urban chemo

sifting through
tipped over
bottles of wine
needing one good
swig to wash the
acrid taste of
half chewed pills
lodged in between
the empty sockets
where wisdom forced
its way up through
bleeding gums
one mouthful to
swish around
just enough to
numb my tongue so
i can get back to
being fucking miserable
watching the sun
reflected off the
apartment building
gleaning insolently
under clear skies
overflowing ashtrays
yellowed fingers
a series of spent
lighters laying
knocked over like
pins in a carnival game
trying to win that
giant purple unicorn
in an empty gesture
to toxic masculinity
crushing and snorting
anything to lessen
the burden of living
somewhere between
the margins where
actual life occurs
worth less than the
blackened film
on fine silver spoons
reused hypodermics
from taking in as much
impoverished holy spirits
as a failing body
can somewhat process
nodding off into
a vague uncertainty
searching through all
the empty bottles
for one more last chance
at deadening everything
a handful of pills
sizzling in an empty
ocean of bubbling acid
acts of urban chemotherapy
killing the best parts
to eradicate the tumor
of conscious indecision

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