mild panic attack before ten o’clock

my heart feels
heavy
in my chest
i feel it as
it tries to escape
each pounding
reverberates
down my esophagus
and my entire body
pulsates with
the miserable
thundering storm

the kids sleep
a wall away
yet i have never
felt so alone
never contemplated
the exact distance
between
where i am
and the dreams
dying inside of
ny hollow skull

all i have
are scraps to cling to
the shavings left
scattered upon
the workshop floor
and i am tired of
trying so hard
every goddamned day
only to return to
a miserable emptiness
falling in upon myself
because my time
isn’t worth the
imaginary increments
it is made up of

my heart beats
itself to death
my body shudders
with every
pulmonary expulsion
drowning out
the heavy silence
and i cannot stop
running through
every worst case scenario
as they gallop
unbridled throughout
a cathedral of ruin
in the cavernous hollows
where wire hangers slash
and whimpered prayers
are always left unread

following dreams
as they dessicate
tied to a stick
bobbing ever ahead
constantly scribbling
words i know
will never be read
though my soul screams
with every pained breath
losing the will
to keep chasing after
these desires that remain
purposefully just
beyond my reach
yet crawling forward
too stupid to ever
admit defeat

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