when i was a kidi had a brasspocket watchwith glass cut outsin which i couldwatch the gearsas they clickedand i would sitand wind thelittle dial andstare as the springscompressed tighterand tighter untilfinally i watchedas the small coilsnapped from theimense pressurei manically applied. a self fulfillingprophecy in thehands of innocentcuriosity in aclear display ofthe anxieties thatwould […]
i can feel the x-rays pummeling me as i strive to keep hold of my inner most thoughts all while this irradiated waterfall slowly cooks me from within. i lazily ponder the distillates hovering around the tattered old dreamsphincter billowing pollution into the gray skies an orange level alert to insomnial passions blistering grit in […]
weatherman says it is gonna rain all week long but i don’t know if placing hope in someone with such an abyssmal average of accuracy is worth lugging an umbrella around on the off chance the smiling prick guessed correctly but we need all the goddamned precipitation the universe can piss upon our heads even […]
humanity used to gaze in wonder at the cosmos connecting twinkling lights into heroes and monsters that battled across the ebon skies forging the mythologies to explain the mysteries of the universe. science removed the divinity as light pollution erased the source and it feels the more we understand the forces at play the less […]
we haunt the ephemeral illusion between the sun and moon alive with crackling vibrancy yet numb to the horrors paraded in front of unfocused eyes with a regularity that beguiles comprehension even as it happily defiles hope into apprehension billions of cells a chaos of corrupted hungers screaming soaked in chemical drips a sloshing beast […]
people enjoy making others feel small because it makes them feel superior so overstuffed with their own self importance they don’t see people as anything but objects to be used to over compensate for their many obvious failings they do not see the damages gleefully inflicted only the reflections of their avarice telling them they […]
light headed the world keeps spinning and i feel every rotation pulling me farther into the dark swirling at the edge of my vision i watch as the floor warbles ckoser to my heavy head there is nothing no light no pain just a serenity in absence four blues eye two brown call into the […]
i used to sit with a large dictionary flipping frantically to decipher the full intent of a sentence with each new word i came closer to being able to describe the various ways i felt i was not angry i was inchoate that is not red but shimmering vermillion my brain has always been filled […]
my silence is impossibly heavy my absence when fully retracted is a gaping chasm a darkness that absorbs all of the light until it becomes all encompassing the same way my passion scorches the earth in a supernova of loving intent and i exclaim my adorations on every single breeze i oscillate between mania and […]
i cannot explain the feeling of holding a book of things i scribbled. i do not open it, can not bare to hear my own voice. but i know the words. can see her in my mind, and all i can do is hope to capture her beauty in the next one. poetry is for […]
today is my daughter’s last first day of high school and my son’s last first day before he goes to high school next year i remember their first days of kindergarten the tears of a baby growing up leaving the nest for hours a day feeling like i was losing a part of them now […]
the nettles announce it is time for another screaming session into the void opening the overrun to let the excess sluice away meaninglessmeaninglessmeaningless everyone walks around with beeswax melted only capable of hearing their own names stepping over bloody vomit staining the sidewalk with casual disregard autocannibalistic self indulgences itisallsogoddamnedmeaningless yet the nettles swiftly sting […]
i feelall of the thingsi neededfall awayscabs inthe tempestas my diseasednothingnesspulsatesin a frenzyof denials it is easierto slap awaythe hand seekingsuccor rather thanoffering peaceto acceptthere is onlyemptinessbetween thosedying emberspopulating theeerie cosmos the damagescallously inflictedmake it sowhen i curl upinto a ballit almost feelsas if i am beingheld againas long as iignore the factthe arms are […]
the planes are screaming today displaced air in a constant rumble white noise trying to drown out the excess static as i pixelate slipping back into a cracked facade of false smiles and empty greetings buddha said clinging to anger is the same as drinking poison hoping your enemy will be the one that dies […]
every poemis formedwith the ashesof effigies burntso there issomethingof substanceholdingthe words intoa rictus grinas i sculpttiny birdskullsthat rattleas the eveningsighs its displeasurein harsh mementosof tomorrowsthat never came
the drowning cycle has begun again i know the signs the initial expression of being trapped bad metaphors on metamorphism before i break down and begin begging which somehow becomes everyone else turning defensive so acceptance settles as i compartmentalize smashing everything into rusted boxes as i build new walls rather than force myself to […]
