temple

i have been stuck
in an amniotic daydream
seeing only shadows
in this
one size too small
slice of texas
the indistinguishable
barrage of fast food signs
cartoon beavers
begging for commerce
waco and temple
feel like horseflies
fucking on the
decaying umbilical
connecting dallas to austin
it’s easy to
maintain this funk
when everything is
a filthy soot stain
masking a distinct
lack of identity
little cities
collapsing inward
in varied states
of urban decay

an overnight trip
turned into all week
nothing to go home to
yet no urge
to live this hotel life
listening to the
semis rumble down 35
as i dissociate away
in another best western
that could be sued
for false advertising
another hole in the wall
plasticized americana
showing a corpse
in the final stages
of putrefaction

the only good thing
about having a full
mental breakdown
is it doesn’t matter
which four walls
the howling sorrows
reverberate off of
hell is where the mind cracks
lucky for me
this room has seen
its fair share
of inconsolable grief

i map out my path
gatesville to cameron
hearne to marlin
circling the drain
back to temple again
already ready for bed
knowing there will be
no sleep tonight
just talking to myself
as the air conditioner
struggles against
the bastardly heat
wishing i were home
but knowing it won’t
be any better there
just more a familiar
senselessness of despair

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