical nature of heroes and forerunners is a tangled web folk lore idols become messy caricatures and ultimately cast aside in favor of more flattering new age inspirations samuel clemens was the greatest story teller on the planet friends with tesla and reknowned for his wit born in the golden age of true americana […]
dreamt of you again last night woke up sick feeling like i did for weeks on end frantically checking to see if you texted or called or emailed me while my fragile body slept the weakness and necessity pull me from endless stares at a popcorn ceiling with the secrets of the universe and happiness […]
she spent an hour picking the perfect blooms delicate lillies and bright orange tulips two roses one pink one red two cards and a bottle of cheap vodka she set the vase by the window so the sun can shower it all day long the first card was lovely teal and purple hearts on thick […]
“He’s got a gun.” The guy coming towards me most certainly did have a gun. A large one. Big barrel. I’m not a gun guy, but this was most definitely a prime example. Even to a layman. As I watched him draw near, a dirty nondescript middle aged white guy. But something was happening in […]
it was a formerly red seventy two chevy nova the driver side floorboard had rusted hole that showed a dizzying view of the pavement flying by a byproduct of salty ice prevention also got the exhaust so in the middle of the winter you needed a window cracked to pull the ever present combination of […]
realized the old name didn’t suit the new frame the dystopian adventures in dating long dead and buried settled into a solitary lifestyle just a couple hundred acres of imaginary flatland and free range philosophy none of that preconceived nonsense they sell in the stores a land of perpetual dusk just the hint of the […]
sitting silently staring at the window hoping to see her smiling face azure eyes my phone rang i answered stock elevator music in the background a female voice spoke to me in mandarin of which i am less than fluent but as she spoke i began to understand the initial urge to hang up vanished […]
there’s nematodes in fresh fish parasites worms the good news is they die at one hundred forty degrees the bad news is properly cooked fish hits no higher than one thirty one twenty for the more succulent types freezing works but you lose the freshness and no matter what eating dead worms worms in everything […]
my fingertips are calloused a combination of deadened nerves from frying chicken and cranking a wrench and soldering iron this thick build up of ritual scarring my hands have endured may be my down fall the sacrifices to the gods of groceries and electricity rent to the auspicious host sixty plus hours of devotion in […]
my friend called it isn’t often that happens so i actually answer he is lost needs to figure out which path in life to take the safe and simple two and a half white picket fence or take a little chance get himself a mcmansion and a trophy wife in yoga pants on one hand […]
her lips were thick and pink except the left of her lower lip where she kept involuntarily biting it her pupils dialated from the flood of chemicals in her brain the steel gray specked blue nearly devoured her head thrown back against my shoulder her entire body leaning into me leaning down to taste her […]
the putrid stench worked it’s way into every crack and crevice of death and misfortune as if a portal to hell were opened and out seeped the smell of endless torment eyes water gag reflex engages cramping it pervades all it comes in contact with desperation and loneliness a cologne made with distilled heartache and […]
i understand why junkies would rather risk overdose and death than quit the junk why smokers always return adrenaline addicts jumping out planes it makes sense because dreaming about something and waking up with the feel of it in your skin and then feeling it fade away all that is left is the intoxicating need […]
is it possible if you try really hard maybe live a good life charitable kind nurturing could it become plausible in the realms of probablility even for an instant to find the inverse of this impending doom to wake and not shrug my way into this automaton form fuel the machine interact with the intricate […]
when i needed someone most there was no one there the silence was deafening as the momentum gathered and rock bottom was the only stop that was when i realized how alone i truly am as i claw back broken fingernails like little bloody outgrowth on the barren walls it is this that i cling […]
my daughter asked me about love the other day we talk about everything openly and honest drugs, religion, politics i always tell her exactly how i feel but when she asked of love i froze was I supposed to expound on the virtues of love the butterflies, tingling electricity at every errant touch, the endorphin […]
had a breakthrough i don’t know how to handle when things are over i’m incapable in the middle of twelve books but unable to finish one of them just start another binge watch something until the final couple and let it linger but it is a state of flux i’ll snap to a new mind […]
instead of mirrors the world would be a much more wonderful and strange place if we could see ourselves as others do no reflective surface needed no taint of inner turmoil which manic stage are we at today the one where everything is beautiful nope it is all shit the mirror is a one way […]
been four days still hurts to stand sit walk talk learned to cry softly so as to not disturb the center of anguish and gravity the best part of sorrow is the bottomlessness of it depression is a true perpetual motion machine it never stops moving slows for the peaks barrels to the valley but […]
on some serious anti-sobriety medication have a subscription with this dude i know he prescribes i imbibe assimilate flower i enjoy the drive to an illicit exchange it elicits an invocation summons a djinn of time erasure one drive and a week is gone just ligature marks and the faint recollection of longing bushido code […]
the incessant buzzing in my ears from the swarm of angry hornets that ever circle the lazy stinging ill seasoned cauldron of rancid petty thought processes an allergic retraction freedom from information act subcode seven article one thirteen subclause fifteen point foxtrot the artificial harvest of incomprehensible demonic shuddering shall hereby and forever forth be […]
remember when you would come over and we would get baked out of our minds kiss or listen to music just chill doing what we would do alone but with someone else it made it okay for like ten minutes or so then reality would hammer it’s way in and make everything just so bare […]
she sat staring holes through me from the back of the room her purse on her lap cigarette in her mouth eyes squinting from the smoke hands folded on top of her hand bag just staring “if you have something to say just fucking say it.” the cigarette flares red as she takes a long […]
if i traveled ninety percent the speed of light for ten minutes due to dilation of time twenty minutes would go by for everyone else my mass would increase by nearly double as i race no matter how far i run the problems only double in mass and twice as much harm is doled out […]
the world is pain not just pain mind you but right now it is mostly pain agony with every movement thank goddess for drugs a knock on the door is a three minute trip into forever the second i get comfortable is when something has to be done then the process begins again blueberry through […]
four days ago my email stopped sending me new emails no new poems no notifications i thought i had become unvisible this morning a flood after signing the oath with my new electronic overlords missed so many good things some repeats a deleted angry missive my fault really had my gall bladder out friday kept […]
some termites and ants practice an innate ability to rupture their own internal organs and spill a toxic fluid out of their exoskeletons autothysis they sacrifice themselves for the sake of the colony with the amount i self analyze it should have happened long ago the pressure churning your dying breath is to churn poison […]
in hong kong they don’t have real estate for the dead so they built buildings like so many postal boxes to store the ashes in columbariums and that is disappearing as well seven point four million souls virtual reality tombs little boxes to store your earthly remains space trash send them to the moon or […]
i’ve noted i’m telling the same stories over and over again moments of confusion an inability to do simple chores and tasks telling the same stories over and over again tempura deja vu lightly fried temporally in a wok telling the lame stories over and under again moments of contusion repetition the sky is gray […]
the song be hurt came on lovely little ode to it being okay to be broken the world seems to slow down as i sped happily down the highway that is when the semi changed lanes into a black pick up the shiny silver trailer exploded as the music played i watched it unfold as […]
i like it when someone in the crowd comes up to me as if to ask a question then a moment passes a flash and they begin to weigh if they want to ask me anything at all i assume it is fear of getting punched they have a half formed smile as they approach […]
Mike's Manic Word Depot 