every experience is one lived over and over again for the first time in these things the repetitious life is filled with a stark barren hell of paraded monotonies a determination to grind smiles to dust i repeat myself in an effort to make sense out of this senseless routine desperate to find the correct […]

beauty strikes at the heart of this panoply of melancholia an icy finger tracing the tender leaving blossoms of radiant anguish to take root filling furrowed scars with daffodil petals as bees of anxiety spread pollen in stinging nettles over taut flesh beneath lavender skies

he was an armadillo retreating into his carapace whenever he was overwhelmed he may as well have carried leprosy as repugnant as the world found him in general rocking on his back curled up into a ball staring at the ceiling hoping for a sign he knew was never coming he was an armadillo always […]

a friend asked meif it feels bettercatharticto spill ny gutsonto the pageevery single day the easy answerthe one that i knowshe wanted to hearis of courseit is liberating the answer she gotnot in the slightestit is reopeninga wound so it mayfester in the lightit hurts as badreliving the momentas it did living itworse so becausein […]

he buried them in neat little rows across his backyard doll heads in mason jars staring up at him in tiny sealed watery graves each of them one of his sins still in tangles of hair like seaweeds suspended watching vigilantly awaiting the next he would stand sobbing alone staring back at them incapable of […]

i am a top teetering wobbling before coming to a stop my momentum is spent the urge to fall over too great i have come utterly undone no longer do the fingers of eternity wind me up

so many wrecks flashing lights at every intersection a cold trail of tragedy vivisects the city crashed cars pieces of plastic shards of glass reflecting the reds and blues as everyone else sits staring or angrily attempts at merging into stopped lanes i hear the impacts behind me as i try to avoid the ones […]

do you hear them muttering in discontent? they line the hill hunched down on knees and forearms their bodies forming steps that lead up to the house at the very top. at first i step gingerly onto their bare flesh my boots digging in they groan pitifully i do not deter. they wail ever louder […]

the day is still festering like a corpse stagnant and humid swamplike in texture the bloated belly of a body fished from the lake after a week filled with maggots a pinata of abhorrence ripe with gases and ready to burst open spewing putrefied filth on an unremarkable day in the bowels of hell a […]

i long for a sensory deprivation tank with big fat treads i can pilot with impunity firing the cannon off with silent shells to mute the land outside especially on mornings dredged from broken sleep as the protein powder clots in the coffee while i frantically stir the neighbor’s truck overcompensating outside shakes the windows […]

i woke up on the wrong side of my brain the deficiency of finishing a piece has cut a swath through the heart of this lingering insubstantiality the next story is already singing the instinct is to dive right in but this petulance pervades creativity the tide has not rushed back into the vacancy within […]

i have bled every emotion of hopeless romanticism and helpless anxieties letting them drip into the aether where they fall consumed by silence met with genuine indifference the whiteboard sits blank except for a cartoon heart like the one i drew in the snow with our initials and eros’s arrow piercing at a jaunty angle […]

the map to my life must have been haphazardly scrawled by a dyslexic cartographer who had accepted the pointlessness of his existence deciding to give hapf effort in his own future endeavors even the woman trapped in my phone yelling directions throughout my every day has lost track of north from south sending me the […]

the sirens fill the silence a symphony of wails hanging on the still air as i contemplate getting dressed unwilling to as the chaos screams just outside the coffee tastes unmotivating tinged with dejection self inflicted or enforced by the powers that be the neighbor watches unable to see anything a row of dead cactii […]

divinity drips in fat ugly swells from every fetid pore corpseflesh in various states of putrefaction a salient sentience pervades the tepid aloofness in ragged relapsed reanimations dragging the rusted blade down the heaving chest of flayed innocence blowfly larva squirms through layers of liquefied meatpuppets a hastily dug pit filled with dismembories soiled dream […]

