the dog has been barking nonstop for two hours now enough to drive away the sparrows there is no one in the causeway nothing to agitate the little monster yet as i sit solemnly it barks and barks and barks sunday mornings are best spent with coffee ryo playing softly the wind and the planes […]

what good is eternity when we count it in seconds clawing for reason in the face of common sense passing off pithy nonsense in place of earnest attempts at making the world a better place in the miniscule time allotted bullshit philosophers and braindead poets waxing about concepts they have no grasp on like love […]

lost in the ontological discrepancies of being as applied to the pursuit of defining is as a state rather than a uniformic isentrope where objects of inanimaticy are related to the intimate internality of dissolutions by way of inauthenticity turning an inward eye onto the false meanings of contextualization foregoing the abstractions of discourse as […]

i wonder have i finally fallen asleep the world is still as a corpse i (slept)walked watching as the planes glitched re-entering the same cloud bank on infinite loop the birds aren’t singing though the static carries the call of distorted crows which may be my beard scraping across the pillow spiders crawling across my […]

the wind chimes at night will always be one of the loneliest songs they have come to represent the only sound to break the silence i long to tear them down to smash them into pieces and let the wind scatter them to curse someone else with their cacophony but they are all i have […]

the windows shook a warbling noise echoing down the empty street the solid panes deform waves rush through the delicate crystalline in clear melted silica sand i watch physics bend and can’t help but hope one shatters and rains down shards to pierce through my waiting body to shred me into slivers quivering on the […]

the city workers stand by the fountain green nets with long plastic poles sifting out the wishes unfulfilled dumping coins into large white buckets oxidized currency exchanged in good will for dreams that will never see fulfillment another long con selling off hope for a moment of peace wishing well reactments of sending prayers into […]

a yellow car flipped on its back as traffic snakes slowly down the highway alight with red and blue the skies shift from a manic melon back into the dismal berth that never rains just hovers over in judgment of the admonished sinners seeking an ending to a week of pious capitalist worship a green […]

learning to excise the words that seem to go unacknowledged to not reach out to be content with things unsaid rather than choking on them a strategic retreat in the face of overwhelming waves of apathy a piss poor poet finally understanding the power of staying silent after jabbering on alone for far too long […]

when i write someone out of my life i always wish them well and i always wish them exactly what they deserve it’s a polite way to tell them they can go fuck themselves and while i don’t really believe in karmic retribution i do find that you tend to get back exactly what you […]

we used to pick fat red raspberries and plumb blackberries from a great patch of briar thorn bushes fingers and mouths stained with the sweet juice as lines of red blood welled large yellow spiders with intricate webs and a flurry of brown happy robins swooping in for a snack it would be hot as […]

the thin veneer of window tinting along with skies of roiling cloud cover give early afternoon a dastardly sense of encroaching evening ten lanes of traffic already at a standstill a frantic scramble for a slow crawl towards the drive thru line that snakes around the orange and white stripes into the street and around […]

there is a sense of calamitous indifference floating through the spheres of underlying circumspect circumstance a wavering dissociation where nothing is as it appears in the mirrored lenses of dismissal leeching lethargy from the leaking heart valves where maniacal longing crashes headfirst into a compression of insight billions of disparate souls blinking out in unity […]

polished bones etched with runes rattle in the wooden bowl a crow caws loudly an invitation to murder beckons as fate tumbles in the torchlight dancing over sweat streaked skin an augury of prophetical pondering in the swirling mist of potentiality dark omens cast in uncertain need the future laid bare on the hardpacked soil […]

on the days the words flow in exuberance i tend to be at my worst on the days i have nothing but i love yous on my tongue i don’t feel the need to frantically scribble those days are my favorite existing in a panicked need to unburden an overdose of too much emotion is […]

there is a still pool of sorrow crystal clear yet with an immense crushing weight i cannot recall any of my dreams but i am unable to shed this steady suffocation of melancholic dismay colors washed out a single wilted daisy in a vase silken petals fallen onto the table facing a dusty window morosely […]

i sleep in fits a tulip bulb planted upside down in the cold winter soil i wake confused uncertain where i am staring up vertiginous and alone gathering up the flecks of dream from the rocky soil seeking answers stunted in the darkness i cannot tell if i sleep or lay awake if i think […]

