i become an amateur mathematician adding up the things gleamed from reading between the lines double checking actions against the meanings in a series of justifications until it becomes impossible to ignore the empirical data making intuitive leaps of faithlessness to come up with complex formulas to disprove simple truths rationalizing irrationalities showing my work […]

it took mea few minutesto figure outwhere i waswhen my eyes openedand the roomslowly swaminto focusi had fallen asleepon the coucha sentence lefthalf writtena cup of coffeegone cold withan oil slickcatching thefaery lightsand a dull achewhere someone hadpounded a spikethrough my templesmy neck screamedfrom the odd angleit had beensubjected tothe last two hours i drank […]

time to kill before the next call so i went to the park to stew with my own insidious turmoils nothing to say no one who will listen to me anyway just a hundred thousand shimmering leaves and the fattened ducks expecting snacks the sparrows found me watching among the trees heads cocked in confusion […]

missed turns wrong exits driving lost in a city of confusing junctions one way disillusions spinning on a roundabout falling farther from the lines on the digital display signalling nothing but red lines as the seconds turn to hours in a scintillating display of flashing lights orange barrels and closures as the traffic piles upon […]

i didn’t turn onany music this morninglet the solemn silenceof the highway leechthe poisons from mysickly soul to streamalong the embankmentsof crumbling concreteguiding my chariotswept away with the otherblank faces seekingsolace in the congestedhighways leading fartherfrom comfortable bedsto joy crushing cubiclesin shades of beige dismayworking my way throughthe stories lodged inthe back of my mindtrying […]

all out of second chances broken dreams and a book of matches watching as the flames consume the room a long night of hushed aches sleeplessly riding the waves shuddering quakes falling apart in lonesome apathy a breadcrumb trail of crystal tears amid the briars as the birdsong drowns out the plaintive whispers of love […]

when i worked on pool tables and pinball machines juke boxes and illegal gambling a few bars were open for the third shift crowd having a couple before bed at 8am and the other day drinkers were just beginning their shifts on duct tape covered wobbly barstools where they would sit until they either ran […]

sifting through tipped over bottles of wine needing one good swig to wash the acrid taste of half chewed pills lodged in between the empty sockets where wisdom forced its way up through bleeding gums one mouthful to swish around just enough to numb my tongue so i can get back to being fucking miserable […]

i kneel in supplication as the flames of self immolation reduce this shell to greasy smoke ash blowing in the hot texas wind just another flash of stinging grit in the unblinking gaze of forevers a roadmap of broken promises and faulty math from years spent seeking answers to questions only fools would ask as […]

when did this labyrinth of glass and steel go from being the concrete jungle to a cookie cutter slaughterhouse we have drained the last shreds of individuality from the corpse of the american dream leaving a homogenized slurry of bland gray gruel to be lapped up by greedy tongues needing the satisfaction of instant gratification […]

there is aplastic bagheld captiveby the breezeon my patioas i stareout into thebright worldit dancesclumsily againstthe blue coolerscrambling backout of viewbefore dashingitself once againinto the offensivecooler blockingits escape route it moves withthe same pliabilityof an octopusboneless exceptfor the hidden beaktrying to finda darting fishamong the aridbleached texas coral i am a plastic flamingodriven into thecracked […]

i am obsessed with the chalkdust moon watching me from cerulean skies my eyes drawn to the melancholy satellite drifting trapped in the inescapable pull of the wobbly blue marble so far below maybe something in the vacancy of life a dusty rock circling romanticized yet ultimately barren pockmarked from all the impacts of errant […]

when the angry over aggreasive white sports car began undulating from lane to lane cutting off the other drivers yet finding himself falling farther and farther behind the rest of the cars adopted a migratory bird type of hive mind moving in one cohesive unity to prevent his idiocy from infecting the rest of the […]

i left partof myself inthe broken dreamsfeeling lesssubstantialbetween thosefleeting napsa storm of petalsfloating somewherein half slumbernow i am hollowsleepwalkingthrough the dayknowing somethinghas vanishedunsure of whatbut feelinga vacancy flutterin this prisonof yellowed ivoryif you cup yourhand to your earyou can hearmy desperate declarationsto loving heras the milesare swallowed upbeneath soft feathersin a storm ofpastel pink petals

