stray beams

outside
the sun glares
murderously
while inside
the darkness
is lit up
by sylvia
while hank
hollers for wine
i have
unplugged the oven
and made sure
the whore
loiter off
in the shade
so i can curl up
in shadowy coccon
lost in anxiety
as they alternate
whispers of beauty
and snarling rage
my heartbeat
skips along with
ryo as the
he makes eighty eight
sound like a million
and i cannot
bleed anymore
at least not today

running face first
into walls
until i grow weary
of every new step
constantly cut off
yet clawing
to be seen
trying too hard
to prove i deserve
the things i desire
loving with every cell
and uncertain
how to express
the kinetic overload

get dead is
on too loud for
the lavender flashes
but i have to
lose myself
if i am ever to be
found
and i feel lost
all the time
as i scribble another tome
in dedication
to how she sends
all the right chemicals
when i need them most
and if that isn’t love
then scientists
are as full of shit
as poets

drinking alone
never felt so right
i don’t pick up
the notes of cedar
hints of cherry
i just swallow until
the world
goes away
or she manifests
from the dust hanging
in the stray beams
leaking from the blinds
either way
it’s another empty bottle
and another
shitty poem
left in the trash

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