consumed by thisvigorous rigiditycrystalline thought shardspierce the tenebraebetween happy sadness thoughts go sidewaysas realityslipslides intothe recurved confusionof conflictingnarrativesof truth as experiencedand fantasy embellished curled into the wavesa contusion of confusionscast aside withmalicious disdainthen romanticizedby the emotionally vacant ever vigilant againstdefunct adorationsan ever shrinking spiralinto a cyclical malaiseof diminishing returnsavoiding potholes gapingacross this mercurial tenebraebetween happy […]

sunday mornings have a nuanced melancholy a saturation of softly stinging sorrow the bottom half of the hourglass buries the day an internment of contented smiles dragged across the barb wire sense reality will bear down suffocating all joy leaving just a stain of strained disdain for the silence that will soon ensue sadness hooks […]

again the skies threaten rain while i luxuriate in despondency well aware the entire globe despises me with an irrationality bordering dangerously close to exactly what i likely deserve the parts of me still remembering what it was to be a glimmering star now a reduction of malignant loss cascading sparks over the tinder of […]

there arethirteen stepsthirteen loopsin the artof tyinga hangman’s noose the sky opened uppissing rain as ifthe world was justthe floor of agas station bathroomi stood in itflagging down thetwo truck driverthat was onlythree hours latecalled when thr skieswere just threateningnow we are both soakedgiving one anotherthe old angry side eye thirteen stepsthirteen loopssimple in designnearly […]

a tertiary blemish ignored unless necessary then immediately tossed back to the side an insipid growth with spindly hairs best left in the dark ancillary to the main plot easily overshadowed by any other distraction any other possible distraction textbook definition of unimportance not by design but by the apathy of those who always come […]

he is an amateur photographer taking snapshots of beauty highlighting simple perfections forgotten behind the flashes they smile for the camera eventually ignoring the invisible man who is never in the frame no one notices the loneliness of the photographer relegated to being just a spectator unimportant except for the constant encouragement in which he […]

rainbows never smile the prismatic effect pulls the corners down towards the horizon leaving the spectrum bathed in an incomprehensible sadness as the light splits the gray thunderhead errant rays of sun stab at the cityscape as it settles in a fugue of dismally decadent dismay while the banded frown stretches cold fingers in a […]

i take the stairs if given a choice i drive all day and the exercise helps keep the dire depression to only barely choking the light from my insolent ocular stare i do like the clear elevators though and today was faced with the choice between health and watching the cables with a heavy heart […]

fog drifts obscuring the road as the sky is a yellowish gray somewhere above the clouds have settled far too low wispy condensation grasping at the asphalt scars leaving everything trapped in a haze of vague dreamfuckery suffocating the city with a sense of wild abandon

a sterility of silence tends to blanket my bedroom a hushed reverence in this darkened crypt a low rumble perhaps a plane or thunder from the clouds blowing in from the east the rains have been frequent over the last year, give or take but summer turned harsh as the ground thirsts for a much […]

one of my biggest pastimes besides staring at the ceiling is sitting in parking lots between calls watching the birds i am no amateur ornithologist just a fool longing to fly to feel weightless (un)encumbered by this heaviness able to stride adrift on the currents my wings and that compass in my skull guiding me […]

the fools say the sun always rises to banish the dark burning away the sorrows that linger on the breath of yesterday i sit alone waiting for the light to engulf me in cleansing flame and all i feel is the frigidity bone deep soul stuttering shocks of cold as if it shines everywhere but […]

i amso very tiredbut i knowthroughoutthe span ofan eveningwaking withher nameon my lips staring intothe darknesswishing foranother minutein dreamwhere her lipsare close enoughto taste instead of thehours layingawake tryingto sleepcursing my owninsomnial musings i am justso very tiredof waking tothe mockingceiling above so very tiredyet awarethat tonightwill be theexact same at threei will sendfrantic kissesbegging […]