a blockage in my mesolimbic pathway keeping me unable to receive pleasure from any praise another blockage in my mesocortical pathway leaving me unable to make any decisions to get myself started low dopamine transport keeps me trapped in this loop of deficiencies in anxietial abundancy an enforced structure of necessity pushing me into last […]

looking about at the half formed clay of shambling lives realizing god must have grown bored somewhere around the third day the light was good separating the waters above and below was pretty alright then the minutiae of life itself grew to be more than the divine plan called for so with filthy hands and […]

the silence fills in each minute crack as dilation swept throughout my chest rejoined by the stuttered echo of my pulse throbbing in heavy gasps as every vein constricts an unction of shivering darkness swallowing the edges of my bleary sight a desperation for oxygenated necessity while fevered flesh convulses in time with the burning […]

i read there would be a full lunar eclipse happening this evening the sun sets at nine insomnia kicks in somewhere around ten so perhaps at the witching hour i can stumble outside to see the jealous moonbeams vanish the same way any chance of dreaming slips in grains of sand into the corners of […]

i feel an elliptical wobbling starting in my chest radiating in waves of discombobulation a nauseated shimmer of oil across the surface of my mud puddle mind refracting the light of a thousand daggers stabbing the frontal lobe as a lone crow caws an echoing requiem for sleepless dreamers in convulsive dismay snatching at the […]

how long have i sat here as the sun baked through the tinted windows of the car watching the squirrels frolic and frolic they did in the tall grass waving at me calmly? my urban camouflage has been perfected as i blend in with the nondescript buildings lining whichever industrial park with a tamed view […]

i know these roads as intimately as i once knew the arch of her spine yet i don’t pay nearly as much attention to hugging these curves aimlessly driving from same place to same place a repetition of cyclical disasterpiece theatres living the same infernal longing in a corkscrew pattern ever inwardly because the words […]

the birds gather singing uproariously about sunrise after having missed me on my wayward travel perhaps they sing because in the night i cast aside my armor of flesh and bone to wriggle out a bundle of nerves thin filaments of fluctuating voltage a writhing mass of worms connected to a chemical dump in gelatin […]

there are benefits to being an old ugly nobody my phone is nearly always silent no one expects much because they see the burden of this abhorrent existence written on my despicable face today is an ugly day one where i grasp in futility for some semblance of beauty with gnarled hands knowing it shies […]

the coffee isn’t working as i stumble around the hotel room trying to be sure everything is in the black duffel i read all night as the strange ambient noises jittered oddly in the corners of the room the mini fridge howling constantly a mournful spirit unacknowledged in the small cubby beneath the televsion i […]

the air conditioner sighs morosely as the condenser fights the early heatwave i have tossed and turned so many times that the sheets are a hopeless tangle around my naked torso and i feel partially mummified as the woman in another rooms sings along with the loud radio and a vacuum cleaner runs over a […]

the spectral transience wavering through the hotel felt like sliding sideways from the filthy metropolis into a fifteenth dimension the woman behind the counter seemed freshly plucked her too close eyes stared with a half dead stupor down her beaklike nose as a short man stood too closely behind me yelling about how he was […]

i felt the primal power of a land so clearly carved out by the receding glaciers of the last ice age the trees of the hill country have been blasted by the howling gales the branches twisted yet grasping at the light cedars leaning to the north amid the signs for dinosaur trails and fireworks […]

most of my time is spent behind the wheel driving down new roads simply to see what secrets lay hidden in the complex mystical algorithm in winding avenues i was trapped in solitary refinement most of my childhood the moment i could escape into the wild a fat kid riding his bike a thousand miles […]

every time i make a frantic fifteenth pass to be sure that i grabbed everything for the work trip i wonder if this is the last time i will ever see this apartment stricken with fatalistic wonder as i murmur my love like a benediction before heading out into the symphony of bird song back […]

feeling punch drunk reeling from another trip into the darkness where each time i reemerge i leave a little something behind rubberbanding back from a walking nightmare trying to find my footing on uneven soil my soul aches a dull throb as i reach for the light yet it shies away demure in its pestilence […]