fat slugs feasting in the blooming bushes butterflies float in the stillness of late afternoon a heady sleepiness as the roads are bare bluebonnets swaying to the chorus of planes circling the clear blue a chipper squirrel scampers on the gray bark as the cardinals speed flashes of brown and red among the branches heavy […]

the wind whimpers in the willow branches a fluttering sigh in tender resignation as the sun glints a million daggers of golden light on the choppy lake resplendent with frolicking waves there is an unquenchable agony in witnessing this overload of wonder to be surrounded by unfathomable beauty yet knowing no single seed will ever […]

if life is all part of god’s plan i am a footnote forgotten at the bottom of the page an ink spill marring an otherwise pristine parchment a rorscharch blot showcasing futility a cautionary fable for lost souls seeking meaning in a paint by numbers canvas of the void

i light myselfon fire to illuminatethe darkness billowingthroughout my minda siege of sinsin quiet apprehensionferal mongrelssalivating at the gateswaiting for a breakin a haze of greasy smoketo savage fleeting wondera subcutaneous flamesizzling deep bluea frozen infernowhere skin splitshope drips in thickglobs of sputtering pusoozing slowly intothe shadowed maniawrapped tightly arounda delirium of dream

the past swells a mausoleum in a state of constant construction as the future crumbles, tumbles a stack of wobbly misshapen nows carefully crafted into sturdy brick to be dwelled upon in the quiet later of today’s tomorrow an epitaph unwritten a prophecy as yet drifting in the silence unforetold

there are days when i imagine the loneliness of outer space is less bitter than the loneliness of driving around a big city surrounded by a myriad of faces yet having no one to speak to flying through the emptiness of the vast regions where there is only the ship and your thoughts the distant […]

skydiving naked through a hailstorm but inside out outside in anxietal downpours on the fragile pane of untempered soulglass sending fractures bolts of panic through the cheesecloth mind of a man slowly driven mad by the burden of consciousness a conceit of funhouse mirrors distorting dysmorphic blindspots on the son incapable and doggedly determined to […]

woefully unprepared for another day spent in the pursuit of another person’s riches an angel of commerce a half burnt candle my halo flickers as rivulets of waxy flesh run down to pool around my tapping toes impatiently shedding the best parts of myself to chase down a payday that is insulting at best wobbling […]

an ethereal abstraction in the crooked maw curled into a mirthless grin a demonic supplication between crooked teeth an unspoken acknowledgement to hollow moons tidal distortions in an awkward ebbing a celestial attraction in miniscule flashes cascading behind the holes in the vast skies where clouds were thumbtacked in place by these same crones bent […]

a laceration on systemic limbic limitations (fight)or(flight) hysteria a transcendental ascension absconding swiftly along a jagged rainbow slicing along ocular nervousness an optical illusion a topical intrusion limply lobotomizing an overdose of need . . . the hourglass is laying on its side the sand settled in an equal amount within each glass orb balance […]

as the afternoon becomes filled with earnest objections they don’t want to go i don’t want to stop existing again but none of us has a say in things so they gather up their stuff as i clean the messes leaving a blank slate for when they return and i reawaken again i know they […]

no words can be said to exonerate the velvet extravagance where uncommunicative lulls of dead waters disintegrate upon the discarded shells still sounding the white noises when the tides recessed back to roil upon themselves in acrimonious spite crusted salt extrusions mark the flood line for future archeological excursions into caves lined with mislabled religious […]

another ill prepared autonomous autopsy nonessential organs bagged and tagged fingers cramped as the thick black thread hangs loosely from the tattered edges around the empty hole that once consumed me whole a long why bother incision exposing saw dust reveries a speed bag hanging between wizened lungs sloppy odes etched left unread in the […]

a loaf of lemon bread cooling beneath the dour gray that wrested the skies from shimmering light the notes of citrus wafting on the perpetual breeze from the ceiling fan calling forth a summer dream in this dreary spring dismality i lose myself in the regiment of baking when the words feel stuck in my […]

a casual retraction distending roots from salted soils retreating back into a seed of ruin a defense mechanism once the nutrients have been extracted as the ground beneath takes more than the fleeting light can possibly renourish to roll along until the next patch of seemingly barren dirt can tease with thoughts of growing strong […]

