a blockage in
my mesolimbic pathway
keeping me unable
to receive pleasure
from any praise
another blockage in
my mesocortical pathway
leaving me unable
to make any decisions
to get myself started
low dopamine transport
keeps me trapped in
this loop of deficiencies
in anxietial abundancy
an enforced structure
of necessity pushing me
into last minute disasters
perfecting pomodoro
as a means to finish
by tricking myself into
motivation by rigorous
refrains of reverse osmosis

i am an attention defecit
crow losing interest in
the shiny objects halfway
through swooping toward them
my mind flitting between
a thousand worst case scenarios
as the ground rushes up
pulling out of my dive
at the last second because
part of me is dying to know
what the earth feels like
at the height of terminal
velocities rather than
actually finishing one of
the too many projects
i foolishly agreed to do
understanding the science
behind the chemical swirl
yet slavishly devoted to
not seeing any of it through

it sounds better
scientifically
or rather
it sounds better
learning the scientific
terminology
to avoid making progress