i was speeding i always seem to be when i saw an evergreen hearse in the left lane directly ahead of me it felt ominous but with anxiety everything can so i sped past it then the song stopped and the name of it in all caps scrolled playing with fire this made me pause […]

white noise permeates the dawn a squeaky bearing on an overtaxed central air unit a flock of birds planes circling low beneath silver skies bass thumping as a car sits just outside my bedroom window all bending time into a crossroads of incessant noise filling my head with a swarm of angry hornets stinging pink […]

i can feel my heartbeat in my left earlobe a jittering little spasm a stray hair i can’t manage to brush away a quivering little feeling as my heart hammers away at xylophonic shivering ribs it is quite intermittent as i sit shaking from anxious energy and i rub my fingers across my ear absently […]

i admire the view staring down the sights aiming at the aimless itchy trigger warnings as sirens blare sending the deer to scatter the hunter fires buckshot at a buck a shell ignoring the irony in war being a billion dollar industry as the price of ammo rises sifting through social media for more ammunition […]

there is a part of me that is never quite prepared for stepping outside into the blast furnace that is texas summer you know it is going to be hot out there but then the door opens it was just last week that the mornings were overcast and cool the evening curled up chilly in […]

i will not deny my scars nor will i erase my past pains i shall clutch them tightly to my mechanical heart as i exhale steam into the light of today’s struggles steadily moving ever forward against the tide of sorrow my crystal lattice bends against the tectonic surges in agonized acquiescence a malformed soul […]

my jaw creaks as i expel the last of night from my raisin lungs yawning deeply to pull the light into every cell unable to taste the caffeinated swill falling over my dehydrated tongue a slab of leather from which to hone am edge onto the words stuck behind broken molars into slashing tirades against […]

isolated cast off into the darkness that holds no more answers than the silence a miserable stain begging the question if ignorance is so blissful how do i remain so goddamned sad in the face of this emptiness that swaddles me happiness is a phantom limb pins and needles along the rim of this vacancy […]

the fat bastard thought to use me as a pawn in his cheating games managing to convince the irritating shrew whatever he did was all my fault again there are people you consider to be great friends who only ever scheme to advance themselves on your good name these conniving pricks so full of themselves […]

my mind is filled with this dark story but my heart is filled with love for her allowing a balance as the heron glides over the sunlit waves seemingly against the laws of physics i lose myself deep in the wonder inherent when i take the time to let the beauty she effortlessly holds shine […]

i wish i weren’t so sensitive that i could let go and breathe deep without this constant weight on my chest that i didn’t feel every single cut as if it sliced my mind to ribbons i should have grown a callus from the repetition of razors sliding yet i remain a paperthin bundle of […]

how strange a wound that caused so much agony becomes a scab flaking off leaving nothing but a patch of fresh pink skin hardly a scar to remind of the pain before it just a phantom itch where something once so important is now forgotten replaced by a thousand papercuts inflamed with these incipient new […]

a gargoyle carved from granite crouched on the ledge looking down as life goes on in tiny specks far beneath a forgotten perch edges worn smooth by buffeting winds a thick coat of bird shit slathered along every crevice doomed to watch in stoney silence until eventually crumbling tumbling in a hail of dust to […]

i find myself sometimes talking to god which is funny because i absolutely do not believe there is a god no half assed agnostic hedging bets waiting for definitive proof just a bipolar nihilist espousing talking to himself by directing it at the ceiling perhaps the issue is god doesn’t believe in me rudely upturning […]

one thing i always look for when going somewhere i have never been is where the local lover’s leap is located because one constant no matter the locale is at some point sorrowful lovers have leapt to their early demise rather than live without the one they love most the misused expression of lemmings following […]

downtown fort worth is the simplified version of downtown dallas these conjoined twins one filled with art graceful skyscrapers the other dull gray the frills exchanged for a country feel in one ways leading nowhere two eggs frying in a sea of rancid oil bubbling along unaware of the rotten tendrils spreading like filth in […]

unraveled in the things left unspoken disheveled in uncertainty meandering along another lost spirit in a tide of half haunted wispy recollections driving towards another empty lot unable to tell if it is a reflection of all the things i am lacking or just life’s way of reminding me my place in things looking for […]