fallen angels endless bands of fire and eyes plummet like stars from the off balance universal sorrow encapsulated in a river of silver tears an everflowing siege of divinity in torrential bands of infinite nothing to wash up on shore charred viscera in tortured piety fossilized husks never quite dying yet unable to live

i can feel the amino chains unraveling the thunderous rattle of unwound double helix folly as i slump to the hot ground a pool of subtle anxieties and an overabundance of abandonment in rational delineation the incredible proof of rampant devolution in random pops and clicks

she came out of the store graceful as a gazelle with curves that needed a big yellow caution sign attached and strutted down the sidewalk as if the cracked concrete moved in time with her long legs the valet slid open the door to her white flashy sports car and as she shimmied her way […]

a roaring waterfall whitewaters churning on the building at the end of the block a striated chrome bubble beckonings with light from the lackadaisical sun a distortion of myself glaring in infinite reflections of dismay as a herd waits patient for the flashing white to scurry into the testaments of reckless expenditure in a good […]

the ochre ichor in penitent drip unyielding fever an infection in innocuous inoculation vicarious chills sweep brittle bones tiny cuts all along the inflamed tender burning tinder releasing cancerous particulates over carnivorously callous incidental wounds defective dereliction in dank dismissal a sickness burrowed in despicable decent as the alarm sounds an end to another insomnial […]

a lot of motion for going nowhere following the inverse cataract of ripples flowing throughout the city tires spinning mind in neutral engine red lining stuck in the muddy fields of enervation damp with swirls of enigmatic gloom the video billboard projects advertisements directly into the unsuspecting marsh inside frontal lobes a hiss of variable […]

i kept waiting forthe revolutionto be televisedinstead it gotcorporate sponsorsand was monetizedthe unurly mobin branded solidarityutterly commercializedby the bastardsin the one percentthey had demonizedand none evennoticed as their dreamswere swiftly liquidizedthe people didn’tcheck the fine printthus were victimizedand the loudest voicesof dissent werequietly ostracizedand the revolutionnever really happenedas hope was euthanizedthe talking headsappeased the masseslife […]

the shadows dance in the darkness where osiris sleeps beneath the duat sky as anubis weighs hearts against feathers pitch black tears swell the mighty river ra’s boat creaks as day is born anew in phantom rays refracted on the viridescent shells of scarabs caught midfeast

is there any worse possible fate than to be a self aware ghost haunting an empty apartment as life goes on outside your door to be remembered as something i was not from the safety in the greener pastures of tomorrow’s rot a chained phantom unable to escape the clarity of hindsight while old flames […]

children are honest and loud new pilots in awkward meat rockets as yet unashamed of who they are the world hasn’t snuffed them out like a cigarette butt beneath the boot of bastard time everything is new and they revel in the experience of being alive as adults we chase after love desperate to feel […]

the main struggle with being alive is the constant feeling of being dead inside they don’t teach you about this in school they make you memorize dead men’s names and teach you how to write out your own never mentioning that one day you’d be just as dead yourself but no one else would have […]

so muchof the cityis decrepitbarren landfilled withempty buildingsif you onlydrive thehighways themirage remainssomewhat intactbut i drivethe backroadswhere rustis prevalentamong ruin every flowerthat pushesthrough cracksin concreteis a reminderthere is joyin birdsongeven as decayfeels constanti lose sightin my tired angstso i travelmy aching chestseeking salvationsin the desolatecorners of townlooking forflashes of colorin an oceanof cardiac decay

waiting out the rain in an empty parking lot a vast expanse of empty gray above, in front, inside all drenched in unwanted damp a hollow drip of nothingness rudderless in the face of a terminally bleak lightless day

she saved her deathbed confessional until the last possible moment her burden left unspoken until letting the truth exhale along with her stain glass soul to sputter out into the void no longer concerned with repercussions or the pain expelled onto the world in her passing

rain falls from the melon colored sky a confusion of precipitation in the bright bowels of hell as the sinister sunlight casts inverse rainbows on a city of ruinous dread

in those fleeting seconds where the day coalesces with the death of sleepless night anything can seem possible in strained notes of anticipation before the sudden weight of wakefulness expels lingering dreamwhispers from the tongue of insomnial murmurings momentarily plucking the larvae twitching in dream catchers as reality falters under its own devastating gravitational pull […]