i don’t want to rot away in a silk lined box buried deep in the ground as chemicals flood my body my guts in a bag my heart weighed and tagged separate from the cave it called home sweet home away from her name as the constant beating engraved it into the bone that once […]

the weightless weightiness being draped in otherworldly feathery growths a speck of pepper in the drooping eye of divinity rainbows spasm from the prismatic corpse heart encased in amber at the center of universal inequity as acid pours down from the jagged scar torn along the seamless orbital facade corneas float detached jellyfish riding ocular […]

the road has too much fucking turbulence today for my liking the cars are all too close drifting over the dotted lines i want to go too fast the windows are down and the stereo is too loud but i don’t have it in me to care the turbulence that fucking shaking the wobble of […]

as i sit here ignoring the voice of anxiety as it tries to talk me out of going to the laundromat drumming my fingers on the coffeeless table trying to convince myself that it is only forty five measly minutes sitting in the car as the clothes spin forty five minutes i put off until […]

someone needs to write a self help book for those of us that can’t seem to help ourselves one that tells us it is perfectly okay to not be anywhere close to okay that it is alright to be locked up with anxiety and sorrow because sometimes we are going to be incapable of anything […]

only those that imitate consider it The highest form of flattery those that actually create are too busy making something new

history always repeats itself and no matter how deep the scars the lessons learned evaporate as we spin again and again and again ad nauseam if i have learned anything from my past it is that it feels just as bad in the present we are moths watching as our brethren burn to cinders thinking […]

i keep starting then stopping things nothing can keep my interest anxious mind racing a hundred million ideas flowing none of them tangible just my heartbeat three inches from my chest a series of started books shows movies half listened to albums and a pervasive sense of dread rotating through the same circular obsessions all […]

his mouth a scar splitting beneath empty eyes thickly mustached a bear headed towards hibernation broken teeth rocks jutting sharply to tear the hull from nighttime cruises there is a fragility to the pitted iron keeping his frail form neatly erect yet at the same instant on the verge of collapse the scar puckers drools […]

death stopped by to have coffee with me this morning we sat silently the steam coalesced in his empty sockets as we waited for the sun to rise and the sparrows to playfully hop while chirping a sweet morning affirmation death isn’t a big talker his billowing robes flow around his skeletal frame a thundercloud […]

walking along the water’s edge barefeet sliding on moss covered rocks as the waves rhythmically lap sending a spray of warm water onto my legs i am still apart of the land around me the breeze in my veins the salt from my soul crusts onto the sunbaked stones the waves glint a thousand gems […]

i stared at the person walking towards me not realizing it was my reflection on the windows of the bland building on the corner of nowhere and here i get confused because the person is not the same person i see my dysmorphic perceptions at odds with the image strolling i need to try and […]

this is no life just a sundry collection of sanguine sorrows blowing as leaves shed after summer’s disinterest barbs that catch tearing graying flesh spraying poisonous fumes slowly killing off the best of the worst until the shambling corpse of future aspirations aspirates into the fugue leaving intangible trails muddy footprints of disambiguous ambulation trod […]

through fits of broken sleep as blood rained down hard thick scabs falling coagulated hail wetly thudding off the cars triggering the wailing alarms theft deterrents in a world of coveted dreamshit i snatch moments of silence between thunderclaps the storm raging between my ears as the ceiling appears indifferent to my state of destitute […]

making sense of this senselessness requires either an extreme leap of faith or utter stupidity the difference between the two escapes me moldering under the weight of seeking purpose defiantly decrying sacrificial lambs marching forward to feed the insatiable bellies of godlings and liars lemmings don’t race off of cliffs in mass suicidal benedictions no […]

my smile slid off i sat relatively dumbfounded as it slipped from my cheeks i watched as it just blew away i sat there watching it flop about in the breeze but i couldn’t summon the energy to go and chase after the foolish thing it will come back it always does eventually until then […]