an ever shifting ambiance of amnesia in amniotic ambrosia delivers a dirge of dynamic depressions a drowning of dream in semi geosynchronous anemic heartshudders beneath angry red skies as dawn breaks the silent wonder of night bound tightly in silken threads of a self spun cocoon in souldandered spiteful serendipities restlessly arrested bound and gagged […]

an underpinning of cruelty infects the quiet of the evening a sallow rot deep in the marrow of night floating upon the shimmering current of apathetic lethargy where the images shine yet no words accompany the pale pink blossoms in rows down the orchard flutter in the breeze a hearty sigh of discontented longing blown […]

we are taught there is a beauty in purity the first snowfall unmarred by man the stars at night a lone rose blooming on the bush dark crimson petals lush in virgin grace ignoring the symmetry the vivisection where beauty becomes tainted as life defiles the sanctity sought the moment rot settles deeply upon the […]

spent half the night trying to undo this knot behind my right eye a twisted mass of gnarled old barb wire i picked up somewhere west of ranger coffee brewing as i plot a path to graham hoping a little caffeine can motivate relief before the next three hour tour of meth flecked americana i […]

the chains in the back of the truck jangled like church bells, i was lost in reverie the road blurring by around me not seeing a single bit of it though, drifting in between ideas of stories untold kisses unkissed watching as the hawk circled above me the ground showing the effects of the storm […]

i find a great relaxation in running a blade over the whetstone careful pressure to form an edge capable of slicing electrons at least that’s what i tell myself after losing myself in taking the nicks from a long week and starting anew before accumulating new mars on the once perfect surface my sunday ritual […]

the deep fovea in my mind’s eye allows a visual acuity to disseminate every internal flaw in a broad spectrum of microscopic woe clusters of photoreceptors perceive every new fluctuation monitoring and gathering reams of data to over analyze through the long sleepless nights spent grasping the beauty so obvious in others yet deficient in […]

i do not handle negativity well it creates a feedback loop sounding off the already less than ecstatic worldview doubling down in my strained at the best of times shfting fragility i feel quiet which is always a bad first sign a tectonic sway in bipolar hemispheres as darkness blankets my mind a silver flask […]

watching sadly as the rest of the world sees you for exactly what you proved to me you always truly were may the bridges you carelessly burnt keep you warm as your house of cards crumbles around you there was never anything as important to you as your own precious ego the salted earth on […]

there are moments when i cannot reckon the words i write against the emptiness i embody clutching to the dying dreamer whispering of things i cannot feel wrapped in steel wool nothingness devoid of anything except nugatory denials yet i bleed emotion from wounds self inflicted numbed as i sit a coil of rampant anxieties […]

if i am a shell of who i once was hold me to your ear and listen as i tell you how much i love you in hollow echoes lost to time my hermit crab soul discarded this empty broken vessel long ago now all that lingers is memories eternity won’t let you forget

people often mistake being polite and considerate for weakness not understanding that it takes more effort to not punch them directly in their flapping maw of self absorption while nodding with a smile acid etched over disdain if you see me standing silently trying to unclench my shaking fists as i avoid eye contact it […]

three little trees branchs full of little brown birds hopping happily outside of the tapatia where a line of tired mothers stand waitinf for their treats i had been sitting outside the laundromat waiting impatiently for the doors to open stomach grumbling as the last clean pair of boxers signaled the need to forego sitting […]

at the height of manic insanity the rest of the world feels trapped in amber as i zap from conductor to conductor going too fast knowing only a deveststing accident lays at the end of this blurred painscape collecting new scars as my worn out soul trails behind me a comet’s tail spitting a haze […]

pollen falls an unmelting snow heavy and cloying the green has spread over everything building a pressure pulsating fiercely in sinal rage short fused when typically the timer is set into infinity lashing back at snapping maws a simmering anger sullenly bubbles the sun came out, as i sat trapped indoors, a wasted day babbling […]

the pigeon didn’tland with a flutterof wings and gracefulhop on little stick legsbut with a solid thudand i was taken abackat first thinkingit to be a turkeyso porcine was the birdthere seemed to bea double chin inviridescent greencircling its throatit waddled as if itwere in charge of thestrip of sidewalkjust outside the coffee shopwhere the […]

