manic(otti)

pins and needles
would be a better
alternative
to this numb lethargy
it isn’t as if
another setback
wasn’t the most
likely possible outcome
but each new one
feels harder to
snapback from
my elasticity has
begun to fail me
and this monstrous
new form i am
finding myself stuck in
is making it
difficult to breathe
.
the same man that
solved the riddle of
harvesting nitrogen
which revolutionized
farming on a
global scale
released chlorine gas
on five thousand
enemy troops
dedicating himself
to chemical warfare
at what point does
the lives saved
outweigh the grave sins
committed in reckless
pursuit of understanding
.
at what point does
any of this
begin to make any sense
spoon fed bullshit
about always doing your best
when the guy who is
clearly half assing it
gets a promotion
carving furrows into
our own hearts in the
pursuit of
someone else’s dream
just numb numb numb
from feeling
too goddamned much
all the fucking time
.
but fuck it
right?
tomorrow’s another day
until it isn’t
and you’ll never know
if you made
a difference at all
and that’s the kind of heavy
you don’t just
snapback from
it just makes you
into a monster
like everyone else
.
.
.
when i close my eyes i still see you and you are fucking stunning and that is enough
.
the most beautiful part of my day
is you.

3 thoughts on “manic(otti)

  1. If the darkness could talk, and fall in love, he’d be writing poetry. Oh, wait. ^

    Hard to read you sometimes. I like the light. But then I always want to know what goes on in the dark, too. Especially when the darkness is being so articulate.

    ♥.

    Liked by 1 person

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