a hint of
old spice
the crackle of
tobacco burning
the shadow of
a giant standing
in my mind
it has been
nearly twenty years
and not a day
goes by without
thinking of him
of waiting
knowing he would
be home soon

i still chase
after his ghost
using the knowledge
he passed down
using his example
as a goal of
what i have always
thought a man
should be
he taught me how
to troubleshoot
electronics and
to give everything
with a smile that
hides the tired
to never say no
to someone in need
and always give
as good as i get

we don’t get to
choose our fathers
but i got pretty
goddamned lucky
to have him
even if it didn’t
last as long as
either of us
would have preferred
so i pass on those
lessons he taught
and hope to perform
half as well

even through
his myriad of flaws
he did his best
and that right there is
the most important
bit he passed down
none of us achieve
true perfection
but in hindsight
he came pretty
fucking close
and i would give
just about anything
for one more of his
crushing hugs

father’s days
always ring hollow
without him here
so i set out a
carton of cigarettes
and a twelve pack
as a reminder to
the man that shaped me
and i let those
childhood memories
sweep over me
a bittersweet melancholia
for the time lost
as i strive to be
half the father
john david ennenbach
was to me