there is an elasticity in emotions that begins to wear itself out as they become stretched out as we worry around the edges like the neck of a favorite shirt hanging sloppily the comfort grows tattered as it is taken for granted no longer does it cling tightly until it is nothing but rags a […]

the stormswept over theclustered apartmentscool air blowingthrough the screenbetween bright flashesand low rumblesthe gentle downpourfalls in aa discordant harmonyin odd synchronicitywith the music playingbass pulsingsending ripplesacross red wineover as soon as begantraffic racingthe wet roads addinga faint buzzin the now silentmoment as dayfades into eveningthe yellow grayslowly going full darkthe paper maches heavenshidden above cotton […]

i write all of my i love yous in permanent marker across my whiteboard heart painting your name in pastel as your words whisper in electrified cursive along my every nerve as i try to remind myself i need to breathe falling farther into you with every stray thought as the marker squeaks upon the […]

smoke hung heavy hints of red and blue in a demon cloud of roiling black malevolence stinging the eyes burning airways as the traffic light in muted red swayed in the billows i tapped my hand rhythmically against the steering wheel the music thumping just beneath claustrophobic panic encased in this volatile inconsistency trying not […]

i can feel her lying close though the bed is empty a pile of pillows sheets tangled around my legs as i squeeze my eyes shut against the glare of the blood red sky streaming into the silent sepulcher of this room a mist fills my pounding skull swirling about the unrelenting voices chattering beams […]

when will we be forced to excise civil from civilization where we finally acknowledge it holds no meaning to describe the ferocity of humankind the news is nothing but a paid advertisement for whichever fallacy you choose to subscribe an echo chamber bloviating in an endless cycle reminding you the other side doesn’t think like […]

we chase a future we will never see while the past clings to our souls like so many barnacles on the hull of an overladen ship taking on water just too far away from the port so much of our effort wasted in a futile attempt at shaping a tomorrow that likely never comes while […]

a thin veneer of stick paste spread across the cracked countenance staring back in crumbling effigies of trying to pull together a seemingly lifelike mannequin’s smile the light shines through the vacancy in spatial relations where time has chipped the sediment of intentional sentiment into a weathered face of craggy disbelief in static wonderment creaking […]

my friend believes i need to get a pet she called my loneliness catastrophic i countered by asking if i can barely find the will to keep myself alive why would i want a poor animal to suffer as well then had to explain it isn’t loneliness it is madness and that catastrophic barely touched […]

i dont know when the sparrows were replaced by the crickets i found myself lost in kerouac breathlessly reading a single paragraph about neal cassady when i noticed the sky was dark and sylvia began to whisper in my eager ear i have drifted between time dilation in relationship to gravitational flux and learning about […]

the moon is a lie a pockmarked paper mache satellite hung in the sky to add an illusion of depth to the blank ceiling of this wobbling penitentiary the stars incandescence leaking from the cell above twinkling as the inmate paces back and forth from bunk to toilet sink in a futility where madness blisters […]

sprawling limbs bright greens brittle browns conspire against the alabaster bricks an effusion in natural destruction clawing at mortar a degradation in stability with thorns dripping poisonous ostracism in an overgrown manic mayhem of insidious growth a reclamation of stone bones an internment of fickle whims in terminal deposition in feral conjunction with stark design […]

fingers of sunlight entangle the lazy spiral invisible clouds an amalgamate of dusty silver bespeckled in the alluvion echoes of an infant crying fiercely torn free of sleep the last vestiges of the ever comforting void jettisoned apathetically in exchange for a harsh lesson learned of the inevitable disappointment in this sphere of disingenuous distillations […]

i dreamt of that goddamned shiny red firetruck again last night telescoping ladder bit of white lithium grease on the crank reflective chrome on the rims and oversized bumper too hot to grab in the smoldering ruins of home bright lashes the snap of plastic on malleable flesh hot tears evaporating as they touch the […]

a grimace etched through the crimson flood pouring down his lips a half drowned gasp as the thunder pummels behind his sparrow bone skull i watched curiosity and horror intermingled as he tore at the gray flesh cracking his breast open to wrench the sputtering half seized valves of his own picayune value to spray […]

my eyes openedof their ownvolition at threei did my bestto lasso sleepbut that shiphad long sailedand my bladderdecided toinsert itselfinto the conversationso i shuffledsullen and slowdown the hallthe dim blueglow of the bowlguided me as itried to convincemyself that sleepwould be a goodnext step to pursuea faint movementcaught my eyesat the bottomof the bathtubtwitching legsattached […]