i have been craving ice cream for the last two weeks i won’t get any my brain is well aware that frivolous purchases are illegal but that doesn’t stop the goddamned electrified gelatin from constantly reminding me how good it would be to have ice cream soon it will infect my poetry these thoughts of […]

the car outside has a terrible squeak a bearing likely screaming out orangish red from a lack of grease causing dissent in the other tightly packed bearings slowly degrading the immaculate silence of a thursday morn i look out onto a world of static gray an immense heaviness draping the houses the incessant whine from […]

wasps covered the screenas i opened the blindsto welcome the sunrisea mass of twitching wingsand segmented eyes glaringperhaps seeking the warmthpermeating the glass doorto escape the chill morningas autumn embraces the land i watchedhthe writhing swarmas it blocked outthe lightjaw agapewondering ifthis was a nightmareand i still sleptperhaps the nightspent staringat the ceilingwas a dreamor […]

i have been stumbling through a maze of unmarked one way corridors for as long as i can remember dutifully chasing treasure but only ever finding enough to barely survive following the dangling carrot on the bouncing stick that draws no closer as the whip strikes thick scars driving me onward until i am so […]

the scenery flashes trees lose singularity becoming solid waves of gray speeding past me the world is a blur as i sit still contemplating the next nove as i dart in and out of the mass of traffic i lose track of time as the miles tick on entire swaths of land blink past and […]

i am done with social media it lends an air of false importance and life has shown me again and again when it comes to importance i have none i am barely a wisp with no solidity a third rate ghost haunting negative space scribbling poems choking on words best left unsaid

woke up findsorrows sewn ontomy eyelidsthe city is trappedin raging seaof unshed tearsgrasping and tearingat the lingeringashes of dreamas the floods racedown the filthy streetsor down my faceimpossible to tellthe differenceas this fogbank ofsultry dismaychokes the lifefrom the sparrowscircling my impending doomthis parking lotturned swamplandlooks exactly the sameas every otherdespair filled pitlighting oars on fireto […]

tiny creatures dart across my peripheral ephemeral things i cannot quite force my eyes to focus on are they faeries or simply motes of dead skin drifting angels skimming the miseries off my pounding skull or demons seeking soft bits to poke i sit perfectly still watching without seeing patiently hoping to catch a glimpse […]

the moon is shy tonight tucked away in a blanket of clouds i understand how it feels embarrassed at only reflecting the sun’s glow cold and void pulling at the waves with an invisible longing i lay in bed tucked away beneath a thin sheet lackluster with nothing to reflect but these thoughts the ceiling […]

outside a bird is stuck one note rings loudly over and again a cry a whistle or a squawk i cannot tell i dressed and crept along the buildings seeking the source of the awful commotion fearing it was badly injured then i saw it sitting on a branch so small yet so very loud […]

peel me like an old orange dessicated in its rind tear me apart to solemnly suckle the last drops of acidic tang the sweetness long since gone rancid before the maggots consume my heart misshapen beneath the leathery flesh left forgotten on the sill the last listless kiss of summer before the fall swallows me […]

it has been forty five minutes since i dropped the kids off and i can feel the steel bands tightening again there is something unsettling about legitimate depressionary response i cannot tell myself that it isn’t real this mudslide sopping up huge swaths of land from beneath each tentative step after so long tapdancing through […]

i long to drape myself in the robes of forgetfulness to sip from a chalice of sparkling lethe and let the past fade from the hollow honeycomb of my mind oh to see these puckered scars with no memory of how they formed the tectonic shift of innocence taken too soon the rusted hooks paining […]

my forearms strain as i navigate the loops of this insomnial chain pulling myself ever closer to madness one sleepless night after another cycling the trash from my cluttered brain in manic prayers frantically whispered to the shapes coalescing on the shadowed ceiling long past the need for dreamfilled sleep falling between thoughts to hover […]

the desert shines in my eyes like the vacant gaze of a godling unfazed by the myriad of miseries consumed by the perdition burning deep inside harsh yellow light the glaring eye of a merciless star as close to divinity that a cosmic mistake a symphony of insidious self indulgences that know only how to […]

