buoy

the drowning cycle
has begun again
i know the signs
the initial expression
of being trapped
bad metaphors on
metamorphism
before i break down
and begin begging
which somehow becomes
everyone else
turning defensive
so acceptance settles
as i compartmentalize
smashing everything
into rusted boxes
as i build new walls
rather than force
myself to acknowledge
the cricket choir
and blank dismissal
as i sink into a
slurry of bonechips
all while clusters
explode in lavender
showers and every ripple
tickles my upper lip
as the waters rise
but at least i learned
to keep my mouth shut

as a hermit
lashing out at beauty
with the ugliest intent
i am a conundrum
an onion with
too many layers of
sulfuric acid
soaked promises
giving an illusion
of depth

as a person
i do not exist
as the waves
wash over my
freshly shaved
hollow skull
little more than
a buoy for
anxiety ridden
albatross
a cautionary tale
of acceptance
in cyclical decline

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