dreams are just your mind recycling the hells of yesterday they are not beacons lighting the way to tomorrow i don’t believe in much but i always believe in you

she cast him away another stone sent skipping across the waves now she swims out unable to differentiate all the sunken lovers in the silt seeking the one that gave everything only to be carelessly pitched into the brine as her alligator tears churn around her a desperation for what was thrown aside the distorted […]

an eyelash in my eye socket every teary blink is sandpaper blurring out my vision a pebble in my shoe every awkward step a blister upon my sole a blockage in my artery every straining beat closer to a fatal infraction an overdose of memories in my fleeting sleep wind burnt from tossing and turning […]

dreamsplinters plunged deeply into the prismatic diminishment of distilled distraction a dire sense of life ebbing away shuffling among the morose comatose as machines wheeze in a disturbed travesty of purloined peace an ocular omission in squiggly lines swimming in a mercurial fount shifting perspective in upside down mistranslations pinging rods and cones shivering synapses […]

wilting curling up in upon myself in a contradiction of malfeasance crisscrossing spectral insignificance with a yearning for the salt on your flesh tasting the air for a hint of home on the howling gales a cyclone of whipping petals slashing angrily across an empty afternoon on the pothole ridden streets a calamitous convergence of […]

my mind can unwind the gordian knots along your supple spine but my fingers fumble when i try to tie my shoes as if the disconnect between will and ability is irrationally severed the slow degradation of indecisive waking after so long sleepless has permeated my hands with the same paralytic that keeps my tongue […]

sitting alone in the stark nudity of dawn sunlight illuminates every blemish each trailing scar the slick streaks down weathered cheeks as the coffee sits untouched steaming morosely into the stagnacy of shattered repose mockingbirds roost sarcastic dimwits singing the songs they never felt never understood but seeking the same response in pallid echoes i […]

i have always been partial to moths over butterflies there is something in the muted tones of fluttering wings as they dart around the heavy sodium glare a hopeless curiosity consuming their short existence velvety browns and noble grays unpretentious compared to their daylight cousins but there is a profound beauty in plain hues a […]

the brown grass is green and the bluebonnets blossomed to cover the side of the highways with purple oceans waving in the warm breeze spring has sprung as the world alights with verdancy beneath heavy rays of golden saturation it happens in the blink of a tired eye the land reborn as winter still grips […]

i will race across the city from traffic jam to traffic jam only to sit in a parking garage watching birds in a constant cycle of going nowhere to accomplish absolutely nothing except be alone with a different view no music playing just the same feelings of reckless self endangerment as the ground shakes with […]

her scent reminded me of a library yellow pages filled with mysteries that would take a lifetime to fully reveal i grabbed a tome hoping to unlock those secrets dancing behind brown eyes only to find my feeble understanding of language unburied questions i could never hope to answer with shaking hands i opened each […]

i had to read myself last night in order to proof the newest collection it felt as if i was watching footage of an accident in slow motion as the car smashed itself into a wall the driver pulled himself free of the shattered glass twisted steel got into a fresh vehicle rinse and repeat […]

a point is reached when you have disconnected from the world long enough when the need to be needed becomes so painful yet you’ve closed all forms of communication and no one is there that you have nothing but your thoughts multiplying magnifying an echo chamber of dissonance growing louder and louder until you can’t […]

there is a hopelessness that slithers about the pit of roiling cold tentacles gripping every shallow breath as sorrow throttles a faltering heartbeat into a soulful dirge as you sit wondering why you’re never quite enough an afterimage in pixelated dismay a blurry orb where a person should be occupying the space between sighs shriveling […]

i am tired that’s all finishing second if even being considered at all it makes me feel sick all the wasted effort for zero return i am tired but who really fucking cares

driftwood on the ephemeral waves of consciosness in retraction overwhelmed by the grit blowing from the distant shore held aloft in enigmatic denials where whimsy coalesces in tidal ebbings of coarse dreamdander the hushed ringing church bells in falling snow the slapping sting in waveless diminishment echoes of laughter undercutting murmured loveblisters

if you don’t have anything nice to say bury it in metaphor then your petulant rage looks pretty as it drips down the page the wrong people will think it’s about them and the ones it is about likely don’t read you anyway or their egos can’t let them accept they are the subject the […]

