just look elsewhere

there are benefits
to being an
old ugly nobody
my phone is nearly
always silent
no one expects much
because they see
the burden of this
abhorrent existence
written on my
despicable face

today is an ugly day
one where i grasp
in futility for some
semblance of beauty
with gnarled hands
knowing it shies away
from my horrid gaze

the sky is blue
flecked with gray
colors seem muted
in my penitent glare
as i sit in another
empty lot waiting for
the go ahead to start
the long drive home
avoiding the mirrors
spiraling ever down
as exhaustion draws
the clustered ache
to the forefront

soon i can hide
my ugliness in the
dark of the apartment
sipping coffee and
wondering if i will
ever be enough or
if i am just a stain
marring an otherwise
pleasant thursday
with my presence
feeling so very much
abandoned by life

there must be benefits
to being an ugly old man
besides scaring kids
and dying quite slowly
so very alone but if
you expected some beauty
just look elsewhere

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