i admire the lack of concern as she does her eyeliner going seventy down the congested highway never bothering to look away from the mirror one time i figure this will be how i am killed hit by a white car as the lobotomized driver with an applicator driven through her eye and into the […]

each day i find i have forgotten something new i cannot tell what it is just that there is a gap a pool of nothing left congealed a vacanacy like pins and needles in my mind perhaps i have reached maximum mental capacity ejecting things to make room for new ideas or perhaps it is […]

a gaggle of writers is like the thanksgiving day parade their egos floating above the city demanding to be seen cockamamie idiots recycling the same tropes expected to be recognized as the geniuses they have stolen from they make me sick self aggrandizing constantly shilling begging for attention while churning out tepid trash by the […]

even when work finds a way to keep my fingers turning wrenches all day the gerbil races in its little wheel squeaking out words i trace in braille along the side of the machine tap tap tapping knowing they fall to the tile officially unwritten yet fully formed at the height of concentration where efficiency […]

i am a cicada burrowing far underground screaming every night without end in these barrows beneath the city there isn’t a parking garage that hasn’t been forced to endure the words of a fool no sparrow left unbothered by the constant flow spilling from my heart into the electrosphere a cloud of static polluting the […]

the city aches tremors coursing an abandonment of tired souls a caffeination in sultry desanguination rippling outward from the concrete heart of crumbling commerce tainted dreamwisps caught in rusted nets of the failing grid sending waves of synaptic dysfunction in pulses of ravenous dismay to spark ineffectually in ozone scented kisses and streaks of melted […]

the day has been a flurry of activity with little time to scribble words so i have stared out from the thirty fifth floor at the city and sent my love through hazel beams there aren’t always words necessary when my eyes say everything my lips and hands cannot

the moon still shines a thumbnail cleanly cut a banana hanging from a celestial palm it is defiant forlorn in a patch of steely blue ignoring the light brightening the pale horizon as it stares through the open blinds bathed in happy whistles as it slowly rises from my view as if to say good […]

i dip my fingers into dusk to paint the skies in vivid pink flashes of simmering surrender waving white flags in accumulated cumulus to dispense with this parody of helping hands tearing pounds of sweaty flesh they have no right to claim just for the piece of mind given unto war time tirades from the […]

ever feel as if you woke up one dimesion off everything looks close enough to whatever normal is but the shadows seem sharper the faces are less distinct the roads all lead to a slightly different location curves inversed and colors muted it itches at the back of your brain blood red dandelions pushing through […]

the ground around where i am parked is covered in pigeon feathers gray as the skies blowing around with the plastic bags and scraping cans opera plays loudly an odd contrast of class to the filth perhaps the gray feathers once were festooned upon the helmets of valkyries the song of the epic battle sounding […]

the gray skies have been unrelenting teasing storms doing nothing except blotting the sky in dreary odes to sleepless romanticism in restless wonder the park is lively just myself and the sparrows staring from a verdant canopy stray kittens prowling in the high grass and a woman arguing loudly with herself a squeak squeak squeak […]

a cloud of gnats buzzing in my ear supping on the rotted flesh of the last attempt to flog the fetid corpse of creativity until their stomachs grow distended all while begging to add one verse thus calling it a collaboration they can peddle off as original content i swat at them doing my best […]

the dog has been barking nonstop for two hours now enough to drive away the sparrows there is no one in the causeway nothing to agitate the little monster yet as i sit solemnly it barks and barks and barks sunday mornings are best spent with coffee ryo playing softly the wind and the planes […]

what good is eternity when we count it in seconds clawing for reason in the face of common sense passing off pithy nonsense in place of earnest attempts at making the world a better place in the miniscule time allotted bullshit philosophers and braindead poets waxing about concepts they have no grasp on like love […]

lost in the ontological discrepancies of being as applied to the pursuit of defining is as a state rather than a uniformic isentrope where objects of inanimaticy are related to the intimate internality of dissolutions by way of inauthenticity turning an inward eye onto the false meanings of contextualization foregoing the abstractions of discourse as […]