there is a sullen bitterness in being constantly excluded that lets you see exactly where you stand in the small details of the lives you are not considered part of a separation of the waters above and the waters below when the scales have been shed from your vision and the unfortunate truth is you […]

innocent starlight trickles in fits and starts against the gaping jaws of dawn yawning miserably over dreams where concrete and rust oversaturate fell horizons the chimes along with the sparrows seem hesitant in nascent plumes of high pollution discharges air thick with voluminous tidings of litter and pollen cars speed by in faint sputters unconcerned […]

honeybees will swarm a hornet and while the bees have no stingers in which to defend themselves they have learned to ball around the invasive predator and flex their flight muscles generating enough heat to cook the hornet alive there is a lesson here of the seemingly defenseless majority banding together to defeat the ruling […]

sorrow and joy come over the hill hand in hand skipping merrily a cloud of locusts mauling the topiary leaving naught but broken branches stretching upward toward the vacancy in god’s dead stare behind them whales decompose creating new ecologies next to pools of brine small lakes settled at the bottom of the oceans where […]

i should be working instead i find myself lost in the trees songbirds adding their dulcet tones to the beastie boys as we plot self sabotage on the winding trails around man made lakes once endless plains now pods of condos ugly concrete breaking apart the reddish soil strip malls half empty as a pandemic […]

i treat everyday as the last one but being a cheerful dreamer has always been a fatal flaw of mine and the fact that i dont sleep has made this last day a continuous hell of unfulfilled need wrapping back in upon itself until even the hopefulness that death must eventually bring an ending to […]

i wish i were the villain all the good lines and the attention always goes to the bad guy while bit players like myself are left on the sidelines watching the story unfold i would twirl my mustaches as i hatched my next nefarious scheme rather than being given no backstory and disappearing before the […]

the faster we move the slower the passage of time so a moment in mania is an hour in typical time dilation but due to the gravitational anomalies inherent in depression i have lived a dog’s life in miseries while sitting perfectly still mathematically an eternity spent counting down to an ignoble end in conclusion […]

she rolled in like yesterday’s storm a hint of rain obscuring an otherwise clear day

the black glass eyes of the taxidermied minature brown horse seem to see through me soulful in an eternity of sawdust repose standing next to a sign that reads ‘pistol pete’ a toy gun half buried in a the rocks piled carefully around the tiny hooves forever yearning to take one last step but denied […]

tiny cuts whittle away leaving a pile of shavings where a person was once carved from the nothingness in which we all yearn to reincorporate the specks of souldust memories casually shed in a whirlwind of disinterest folding in a sheet of paper denying physics to become smaller and smaller a diffusion of light under […]

a human contronym bound to the highway seeking firelight to guide him home bound in barbed wire trapped motionless in rusted dreamsplinters a discombobulated spirit moving too fast slowly wasting away from enforced fasting a contradictory stain ruining the canvas yet with a glimmer of something in his amorphous sputtering given to bipolar opposition as […]

the rampant sorrows have relinquished their grip on my aching ventriculars and i have settled back into my place of forgotten necessity hidden away a blank verse fallen down between the margins two weeks until fleeting light shines on the cut character relegated to a undefined footnote in an otherwise glorious tale of villainy and […]

i had never seen anything as desolate as the milk white eyes of the corpses staring at me from the river’s bank a flash freeze swept through my veins as the hunger radiated and every head turned to stare at me in piss stained pants breath caught in the back of my throat as a […]

i have spent the entriety of the day trying to perform a magical feat it has been rather slow going you could say i wouldn’t but an argument grudgingly could be made nothing has happened thus far but i have given it considerable consideration spoken to my most trusted and unbelievably beautiful advisor perhaps magic […]

i suffer from foot in mouth disease and an unfortunate suicidal streak shooting myself in the same foot i choke on with every sudden expellation unthought until spoken by this traitorous tongue i am just as shocked and disappointed by the things i say as my unwitting victims my teeth grind as the self sharpening […]

the dishwasher hums as i sit with eyes closed the sunlight red against clenched eyelids the sound of the womb reverberating rhythmically after a morning of frantically silent scrubbing cut the dream from daytime wondering who exactly others think i am when most days are spent uncertain myself chained by expectations as manic dips back […]