don’t kiss and tell

i’d just walked back into the party from sneaking out back to smoke a bowl

it was my tradition

drink til i saw double

smoke a bowl to normalize

drink to double vision again

but this time when i walked back in there was no drinking to blurry one eye closed staggering ignoramus state


this time i walked back in smelling of pine tree sap and a particularly pungent skunky odor

i gleefully headed over to the keg sitting in the bathtub

nestled into fifty pounds of ice

two pumps

perfect pour

as i was walking back out to join the happy throng shaking the dancefloor of the house on lower greenville the troubles began

see this wasn’t my normal party place

and i only really knew the girl who invited me

pretty young thing with big brown eyes and legs that went straight to heaven

not a euphemism

they were long tan legs

and there was a paradise of sorts if you followed them high enough

but i’m not the kind to kiss and tell so i’ll leave that to your imagination

but that wasn’t the trouble


it eventually was a trouble but in context of that evening it was more a treat to be savored long into the night

and the unfamiliar crowd wasn’t the trouble

i’d been mingling and telling stories and we were all getting along fine

even took a couple new found friends outside to eliminate the after images following our drunken stares


the trouble was the ex boyfriend of the girl who’s invited me to the party

he saw us chatting at the bar and didn’t like it one bit

mostly because she was chatting me and not him whom she’d already chatted and knew where that conversation would go

whereas the chatting with me could lead to new places and it was night for new experiences

or so she told me as she lured to me the party

i’m always up for new things

or at least i was before the now

but this was the then and i was enamored by big brown eyes and long tanned legs that reached all the way to

well you get my meaning

impolite to say more

and when i got back with my beer and began mingling again with my new found friends and the girl with the big brown eyes he saw us

to say he was a bit miffed is like saying the titanic was a little scraped when it hit the iceberg

but i was unaware of any of this

until the first time his fist said hello to my cheek as i stood telling a story and making people laugh

they stopped laughing and i stopped telling as my perfectly poured beer went sailing through the air

now to say i was confused was like saying amelia earhart took a wrong turn somewhere as she tried to circumnavigate the globe

i was miffed and my cheek was not exactly feeling up to snuff after the sucker punch from the ex boyfriend of the girl with the big brown eyes

she began yelling and i calmly turned and asked if there was some kind of issue

at this point i believed it was an errant blow

an accidental pugilistics

turned out it was an on purpose fisticuff from an unknown foe

that was when everything went slightly cockeyed

the next thing i know my new friends and her old friends are exchanging blows and her ex boyfriend is prattling on like a peacock looking for a mate

not one for ornithology i punched him in the kisser that had formerly been the kisser that kissed the girl with the big brown eyes

he apparently expected the stranger to bow out of the party and leave him to be king of the castle

so i crowned him with a few well placed shots to skull

we all fought and whooped and hollared and if i’m being honest it was a very good time

once we’d removed the unwanted trash and straightened up again the music came back on and the amber liquids began flowing again

and if i’m being perfectly honest the tussle with the girl with the big brown eyes and long legs that stretched on and on was a fair but more fun than exchanging blows with random strangers

but i’m polite and don’t kiss and tell so we’ll leave that to your imagination

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