just another kill

she was aromantic

i’m unfortunately a romantic

i didn’t know the other side of the coin existed

and she can’t really tell i do either

i saw her from across the room

my heart did a somersault in my chest

my palms got sweaty

my throat grew tight

she saw me looking and just stared back

i thought we shared a moment

turns out it was just a momentary glance

i steeled my nerves

stride over and introduced myself

she just nodded and walked away

playing hard to get i thought

more like impossible to get

impossible to read

i tried for a couple weeks

got nowhere fast and seemed to get farther behind

i asked her out

she stared at me like my fly was down

i sent her flowers

found them in the trash

i gave up

then one night i was walking



something happened

this will sound insane

i probably am

but i was attacked by

it was a vampire

i know how this sounds

not bela legosi style either

or the shiny ones

but a vampire like nosferatu

the old movie

turns out it was based on dracula

they just never got the rights


it leapt on my back and it’s fetid breath was on my neck

and then it was gone


a cloud of ash

and there stood my dream girl

she slid a wooden stake into her jacket

checked my neck

and left

no words exchanged


the next day i found her

cornered her

demanded answers

she explained it all

they were real

all of the monsters

all real

legitimate nightmares come to life

i called her buffy

she called me an idiot

i deserved it

i offered to help her

she said i would die

i asked if would bother her

she asked me why

genuinely confused by the question

i was hurt

but she didn’t notice

and that’s how i became her apprentice

i sharpened her stakes

she ignored my advances

it was just south of perfect

i realized she just didn’t feel the same way

about anything

anything at all

she was implacable

made out of stone

fighting these creatures all on her own

so we became a team

i had her back

she glared daggers at mine

it wasn’t contemptuous

just her being her

and then one night we were on a hunt


i got sloppy


she got the beast

and held silver to my throat

but she couldn’t do it

she froze

and then told me to go

never return or she would end me

so i fled

remembering not to look back

see i was always a romantic

and she was an aromantic

but she felt something i think

or i would have been just another kill

pity i imagine

wish it were love

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