we float bodies numb on this sluggish stream of ice cold nothingness fingers trailing unable to grasp at the darting lights glimmering just beneath the surface and we know whatever those fluttering half frozen beams are they are the only thing in this vast hell of half focused delusions that make any sense even of […]
happy endings are only found in shitty stories and certain seedy massage parlors carrots on sticks we stagger after drunkenly between bouts of depression and daily disasters
they said we are conditioned in the fear of missing out to say yes to everything while pushing our own needs farther back until we are constantly moving and happiness becomes missing from the equation and i sat there quivering with little barbs of anxiety alone in a room trying to remember the last time […]
in the darkness as sleep teases just behind nail pierced eyes i contemplate the proper composition for suicide notes as based on the level of depressive solitude crushing across my broken soul in tectonic deviations some are flowery pining bits of fluff extolling the virtues of all kept just at arm’s length during a tumultuous […]
i sit alone bathed in the soft glow of the monochromatic prism cast down in the nimbus of the sorrowful moon i am a bundle of broken sticks wrapped in frayed twine leaving a trail of discarded bark scattered behind me no one cares to follow i am a skintag on the wrinkled brow of […]
there was a pond skater on a placid lake of frozen tears slipping across the icy saline uncertain as to anything yet driven all the same it didn’t question its surroundings simply slid in a deep seated confusion of miscalculated instinctual failings i do not know if i am the pond skater or the flash […]
each sleepless night has its own flavor of anxietal dissent this one spent one hundred and eighty some odd miles from my typical purgatory as strange birds circle having heard the tales of the tired fool and his endless font of oft ignored idiocies is a submerged suit of surreal generalities as i piece together […]
sitting in my comfort zone a parking lot at four in the morning too wired for sleep too tired to think but that is what i need to do it was said to do what makes you the happiest and i realized i have been doing what makes others the happiest and ignoring that my […]
blithering blathering i worry the self absorption will consume me making me nothing more than a figment in their epic delusion it is amazing how alone you can feel surrounded by rooms full of excited people i don’t exist in the lives of those that matter how could i matter to a bunch of strangers […]
we see the beauty in the fluttering wings of the new born butterfly while callously ignoring the trauma of the catterpillar being torn apart in a writhing cocoon the voracious temporary forever in liquefaction i am a caterpillar crossing the crowded highway praying for an errant eighteen wheeler to prevent my metamorphosis
it is so loud so many voices talking and everyone seems to know who i am which is quite disconcerting seeing as i do not know who any of them are Nd it makes ne uncomfortable trying to suss out hints while nodding and wanting to run i do not belong on this planet i […]
The complexities of the human mind never cease to amaze me as I try to block off a panic attack while driving a hundred miles per hour down the highway and uncertainty writing a poem unable to me differentiate the tendrils of anxiety and released with a self-destructive urge to go faster and faster I’m […]
a cosmic sizzleas the necroticwaves of nepotismcrash againstthe discontentedcoercion ofcalamtious convolutionsin discreditedcallous causalitiesrendering the bonesof gods and meninto a gelatinousmarrow septicemiaof corrosivecondemnations my back is hunchedmy eyesight grown weakfrom too longsurrounded by thesedead canariesat the bottom of thisrickety mineshafttoiling from sun upto sun downin a miasma ofpoisonous darknessfar beneath theskies filled withgolden hypocrisies there is […]
can you feelthe sparksflashing overmy blistered fleshsee the carbonscoring inblackened pitsas boneshardsjut maliciouslyin ivory needleswhere skeletaldysfunctionin a clumsy displayof biologicaldismalities forcesmy broken frame tostumble in anelectrical stormof disillusionscorching the grassin a series ofcartoon heartsto burn the scenicbrown of summerinto a hellstormof divinty tingedashen remindersof a time beforewe were all nothingmore than the failedexperiments ofthe sheer […]
my patchwork heart has no demilitarized zone no contested acres but a smooth clearly defined delineation of wildflowers tangled in her delicious smile despite the apparent delirium in the didactic revisionist histories there is no ounce of doubt for whom these folded flaps of ink stained pages beat softly throughout the night for you can […]
i spent so long chasing someone else’s dreams that i lost sight of my own until all there was left for me was a garbled path with the crunching of dreamshards i no longer recognized in a land filled with all the corpse’s of the lost bastards i followed blindly aware that any step could […]
