inept assassin

i was walking down the sidewalk when something shiny caught my eye

i bent to pick it up

a quarter

my lucky day

as i picked it up a dart came through the air and lodged into tree next to me

i heard the thud as it hit

i glanced at it and shook my head

the bark around the impact mark began to steam and fall off

a blight seemed to spread through the tree and i stepped to the side as it crumbled into wood chips

you’d think this would scare me

but it is amazing what you can get used to

i stopped off at my favorite diner and ordered a salad

fine a greasy cheeseburger

okay two

with bacon

as i chatted with the waitress at the counter i noticed a new cook behind the grill

the bus boy grabbed one of my burgers on accident and sat down

before i could explain the mistake he took a bite

moments later he was thrashing on the floor

foam pouring from his mouth

my stomach rumbled as i left empty handed

a kid threw a football

as it flew in a wobbly arc a crack sounded and it burst into shredded pigskin

i just shook my head

another day another fifteen failed attempts on my life

if she weren’t such an inept assassin it would be an issue

i just shrug and enter my apartment

step carefully over the trip wire

duck the swinging blades

sweep the scorpions off the bed

haven’t opened the fridge since it started beeping

sort of wish i had said yes when she asked me out

we all make mistakes

i just hope she keeps making hers


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