four am outside the hotel

sitting in
my comfort zone
a parking lot
at four in the morning
too wired for sleep
too tired to think
but that is what
i need to do

it was said
to do what makes you
the happiest
and i realized
i have been doing
what makes others
the happiest
and ignoring that
my happiness didn’t
enter the equation
because i kept
smashing down
my needs to try and
maintain the status quo

writing stories
that weren’t for me
while imagining
i was somehow furthering
my goals that grew
farther away
letting myself sit
in the backseat
while everyone else
took turns steering
the lopsided vessel
while wondering why
no one takes me
a little seriously
in any aspect of
my so called life

i was taught
hard lessons at a
young age
that stripped away
my sense of self
and i casually let
myself be swept away

i exist
and you will have to
acknowledge that
because i tire
of settling
for what is left

One thought on “four am outside the hotel

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