the skies that blue no crayon can ever quite seem to recreate stretched on into the infinity of my weak comprehension i know it is nothing more than droplets refracting the rays of the distant bored burning ball desperate to consume mercury whole trapped in a bubble a once in a billion accidental petri dish […]
(un)tethered is out now! honestly, i don’t read my stuff, nor do i recall most of the 6300+ poems, but i have leafed through this one and was pleasantly surprised with it. definitely my best work so far, simply because of the woman that inspired the words spread within. this is my attempt at a […]
there was a howling vortex screaming as i shook off the effects of the sleeping pills uncertain as to where i was i crawled shakily through a demented hell of my own foolish creation the hand of god squeezing my temples as the last flecks of spittle ran down my furry chin hundreds of miles […]
the only time i truly shut down is going one hundred down the highway absorbing the blurred details as i dissociate racing anxiety between eighteen wheeled catastrophes an insignificant skull of jello in a meat hell controlling two tons of destruction what could go wrong
each word that tumbles across my oh so talented tongue carries the passion of a thousand dying stars yet the real magic occurs when nothing is spoken at all this dour soul hides an inferno you can only hope to witness from a distance safe from the licking flames burning through hazel lenses an undercurrent […]
i need a stronger colombian blend to erase the cobwebs of exhaustion these dried beans lack the kick of fresh cocoa leaves mashed with diesel fresh from a dangerous camp hidden deep in the untamed jungles just another over caffeinated roving disaster seeking a harder kick to finally ascend beyond the need for practice sessions […]
i feel desperate to talk but my jaw is wired shut and everything i say isn’t nearly meaningful enough for anyone to waste time on so it just builds up and i sit frustrated my tongue weighing a ton as i sink deeper into these tears begging for scraps with the eyes of a feral […]
everything feels entrenched in thorns a million pinpricks across newborn skin an overdose on electrical nonsense saturating struggling synapses sending an excess voltage to boil the gelatinous nothing overwhelmed and shrieking inside a rotting husk every seven years born again bearing the same scars having learned nothing from the last go around as we go […]
my brain feels convulsive in the fucking bone prison where all i have is the rebounding apathies bestowed clanging hollowly church bells in a state of derelict neglect cut my thumb so i am leaving little crimson smears as i voice my thoroughly unadulterated frustrations on an unsuspecting moon every letter sends a shiver of […]
i may not always have things like electricity or groceries but i have never been late on my rent once my list of importance goes like this her/the kids a can of tuna for cleo the calico a handful of seed for the sparrows and maintaining a place to hide i don’t need much the […]
i can’t tell if it is the crickets or the pressure keeping me so far from sleeping but i am laying at the crossroads of a juxtaposed exhaustion staring into the darkness unable to shut down the endless racket mocking my fervent wish for dream to fall into that semi permeable transitive state lost within […]
i cannot fathom these words that were scribbled in electronic ink being carefully driven by needles into another’s flesh the idea that these ugly scabs the remnants of an enforced molting can catch the light just the right way that anyone could mistake them for beautiful permanence is beyond my feeble comprehension these snapshots of […]
please don’t look at me i am not wholely convinced i exist just the vapor condensing on the side of this cup of coffee another ring staining the table
i am obsessed with words because i believe if i can find the right ones i can finally say all the things lodged in my throat all i do is add to the logjam leaving me forced to hope they shine in my endless adoration when you don’t really believe in anything at all you […]
i coil myself around the nib of your quill and understand i still have so far to go to ever truly be a poet. flawless for every wondrous flaw perfecting perfection with each perfectly selected line. it is no wonder you fill my happiest dreams and my every contented sigh carries a trace of your […]
the birds call out this morning as i sit nursing a headache hoping whatever is growing in my hollow skull this phoenix scrabbling within greasy ashes bursts free to soar through azure emptiness and carries my love to her i dreamt of fire which lets me know her heart is beating in rhythm with my […]
without fanfare, Monday was my fifth year conducting the Manic Word Depot. it also coincided with my 6300th poem. also, unbeknownst to me. that’s weird. anyway, hows that for a testament to madness? (un)tethered comes out in six days, so five years and five collections, seems serendipitous. or coincidental. i could never decipher the currents […]
you learn quick that while being the better person is the right path when you decide to walk it you’re likely all alone people do not ever stop to consider others so self absorbed they only see themselves as the ones put out so they choose to pass the buck you never know you’re the […]
