older now

i spent a good
chunk of my life
young and stupid
but after many
years of effort
i am older now
the youth molted
until only the
stupidity remains
still doggedly
chasing after the
dreams of a
much younger man
lined with scars
where my heart
was torn free of
my tattered sleeve
facing the end
same devil may care
smile plastered
beneath tear filled
hazel ambiguities
desperately tired
yet somehow running
on the same fumes
that have gotten
me absolutely
nowhere closer to
a sense of peace
a soulshatter
malignancy tapping
out odes to the
catastrophe of this
failing condition
another lost fool
stumbling blindly
over the minefields
of his own demise
mistaking careless
for carefree in a
haze of gray nothing
i am older now
and perhaps twice
as stupid as before

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