i scatter the remains of dreams held tightly across the ground in shards of colored gravel to remind me nothing is ever truly lost even as the memory of hopeful intent lingers the future dies in each furtive breath exhaled in past tense so i give every beat of my emaciated heart to you in […]

i am a lost soul an avant gardener sowing seeds of succulent depression blossoms of vibrant purples and grays that drip milk like poppies with an extra kick of madness i am a protector an avant gardian angel shielding my loved ones behind tar black wings a briar thorn crown of cluster headaches keeping happy […]

it was the perfect storm except that it was in my chest anxiety turned into panic and as i lay trying to breathe my heart beat me on repeat through the thin sheet i went through every interaction i had with anyone trying to find the source pushing my heart to attack me sleeplessly laying […]

i feel elliptical in solipsistic waves there is no truth except in knowing ourselves all else is potentially a construct created to explain the chaos inherent we are birthed from a fast sperm and a receptive egg hoisted from the embrace of nonexistence screaming and red faced and from then on crawl inexplicably back to […]

i keep drawing spirals anxiety channeling my inner junji ito my manic madness spinning sketching spirals inside of spirals growing dizzy yet unable to stop like my thoughts blazing across the tinder of my rain starved mind waiting for the next disaster to pummel this fragile house of cards the scratching of pencil against the […]

i connect the stars with fishing line creating a net to elucidate this feral longing clawing at the back of my throat carefully knitting a tapestry from the open mouths of dying poets screaming hoarse curses into the setting sun grasping at the bars of enforced solitude while salvation stays just out of reach behind […]

in a fit of sleeplessness i slowly began a dissection of every scrap every morsel of this charade the neighbor revs the engine loudly greeting the sun a cockless rooster mechanically crowing shaking the walls sending ripples on the ebon percolation i stir the coffee mindlessly tired tiredly mindless pointedly circular with poor circulation unoxygenated […]

the crows outside the in-and-out have grown fat ignoring the berries on the branches turning their beaks up at the scattered seeds they sit watching every transaction waiting for the fleshies to drop a fry sipping water from the cracked concrete preparing their palate for deep fried joy and i sit at the gas station […]

on those rare occasions when the coffee is just cool enough to sip the sparrows flit out on the porch and the storms seem a million miles away i seek to encase the soft moments of peace in amber as reminders that not everything is a precursor to the end of existence. little do i […]

when i read too muchbukowskii find myselfgrowing surlyas if infectedby his grumpiness. he painted the worldin red wine strokesthat bled anypreconceptionsfrom the tatteredfabric of reality. he never sugar coatedthe hell of livingfocusing insteadon the hairy moleon the chinsof the whores thatdrank his beerand stole his heart. chain smokingwhile banging the keyshalf cockedand over fullof persnickety […]

i dislike the silence it is cloying sucking the life from my soul the only thing i dislike more is the incessant chatter of other people like me that cannot stand the silence so maybe it isn’t the quiet so much that i really dislike just the lack actual conversation that is grinding my patience […]

i sat alone in a dimly lit lecture hall indistinct faces watching as i nervously leafed through pages covered in scribbles i couldn’t quite translate to words the faceless ones murmured discontent as i tried to read the words that swam in front of my disbelieving confusional gaze shadows stood barking angry questions demanding answers […]

i am the cause of my miseries and there is something indefinable knowing this simple truth a sorrow that wells blood from an open wound to slowly drown the last vestiges of happiness from this raisin soul. i am negativity in a photo surrealist piece of avant garde suicideaology. spitting curses in self directed malaise […]

it took a month before they found brautigan’s body he killed himself in september but wasn’t discovered until late october he had grown depressed reclusive despondent still writing but unwilling or unable to escape the dark i wonder how long it will take them to find mine if brautigan was a well known writer and […]