i imagine it will be days before my body is found eventually work will have to call in a wellness check it isn’t as if it is unusual for me to vanish then i get sick and morbid the reality of solitude settles and i wonder if the cops will be called because of the […]
i feel them giant millipedes clawing scabrously between my squinted eyes and hollow bones tiny claws dipped in a convulsive poison sending ripples through fetid meat tubes inside this monstrosity of dying dreams a manifestation of bottomless despair as a strangling pressure mounting from the inside out a chemical spill piloting a failing spacecraft through […]
the seraphim slide silver needles to pierce the eardrums of sleeping sinners each subtle vibration from ossicles suspended in an equilibrium defying river sending slivers of pain trying to draw out the foul mouthed demons roaming through these cavernous denials either that or a final summer excursion through sinus infected malaise as the pollen hangs […]
faded hazel remnants in a sea of innumerable drownings i am lost a lone wave desperate for the shore yet little more than an empty thrall pulled by the slivery moon a solitary speck in an avalanche of weighted declarations a random digit falling farther from the light she so effortlessly shines in theoretical impossibilities […]
at nine o’clock each evening the sprinklers turn on and i always mistake it for the rain it sets off an instant feeling of sleepiness as the drops spray against the slats on the patio it feels like it rained all spring yet that was a thousand or so years ago and i have forgotten […]
i hereby withdraw myself from consideration to being part of humanity the race is fixed the end is near and while i made my desires perfectly clear they were left unread on multiple occasions i get it my presence is unwanted trust me i feel the same i hope your search bears fruit please remove […]
i met the devil same way you would bump into any stranger on the street minding my own business hoping to avoid the soon to be sweltering heat watching the sidewalk in front of me when a long shadow swallowed the concrete we made eye contact my squinting glare of faded dollars and a swirl […]
outside the sun glares murderously while inside the darkness is lit up by sylvia while hank hollers for wine i have unplugged the oven and made sure the whore loiter off in the shade so i can curl up in shadowy coccon lost in anxiety as they alternate whispers of beauty and snarling rage my […]
i can’t stop myself from worrying at the tattered stitches keeping me somewhat together the same ones i got the last time i swore it was the last time i pulled myself completely apart my promethean soul of scattered childhood scars a stained glass window to the emptiness behind color shifting ocular dismays i carelessly […]
the heron flew low over the water majestically motionless except for a faint wobbling like a bundle of long branches bouncing slightly in the morning breeze the story finally sang to me not the lone note warbling on repeat from the mockingbird glaring down at me but with the promise of seeds carried in the […]
a slow leak that became a trip to the gas station each morning became sitting in the lobby area of a firestone waiting to get the tire repaired with a two hour wait and no air condition as the temp ticks into triple digits it could be worse i remember long shifts next to eight […]
the crickets scream a solid mass of white noise shivering across each thought a frayed bow over the worn strings of a violin calling forth the bitter sun my odometer clicks with every frantic turning seeking moments where sleep deadens the endless need lost in a tangle where briars puncture the membrane between dream and […]
i stood staring in disbelief at the sign proudly proclaiming city of mesquite tourism board i felt the wry chuckle worm its way up my parched throat to the displeasure of the kind gentleman taking me to repair their broken letter opener ‘who in the hell would willingly come to mesquite?” he didn’t answer and […]
i greeted the daywith a come hither starefilled withpestilent promisemy venom sacsare filled nearto burstingso if i am quietit is becausei do not relishscarring your beautywith my razored tongueand clouds ofacerbic whiningan acidic spill ofmy insecuritesto ruin an otherwisehorrific thursday my thoughts arecoming at metoo quickly fromevery directionthe electrified griefin anxious ponderingscoalesce across myfractured disenchantmentto […]
there are so many irritants stinging nits constantly biting drawing blood that only incites the furious swarm ceaselessly scrambling to consume everything in a horde of anxious hells i slept near comatose after hours of clutching a pillow and begging the universe for a solitary win only for the alarm to trigger a claxon of […]
(un)tethered comes out in two weeks. i am excited for this one, as it is cohesive and stuffed with love and longing, which can be both beautiful and painful. it is this fool’s hope that maybe this one will be the one that lands. we must imagine Sisyphus happy after all. my daughter made this […]