i wonder have i finally fallen asleep the world is still as a corpse i (slept)walked watching as the planes glitched re-entering the same cloud bank on infinite loop the birds aren’t singing though the static carries the call of distorted crows which may be my beard scraping across the pillow spiders crawling across my […]

the wind chimes at night will always be one of the loneliest songs they have come to represent the only sound to break the silence i long to tear them down to smash them into pieces and let the wind scatter them to curse someone else with their cacophony but they are all i have […]

the windows shook a warbling noise echoing down the empty street the solid panes deform waves rush through the delicate crystalline in clear melted silica sand i watch physics bend and can’t help but hope one shatters and rains down shards to pierce through my waiting body to shred me into slivers quivering on the […]

the city workers stand by the fountain green nets with long plastic poles sifting out the wishes unfulfilled dumping coins into large white buckets oxidized currency exchanged in good will for dreams that will never see fulfillment another long con selling off hope for a moment of peace wishing well reactments of sending prayers into […]

a yellow car flipped on its back as traffic snakes slowly down the highway alight with red and blue the skies shift from a manic melon back into the dismal berth that never rains just hovers over in judgment of the admonished sinners seeking an ending to a week of pious capitalist worship a green […]

learning to excise the words that seem to go unacknowledged to not reach out to be content with things unsaid rather than choking on them a strategic retreat in the face of overwhelming waves of apathy a piss poor poet finally understanding the power of staying silent after jabbering on alone for far too long […]

when i write someone out of my life i always wish them well and i always wish them exactly what they deserve it’s a polite way to tell them they can go fuck themselves and while i don’t really believe in karmic retribution i do find that you tend to get back exactly what you […]

we used to pick fat red raspberries and plumb blackberries from a great patch of briar thorn bushes fingers and mouths stained with the sweet juice as lines of red blood welled large yellow spiders with intricate webs and a flurry of brown happy robins swooping in for a snack it would be hot as […]

the thin veneer of window tinting along with skies of roiling cloud cover give early afternoon a dastardly sense of encroaching evening ten lanes of traffic already at a standstill a frantic scramble for a slow crawl towards the drive thru line that snakes around the orange and white stripes into the street and around […]

there is a sense of calamitous indifference floating through the spheres of underlying circumspect circumstance a wavering dissociation where nothing is as it appears in the mirrored lenses of dismissal leeching lethargy from the leaking heart valves where maniacal longing crashes headfirst into a compression of insight billions of disparate souls blinking out in unity […]

polished bones etched with runes rattle in the wooden bowl a crow caws loudly an invitation to murder beckons as fate tumbles in the torchlight dancing over sweat streaked skin an augury of prophetical pondering in the swirling mist of potentiality dark omens cast in uncertain need the future laid bare on the hardpacked soil […]

on the days the words flow in exuberance i tend to be at my worst on the days i have nothing but i love yous on my tongue i don’t feel the need to frantically scribble those days are my favorite existing in a panicked need to unburden an overdose of too much emotion is […]

there is a still pool of sorrow crystal clear yet with an immense crushing weight i cannot recall any of my dreams but i am unable to shed this steady suffocation of melancholic dismay colors washed out a single wilted daisy in a vase silken petals fallen onto the table facing a dusty window morosely […]

i sleep in fits a tulip bulb planted upside down in the cold winter soil i wake confused uncertain where i am staring up vertiginous and alone gathering up the flecks of dream from the rocky soil seeking answers stunted in the darkness i cannot tell if i sleep or lay awake if i think […]

fat slugs feasting in the blooming bushes butterflies float in the stillness of late afternoon a heady sleepiness as the roads are bare bluebonnets swaying to the chorus of planes circling the clear blue a chipper squirrel scampers on the gray bark as the cardinals speed flashes of brown and red among the branches heavy […]

the wind whimpers in the willow branches a fluttering sigh in tender resignation as the sun glints a million daggers of golden light on the choppy lake resplendent with frolicking waves there is an unquenchable agony in witnessing this overload of wonder to be surrounded by unfathomable beauty yet knowing no single seed will ever […]

if life is all part of god’s plan i am a footnote forgotten at the bottom of the page an ink spill marring an otherwise pristine parchment a rorscharch blot showcasing futility a cautionary fable for lost souls seeking meaning in a paint by numbers canvas of the void