pins and needles would be a better alternative to this numb lethargy it isn’t as if another setback wasn’t the most likely possible outcome but each new one feels harder to snapback from my elasticity has begun to fail me and this monstrous new form i am finding myself stuck in is making it difficult […]
the words hover just beyond my feeble grasp and the hopelessness is palpable my confidence is shattered and no matter how hard i struggle through i know i am beating myself into submission roaming this myopic wasteland every muscle spasming as i strain the algae ridden surface for potable water i need to be held […]
i slept like a stone skipping across a pond brief splashes before waking and trying so hard to trace the edge of dreams where i was actually a part of something instead of staring into the darkness aware of how empty the cusp of desperation truly is. taping together the fragments to sketch a haphazard […]
sometimes i find myself merely existing and i marvel at how joyous the act of being can be then i recall all the reasons i was miserable and begin to catalog them by agony the familiar tightening triggers iron bands around my chest And the damnable electrified bees begin stinging again i curl up even […]
i sprinkle flower seeds behind me as i drive yet there is no sustenance to be found in the barren fields of an indifferent sphere. like a fool i keep trying repeating all the same mistakes as the dried hulls crack beneath my deflated tires seeking beauty but only finding my ugliness reflected back in […]
no matter how fast i race across the city i am always just behind the truths i sought to outrun glaring at the other drivers merrily making headway on dreams while i am always stuck in the slow lane flooded with diesel exhaust swimming in tears as frustration ravages any sense of peace dizzy from […]
sisyphus can take his boulder back because i have had as much of this as i can fucking take another lost astronaut trying desperately to speak with the people that already moved on a million lights years away carrying this weight at three times earth’s gravity through this perdition of careless emptiness having long ago […]
the morning is eerily still nothing but the echoes of anxiety playing counterpoint to his frantically darting thoughts already ready already with no place to go and nothing to say cut for time to make room for someone of actual importance waiting for his scant few seconds as the spotlight dies settling the stage in […]
i can no longer tell which of these realities are dissociative fantasy or hand stitched hell i am not a part of either a spectator looking through rental binoculars the wrong way creating a myopic delusion i cannot navigate but that is just fucking life you don’t mean a goddamned thing just an infinitesimal speck […]
inhale deeply the acrid smoke clutch close to sweet oblivion falling farther from the light with every painful exhalation lost in this maze of billowing acerbic apparitions my heart has become no more than a phantom organ of rusted valves crooning a dirgeful farewell a human hand me down kept captive in exclusion torturing errant […]
i feel the cracks spread through me any sudden move and i could fall to pieces the kids go back this afternoon and the emptiness is already beckoning gently i remain motionless on a sea of softly lapping sanguineous sorrows slowly leeching all feeling from my shivering limbs the darkness seeps across my vision as […]
i feel a strange calm this radiating peacefulness i have applied all of the necessary bandages to my windswept soul enough to halt the hemorrhaging momentarily a brief repeat of acceptance a portion of scraps enough to stave off the wasting another day or so these rare times where the scales fall from my eyes […]
without my orchestrated routines the chaos inside my tainted mind would unravel me unto completion i take no pleasure from this scraping by to survive a life that wants nothing to do with me quiet saturdays spent sipping coffee curled up with sylvia as get dead plays on low behind the percolation restless hands yearning […]
no matter how low my expectations what the world delivers still manages to disappoint the half life of a fool is roughly six months before going fully inert and returning to soil again
all of my actions are inconsequential my unhappiness affects no one my retreating from losing situations go largely unnoticed my guts spilled out are casually yet proudly ignored and still i continue on a perpetual motion machine unaffected by the entropic friction in this universal disdain culpable to my own fleeting sparks of faltering necessities […]
so many nights spent tossing and turning chasing errant sparks of dreamembers hoping to catch fire with new creativity only for sleep to come and the pockmarked whore showers me with flecks scraped from childhood hells a consistency of pain in capsules of motherly hate a bitter aftertaste where i understand the mental hoops my […]
i felt it all go sideways going ninety around the turn right before one eight three meets thirty five the front tire dipped into the sewer drain long compacted by semi traffic the car dipped the suspension flexed mightily and i was one tire in the air over the warbling asphalt with concrete barriers on […]
this life has proven itself to be a strange hermitage of empty lots and parking garages watching birds and trying to manifest desire in a futile cyclical hellscape of unyielding torturous want no matter where i am it is always so very far from where my heart lingers beating weakly in a crystal box at […]
i leave a trail of my broken behind me so i never forget that hell is a constant i can retrace my steps and find exactly where my heart was deemed unworthy my words left ignored by the craters where i impacted after another subtle denial still i whisper every ounce of love into the […]
i put the litter in literature proudly polluting poetry with every poorly phrased tepid refrain trying desperately to give away every piece of myself because i cannot stand to be in my presence any longer i keep a razor tucked beneath my tongue so each word stings a rusted note of insular agony coating each […]
i shed my vices in order to pursue a future that never comes focused myself into a razor with which to slash apart the failing heart of beauty itself now i lay in pile of gore and viscera uncertain as to which organs belonged to me after so long cutting and bleeding through the aether […]
she sits patiently illuminated by the harsh light of day in shades of yellows and brown stiff backed upon her throne gazing blankly at the peasants a colony of ants working themselves down to the nub in service to her highness seated upon a throne of red clay i have seen her in moments of […]
i bathe in a fecundity of sorrows the black rains melt tissue from pitted bone yet this unnatural buoyancy won’t allow me to fully succumb a vaguely humanlike apparition hovering at the edge of a total collapse and i am tired of fighting tired of trying for a speck of happiness in a world of […]
there is no worse sadness than in laying your soul bare and being wished well in your future endeavors a simple rejection my words were found lacking my meager skills not up to the task yet i feel the sting carve furrows through my very being and i know that i poured my everything into […]
the line between frustration and needles of anxiety is permeable today i feel myself wanting to snap the darker side of my smile on display a little blood runs down my chin and my eyes glint like irregularly cut gems i am a yellow eyed onery bastard today looking to lash out yet choking it […]
i lost my connection to the world spent the night totally cut off only to rise after a turbulent nap to see my absence was not noted at all nothing reminds you of your place quite like being missing yet realizing that you weren’t missed a bit so much time spent inside my cavernous skull […]
i found a shady parking spot a rare commodity in this barren industrial park ridden wasteland the view is for shit but a steady stream of sweaty people provide some relief from this saturation of brownish gray the grand designer ran out of any vibrant colors somewhere around a quarter of the way through the […]
the sun squints through the broken blinds stabbing angrily into the dark my body, a mass of bruises convulses erratically in a dereliction of hope the city is awake a furious cacophony aflame with benevolent light i am not prepared for this repetition of sorrows as a new week weakly ignites yearning for sleep, i […]
willfully blind yet seeing it all pretending things are normal when the truth is normal is just a bullshit veneer where we rationalize a series of disappointments instead of pursuing actual happiness another cycle where every thought is on escaping this going nowhere at full speed ramming my skull against the walls uncertain if i […]
my heart feels heavy in my chest i feel it as it tries to escape each pounding reverberates down my esophagus and my entire body pulsates with the miserable thundering storm the kids sleep a wall away yet i have never felt so alone never contemplated the exact distance between where i am and the […]
we share a common illusion in chemical delusions traipsing along an imaginary world encased in sets of arbitrary rules keeping us grounded in scientific assumptions misrecording day to day psychosis then relating these fictional encounters to another entropic meat machine for justification as we misinterpret misfired synapses as holy interference seeking meaning in the static […]
i melt into a puddle of my own inconsequence feeling too much to the point of despair an empty vessel in disrepair listing heavily laden with barnacles going slowly in circles around the drain a destitution of shabby wonderment caught in an abundance of pollen blowing off of dream’s corpse
the morning feels fuzzy no motivation a series of naps broken up by stark terror my heart thumping against floating ribs xylophonic in panic stricken whimsy a full bladder a furry brain now the coffee hisses a beast caged demanding attention while i ooze into the couch oscillating between silent reverie and suffocating realization lavender […]
the kids pulling suitcases down the sidewalk staring up at the monoliths of glass and steel small towns embroidered on their matching shirts of small towns in the middle of nowhere, texas feeling the rustic civilization of ft worth pressing down from all sides i try to wrap my head around the collection hidden in […]
